Having a girlfriend

  • Musicman91

    Posts: 1529

    May 09, 2012 4:53 AM GMT
    In high school one of my good friends liked me and asked me to go out with her. I wasn't out at the time and I was afraid of what it would look like if I said no so I said yes. We "went out" for almost 2 years but never did anything but kissed. I broke up with her when I went to college, she's 2 years younger than I am. I felt bad about breaking up with her but I was going to college and wanted to be able to be out, at the time only my mom, grandpa and aunt knew I was gay. I never told her I was gay I just said I wanted to leave high school behind, she was crushed but I was selfish and dumped her and never told her the real reason.

    The reason I am bringing this up is because I've been thinking alot about her lately. I kind of miss her lol. Not in a romantic sense but in a friend sense. We had alot of fun times and we both like pretty much the same things so we always had fun. I kind of want to contact her we're still friends on Facebook and she occasionally likes a picture or status, she just liked my status a few weeks back but we haven't spoke in over 2 years. I don't know what to do lol she has moved on and had 3 boyfriends since then, including the one she is currently with, her love life is better than mine I've had none lol. But would it be weird because we.......dated lol. I wish we never did because I really liked having her as a friend. What should I do? Have any of you guys been in this situation? Would it be right to become her friend again or atleast try to.
  • Just_Tim

    Posts: 1723

    May 09, 2012 5:13 AM GMT
    I don't think it's ever a bad idea to try and keep someone you were close to as a friend, even if it was two years ago. Her still being your friend on FB says something too. She clearly doesn't hate you otherwise that wouldn't be the case. She's keeping open a window of communication with you after all this time. If she doesn't already know you're gay, via FB or mutual acquaintances or whatever (which is probably unlikely), you should tell her. Even though you ended the relationship two years ago, you telling her the real reason may still make her feel a little better about it and you both could go on to reform a great friendship that you used to have. Bonds like that don't really go away. I say go for it, man. You've got nothing to lose, and a good friend to gain!
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    May 09, 2012 5:29 AM GMT
    I was going to reply to this thread, then I noticed the OP is in Scrotum, Pennsylvanilla.

    One word might be misspelled...
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    May 09, 2012 5:32 AM GMT
    Just_Tim saidI don't think it's ever a bad idea to try and keep someone you were close to as a friend, even if it was two years ago. Her still being your friend on FB says something too. ...
    It means she has an active social life off the internet and doesn't really give a fuck about the facebook stuff. icon_wink.gif
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    May 09, 2012 11:38 AM GMT
    I think you should go for it. It might actually help both of you overcome some possible past hurt and bring some closure. If you don't, I think you will always wonder in the back of your mind if you could have been friends.

    Best of luck.
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    May 09, 2012 11:40 AM GMT
    If you want to be good friends, reach out to her and tell her the truth. There is no other way around it.
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    May 09, 2012 11:50 AM GMT
    MusicMan91 saidWhat should I do? Have any of you guys been in this situation? Would it be right to become her friend again or at least try to.

    A friend is a friend, regardless of gender. For the last 2 nights a "girlfriend" has taken me out to dinner to help me unwind, because my partner is in the hospital again, where I spend most of the day at his bedside.

    (Today's an exception, he's got tests and I'm going there later than usual, so killing time here on RJ. I can't log onto RJ when I'm there because this Catholic hospital has Wi-Fi filters that block anything gay related. icon_razz.gif )

    So I don't understand this issue with having a girlfriend. If she's just a FRIEND, with no sexual overtones, then have as many as you like. We certainly do, many of them lesbians, actually.

    Just so long as she (and you, for that matter) understand that it's not a potential sexual relationship. Your past relationship does complicate the issue. If you both can't "divorce" yourself from your past relationship, then I'd recommend putting some distance between you. Otherwise, girls can make great friends for gays, and we have quite a few ourselves.
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    May 09, 2012 12:02 PM GMT
    Step One: Stop nervously saying "lol" every 3 sentences.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 09, 2012 12:22 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI was going to reply to this thread, then I noticed the OP is in Scrotum, Penisvillesaliva.

    One word might be misspelled...


    fixed it
  • Musicman91

    Posts: 1529

    May 09, 2012 12:24 PM GMT
    neosyllogy saidStep One: Stop nervously saying "lol" every 3 sentences.



    Sorry I enjoy laughing out loud icon_neutral.gif lol



    Anyway thanks for the info guys I appreciate it icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 09, 2012 12:57 PM GMT
    Well, I had a girlfriend once back in High school. It did wonders to my self esteem. It was awesome having the guys view you as a, lets say, Hero, for a while.
    (I studied in a place where even standing five feet away from a girl was a BIG deal).
  • Scorpio1113

    Posts: 90

    May 09, 2012 9:27 PM GMT
    Just be careful. I know this was kind of the case with an ex of mine, only they didn't date for so long. They remained the best of friends, but she still had it for him - bad. You may not have feelings for her, but that doesn't mean seeing you won't restart all her feelings for you.

    So just keep that in mind. You also didn't give her reason as to why you two broke up. Becoming friends again, I'd assume you would tell her at some point. That could open up some wounds as well.

    So what I am saying is just be considerate. Good luck to you.
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    May 09, 2012 9:33 PM GMT
    If you think there is common ground for a friendship, why not? And certainly finding out that you're gay gives her some resolution, so that you can move forward as friends.

    I've maintained various degrees of friendship with some guys that I've dated or had a fling with in the past. It can work; except when it doesn't, but that's hardly catastrophic.

    You won't know unless you try.