LDR very confused

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2012 4:32 AM GMT
    Hi handsomes

    I'm in a long distance relationship of several months now, something I never planned. We met in real life but few states away for now. We been communicating via txt/facebook every single day and phone calls once a week. But the last few weeks its been different. Talking to him is almost like pulling teeth, 90% I'm the first one to text and it would take hours or days to get a response from him, even though he will be on facebook during that time, updating his status or joking around with his friends.

    I'm very confused right now as things were great and communication was never a problem since the day one. I want to avoid drama and overreacting. I havent asked him whats going on, but I do tell him that I miss him and that I dont like when I dont get his attention and I all I get is short responses now.

    He's extremely busy with school and the job, and now is the midterms so hes been stressing out a lot lately and I really dont want to put more pressure on him.

    What should I do? Do I just go with the flow and time will show? Like whats going on. I'm in love with this guy and he says the same thing, Im jsut very confused. This is my first long distance relationship btw and its hard.

    P.S Some say to avoid excessive communication in a LDR to make every time special, and hes definitely about making things special.

    Nick
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    May 12, 2012 4:41 AM GMT
    It's not permanent, Im moving back in few weeks.
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    May 12, 2012 4:48 AM GMT
    Thanks icon_sad.gif I dont think he fucks around(I could be naive), we decided to stay monogamous before we parted and we discussed it many times,plus I know his type is hard to come along. Hopefully its just the stress.
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    May 12, 2012 7:05 AM GMT
    There is not much left that you can do, except for talking with him...

    It's difficult to get your answers when you're asking the wrong people..
    So talk to him..

    I'm not sure if this is a case of cheating since you said he is stressing out for school + he has a job..
    I don't know this guy but people cheat even if they're not in LDR, so like Mizou said expect the worst...

    Also you have to understand LDR with only txting, facebook and once a week phonecall is pretty damn boring...
    For example, I like texting but only if it's like 3-4 maybe 5 messages.. I know someone who loves texting the whole time and when I get bored I just call her to end the freakin' texting!!! icon_smile.gif
    Facebook........................ God I hate facebook icon_smile.gif
    My best friend had LDR and she used skype for videochat and played games online(facebook can be handy for this), watched movies together... They kept themselves interacting with other things besides texting...

    In LDR it's very important to hear eachother every day as if you were never gone, no money for phonecalls use skype!
    Most of the time when someone misses a person he tries to fill that void with something or (in worst case scenario) someone..

    But yeah.. You didn't ask 'how to keep LDR going'.. So all I can say is hope for the best and maybe it's just the stress and boring txting! icon_smile.gif

    Wish you the best of luck!



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    May 12, 2012 4:37 PM GMT
    No, please I want to know what I'm doing wrong or not doing, I need to know how to keep this alive till I move back.

    I guess my question was should I bring all of this up right now? Like I stated before I dont want to stress him out more and cause drama as I know that could be one of the reasons for this behavior. But not knowing whats going on is destroying me.
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    May 12, 2012 6:19 PM GMT
    Well it's obvious, if you don't want to make the situation worse than def. don't talk about it...

    Atleast untill you're back, for now there isn't much you can change but try and make the little distance communication you still have a bit more fun.. Like skype.. If he is too busy than don't force things.. And def. talk about this when you're back and I don't mean the second you arrive there.. Just wait when the time is right...

    Atleast this is how I'd go about it..
  • mikeylikes

    Posts: 53

    May 12, 2012 8:05 PM GMT
    im with mizzou on this one. the reduced communication is probably evidence enough that this is over. i hope it's not the case but put yourself in the same position. when do you barely text and only text back and never first? when you dont really care anymore...

    not to be a downer, but cynicism will keep you from losing your shit if the worst happens.
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    May 23, 2012 11:04 PM GMT
    You guys were right, it takes 2 strong people for a long distance not one.
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    May 23, 2012 11:17 PM GMT
    During stressful times, communicating with someone you have emotional feelings for/with can be very different than doing things like updating FB status and joking with friends. When you're drained from stress, putting any additional emotion into a relationship just adds to the drain. I guess what I'm saying is that you have to weigh this before you make any assumptions about his lack of communication.

    Maybe turn the tables a bit on him and limit your communication to him and see how he reacts. He might be taking you for granted (whether intentionally or not) and once he realizes that you haven't texted him for a while, it might wake him up. If he doesn't proactively communicate with you after a few days, then it's time to have a very honest discussion with him to figure out where you are in the relationship.
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    May 24, 2012 4:24 AM GMT
    Thanks ECNAZ, we already had a talk and its pretty much clear but he still gives hope not sure why(trying to be nice?). Im not down for it after some stuff that he told me, I'm just going to get over it and not going to text or call him anymore.
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    May 25, 2012 4:18 PM GMT
    Trollileo saidI had an LDR of a similar situation. It didn't work out and it happened the same way you talked about.



    ditto

    close the door on this one
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    May 25, 2012 6:56 PM GMT
    Complacency is LDR's worst nightmare. It sounds like your relationship has run its course and it's time to move on. People in LDR cannot take each other for granted because it's so easy to grow apart emotionally when you don't see each other often.