someone explain his actions to me

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2012 11:46 PM GMT
    will make this sort of short

    i met a guy on growlr, and we met up, had great sex and we decided to meet up again, after a while we went gym, shops and did a lot of couple activities but never called ourselves a couple, we had ALOT in common he was very my type

    i started to feel really strongly for the guy and asked if he wanted to go on a date, to which he replied " chill out mate, i dont want to destroy our friend ship!"
    then last weekend we spent the whole weekend together having sex, laying in bath for an hour just cuddling being really close

    then on the monday on facebook he goes exclusive and begins a relationship with another guy

    im obviously heart broken, i know he hasnt really done anything wrong but i dont think friends or even fuck buddys lay in a bath for an our cuddling and talking all night,

    am i just being stupid or has he done anything wrong

    replys are very helpful
    plus when will these feelings for him go? as first guy ive fallen for
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 14, 2012 12:37 AM GMT
    Well I'm no expert but this looks like he's using you as a friend with benefits..

    You've only just met and he tells you ''chill out mate, i dont want to destroy our friend ship!" to me that sounds more like ''chill out mate, I just wanna ffff you whenever I feel like''

    That's how I see it, hopefully I'm wrong, but if I was.. Than you wouldn't be here making a thread now would you ;)
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    May 14, 2012 12:39 AM GMT
    HawkEyez saidWell I'm no expert but this looks like he's using you as a friend with benefits..

    You've only just met and he tells you ''chill out mate, i dont want to destroy our friend ship!" to me that sounds more like ''chill out mate, I just wanna ffff you whenever I feel like''

    That's how I see it, hopefully I'm wrong, but if I was.. Than you wouldn't be here making a thread now would you ;)

    I concur with this evaluation of the situation.
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    May 14, 2012 12:39 AM GMT
    you'd be surprised what friends with benefits do.

    Actually, you know what's funny, to lighten up your mood a little bit?

    Friends with benefits sometimes do MORE things together than with their so called "boyfriends"...


    Feel happy you got to spend quality time with your type... not many people get to do that.

    A lot of men seem to label a guy as their boyfriend to gain some sort of "status"...

    Some guys are the exceptions and we should respect that some men actually place meaning into someone they consider their boyfriend, but, for this man, based on what I read, you don't need to feel you are any less of a human being than his boyfriend, because clearly, he enjoyed spending time with you (in the bath, etc).

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    May 14, 2012 12:41 AM GMT
    Oh, cupcake. Think with your dick. Ask him if he wants a threesome.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    May 14, 2012 12:46 AM GMT
    If he was able to establish an "exclusive" relationship with someone else while spending so much time with you, I wonder whether there's much staying power with your guy's new bf.

    I know it stings, and rejection sucks, but you have to wonder whether he would have made a very stable/solid boyfriend to begin with.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    May 14, 2012 3:20 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    HawkEyez saidWell I'm no expert but this looks like he's using you as a friend with benefits..

    You've only just met and he tells you ''chill out mate, i dont want to destroy our friend ship!" to me that sounds more like ''chill out mate, I just wanna ffff you whenever I feel like''

    That's how I see it, hopefully I'm wrong, but if I was.. Than you wouldn't be here making a thread now would you ;)

    I concur with this evaluation of the situation.


    I concur with this concurration...43.gif
  • a303guy

    Posts: 829

    May 14, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    malefeet said
    Art_Deco said
    HawkEyez saidWell I'm no expert but this looks like he's using you as a friend with benefits..

    You've only just met and he tells you ''chill out mate, i dont want to destroy our friend ship!" to me that sounds more like ''chill out mate, I just wanna ffff you whenever I feel like''

    That's how I see it, hopefully I'm wrong, but if I was.. Than you wouldn't be here making a thread now would you ;)

    I concur with this evaluation of the situation.


    I concur with this concurration...43.gif


    Concurrance to the third power!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 14, 2012 3:40 AM GMT
    mizzouguy10 said
    _Mohamed_ saidyou'd be surprised what friends with benefits do.

    Actually, you know what's funny, to lighten up your mood a little bit?

    Friends with benefits sometimes do MORE things together than with their so called "boyfriends"...


    Feel happy you got to spend quality time with your type... not many people get to do that.

    A lot of men seem to label a guy as their boyfriend to gain some sort of "status"...

    Some guys are the exceptions and we should respect that some men actually place meaning into someone they consider their boyfriend, but, for this man, based on what I read, you don't need to feel you are any less of a human being than his boyfriend, because clearly, he enjoyed spending time with you (in the bath, etc).



