regretting breaking up with bf

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2008 4:48 PM GMT
    so i broke up with my boyfriend a couple of months ago, but i'm starting to think i made a mistake by doing so. now i'm worried its too late to get him back.
    we dated for about a year and we both loved each other, but i'm afraid i may have ruined any chance of getting back together with him.
    i know this isn't really the place to air my relationship problems, but i figured i'd give it a shot anyways. any advice for a brokenhearted boy? thanks
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    Jul 21, 2008 4:50 PM GMT
    What really makes you feel this way after "a couple of months". Has there been a specific event, or has it seemingly creeped up on you?

    Btw, Dating and Relationships sub-forum probably would have been the place to post this ;).
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Jul 21, 2008 5:02 PM GMT
    The "Don't Know What You've Got Till It's Gone" dilemma
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    Jul 21, 2008 5:30 PM GMT
    Lemme guess, he's dating an absolutely stunning guy now? icon_confused.gif
  • Csrobbie2000

    Posts: 359

    Jul 21, 2008 5:34 PM GMT
    Well, if you really think you can't live without him, then go get him back. You have nothing to lose here. However, just make sure you are doing this because you realize you love him, not because you feel lonely or you know he's with someone else now.
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    Jul 21, 2008 6:42 PM GMT
    thanks for the responses so far.

    no, there has been any specific event. we've been giving each other some distance since the breakup. i just thought i would be over him by now, but i'm not, and i don't think i will be anytime soon.
    and no, as far as i know, he's not dating anybody else.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 21, 2008 7:23 PM GMT
    Well I suggest you do an analysis...

    First approach it unemotionally, evaluate the "pros" and "cons" to your relationship with this individual.
    Make sure it really makes sense to get the dude back.
    Clearly emotional support or discomfort can be a category when you are doing your analysis.

    I'd also evaluate how you feel and how he may react if you approach him about a reconciliation. If you decide to proceed, I'd suggest you really have a serious conversation with him and open up to what you really want and why you broke up to begin with.

    Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2008 8:44 PM GMT
    Careful Sammy. It takes one of two things to really "get over" someone.

    1) Finding someone else
    2) 18 months

    You haven't hit either of these two things, so you are in rebound mode. Rebound mode means you can't trust your own judgment because it's clouded by pangs of withdrawal. Chill out and let it be. You are adorable and your next one can't be that far away.

    If this guy really is your partner for life (and at 19 years old, I shudder at the thought that you'd make that decision so early in life), you'll have a lifetime to get back together with him. No rush.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2008 8:52 PM GMT
    Yeah, I agree you never stop loving people, and that it's about moving on, not somehow erasing the experience.

    But only 3 months for each year! Wow. I'm an emotional snail according to that time frame.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2008 8:58 PM GMT
    RunintheCity saidI heard it takes 3 months for every one year of the relationship to TRULY get over it and that a new relationship will never finish the old one off.


    I AM NOT waiting 3.5 years!
    (stamps feet)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2008 9:04 PM GMT
    bgcat57 saidI AM NOT waiting 3.5 years! (stamps feet)


    Aww. Here you go Bg:

    Best_Cookie-20.jpg
  • kinetic

    Posts: 1125

    Jul 21, 2008 9:08 PM GMT
    iguanaSF said
    bgcat57 saidI AM NOT waiting 3.5 years! (stamps feet)


    Aww. Here you go Bg:

    Best_Cookie-20.jpg


    I think people are far too complex to just plug in a formula about how long it takes to 'get over' someone.. Having said that, I suddenly want to go make a shit load of toll house cookies *drool*...
  • dhinkansas

    Posts: 764

    Jul 21, 2008 9:09 PM GMT
    Go ahead...stamp your feet. Just take the heels off first to prevent serious jarring of the limbs/joints.

    There's no easy answer to this question. There are some great loves you never really truly "get over." You just learn to continue living life best you know how.

