Are gay guys more susceptible to being lonely?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2012 6:02 AM GMT
    It just seems like straight guys have it MUCH easier with legal marriage and kids to bind them together.
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    May 08, 2012 6:27 AM GMT
    I think straights have it easier finding more stable long term relationships, however gays have it easier finding sex and hook ups.
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    May 08, 2012 6:29 AM GMT
    jack228 saidI think straights have it easier finding more stable long term relationships, however gays have it easier finding sex and hook ups.


    That's a good point, but if we didn't have such an easy time hooking up, maybe we'd have LTRs?
  • MikemikeMike

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    May 08, 2012 6:33 AM GMT
    jack228 saidI think straights have it easier finding more stable long term relationships, however gays have it easier finding sex and hook ups.


    This is true, but it is funny how men on many of the forums on here swear that gay relationships are just as long term and as stable as straight ones. They swear atraight people cheat more and have just as much sex.icon_lol.gif It's just NOT true. With gay men stable long-term relationships are the exception not the rule.icon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gif
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    May 08, 2012 6:39 AM GMT
    MikemikeMike said
    jack228 saidI think straights have it easier finding more stable long term relationships, however gays have it easier finding sex and hook ups.


    This is true, but it is funny how men on many of the forums on here swear that gay relationships are just as long term and as stable as straight ones. They swear atraight people cheat more and have just as much sex.icon_lol.gif It's just NOT true. With gay men stable long-term relationships are the exception not the rule.icon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gif


    This, unfortunately.
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    May 08, 2012 6:43 AM GMT
    Judging by how some guys on RJ behave, it's probably true.

    Straight men are less vindictive, thereby they usually keep friends and acquaintances longer. Gay guys seem to get a thrill on being bitchy and vindictive towards others. It's amazing how faggots here on RJ actually think it's cool and applaud when people actually take stabs at another fellow gay. Yes, I say faggot because that's faggoty type of behavior.

    Straight, and even recently discovered gay men aren't like that. They mind their business. Just the general consensus. They are busy with their wife and kids, play station or chasing pussy...not tattling. Not saying there aren't guys out there who do...but they generally don't do it to people they don't know.

    They rather do productive things in their lives rather than try to make someone feel like less of a person. That's the type of behavior that is conducive to lasting relationships.
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    May 08, 2012 6:53 AM GMT
    swimguychicago saidIt just seems like straight guys have it MUCH easier with legal marriage and kids to bind them together.


    Yes, much more susceptible. It's hard to meet people when you're gay even at clubs because of the attraction clause even when it's just to be friends with no intention of hooking up. I don't know about you but I can't keep gay friends very long because we always end up in bed. I might have to find ones that I don't find attractive just to be friends. That might work. But yeah we are way lonelier because we aren't usually socially accepted and that differs on the way we act. Why else would most gay dating & hookups initially begin or occur online or in a gay friendly environment like a gay bar? I think it's because we are more free to be ourselves instead of being scared to be ourselves in public because we get judged or scared of backlash.
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    May 08, 2012 7:11 AM GMT
    GayBtm83 saidI don't know about you but I can't keep gay friends very long because we always end up in bed.


    Well, i was trying to explain that in a previous topic of mine but was given a bunch of ridicule.

    There's a reason why I am no longer quick to jump to sex with people WHO I AM INTERESTED IN. When you find friends that you're really compatible with or meet a guy who you are really attracted to...don't jump into sex right away.

    Since I have stuck to that, I've been finding my dates go past 1, 2 and 3...they are still interested. And if I'm not that attracted to the guy? I still don't go forward with it because I don't believe in leading someone on, rather leave it open to a friendship...

    It's nothing to do with whether or not someone is having sex on the side. Guys have sex on the side all the time and still want more. It's about having the discipline and self-control to get to where you want to be with someone and not acting on impulses.
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    May 08, 2012 7:15 AM GMT
    Tallathlete24 said
    GayBtm83 saidI don't know about you but I can't keep gay friends very long because we always end up in bed.


    Well, i was trying to explain that in a previous topic of mine but was given a bunch of ridicule.

    There's a reason why I am no longer quick to jump to sex with people WHO I AM INTERESTED IN. When you find friends that you're really compatible with or meet a guy who you are really attracted to...don't jump into sex right away.

    Since I have stuck to that, I've been finding my dates go past 1, 2 and 3...they are still interested. And if I'm not that attracted to the guy? I still don't go forward with it because I don't believe in leading someone on, rather leave it open to a friendship...


    Well that sounds great. I will greatly consider that!! However sometimes I just can't help but feel that intense passion that I just wanna climb in bed with someone lol lust ahhh. But I am sure that if I hold out for what I want I will find it. A friend would be better, I just don't want my "friends" going after my boyfriend and gay guys are like horny school girls, listen to me rant, this is so about me! Lol ;D
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    May 08, 2012 7:17 AM GMT
    swimguychicago said
    jack228 saidI think straights have it easier finding more stable long term relationships, however gays have it easier finding sex and hook ups.


