Whats your Take on this?

  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    May 14, 2012 3:10 AM GMT
    Ok so I mentor two teenage brothers...Ive been doing this for 6 monthes. Ive been heavily involved in their life in EVERY possibly way...I Help them with homework-Go to their wrestling matches-Bring them to the doctors-Do fun things with them and even come over and eat dinner with their family...the list goes on and on and I love every second of it.

    So they have NO family up in the area.Its literally their immediate family and thats it. They all live down south in other states. This past weekend their grandfather and grandmother came up to visit for a day so their parents and their grandparents wanted to me "The guy who has been such an important romodel and big brother to their sons/grandchildren".

    I went over there for 2 hours...Met their grandparents(they were great).


    The two brothers I mentor did not say ONE word to me for the two hours I was there? I dont know why.

    I left shortly after because I was so uncomfortable.

    Extremely offended.

    Whats your theory?



  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2012 3:12 AM GMT
    They might have felt awkward about the situation. They're not old enough to understand why their grandparents are butting in on their lives yet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2012 3:12 AM GMT
    Maybe they were embarrassed? I dunno, I can't really tell from the description you gave.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    May 14, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    Basically...Their Mother-step dad and little sister are the only family in their life.

    They probably only see their grandparents,uncles once a year if that.

    The brothers are 16

    Im heavily involved in their life...sometimes involved with them and their family 4-5 times a week. We are like actual brothers.

    So...when their grandparents came up...their parents praised me and "what I do" and so didnt their grandparents

    Meanwhile....Neither of the brothers said one word to me...they didnt even introduce me to their grandparents(their parents did)

    Me meeting their grandparents was very symbolic on many levels seeing they never are around any of their family and for some reaosn they acted like they didnt know me.

    What do you think? Please give me your thoughts im confused and kind of hurt
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2012 3:25 AM GMT
    Maybe they thought you were taking the grandparents time/attention away from them and onto yourself when they wanted to be with them?

    Or again like I said before, they were embarrassed.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    May 14, 2012 3:27 AM GMT
    No they knew about their grandparents visit for a month. And they all had talked about me meeting them and also their grandparents really "wanted to meet the guy who does so much for their grandchilren and is a good role model to them" because the kids mom brags about me to them on the phone

    Guys I dont know it really threw me off???
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2012 3:30 AM GMT
    They're 16. Despite what the criminal courts say they're not adults. Adults get grooming from somewhere--usually by their elders. As their big brother it looks like that job falls to you.

    Set them up in a situation where they are to introduce you to someone. Then, ask them to introduce you. Talk to them while the encounter is going on.

    If the conversation with the grandparents was ABOUT them (and about you)--not TO them--I wouldn't be surprised that they had no response.

    Also, perhaps their grandparents make them feel uncomfortable. What do you know about their history?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2012 3:31 AM GMT
    16 year old boys are notoriously quiet around people they don't know very well or don't like. no need to feel hurt. maybe their silence is not a reflection on you, but a reflection on their relationship with their grandparents.

    "their parents praised me and "what I do" and so didnt their grandparents" -- what does that mean???

    i think you need to give more information or to find out more information. do the boys talk to you when you're around or they also quiet when you're with them alone? how did you want them to react?

  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    May 14, 2012 3:34 AM GMT
    I dont know I just found the whole situation very confusing and very hurtful to be honest.

    Ive been with these brothers for 6 monthes by being very involved in their life. From school related things to doing things like bring them to the doctors...to bringing them zip-ling or the movies to getting the one guitar lessons...the list goes on and on. Im basically family.

    So the first time I actually met someone in their family....they not only didnt introduce me but ignored me and didnt say a word.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2012 3:38 AM GMT
    Did they just find out you da gay? icon_eek.gif
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    May 14, 2012 3:38 AM GMT
    kingmo said16 year old boys are notoriously quiet around people they don't know very well or don't like. no need to feel hurt. maybe their silence is not a reflection on you, but a reflection on their relationship with their grandparents.

    "their parents praised me and "what I do" and so didnt their grandparents" -- what does that mean???

    i think you need to give more information or to find out more information. do the boys talk to you when you're around or they also quiet when you're with them alone? how did you want them to react?




    Im saying that...The boys parents and the boys grandparents praised me for steeping in their lives and becoming their mentor and for everything I do to them.

