First Date w/ THE ONE, HELP

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2008 7:45 PM GMT
    HELP guys, need some advice and you guys are good at this stuff.

    I've met someone absolutely incredible. I've met a lot of great guys before but so far everything is pointing to this being "THE ONE" and that has never happened before, not even the first. So we've spent hours and hours talking, he's seen me, I've seen him. Now the first formal date is coming up. HELP!!! I'm nervous as hell. I need some pointers from the experienced guys on here. Suggestions for do's and dont's?

    Also I asked him what he wants to do, he said he doesn't really know what there is to do down here (lives 50 miles away). I told him that in general I'm a pretty happy guy and enjoy doing most anything, and that I want him to have a great time so he should let me know what he would enjoy doing? Am I am supposed to take this, choose something and take the control here?

    Ah what to wear??

    In case the details matter, he's very much like me in many ways, a causal guy, a bodybuilder, etc. He's 23, a senior biochem major planning grad school, he's smart, sophisticated, has a big heart and romantic side. He also has a body for days..haha. He is nothing short of incredible, so it's critical that I get this right. Thank you in advance for your thoughts.

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    Jul 21, 2008 8:08 PM GMT
    Yeah I realize now this should have been in another category. My bad. Hopefully, you'll tolerate it and answer anyway.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19133

    Jul 21, 2008 8:12 PM GMT
    Just relax and be yourself. If that doesn't work, he's not "The One".
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    Jul 21, 2008 8:13 PM GMT
    This is an opportunity for you to blow this guy away. You should having something well thought of to do. I am not saying that you need to schedule every minute, but have a good idea of what you are going to do. It will make you look confident and smart. Definitely dinner, never a movie on a first date. You could do soemthing like rock climbing or some other outdoor activity you have in your area. Make it something memorable.

    Other than that just be yourself. Good luck!
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    Jul 21, 2008 8:23 PM GMT
    I agree with danielryan with the caveat of "be flexible" because you want to have fun, not meet a schedule.

    Overall I'd say the important thing is as
    CuriousJockAZ said:
    Just relax and be yourself. If that doesn't work, he's not "The One".
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    Jul 21, 2008 8:36 PM GMT
    He's 23. You're 26. Seriously, just take a deep breath, let it out and JUST go with the flow! You two are both still young!!!
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    Jul 21, 2008 9:42 PM GMT
    Thanks for the replies so far guys. You would have to know a lot more to understand why I think is the one, so for just a moment suspend your disbelief and assume that I am correct on this one. icon_smile.gif

    Ok, yeah I got the be yourself thing. Any great original ideas for a first date or other usable information?
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    Jul 21, 2008 9:54 PM GMT
    Hm... if you're so excited that this is the one, I'm assuming he's returning the signals with vengeance. heh

    Did you grow up in your area? Been there long? Try to remember a childhood haunt or something and schedule a picnic or a trip then a romantic dinner afterwards, maybe.

    Anyway, not really experienced in dating, rofl. icon_redface.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2008 9:55 PM GMT
    Floss.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2008 10:16 PM GMT
    have a good time
    no matter what you do
    be flexible, read his signs
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2008 11:05 PM GMT
    ... activity dates are fun... shoot pool? who cares if neither of you can... you guys will have lots of fun missing pockets and checkin' out each other's body stretched over the green cloth top and saying gay shit like 'i have low ball' and 'your balls are blocking my shot' and 'what angle should i be comin' in at?' and of course there's that cue stick ahahaha...

    ... LOL, have fun
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Jul 21, 2008 11:09 PM GMT
    For our second or third date, I took my partner rock climbing. He humored me, but didn't enjoy it. He didn't tell me that. At any rate, I thought it was a good idea.
    I think playing pool is a great thing to do (not terribly romantic though). Also maybe going for dinner and then walking down by the water/beach whatever's in your area. Go somewhere you can sit quietly and talk. If you're not gonna talk, you might as well go to a movie icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2008 11:28 PM GMT
    You sound too tense and worried. As I have said somewhere else, trying to hard to make something too right can make it all wrong. The problem with that approach is that it is like building a house of cards with each card being the "right move" for the "right one." So, when you try to make something stable of it and keep building up it becomes less stable. Being yourself is easy 'cause you don't even have to try, it means not building anything up in the first place.

    Relax, exhale, go ahead and preemptively knock down that house of cards in your mind. Don't cling to preconceived notions of how things should be. Nip things in the bud while they are small. Problems pop up in the beginning and the endings of things so just be attentive and flexible.