    That's a good point, but if we didn't have such an easy time hooking up, maybe we'd have LTRs?


    ahhhhh very interesting.
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    May 08, 2012 7:21 AM GMT
    GayBtm83 said
    Well that sounds great. I will greatly consider that!! However sometimes I just can't help but feel that intense passion that I just wanna climb in bed with someone lol lust ahhh. But I am sure that if I hold out for what I want I will find it. A friend would be better, I just don't want my "friends" going after my boyfriend and gay guys are like horny school girls, listen to me rant, this is so about me! Lol ;D


    I know exactly what you mean. But what's wrong with just cuddling and making out? If you feel you need to ejaculate...go to the bathroom or do it before the date LOL. It really works.

    At the same time, I'm aware that it takes 2. A lot of gay men aren't strong enough emotionally to turn down a sexual advance. The person ain't even got to be their type and they screwing. But then afterwards, they feel like a slut. Well, they were every bit as consenting from the start.

    You just have to focus on the long term and not the short term. The guy I been seeing, I've refrained from sex even though I wanted to SO bad and last time I was a bit confused when he turned me down. But the cuddling, the making out, the hickeys on my neck and the texts he sends after we meet up saying, "I had a great time, thanks"....is incentive enough for me to hold out.

    some guys would be offended...i'm not. i see as someone who operates differently than 99% of gays in the scene...and that to me means so much.
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    May 08, 2012 11:21 AM GMT
    jack228 said
    swimguychicago said
    jack228 saidI think straights have it easier finding more stable long term relationships, however gays have it easier finding sex and hook ups.


    That's a good point, but if we didn't have such an easy time hooking up, maybe we'd have LTRs?


    ahhhhh very interesting.


    That about sums it up!
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    May 08, 2012 11:27 AM GMT
    Nothing like getting married and having few kids to keep a failing relationship together, right?
  • beaujangle

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    May 08, 2012 11:37 AM GMT
    Stuttershock saidNothing like getting married and having few kids to keep a failing relationship together, right?


    Indeed! When couples have children, there's a duty to stay together to raise a family. Of course divorces happen but couples try their very very best to remain as a couple until it is just not possible any more
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    May 08, 2012 11:45 AM GMT
    Dude the problem is u are comparing everything on scales

    let open the possibilities of normal life & stop stereotyping
    I was always alone
    just coz something ain't working right don't mean it has a wrong influence & if it is then please be a straight & do so!
    All the best
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    May 08, 2012 11:59 AM GMT
    Tallathlete24 saidJudging by how some guys on RJ behave, it's probably true.

    Straight men are less vindictive, thereby they usually keep friends and acquaintances longer. Gay guys seem to get a thrill on being bitchy and vindictive towards others. It's amazing how faggots here on RJ actually think it's cool and applaud when people actually take stabs at another fellow gay. Yes, I say faggot because that's faggoty type of behavior.

    Straight, and even recently discovered gay men aren't like that. They mind their business. Just the general consensus. They are busy with their wife and kids, play station or chasing pussy...not tattling. Not saying there aren't guys out there who do...but they generally don't do it to people they don't know.

    They rather do productive things in their lives rather than try to make someone feel like less of a person. That's the type of behavior that is conducive to lasting relationships.


    It's not fair to generalize but I definitely understand where you're coming from. The cattiness and vindictive behavior I observed on RJ and outside from gay men is amazing. At the same time, on the internet in general there are "internet warriors" everywhere so I just ignore them all. No reason to get caught up in a flame war

    To the OP- I do think straight guys have it a bit easier in general. Straight couples are forming in classrooms, campuses, basically it's happening as they're going about their daily business. They use online dating as well but I think that more Gays meet using the internet than anyone else.

    I think one of the main reason gay guys are more likely to be lonely is because they either have standards that no one can really meet and the ones who do aren't interested in him.

    "ignore the ones who adore us, and adore the ones who ignores us" has never been truer in this sense hehe
  • beaujangle

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    May 08, 2012 12:14 PM GMT
    I think one of the main reason gay guys are more likely to be lonely is because they either have standards that no one can really meet and the ones who do aren't interested in him.

    "ignore the ones who adore us, and adore the ones who ignores us" has never been truer in this sense hehe [/quote]


    So true! Why is that so? Are we complex creatures who go for things we can't have?
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    May 08, 2012 12:17 PM GMT
    Tallathlete24 saidJudging by how some guys on RJ behave, it's probably true.

    Straight men are less vindictive, thereby they usually keep friends and acquaintances longer. Gay guys seem to get a thrill on being bitchy and vindictive towards others. It's amazing how faggots here on RJ actually think it's cool and applaud when people actually take stabs at another fellow gay. Yes, I say faggot because that's faggoty type of behavior.