    And the confusing part is...Me and the brothers are like actual brothers...They run my ear off constantly...talk to me about everything(stuff they dont tell their parents)....Tell me their secrets and about their love life and their sex life and their insecurities...They call me at 6am just to wake me up and busy my balls...they are like brothers....So I dont understand why they acted like that towards me seeing as how involved in their life I am. they didnt even introduce me to them..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2012 3:44 AM GMT
    maybe it had nothing to do with you at all and they were just in a wierd way because of the grandparents being there. they are oviously not used to be around them. also your role as mentor is probably different when theres all the family around. like they have too many parents at once.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    May 14, 2012 3:46 AM GMT
    j170 saidmaybe it had nothing to do with you at all and they were just in a wierd way because of the grandparents being there. they are oviously not used to be around them. also your role as mentor is probably different when theres all the family around. like they have too many parents at once.


    This theory kind of clicked with me....i mean Im not saying it to toot my horn...im really not...but they spend more time with me then their actual family...so that could be it...hmmm
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    May 14, 2012 3:52 AM GMT
    Could it be that they had been told not to speak until spoken to?
  • T_Rex

    Posts: 5

    May 14, 2012 6:34 AM GMT
    Maybe they just didn't want to make their parents look bad in front of their grandparents. Why is there so much slack that you have to make up for it? I would have felt odd at that age if my parents ditched me, and some rando filled in. My grandfolks would have "yanked a knot in their rears', or tried to move closer to help lol.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    May 14, 2012 6:38 PM GMT
    Well One of the brothers asked my co-worker today "Why is Nick Mad at me"

    (Shes knows the story and he also knows im upset with him)

    Shes played it off and said" I dont know why what happened?"

    He then said " Well he came over and met my grandparents this weekend and since im always with him I didnt talk to him much because I didnt want my grandparents to think I was ignoring them"

    so now I get a little bit of insight into his mind but I still dont think its a legit reason...especially because he didnt even say "hello"
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    May 14, 2012 9:19 PM GMT
    So whats your guys take on this?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2012 10:13 PM GMT
    sooooo, it's all about u, huh? awkward situations make lots of ppl act...different. put urself in their place, and u might find part of the answer(s).
  • parametric

    Posts: 63

    May 14, 2012 10:25 PM GMT
    if you're that close, have you tried asking them? you know, directly? icon_biggrin.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2012 11:03 PM GMT

    Ok.. Hope this isn't a troll thread because amoonhawk makes some valid points..

    Now for the "breaking it down" part

    - They're like brothers..
    Well I'm no psychic but I'm guessing you never had brothers?
    The ignoring part is one of the most things you'll find happening between brothers
    - They tell me everything
    Well apparently not or you wouldn't be this confused
    - Confused
    The only remidy for confusion is to solve that by adding illusion with conclusion so you'll end with a solution (I have no Idea what I just said there but I liked it)

    But seriously ask your brothers, nobody here will have a better answer if you yourself don't understand what's going on..


  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    May 14, 2012 11:31 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk said
    comical44 saidSo whats your guys take on this?


    You are over involved ... how have you come to be in this mentor role?
    You don't sound to be any sort of educator, as you state, ".Me and the brothers are like actual brothers" which is improper English and would never be used by someone in an educational position.



    I was saying Myself and the Two Brothers I mentor are like actual brothers.

    Im not an English teacher btw so throw me a bone.

    Also I came into mentoring them through their case work/family counselor
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    May 14, 2012 11:34 PM GMT
    HawkEyez said
    Ok.. Hope this isn't a troll thread because amoonhawk makes some valid points..

    Now for the "breaking it down" part

    - They're like brothers..
    Well I'm no psychic but I'm guessing you never had brothers?
    The ignoring part is one of the most things you'll find happening between brothers
    - They tell me everything
    Well apparently not or you wouldn't be this confused
    - Confused
    The only remidy for confusion is to solve that by adding illusion with conclusion so you'll end with a solution (I have no Idea what I just said there but I liked it)

    But seriously ask your brothers, nobody here will have a better answer if you yourself don't understand what's going on..




    I do not have a close relationship with my Real brother.

    My situation is....they NEVER ignore me...the one day I would have liked to be acknowledged seeing as though their family is never in town they ignore me...hurt my feelings. I dont want compliments or to be payed back for anything I do....just being introduced to their family would have meant a lot.
  • iowaguy000

    Posts: 62

    May 15, 2012 1:50 AM GMT
    Let it go. Don't sweat the small stuff.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 15, 2012 1:52 AM GMT
    Welcome to parenting ;-)

    Take it this way : your job is to help them grow up into fine person, their job is to grow up. But it's not to reward you for your good job.

    If they grow fine, it means you do things right, even if they don't praise you, even if they were not liking you.

    You can't expect them to understand your motives, the level of involvement it requires, and that it can hurt to be taken for granted.

    It's something they are supposed to realize far later, when they become adults.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    May 15, 2012 2:07 AM GMT
    Interesting perspectives guys...I appreciate it