    But not enough to be his boyfriend...

    Based on your interpretation of the situation, you must get rejected quite often..


    for sure man! I get rejected 24/7... didn't you know!? That's why I play evanescence all day and all night.
    icon_rolleyes.gificon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 14, 2012 4:28 AM GMT
    _Mohamed_ said
    mizzouguy10 said
    _Mohamed_ saidyou'd be surprised what friends with benefits do.

    Actually, you know what's funny, to lighten up your mood a little bit?

    Friends with benefits sometimes do MORE things together than with their so called "boyfriends"...


    Feel happy you got to spend quality time with your type... not many people get to do that.

    A lot of men seem to label a guy as their boyfriend to gain some sort of "status"...

    Some guys are the exceptions and we should respect that some men actually place meaning into someone they consider their boyfriend, but, for this man, based on what I read, you don't need to feel you are any less of a human being than his boyfriend, because clearly, he enjoyed spending time with you (in the bath, etc).



    But not enough to be his boyfriend...

    Based on your interpretation of the situation, you must get rejected quite often..


    for sure man! I get rejected 24/7... didn't you know!? That's why I play evanescence all day and all night.
    icon_rolleyes.gificon_lol.gif


    Ok creepy because I was just listening to that song

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 14, 2012 4:46 AM GMT
    HawkEyez said
    _Mohamed_ said
    mizzouguy10 said
    _Mohamed_ saidyou'd be surprised what friends with benefits do.

    Actually, you know what's funny, to lighten up your mood a little bit?

    Friends with benefits sometimes do MORE things together than with their so called "boyfriends"...


    Feel happy you got to spend quality time with your type... not many people get to do that.

    A lot of men seem to label a guy as their boyfriend to gain some sort of "status"...

    Some guys are the exceptions and we should respect that some men actually place meaning into someone they consider their boyfriend, but, for this man, based on what I read, you don't need to feel you are any less of a human being than his boyfriend, because clearly, he enjoyed spending time with you (in the bath, etc).



    But not enough to be his boyfriend...

    Based on your interpretation of the situation, you must get rejected quite often..


    for sure man! I get rejected 24/7... didn't you know!? That's why I play evanescence all day and all night.
    icon_rolleyes.gificon_lol.gif


    Ok creepy because I was just listening to that song



    lmao
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 14, 2012 4:59 AM GMT
    HawkEyez said


    Holy fuck
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 14, 2012 9:13 AM GMT
    gymfreak1987 saidwill make this sort of short

    i met a guy on growlr, and we met up, had great sex and we decided to meet up again, after a while we went gym, shops and did a lot of couple activities but never called ourselves a couple, we had ALOT in common he was very my type

    i started to feel really strongly for the guy and asked if he wanted to go on a date, to which he replied " chill out mate, i dont want to destroy our friend ship!"
    then last weekend we spent the whole weekend together having sex, laying in bath for an hour just cuddling being really close

    then on the monday on facebook he goes exclusive and begins a relationship with another guy

    im obviously heart broken, i know he hasnt really done anything wrong but i dont think friends or even fuck buddys lay in a bath for an our cuddling and talking all night,

    am i just being stupid or has he done anything wrong

    replys are very helpful
    plus when will these feelings for him go? as first guy ive fallen for




    Simple dear and I hope you can take this below.

    2 words: Fuck Buddy, Hook Up, Booty Call. Whatever you want to call it.

    I think that he likes the other guy that he's exclusive with on FB now but for some reasons, they are not together at the time while he got so horny and logged on growl and hooked up with you. Some men are just horn dogs like that, you should take a lesson from this though. If you truly want to date someone, DO NOT sleep, fuck or even do oral/fondle them right off the bat. It will probably ruin the mystery in the long run, I am speaking from personal experiences. Hope my bluntness help. Keep your chin up, there are other good guys out there. As far as feelings go, see him less, delete/block him on fb, see other guys, you will feel better.

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    May 14, 2012 9:15 AM GMT
    NC3athlete saidIf he was able to establish an "exclusive" relationship with someone else while spending so much time with you, I wonder whether there's much staying power with your guy's new bf.

    I know it stings, and rejection sucks, but you have to wonder whether he would have made a very stable/solid boyfriend to begin with.


    "Survey says: number one answer!"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 14, 2012 9:30 AM GMT
    Ask him if he wants to hang out and do something non-sexual, and if he makes excuses say "but what about our friendship".
    That will pretty much out him as the douchebag that he is.
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    May 14, 2012 9:38 AM GMT
    HawkEyez said
    wow ok cool that totally wasn't the most depressing video ever. icon_eyebrow.png
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 14, 2012 9:46 AM GMT
    I'm sorry this happened to you but in all honesty you can't be too surprised by this.