    What planet do you live on? icon_lol.gif

    The stereotypes you discuss above are inaccurate. Gay men, just like straight men, are capable of and often do maintain long-term friendships and acquaintances. I and my best friend, who is also gay, have been friends for twenty-eight years; we met in Nigeria when we were both eight. Many of my other friendships started at least ten years ago.

    It's more accurate, I think, to assess friendship-building behavior individually. Not all straight guys do it well. Neither do all gay men.

    As to bitchiness and vindictiveness, you seem not to know how some straight men actually act. I've watched straight men insult their girlfriends for no reason. I've watched straight men abandon friendships because they were too lazy to engage in simple communication that could have straightened out a misunderstanding. I've heard straight guys gossip--badly!--about their so-called friends. And so on.

    There straight and gay men who are bitchy, vindictive, and evil. Gay men do not have a monopoly on these undesirable characteristics.

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    May 08, 2012 12:19 PM GMT
    There is more social glue holding straight people together.

    I think susceptibility to FEELING lonely comes on an individual basis. There are tons of straight people who struggle with those feeling, as well as gay people.

    Mikemikemike sad :"...it is funny how men on many of the forums on here swear that gay relationships are just as long term and as stable as straight ones. They swear atraight people cheat more and have just as much sex. It's just NOT true. With gay men stable long-term relationships are the exception not the rule."

    Cheating is still pervasive in straight relationships. Studies have shown that between 1/3 and 2/3 of married people will engage in infidelity at some point during their relationships. That's a very high number, even if the gay percentage were higher.
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    May 08, 2012 12:23 PM GMT
    at my water polo practice this weekend (a large LGBT team), we shared the pool with a bunch of straight students who were playing inner-tube waterpolo and having a blast. i was standing on the deck with my friend in our speedos, and some of the straight male students got out of the pool to walk to the change room in their board shorts and beer bellies. my friend remarked: "these straight guys think all they need is a cock and they'll get anything they want" (referring to the fact that most of them were lumpy, chubby, fat, hairy, unkept, baffoons). meanwhile when you look at the LGBT team, most of the gay guys have bodies like underwear models. and i noticed some of the girls on the straight team were giving us the eye. so maybe its true. maybe the straight guys are too unaware of their own behaviour and appearance. maybe the gay guys are too aware of their own behaviour and appearance.

    but to answer your question, are gay guys more susceptible to being lonely? i'd say that as long as gay guys have to go through the difficult process of coming out, rationalizing who they are, seeking acceptance for their sexuality (unlike their straight counterparts who don't need to question it), and wondering if they are ok, let alone can they find someone who reflects all that back at them? then i'd say that the potential to be lonely is quite high, given all the obstacles one has to overcome in order to feel happy with one's self. teen suicide for gay people is generally thought to be 4 times greater than the rate of teen suicide in the general population.
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    May 08, 2012 12:32 PM GMT
    swimguychicago saidIt just seems like straight guys have it MUCH easier with legal marriage and kids to bind them together.


    Believe me, after so many friends and family member have divorced, some multiple times, they don't have it easier. Alimony, lawyers fees, whacked children,

    I think gay men deal with shame and self esteem issues, and that can effect a sense of alienation and loneliness. Gay men can build their own families, including friends with kids.
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    May 08, 2012 12:33 PM GMT
    Wow, gays have it easier finding sex, straights have it easier finding stable long term relationships? Was that the tradeoff we made somewhere? Some of you guys are just boneheads.
    You made these choices, there is no "straights do this, gays do this"world. You choose to use grindr and Manhunt and have sex with any hard dick you see and not value long term commitments. Get over it already. You want stable relationships, build one and live it.
    Wah wah wah.
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    May 08, 2012 12:47 PM GMT
    I'm a gay man, still with my friends going back as far as the playground. A few years ago one of my friends who I made during my 2nd time around in college and who remained my friend for 20 years, dumped me while I was mourning my mom and didn't have the strength to give my usual attention to her needy self. She's a str8 person with no friends. Outside of her siblings, I was her only friend in the world. She once told me that she viewed her future as being the spinster aunt.

    I think there is plenty of opportunity in this world for loneliness for everyone, regardless of their sexual orientation. especially if that is your goal. It takes some effort but you too can destroy all of the relationships which you might have otherwise enjoyed to luxuriate in the woe is me mindset of the lonely.

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    May 08, 2012 12:51 PM GMT
    I think a big part is that it's easier for straight guys to find acceptance in general. So, they're less likely to feel left out or alone because they fit into a collective norm. -- I know that's really simplified and life is much more complicated than that, but I think you get the idea.
  • billbos

    Posts: 68

    May 08, 2012 1:05 PM GMT
    If you're lonely, get a cat. And when that one dies, get another. And then another. And then that's it.