    It is probably too late to convince you that there are many right "ones" (paradoxically) if you have your eyes set on him, but at least start off in honesty by being yourself. I love a guy who is transparent in his awkwardness and imperfections.

    Oh, if nothing has been said about what to do, plan something easy and relaxing that will allow you guys to talk without the pressure of being too intimate right away. I am not sure if you are getting together during the day or night, but choose something open and spacious if possible, It suggests breathing room and freedom which is refreshing and how a friendship should start. If he has other plans then just be flexible. Listen. The goal here is to get to know someone.

    P.S. icon_eek.gif I just realized you did not want the be yourself stuff. Well there is my last paragraph. Outdoors stuff is good if he likes the outdoors, or at least a restaurant with a nice "open" view. Nothing too busy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2008 11:33 PM GMT
    Since he's coming to visit you, the date planning is in your hands. (He'll get the chance to reciprocate when you visit him). You should keep his interests in mind but do something that you love to do and it will bring out the best in you -- and that's a great side for him to see at the start of a relationship. As my friend would say, keep it in your "wheel house," if you like to cook, make him dinner; if you like to kayak, take a two-man out and show him your favorite place (and enjoy the view from the back); favorite park or museum, take him there.

    My favorite first date was with a guy who took me to a state park just before sunset. He packed a blanket and brought a six-pack of Rolling Rock. As soon as the sun went down he had firewood (it was autumn) and built us a fire. A little later, he broke out the ingredients for smores that we then toasted over the fire. Near the end, he took out his camera and tri-pod and took a couple pictures of us on the blanket -- Rolling Rock and smores, not the best combo but you couldn't tell that by the grin on my face in those pics. (I really can't remember why things never went anywhere between us -- it was 11 years ago -- but I'll always remember that first date).

    What to wear: Ya' know that pair of jeans that everyone tells you your ass looks great in and that t-shirt that fits you just so? Yeah, wear those.

    Last bit of advice -- don't seek his approval beforehand on what you have planned for the date. Just have the confidence to surprise him (he'll find both sexy) and have fun experiencing it with him. (But be sure to give him guidance as to what he should wear based on what you have planned.)
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 21, 2008 11:51 PM GMT
    If you know a little about this guy

    I don't know how much you've talked before
    but if you know what he likes try to plan a date that incorporates that
    Don't choose something that you won't enjoy either
    Dates that are activity dates are fun
    You can get to know him really fast
    and it will cut the nervousness because there's something for both of you to do
    Horseback riding is fun
    I went on a date once and we had Judo lessons
    I had him down on the mat a few times icon_wink.gif
    No movie... I hate when guys do that
    but be yourself
    if he said yes to you or if He asked you out there's something he liked so just look as cute as you can get BE THERE icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2008 12:30 AM GMT
    ... yeah and i kinda agree with gqjock... you mentioned that you've shared hours n hours of conversation with this dude... so work with that and look for clues there to make your first date 'special' or romantic... he loves norah jones... make sure she's playing in your car, he recently lost a pet or always wanted one... get him a teddy bear... whatev... nothing fancy or expensive... just show him that you've been paying attention... that's off-the-hook romance

    o yea and btw i agree with activeandfit's statement about there being many 'ones' out there for us... but that's a different thread altogether i guess
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2008 12:56 AM GMT
    5 minutes after he steps thru your door you should pull off his clothes..etc. etc. This strategy gets you thru the awkwardness of a first date.... after you are both spent and relaxed you can go grab a bite to eat.
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    Jul 22, 2008 2:31 PM GMT

    Hey,

    Just concentrate on the Happy and the rest will take care of itself. Perhaps he's going through this same conundrum?
    Complexions things differently, doesn't it? How about planning something together? We decided on empty beach walking/combing and then grabbing something low-key (nothing more uncomfortable to either of us than a formal or too trendy locale to chow down on a 1st go)Keeping it simple and fun, but ready for anything meaningful is a good angle to approach this from. Think naturally you. That's the person you'll want him to be smitten with.

    It was on the phone trying to commonly plan the 1st date that a lot of ice was shattered. We were both trying so hard to please and impress the other that we both burst out laughing half-way through! I think we both suddenly realized the date was all about spending some time together, after all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2008 3:38 PM GMT
    Great advice guys. Thanks much. It's just all the more nerve racking when it's intense and mutual because there is more on the line then the casual hello date. Funny thing is I am completely relaxed about the long term, I think its going to work. It's the first date that is nerve racking, if I get through that and get a second, it will all go just fine.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2008 12:59 AM GMT
    Just be yurself and do something that you enjoy doing - if he's "The One" he will enjoy it as well - if it's not what he enjoys you can have a good laugh about it!