Question for you BLACK HOMOS

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2008 6:24 AM GMT
    Do you have more negative experiences being BLACK or being a HOMO? Also, do you have more negative experiences as a gay person from the black community, or being a black from the gay community?

    I'm curious to know.
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    Jul 22, 2008 6:25 AM GMT
    well the OP is one. lol
    i love you jakebenson...
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    Jul 22, 2008 6:55 AM GMT
    more negative experiences being Black rather than gay.

    Despite how much our country has "grown" there is still a big gap between races (blk,whi,hispanic)




    second answer is being black from the gay community.

    Well i say that because stereotypes of the black gay man are very bad. We are said to be fems. It's hard on the masculine gay black man like myself because of the fem ones out there.
  • bigguysf

    Posts: 329

    Jul 22, 2008 7:06 AM GMT
    Hey Jake,
    DAMN YOU'RE CUTE!!!! icon_razz.gif
    Now back to the question. Easy: I've put up with much more crap from the gay community for being black than from the black community for being gay.
    Then again, I have lived most of my adult life here in SF, where blacks make up only about 7-8% of the total population. So it's not like there are many blacks that I interact with anyway.
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    Jul 22, 2008 7:20 AM GMT
    RedSoxFever33 saidWell i say that because stereotypes of the black gay man are very bad. We are said to be fems. It's hard on the masculine gay black man like myself because of the fem ones out there.
    Huh? What?

    Last time I checked, black men were assumed to be the dominant aggressive ones - the epitome super-masculine homo-thug fantasies. Hispanic, White, and Asian men usually get stereotyped into the soft/feminine category

    Scan most personals profiles and ads, you'll see plenty of "no blacks - sorry not racist, just my preference" or "white, hispanic, or asian only". Barely do I see people specifically ask for black people... and when I do, it's always in some dominant/aggressive or homo-thug fashion.

    As for me: Out of the gay community, I get issue for being gay - nobody cares about my ethnicity.

    In the gay community, I get issue for being black and not fulfilling my desting of being a tall, strong, deep voice, 10+ dicked thick, muscular, masculine, aggressive, OG4life... that everyone seems to be sooo attracted to...

    It's hard for me to be an academic/educated, not-so masculine, affectionate, nicely dicked, respectable black gay man.
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    Jul 22, 2008 7:23 AM GMT
    blind2limits said
    Hispanic, White, and Asian men usually get stereotyped into the soft/feminine category

    From simple to superlative order? Fact.
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    Jul 22, 2008 7:34 AM GMT
    Wow,I can't believe that this is even an issue? Why do gay white men diss black gay men? Its true,and I agree with blinds comment. I couldn't keep a black man,no offense,but he "cheated on me"!. So I won't go into that I even "dated black men" lines. A gay man,of any color is attractive to me. So if Andre of South Carlolina is readng this..you hurt me!! But I got over you.icon_twisted.gif
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    Jul 22, 2008 7:45 AM GMT
    Mutz saidWow,I can't believe that this is even an issue? Why do gay white men diss black gay men?


    Something like "sexual racism". While I don't see a problem with not being attractive to a certain race in and of itself, I know a lot of gay guys are so superficial (esp white ones) and they base their friends on who they think is hot. Since many don't find black people "hot" they decide not to talk to any of them even as friends. It's a common case I've seen where sexual racism (personal preference) turns into prejudice attitudes (which is not "personal preference").

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    Jul 22, 2008 7:48 AM GMT
    jakebenson saidIt's a common case I've seen where sexual racism (personal preference) turns into prejudice attitudes (which is not "personal preference").

    Jake, Jake, Jake... you were probably not even conceived when a thread of the similar nature broke all hell loose! Maybe it spat you out? LOL
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    Jul 22, 2008 7:54 AM GMT
    Yea, I have noticed the same thing. The gay community basically begs for acceptance when they can't even accept people in their own community. Before you can fix the big problem, learn to love the inside, not the out. Race is not an issue for me, and it shouldn't be for anyone else.
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Jul 22, 2008 8:13 AM GMT
    Much more, by far, being black. Unless you're high yellow you really can't hide black ethnicity behind skin color.

