Did your friends find you "boring" when you got into a relationship?

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    Jul 22, 2008 4:10 PM GMT
    I just wonder...
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    Jul 22, 2008 4:53 PM GMT
    We still go out and do things with people - single or otherwise. If they find me boring, I'm pretty sure it's not because I'm in a relationship. icon_eek.gif
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    Jul 22, 2008 5:02 PM GMT
    Zim...are you bored today or trying to increase your post number?
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    Jul 22, 2008 5:06 PM GMT
    funny-pictures-kitten-has-no-depth-perce
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    Jul 22, 2008 5:56 PM GMT
    No they don't find me boring.

    In fact, they can't find me at all.
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    Jul 22, 2008 6:05 PM GMT
    Well, I've only had one relationship and I have to say that things didn't really change between me and my friends. I'm not the kind of person who ditches his friends when he's "in love". I think that's kinda shitty... and I hate it when people do it. I mean - just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you have to forget about the whole world and only see and care about one person.

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    Jul 22, 2008 7:36 PM GMT
    Nope, not really...

    ...only had a few relationships. Was single most of the time.
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    Jul 22, 2008 8:47 PM GMT

    Yes and no. We stopped going out as much and many friends, being single, wanted to check out guys and compare notes. Obviously, we were no longer doing that.
    Some friends got a little down, seeing us all over each other and more than a little over-focused on each other. Were they jealous? We don't think so. More likely a little wistful as it can remind one, like it used to do to me, of their single-ness.
    Also, at that point in our relationship if Bill said, "Look, a chair." I'd find it the most remarkable statement I'd ever heard. Ditto for Bill. No wonder others found us a little stale. heheh.

    Hey fulldelight,

    Whenever a friend of ours falls in love and disappears, we smile nostalgically at each other and don't mind their absence a bit. They're honeymooning and discovering each other, which can be pretty time-consuming as bonds are forged.

    Besides, when they do appear again, and they always do, there's some really great tales to tell, and it's like a reunion. All good..
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jul 22, 2008 9:03 PM GMT
    I find that a lot of my friends become really boring when they're in relationships because they don't want to hang out with their friends anymore, they just want to be with their boyfriend/girlfriend. You call them up to do something, and either they already have plans with said person OR said person has to come along and you have to watch them paw at eachother the entire time. Totally lame.
  • VinBaltimore

    Posts: 239

    Jul 22, 2008 9:06 PM GMT
    Oh, I'm sure they thought I was boring even BEFORE I was in a relationship.

    Truth is I don't have any single friends anymore. Everyone is all paired off.

    We used to get together and complain about how difficult is was to find a man. Now we get together and complain about the ones we found. icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 22, 2008 9:07 PM GMT
    I think it's pretty common that when you start dating someone, there's a period where you sort of disappear off the map.

    That time is well spent getting to know the person of interest, and during that important time of bonding or getting to know each other hanging with your friends who can sometimes be irritating, or want to tell said person all about stupid things you've done, etc, isn't appealing.

    No, that hasn't happened to me, but I know some of my friends and some I would want to keep away from a person of interest until we were comfortable with each other that they wouldn't shy away if my friends were complete dorks or divulged into that I didn't want divulged.
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    Jul 23, 2008 7:24 AM GMT
    HighVoltageGuy saidZim...are you bored today or trying to increase your post number?

    Nahh... just making up for my month's absence and stick to the subject, beee yaaaaaccccchhhhhhhhh!!! x
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    Jul 23, 2008 7:35 AM GMT
    I found this article and how true it is......oh yeah to answer the question, "No", I rule being single icon_smile.gif

    And now to the article.........

    When friends fall into the relationship vortex
    It’s not fun, but try to be tolerant of shifting dynamics – you’re probably next anyway
    Bel Poblador (Contact)
    Published: Monday, December 11, 2006

    You and your best friend are the epitome of BFF (Best Friends Forever, for those of you who weren’t in on the middle school lingo).

    You live together and you drunk-dial each other proclaiming your love. You can even talk about everything from politics to the multifaceted nature of Will Ferrell.

    That is, until your best friend gets a significant other.

    All of a sudden BFFs become more like Best Friends Until They Get Boyfriends or Girlfriends (BFUTGBG, if you will).

    So you joke with your friend about how you’ll never hang out anymore, and your friend assured you that nothing is going to change.

    Coincidentally, since that fateful conversation, it’s been about two weeks since you’ve seen or even spoken to one another.

    As the best friend, what do you do?

    “Honestly, I want to slap them ... And if I hang out with them, I talk less because it’s awkward, and I look away a lot, especially if there’s a lot of PDA,” admitted Paul Karaiakoubian, a fourth-year sociology student.

    So are we bad people for having such strong reactions?

