It sounds miserable, and depressing,
True, there is a lot of pain, hurt, drama, and issues that come with sex/sexuality/attraction
But when you find that one person, that right guy, and you fall head over heels for him and he feels the same. Nothing can describe the intense love, heat and passion that come from it. The feeling is undescriable.
Dont deny your sexuality/sexual attraction or anything of that nature.
It will only eat you up inside. Especially when those around you are feeling it and have it and you are sitting there without.
Just be smart, learn when to open up, and wait, it will happen and you will be like "Damn, i remember when I wrote a thread on RJ" lol
Hang in there, dont miss out on something great