    I can't say I've thrown my homo-self out to my black community... not that I have one living in a college town with a large transient population. What I know is only anecdotal.

    Being black in the gay community I can speak on. Stereotypes of black gays are extreme conceptions which objectify, ultimately making us commodities for whites. (I don't say this to place blame, to pit black against white, but only to bring attention to the notion that mainstream gay culture has largely been shaped by whites.) The one extreme is the super-masculine, well-built thug (the black top) and the other being the feminine, skinny fashion bunny (the black bottom). There's no room for the smaller-framed intellectual jock, or the bigger guy who sits at a desk all day and doesn't know anything about the latest rap feud. This all stem from an overall ignorance of minority cultures. These stereotypes help culturally assimilate the black gay into a understandable mold.

    The only ones who can break the mold are those who created them. So, I'm glad someone is asking these questions. The only way we're going to solidify our rights in the world is to appreciate the diversity in our own sub-culture.

    Kudos Jake.

    [Stepping off soapbox now] icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 22, 2008 10:46 AM GMT
    I have had a few negative things happen to me for being black in general...South Boston has come a long way but there are still some ignorant motherfuckers there. Dumb ass kids and idiot drunk bastards...sorry. Forgot where I was for a second...

    I havent experianced any negativity yet for being black in the gay community yet. If anything I get compliments. A lot of guys say they love my dark complection.

    I expect there to be a backlash from the black community when I come out. Most African Americans were raised as Christians and it is not cool to be gay at all. Its like your gay so you cant be masculin anymore and they look down upon you. A lot of people think there is a button for being gay. You know just like a race button, eye color button....
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Jul 22, 2008 12:49 PM GMT
    Very interesting thread Jake. I find more issues within the gay commnmity more so the then the black community. Make no mistake though, most of black america sees being gay as a luxury for upwardly mobile white men. Back to the question at hand, I have always felt the whole burden of the Madingo fantasy put on my back because of my build and my size. Then again most of the things I like to do, most black gay men don't. So sometime you will be seperated yet again into another sub division within gay life. My BF is white and I have friends of all races. We all want the same things from life, some of us realize this sooner then others.
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    Jul 22, 2008 12:51 PM GMT
    Well being black, of course. I mean just last week I was called the N word, on here! That member is no longer with us though, thankfully. I always try to be "above" race, I come from a very-multi racial family, where color didn't matter as much as they type of person they were. Unfortunately, other people don't hold that view, which they just feel the need to remind me of from time to time. Being gay, that is something that no one has to know about unless I tell them, and then people can go ahead and assign stereotypes to me. Being black, I carry the stereotypes with me wherever I go.
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    Jul 22, 2008 1:03 PM GMT


    'While I don't see a problem with not being attractive to a certain race....'


    how can an entire race be unattractive without it being racism?


    individuals maybe unattractive to you.


    but if it's an entire race you need to check your motives! as has been said on this site a zillion times.
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    Jul 22, 2008 1:45 PM GMT
    Jake,

    When I first saw the title of your thread it made me cringe...(Oh no not another one of these thread)

    But you bring up a point that is not discussed enough.
    Speaking as an African American Gay Male all of these exist, but in varying and sometimes shockingly degrees of separation.

    It goes like this and I can only speak from my perspective not anyone else’s.

    1. I have experience my bigotry from the so-cal dominant culture for being African American.

    2.I have experienced bigotry from African American/Latino culture (half Cuban)

    3. I have experience bigotry from the Gay White Male.
    This one I kind bigotry I found the most shocking, I could not understand how one minority group could discriminate against another. It happens With Latinos and African Americans, the Asians and the African Americans. The cycle of it is just uncanny, I digress. Sorry.

