Breaking up with my ex boyfriend

  • metalxracr

    Posts: 761

    Jul 22, 2008 9:07 AM GMT
    I need to get over my ex bf! We broke up because we made a promise we'd put our education first and it ended up taking us on opposite sides of the US basically.
    (some people turned down colleges to be close to their bf or gf and we thought that was so stupid!)

    Well, we still talk all the time and when we see each other we're inseparable and have sex as much as we can. This needs to stop, because I still love him, and I can't date anyone else without feeling like I'm cheating and I compare every guy I meet to him.

    I'm in my hometown right now for 2 weeks and he's here too, but he thinks I'm in LA. I've kept this from him, because I know I'll just add more fuel to my feelings for him. It's really hard because he keeps asking me when he'll see me next and he has no clue I'm just on the other side of town. We'll never live in the same state again, so there's no point in pursuing anything, but to get over him, is to cut off all communication with him. I need to tell him to quit calling me and emailing me, and same goes for me. But I'm so scared of hurting him! Should I tell him over the phone or confess that I'm in town and tell him in person? I'm so nervous!

    I seriously need a break from him, he's all I ever think about everyday!

    Thanks in advance!
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    Jul 22, 2008 12:41 PM GMT
    Hey boo above me --reading your advice and looking at your thumbnail pic, you look like someone from a gay helpline or something. Hahahahahah!!! You look good, Dr. Phil.
    As for the OP with the Fender shirt, you need to have sex as much as you can and just get it all over and done with --oh the urges!!! This is like going on a crash diet; it may not be healthy suppressing all those as it might just snowball and crush you later on.
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    Jul 22, 2008 12:48 PM GMT
    why will you never live in the same state again? how long is your education going to last?
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    Jul 22, 2008 1:19 PM GMT
    You're afraid of hurting him, but how much do you think it will hurt him if he finds out you're in town for two weeks and you've done everything you can to avoid him. You're sending him mixed signals. Your intentions are good, but nonetheless you're going to make him confused, hurt, and probably angry.

    Hiding away and avoiding an uncomfortable conversation doesn't bring resolution. You need to be more considerate of someone you say you love. Call him and have as long a conversation as necessary to make things clear and bring closure to this relationship without leaving him wondering what happened that made you be such a jerk to him. Of course you don't mean to be a jerk, but that's how he'll feel. Put yourself in his shoes.

    And who knows, maybe as a result of that conversation, you'll both realize that your relationship means more to each of you than you thought and parting ways was a hasty decision. I think the decision to further your education is great, but if this is the love of your life, I don't think it's unreasonable for both of you to look into doing that in the same city.
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    Jul 22, 2008 2:48 PM GMT
    Why do you want to break up ? It sounds like you're still in love, it sounds like he is still in love. It sounds like you guys have a blast when you're together.

    OK, the situation right now sucks, you're on opposite ends of the country, but at least you still talk to each other, and your sexual needs are taken care off. Perhaps you just need to redefine this relationship for yourself.

    How can you honestly say you wont ever live in the same state again ? Your education only lasts a couple of years, and with a good degree, i'm sure you can both find a job in the same state.

    It just makes me feel sad to see people give up on a good thing in return for what ? I totally agree with your decision about schools, but seriously, think this through before you break it off.

    just my $.02
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    Jul 22, 2008 3:17 PM GMT
    Just hope he doesn't have a RJ account.
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    Jul 22, 2008 3:26 PM GMT
    If you feel that is what you NEED to do then by ALL means do it! You're the only one who TRULY knows! Either way, hang in there man!
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    Jul 22, 2008 3:37 PM GMT
    You say that you don't want to hurt him...are you maybe afraid of how much it will hurt you to break up?
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Jul 22, 2008 4:14 PM GMT
    I'm with chillsf79. Why do you guys have to break up? I think this would be easier if you really wanted to do it. Sounds like you're breaking up mainly because you're not together right now, and don't think you'll ever be able to be together.

    Hasn't Hansome Kansan been with his guy for a long time, and they don't live together? Sorry if I got that wrong. At any rate, I think you guys could make that work. Maybe you can't be there to hold each other every night, but the times you are together will be so much better because you have to wait. Why can't you travel back and forth to see each other? Air travel is expensive, but big deal. You can figure it out. Or why doesn't one of you go into a different field, that allows you to be closer together?