    A break up happened, and there's usually a reason for that. I'm so sorry to hear you're broken hearted. The pain can be im-measureable so just allow yourself time to grieve, because really it is a grieving process.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2008 9:28 PM GMT
    follow your heart, i think its the only way to find true happiness!
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Jul 21, 2008 9:32 PM GMT
    danielryan saidfollow your heart, i think its the only way to find true happiness!
    Yup!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2008 9:41 PM GMT
    dhinkansas said There's no easy answer to this question. There are some great loves you never really truly "get over." You just learn to continue living life best you know how.


    Yup. I will never "get over" my first LTR guy. It's been almost 8 years. I think it was one of the reasons my last LTR failed. That and of course because he was a complete sociopath. But still.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 21, 2008 11:59 PM GMT
    Hndsmknsn is right...
    we all go thru this But I LOVE Him phase

    sit yourself down with a pen and paper
    One side of the paper is for

    PRO's...
    why I like him in my life

    and the other side is for

    CON's
    Why I left him in the first
    place

    when you see it in black and white you can make a more judicious decision
    a lot of the time you'll remember

    THAT'S WHY I LEFT THE ASSHOLE icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2008 12:04 AM GMT
    sometimes when people have time apart, they really have a better appreciation for the relationship and know it was good to actually be together. one of my girlfriends had her BF breakup with her, she was devastated! a month after that, they were back together and now they are engaged! they realized it was a mistake to be apart and now the relationship is better than ever!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2008 12:49 AM GMT
    but you also don't want to fool yourself into being stuck in a dead relationship and just keep hanging and hanging on..making each other unhappy. Be honest with yourself. Sometimes it's best to make a clean break and move forward with your life instead of getting stuck in an emotionally toxic, or co-dependent farse of a relationship. Sometimes it's just time to cut the strings and force yourself to move onward and forward.
    And with time and when someone new and special comes along you will be thinking..."why did I waste all that time before ?!" LOL.

    So think about it, be "real" with yourself, and you'll ultimately know what is best. Doing what is BEST for you is sometimes hard to see through the "BUT I WANT" or "BUT I'M AFFRAID THAT" stuff. Fear/distress is not a good counsel.

    Ether way....I wish you the best.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2008 12:56 AM GMT
    Only a couple of times I have seen people get back together and have it work, and those two times the couples were together for 25+ years before. The best cure is to date and get laid. This twinge of regret will disappear the moment you are drooling over/on another person.
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    Jul 23, 2008 5:07 AM GMT
    thanks for all the responses so far. im taking my time, trying to figure out whats best. i do believe though that i still love him and im not just having these feelings because of loneliness.
    im sure it made be hard to understand because im so young, but i know my love for him is very strong.
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    Jul 26, 2008 4:43 PM GMT
    bump
  • VinBaltimore

    Posts: 239

    Jul 26, 2008 5:06 PM GMT
    I think it's definitely worthwhile to really think about why you broke up in the first place.

    There's a very common tendency to look bad at a past relationship and only remember the good times. A lot of people go back and very suddenly remember exactly why they left!

    I'm sure it's an agonizing decision. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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    Jul 29, 2008 4:45 PM GMT
    yellowsammy saidthanks for all the responses so far. im taking my time, trying to figure out whats best. i do believe though that i still love him and im not just having these feelings because of loneliness.
    im sure it made be hard to understand because im so young, but i know my love for him is very strong.


    I must disagree with my RJ friend MunchingZombie on this one. If you think you have made a mistake call him up and talk to him about how you feel. What is the worse that could happen? He could say no he does not want to get back together, but at least you tried and you can bring some closure. Otherwise you may be thinking back to this event in the future everytime you get disappointed by a guy (and that likely will happen).

    The first friend I made on the internet went through a similar situation earlier this year, except it was his bf that broke up with him. The guy realized after about 3 weeks that he had made the biggest mistake of his life (I could have told him that my friend has a lot going for him) and said he wanted to give it another try. They are now living together and are very happy. Sometimes mistakes can be rectified.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 16, 2008 2:49 PM GMT
    This reply comes long after this thread was started, so it may be moot by now. But you never said why you broke up with him in the first place.

    Are you second guessing the reasons you broke up with him, or has the time apart improved some things that caused the breakup?