    I firmly feel until we enter into a open and honest conversation regarding the foundation of these fears and look at the character
    Not his material possessions, education even today not everyone has the opportunity to attend college. We need to look at all of what we have in common instead of what sets us a part from another. We also need to value ourselves , and our history and our culture it is what makes up who we are.

    I have also encountered bigotry from other African American Gays among there Gay White friends that just completely know me off my feet.

    These issues will always be a blight on our culture.

    I hope this has cleared some things up for you. Again I can't speak for every Gay African American Male , this is just my perspective,

    Be Well! 8-)
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    Jul 22, 2008 2:00 PM GMT
    this will make for great bathroom reading material as my bff is caucasian and he constantly throws the race card at my face (he's cute for a black guy or he has a nice body for an asian guy) and as much as i try to tell him how much it bothers me, he just doesn't see it as an issue and like minorities are held to a different standard but i'm at work and i need to get paid so cool
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    Jul 22, 2008 3:24 PM GMT
    Well,

    I'm far from black, and have no concept of what it is to be black. But, one of my best friends is black - and gay - and I have another great friend who's black, and gay. As to which he's more discriminated against, I'm pretty sure he'd tell you black.

    I was raised in a racist household. I live in the south, that, to a large degree, continues to perpetuate racism. I don't agree with it, and yet, I know, on some level, I subconsciously am racist myself.

    I've worked hard to overcome that, and feel I've done a decent job - as with anything dealing with oneself - there's always room for improvement.

    As far as being black and being gay - I know that's much tougher, for all of my black friends and acquaintances. Especially coming out to their families (most of which still haven't). I think that here in the south it's perpetuated a lot by religion, and most of the Southern Black folks are quite religious, and usually Baptist, which just adds even more fuel to a fire.

    So my best buddy chooses to stay in the closet, and I respect him for that.

    As far as Jake's second response on friendship being based on whether or not one is hot...wow...I guess that exists. But, as a young fellow (16-22) I didn't like my peers maturity, and sought friendships with much older guys. Most of my good friends are 36++, with the best and closest being well over 40, and a few in their 60's.

    Hotness is great...but...there's so much more to life. I look for people who have gone where I want to go...or are interested in similar things, politically, socially, and recreationally.

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    Jul 22, 2008 3:48 PM GMT
    ncsucarjock88-

    I would first like say thank you for your post. I could kiss you because you are trully a rare breed among men. A lot of us can take a page from your book.

    Regarding your sight and admission. I could not understand at first how a gay man of any race could be racist, then I remenbered that since racism is a learned behavior and if that is the only thing you know how can you not be a racist.

    Ncsucarjock88 you realized it was wrong and you stated you over came it with all the challenges that it came with and you admit that it is still a challenge and this is what makes you a rare breed of men.

    Challenge any one of us to look deep and side of ourselves and say that we have never had a racist thought chances are, we could not.

    This trancends a black or white or gay or straight thing, it becomes a human thing. How we treat each other is staggering to me.

    If we could truly accept the fact that we have nothing to fear, from people who are diffrent from ourselves,then we have truly arrived!
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    Jul 22, 2008 5:42 PM GMT
    jakebenson saidDo you have more negative experiences being BLACK or being a HOMO? Also, do you have more negative experiences as a gay person from the black community, or being a black from the gay community?

    I'm curious to know.


    BEING BLACK

    I find my skin color to be a greater liability; after all, I cannot conceal it. On the other hand, I don't always share my sexual orientation with people outside the fold, so to an extent I can control how it colors the perceptions of others.

    BEING A BLACK FROM THE (WHITE) GAY COMMUNITY

    Although I've observed greater homophobia in the black community then, say, the white community, I am used to it. Additionally, homophobia in the black community is, at worst, an minor inconvenience, not a major hindrance. And, at the end of the day I know my people--well, most of them--have my back. We stick together. That's how we've survived racism in this country.