    I don't generally like staying at the same company for more than 3 years, and my partner seems to like changing jobs every year or two as well, so giving up our great relationship, just for a job, seems pretty stupid to me. I'm not saying it's stupid for you to do, in your life. Maybe it's really important to you, and to him. I'd just take a few minutes and think about what you're doing, and why you're having such a hard time making up your mind.

    Good luck!
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    Jul 22, 2008 4:22 PM GMT
    What dakuk, Global_Citizen, chillsf79 and UncleverName said.

    Let me posit that the reason both of you are having such a hard time breaking up is because neither of you is convinced of the validity of the reason to breakup.
  • metalxracr

    Posts: 761

    Jul 22, 2008 7:11 PM GMT
    Well, see even though I have about a year left of school, I have already landed a job here in LA. All my clients live here and I have to be here to work with them. My ex however, will be back in texas because he wants to be a football coach.

    It's not just school that's keeping us apart anymore its our jobs as well. I'll see what he wants to do about this. It sucks so bad!
  • metalxracr

    Posts: 761

    Jul 22, 2008 7:12 PM GMT
    In2LectualBlkMan saidJust hope he doesn't have a RJ account.


    I was thinking about that too! eek! lol
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Jul 22, 2008 9:47 PM GMT
    metalxracr saidIt's not just school that's keeping us apart anymore its our jobs as well. I'll see what he wants to do about this. It sucks so bad!


    You aren't finished school yet! It sounds like you've got your whole life planned for you already. Things are not always going to go the way you plan. Do you love this guy? Does he love you? Maybe you should consider changing your plans to make it work. Either that, or like others have said, man up and tell him that you can't go through this anymore.

    At this point, seems like it's going to be tough no matter what you do, so might as well do what's going to make you feel the best.

    Good luck!
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    Jul 22, 2008 9:53 PM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle saidGrow some balls and do it face to face.

    Breaking up or breaking off all ties over the phone is so cowardly.

    I can only speak for myself but if I knew that my ex was on the other side of town and was lying to me I'd sure get over him a lot faster if I were to find out he was lying to me.



    TOTALLY!!!
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    Jul 24, 2008 10:51 AM GMT
    metalxracr> My ex however, will be back in texas because he wants to be a football coach.

    Then he should be on realjock! icon_twisted.gif

    They no longer need football coaches in southern California?! icon_eek.gif
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    Jul 24, 2008 12:11 PM GMT
    If you're going to tell him then do it over face to face, he deserves that much respect. Then explain the situation to him, if he's a decent person he'll understand.

    Otherwise you can delete him from your phone/myspace/facebook/whatever the kids are using these days. Then fake your death, change your name and get on with your life.
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    Jul 24, 2008 12:11 PM GMT
    Yeah, man. It sounds like both of your careers are going to eventually defragment you from him.

    So, you told him you're not in town, but yet you are, on the other side of town. Um, you don't think people are going to talk and leak word out that you're in town? You better talk to your ex reallllllly soon. It sounds like you've made up your mind to end he relationship. Let him understand that it was nothing that was done on your or his part, that it's in the pursuit of your and his careers that eventually will not enable a relationship to work.

    Long distance relationships? Yeah, maybe, but you guys need to talk, face to face, about this, and the more you put it off, the harder it's going to get.
  • dcarm

    Posts: 291

    Jul 24, 2008 12:58 PM GMT
    I agree. Talk it out face to face. But it sounds like you two are still very much in love. I'd be talking about that, if I were you, trying to figure out if there's a way you guys can make things work.
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    Jul 24, 2008 1:17 PM GMT

    Ummm.. I'm going to play the devil's advocate here, everyone seems to think you still really love him and want to be with him but I'm not sure I buy that.

    If you really loved and wanted to be with him you would talk to him about how you feel and try to make it work. I get the feeling you really love him but you're not ready to settle down with him. There is nothing wrong with that. Be honest with yourself and him.

    Talk to him face to face about what you are feeling. It will be tough at first but in the end you will be glad you did it.

    Good luck!