    You met him on growlr meaning you had no intentions of seeking someone to date to begin with. He was a hook up turned fuck bud and then someone (you) tried taking it to the next level and got all "do you wanna date" on him and he didn't see you as someone he'd date (very sad face). Simple as that. He even said he didn't want to destroy the friendship which should've been a clue to you. Friendship = fuck bud or if you want to keep it classy: a friend of sexual convenience. After hearing that you had options. 1). Part ways and go on about your business. 2). Press on and continue having fun with the knowledge of knowing you aren't gonna date.

    While he was kicking it with you as a fuck bud, he could've easily had his eyes on someone else as potential dating material (not saying you aren't but apparently he didn't see you as such) and you'd be surprised how often this happens. Some dudes just wanna let off some steam with one dude they feel sexually comfortable with and reserve their heart for others. it happens. Basically, you were his tension reliever and nothing more. I'm not cheapening you and I'm sure he has enjoyed your company and compassion and probably wants to keep things that way with you (all depending on you) but considering how you guys met you shouldn't have expected more from him.

    He's not in the wrong and, no, you are being stupid. You're just being inexperienced and wearing your heart on your sleeve. You should've gotten to know him better first as a friend before giving it up so quickly as a fuck. Usually when you start off that way you most likely often become just a fuck bud with a slim chance of ever being anything more.

    I'd have to concur with HawkEyez.
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    May 14, 2012 11:03 AM GMT
    thanks for the replys, just hurts quite a bit

    weve know eachother since december, and we spent every fortnight weekend together, i got to know his housmates and friends, guess im a sucker for punishment,

    although i was so trusting with him i obviously didnt use something when with him, totally in love with this guy, and to think what i did with him, then another guy (guy he is seeing now) did probably the same thing with him the next day, means i was still involved and still there if you get me

    sort of glad im not that guy
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    May 14, 2012 11:52 AM GMT
    I wouldn't have another thing to do with him after treating me like that. Nothing ever.
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    May 14, 2012 11:58 AM GMT
    This is why I gave up on hook up first sexual exploits. Sex seems to enhance that sense that there is more there, and for some people there actually is, and for some, it's just an orgasm, mate.

    If you really want a relationship, keep your dick in your pants for a while and actually get to know someone out of bed, do all the things you did, eat, drink, work out, shop, spend time, talk, share and then, after you know and like one another, maybe then start sharing something physical. You lead with your dick, you often find other dicks.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    May 14, 2012 1:00 PM GMT
    Hey OP--there are a lot of "should have's/should have not's flying about on here. I don't think you posted on here to be lectured to, did you?

    I think the thing you can take away from this is:

    1) You're disappointed that he wasn't interested in more. That's understandable, and always hard to digest. I recommend accepting that it will hurt, and in the meantime go be with your friends and do things that matter to you.

    2) Yeah, he probaby took advantage of you. Who knows? He may also take advantage of his new BF, or maybe his new BF will take advantage of him. Either way (for me, anyway), that kind of ability to shift so quickly is a red flag, and you have to wonder if it's part of a larger issue.

    3) He's shown you something about who he is. It obviously doesn't sit with you. Best thing is to walk away and keep your dignity. Vent to your friends, or write in a journal, but don't engage him any longer.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    May 14, 2012 1:14 PM GMT
    I'd be hurt too. The guy sounds like a total jerk. Next time he asks you to hang out, maybe a good response would be to tell him to "chill out, mate, I wouldn't want to destroy your exclusivity".
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    May 14, 2012 6:45 PM GMT
    Anduru said
    HawkEyez said
    wow ok cool that totally wasn't the most depressing video ever. icon_eyebrow.png


    Woops.. I listen to that song for so long I turn it on and minimize the window as an automatic reaction..
    So I forgot it came with a depressing video icon_twisted.gif

  • CuriousJockAZ

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    May 14, 2012 7:19 PM GMT
    Okay, that video just wrecked me. icon_sad.gif
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    May 14, 2012 9:15 PM GMT
    Consider this a valuable learning experience- ALWAYS USE PROTECTION.

    I really doubt that you were the only guy he was fucking once every two weeks, and I'm guessing that he didn't meet his boyfriend and decide to become a monogamous couple that same day. You can bet they were playing together beforehand. If a guy barebacks with you, chances are he barebacks with others as well. Consider yourself lucky that you didn't catch something nasty, and be smarter in the future.