    Being black in the white--let's recognize this implicit qualifier--gay community is different. I can recall countless times when I've felt invisible in a group of white gay men because of my skin color. I've been ignored. I've been implicitly required to step into their world even though they've made no effort to explore mine. I've been asked to champion their causes, yet they've dismissed my concerns. I don't care how this plays out in dating scenarios, though, as I (1) respect individual preferences, and (2) love my black men so much (even though I'm an 'equal-opportunity' dater).
  • arielanatole

    Posts: 77

    Jul 22, 2008 5:59 PM GMT
    I have to admit this is a good question. I have enjoyed reading all the responses, it has taught me a lot.

    I was raised in a pretty anglo community, attended a boarding school in which I was the only person of color. Those experiences taught me to be comfortable in my own skin.

    I have to admit however that the few gay friends I have are not receptive to the fact that I still have sex with girls on occasion.

    My straight friends have no issue with me being black or with whom I choose to sleep with. They judge me on my merits, and that is the way I like it.

    I also must admit I have few African American friends. I have many friends of color, but African American's have tended to be cold and even at times resort to calling me names, such as Oreo Cookie, and Uncle Tom.


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    Jul 22, 2008 6:10 PM GMT
    jakebenson saidDo you have more negative experiences being BLACK or being a HOMO? Also, do you have more negative experiences as a gay person from the black community, or being a black from the gay community?

    I'm curious to know.


    Do you have negative experiences being WHITE or being HOMO? Also, do you have more negative experiences as a gay person from the white community, or being a white from the gay community...

    I'm curious to know...

    Black can be substituted for White, Hispanic, Arabian, Asian, European, and the like...

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    Jul 22, 2008 6:31 PM GMT
    So this one's interesting to say the least!!

    I'm by birth 100% of Mexican descent, HOWEVER my Step-Father that I grew up and refer to as my Dad is Black. I tend to find dating guys who don't relate or understand this aspect of my life just DO NOT "do it" for me. My upbringing/experiences are mostly mixed with White, Black & Filipino/Islander (neighborhood where I grew up) America dashed with some Mexican in there, so ironically I tend to identify HEAVILY with Black-America and it's Culture and I LOVE it!! As well as LOVING my Mexican Heritage and growing up learning about Filipino and Guamanian/Tongan/Samoan Cultures and being around them ALL my life. I personally have never experienced any negative aspects about my upbringing however what I do get told a lot is the following...

    "You're not like the other Mexicans."

    I take it as a compliment as not wanting to "argue" with anyone in regards to what is really meant by that.

    And I get this one a lot too....

    "Are you sure you're Gay?!?!?!?"

    I've had guys stop "hanging out" with me because, and I quote, "WOW! You are REALLY straight acting! A little too much!"

    Go figure!
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    Jul 22, 2008 6:38 PM GMT
    RedSoxFever33 said
    Well i say that because stereotypes of the black gay man are very bad. We are said to be fems. It's hard on the masculine gay black man like myself because of the fem ones out there.


    Hm... actually I think the Black Gay guy stereotype is the hypermasculine hung guy. It's more the asians and whites who get the effeminate stereotype. Mostly the asians. *sigh* icon_sad.gif
  • imaxim

    Posts: 94

    Jul 22, 2008 6:56 PM GMT
    RedSoxFever33Hm... actually I think the Black Gay guy stereotype is the hypermasculine hung guy. It's more the asians and whites who get the effeminate stereotype. Mostly the asians. *sigh*

    I think black gay men are more often seen as "hypermasculine" by guys who find black men attractive (or are at least open to the idea). For those who don't, they are more likely to associate black gay men with the more feminine and campy specimens (plenty of whom do exist in gay centers).

    This idea (or even the behavior itself) may also be largely due the fact that much of what we consider typical "gay" behavior is drawn from stereotypes of black women.