    I say no. Let’s be honest here: We know that as much as we try to harden our hearts, it’s impossible.

    We’ve tried to set up a defense mechanism, but how could we ever be truly apathetic to the people who have seen us through our best and our worst?

    So we have to accept that the significant others are now a permanent fixture in the group and even try to bond with them.

    By “bond,” I mean “get drunk together.” All of a sudden, I assure you, they won’t seem so bad anymore. Ah, problem solved.

    Therefore, you’ll go to these lengths because your best friends are happy, and that really is important to you.

    Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to change how your friend is acting.

    You might plan perfunctory “maybe I can try to knock some sense into them” talks, which (sorry to tell you) will probably not do much.

    Your best friends are quite happy in their isolated bubbles o’ love.

    Even if you try to explain how you feel, there will be a rose-colored aural haze of the honeymoon phase that prevents the comprehension of how upset or irritated you are.

    “It’s understandable, but ... it’s really frustrating because once they break up it’s like, ‘Oh, I’m back,’” said Scott Hulbert, a third-year philosophy student.

    Are we just being immature babies, or is it all their fault?

    I believe that everyone’s got to accept a little of the blame here.

    First, we need to accept that things change and that friendships change.

    We know by now that life isn’t always going to go the way we want. Roll with the punches – you’ll get bruised, but at least you’ll learn.

    At the same time, though, our best friends can also do a few things when they find new lovers. For example: please remember that the honeymoon phase is just that. A phase.

    While your friends may have an excuse for the first couple months, after that they’re just being lame friends.

    It’s not a good sign when they turn into those couples you used to mock who kiss each other good-bye if one of them so much as goes to the bathroom.

    Best friends: Love is great and all, but remember that there is life beyond the relationship frontier.

    Many think it is possible and necessary to maintain friendships during a relationship.

    “The worst thing to do is to give your all to a relationship because once it ends, you’ll have nothing left. ... If you really care for your friends, you’ll make time,” said Dieuam Phan, a third-year English student.

    When in a relationship, it is not a good idea to isolate yourself completely from all your friends because they will only be able to take so much.

    But let’s say, hypothetically speaking of course, the breakup does occur: You’re not going to say “I told you so” – as much as you’re really itching to.

    Instead, you’re going to be there to drink, curse and move on with them because that is what best friends do.

    Besides, you’re starting to date someone you’re kind of into, and it’ll finally be their turn to return the favor.
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    Jul 23, 2008 7:47 AM GMT
    Ooof! Thanks for that! 2006. Wow. x
  • GQjock

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    Jul 23, 2008 9:53 AM GMT
    When you're in a relationship
    you lose all your single friends
    they don't want to hang around with couples
    and couples don't want to hang around with them

    It's just social dynamics
    not that either feels the other one is boring
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    Jul 23, 2008 10:29 AM GMT
    Eor36When friends fall into the relationship vortex...


    The article practically negates it's entire argument with the last line. It's that entire modern concept of "I'm perfect, so this is how I deal with everyone else's imperfections."

    Most new relationships that are average in intensity usually involves all lot of learning and sex and couple based tasks and events. This naturally means a rescheduling of the lives of those involved.

    Many singles tend to engage in activities where meeting someone, whether for hookups or dating, is a major part of the activity (i.e. going to a bar). For couples, often the activities are devoid of that (i.e. going to the movies). There are overlap activities as well. You have to be aware of that, regardless of which side of the argument your on.
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    Jul 23, 2008 11:55 AM GMT
    Its hard for me to make time for alot between work, my kids and my husband. These things take priority.

    I think if anyone is a good and real friend they will be there for you regardless of the time spent apart. They should also be happy that you are happy.
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    Jul 23, 2008 2:54 PM GMT
    redbull saidI think if anyone is a good and real friend they will be there for you regardless of the time spent apart. They should also be happy that you are happy.


    There is this way of thinking that suggests that single people should step aside & let "true love/lust" take it's course, all the while suffer in silence, while their "friend(s)" ignore them and the OTHER relationship they had put a lot of time & effort into. What a load of crap.

    Sorry, but that happiness not necessarily warranted. If the effort to maintain the friendship is only one sided (ie. the work of the single person), then it obviously shows that you aren't that "good" of a friend to the other person and/or the now-coupled friend is incredibly selfish/oblivious. While a honeymoon period is to be expected, NO ONE is THAT busy that, suddenly, upon entering a relationship, you can't stay in regular contact with your supposedly close friends. I'm facing this situation right now with a gay friend and a straight friend -- and the straight friend has been married for 6 yrs and has no kids!!!

    Friendships are two-sided, and good friends are hard to find. Failing to continue to nurture that is just selfish.
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    Jul 23, 2008 3:07 PM GMT
    I tend to find that any of my friends that enter into relationships, that are going to last, just disappear, since they go for meals in, trips to the cinema together, weekend retreats.

