Have you ever been used by someone to get back at an ex?

  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    May 08, 2012 1:51 PM GMT
    It's starting to crystalize for me that a guy that I feel (felt?) very strongly about has probably just been using me to retaliate against his ex, with whom he's had a toxic relationship (both while they were together and after they split up several months ago--it seems that they keep finding ways to keep pushing each other's buttons and that deep down, they can't seem to stand to be apart, either, even if their relationship was volatile).

    Unfortunately, I was probably too trusting--I fell pretty hard for this guy, and was really taken in by how warm and intimate our weekends together were. After my last visit (he lives in another city), which was very loving and comfortable, I nevertheless got a really strange feeling from some little things that transpired that it was just a ruse to play me against his ex. Like the sense that he intentionally made sure that others knew I was there so that word would get back to the ex that I was there for the weekend. Or the fact that the ex kept sending angry texts that my guy would ignore by saying "he's crazy--it's been like this for months."

    Soon after this last visit, however, he stopped communicating with me altogether. No explanation. It's really frustrating and disappointing and confusing, but now with some distance I'm beginng to piece things together. I think I was simply used to make the ex jealous enough to maybe want to patch things up, but if that's the case, it seems pretty twisted to me. What kind of person would do that?

    I know that everyone here will say that I should be happy that I dodged a bullet. Don't get me wrong: I now realize that I've beem involved with someone whose motives are very questionable, and I don't want any part of it. But it still doesn't stop the hurt of being taken advantage of. It is profoundly disappointing.

    Have any of you been used in that way before to get back at an ex, or to manipulate an ex into coming back?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2012 2:15 PM GMT
    Yes every time
    they get so jealous of me with other guys that they come running to me

    ALWAYS

    but if i am not in love i with anyone i do that !
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2012 6:53 PM GMT
    NC3 man that sucks - and yes it has happened to me in a less sinister way. The long and short of it in my case was it was just too soon for him to be dating again - and I was too willing to ignore some obvious signs pointing in that direction.

    I'm not about hard and fast rules but I do tend to shy away from guys who are less than a year removed from an LTR.

    Sorry that you've had to go through something so disappointing, manipulative and fundamentally dishonest. Your situation sounds much worse than what I experienced.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2012 7:00 PM GMT
    You deserve so much better. So sorry that happened to you. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2012 7:02 PM GMT
    Several times, but I've always been in on it icon_smile.gif. I think I've had three different friends (two guys and a girl) where I've pretended to be their boyfriend in front of an ex just to make them jealous.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    May 08, 2012 7:05 PM GMT
    Thanks, Tenebrism--yes, it does suck, and the worst part is that I have no way of knowing for sure beyond a gut feeling and a lot of little things that began to become clearer to me after the line of communication went cold.

    If that's truly what's been going on, it's cruel and manipulative. If not, there's still something that doesn't ring true about the whole thing.

    Ah well, guess I just lick my wounds and take a lesson out of your set of rules to avoid anyone who's less than a year out (and truly out) of a relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2012 7:08 PM GMT
    How long was it since your last communication?
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    May 08, 2012 7:27 PM GMT
    @ Shuttershock: It's been about two weeks since the last communication--and before that it had been spotty for about a week or so, following a great weekend together when he told me he "didn't want me to go" (to catch my plane home) and saying he "loves being and talking with me."

    That last communication was in response to a message I sent asking if all was well, to which he replied, "yeah, busy with meetings." Several days later, I sent another to see if he was doing ok, and after no response, I decided to just give up.

    I know he's alive, because when I'm online I can see when he signs into skype.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2012 7:30 PM GMT
    ^^ Damn. That's just cold. icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2012 7:35 PM GMT
    Being used to get back at an extra only happened to me once, back when I was 25. I felt like shit... It wasn't until much later that I realized "hey, this isn't really about me, I'm being used 'cause I'm hot".

    Sorry to hear about your troubles... Just learn from what's happened and move forward.icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2012 7:39 PM GMT
    NC3athlete saidIt's starting to crystalize for me that a guy that I feel (felt?) very strongly about has probably just been using me to retaliate against his ex, with whom he's had a toxic relationship (both while they were together and after they split up several months ago--it seems that they keep finding ways to keep pushing each other's buttons and that deep down, they can't seem to stand to be apart, either, even if their relationship was volatile).

    Unfortunately, I was probably too trusting--I fell pretty hard for this guy, and was really taken in by how warm and intimate our weekends together were. After my last visit (he lives in another city), which was very loving and comfortable, I nevertheless got a really strange feeling from some little things that transpired that it was just a ruse to play me against his ex. Like the sense that he intentionally made sure that others knew I was there so that word would get back to the ex that I was there for the weekend. Or the fact that the ex kept sending angry texts that my guy would ignore by saying "he's crazy--it's been like this for months."

    Soon after this last visit, however, he stopped communicating with me altogether. No explanation. It's really frustrating and disappointing and confusing, but now with some distance I'm beginng to piece things together. I think I was simply used to make the ex jealous enough to maybe want to patch things up, but if that's the case, it seems pretty twisted to me. What kind of person would do that?

    I know that everyone here will say that I should be happy that I dodged a bullet. Don't get me wrong: I now realize that I've beem involved with someone whose motives are very questionable, and I don't want any part of it. But it still doesn't stop the hurt of being taken advantage of. It is profoundly disappointing.

    Have any of you been used in that way before to get back at an ex, or to manipulate an ex into coming back?


    Fortunately, no... I haven't been used in such a serious way. More like how Larkin has been just a spur of the moment "hold my hand" or something in front of a friend's ex...

    Sorry to hear this happened to you though. The part that stands out to me is the disappearing act - no communication, no explanation. I fucking hate it when guys do that. My best advice to you is to focus on your life. If he decides to communicate with you again it'll to be a nice surprise instead of a huge relief......
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    May 08, 2012 7:44 PM GMT
    intensity69 saidBeing used to get back at an extra only happened to me once, back when I was 25. I felt like shit... It wasn't until much later that I realized "hey, this isn't really about me, I'm being used 'cause I'm hot".

    Sorry to hear about your troubles... Just learn from what's happened and move forward.icon_smile.gif


    I guess if I have been used because I'm hot, it makes it a bit easier to absorb...

    However, I think it's more a case of being used because my guy is either suffering from a personality disorder or just a manipulative SOB.

    But yeah--nowhere to go but forward.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2012 7:58 PM GMT
    NC3athlete said
    intensity69 saidBeing used to get back at an extra only happened to me once, back when I was 25. I felt like shit... It wasn't until much later that I realized "hey, this isn't really about me, I'm being used 'cause I'm hot".

    Sorry to hear about your troubles... Just learn from what's happened and move forward.icon_smile.gif


    I guess if I have been used because I'm hot, it makes it a bit easier to absorb...

    However, I think it's more a case of being used because my guy is either suffering from a personality disorder or just a manipulative SOB.

    But yeah--nowhere to go but forward.


    Yes, hit three correct conclusions there, as far as I can tell:
    1. You're hot.
    2. Your guy is messed-up.
    3. Time to move on and move forward.

    I have confidence that you'll meet the right guy, handsome! icon_biggrin.gif
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    May 08, 2012 8:04 PM GMT
    Thanks, JP and Intensity: your comments made my day icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2012 11:41 PM GMT
    OH Fuck i mis-understood the thread topic
    i thought "did u ever make your ex angry by using a guy to make him jealous"
    icon_rolleyes.gif

    Sorry for what happened !
    There are always mean people everywhere !