    Whereas when my friends are in relationships that don't last, you can hardly tell that their schedules have changes at all.

    Seems to me that most people in longterm relationships end up boring, unless you're willing to sort your time around them.
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    Jul 23, 2008 3:11 PM GMT
    Me, boring?!?!?!?





    Ok, ok, ok.... I can be at times!
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    Jul 24, 2008 2:05 AM GMT

    A true friend is one where you don't see each other for any length of time, a day, a week, even a year, and then when you do, your friendship resumes as though 5 minutes have gone by.

    Anyone miffed by their friend disappearing into a relationship, think of this. Your best friend gets transferred to a job on the other side of the country, where he can afford a house, gets great pay and a career he happens to love, with a future. He takes it. Has he abandoned you? Would you consider telling him not to? Yikes! What would you do, say and feel when he returned?

    Here's another, your friend meets his match; he disappears. A few months later he re-appears with his lover, who brings with him a raft-load of people you've never met and one of them is so darn attractive and makes a move on you and then you....!!!

    Even better, if you were the one taking the dream job or finding that penultimate of lover, what would you wish of your friend? Always put the shoe on and walk a mile in it. (my Mom's annoying advice)

    icon_biggrin.gif -Doug

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    Jul 24, 2008 3:45 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    A true friend is one where you don't see each other for any length of time, a day, a week, even a year, and then when you do, your friendship resumes as though 5 minutes have gone by.

    Anyone miffed by their friend disappearing into a relationship, think of this. Your best friend gets transferred to a job on the other side of the country, where he can afford a house, gets great pay and a career he happens to love, with a future. He takes it. Has he abandoned you? Would you consider telling him not to? Yikes! What would you do, say and feel when he returned?

    Here's another, your friend meets his match; he disappears. A few months later he re-appears with his lover, who brings with him a raft-load of people you've never met and one of them is so darn attractive and makes a move on you and then you....!!!

    Even better, if you were the one taking the dream job or finding that penultimate of lover, what would you wish of your friend? Always put the shoe on and walk a mile in it. (my Mom's annoying advice)

    icon_biggrin.gif -Doug



    Blah, Blah, Blah. The issue isn't begrudging our friend happiness, romantically or professionally. It is when they blatantly disregard your friendship by completely shutting you out that gets us "miffed". The idea that people in couples -- in particular newly formed couples -- are to be cut a little slack for their rudeness or insensitivity is a rather selfish notion that only benefits the couple's relationship. We're not asking to be considered equal in the relationship scale (obviously a bf/partner/husband are to rate top of the list if they are to grow as a couple). We ARE asking for the common courtesy that was shown to us prior to the coupling. A REAL friend finds a fair way to incorporate ALL of the important people into his life, one way or another.
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    Jul 24, 2008 4:50 AM GMT


    A couple of guys we know just got together a few weeks ago and took of to Spain for 3 months (archeologist and free-lance photographer). Should they be contacting us while away? They certainly could email, I suppose, but we'd rather wait (half the fun) to hear all about it when they get back.


    Both of us were single before we met, and had watched a number of friends find a partner and dance off into the sunset- for awhile. That's why it's good to have more than one friend.
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    Jul 24, 2008 6:05 AM GMT
    xanadude said
    Blah, Blah, Blah. The issue isn't begrudging our friend happiness, romantically or professionally. It is when they blatantly disregard your friendship by completely shutting you out that gets us "miffed". The idea that people in couples -- in particular newly formed couples -- are to be cut a little slack for their rudeness or insensitivity is a rather selfish notion that only benefits the couple's relationship. We're not asking to be considered equal in the relationship scale (obviously a bf/partner/husband are to rate top of the list if they are to grow as a couple). We ARE asking for the common courtesy that was shown to us prior to the coupling. A REAL friend finds a fair way to incorporate ALL of the important people into his life, one way or another.


    Which is all easy to say when you're the single one and not the one trying to balance the new guy with the friends and the fact that gay relationships tend to get very intense very quickly, and if you turn your back for a second it can end.

    I, too, hate when my friends meet someone and disappear, so I work very hard to incorporate anyone I'm dating into my social circle pretty quickly. However, I understand when I take a back seat to someone dating someone new because I know what it's like to be in that position and. as their friend, want them to be happy and have a successful relationship.

    Besides, most 'new' gay couples are nauseating to be around until they've been together a month or so. Hearing a good friend (especially if they've been single for a good while) suddenly talk incessantly about "him" and "them" and seem to forget that they existed before they met the guy can be hard to gag down.
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    Jul 24, 2008 3:08 PM GMT
    meninlove saidThat's why it's good to have more than one friend.

    True. One to talk to, and another one to talk about !
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