coming out to my dad

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    May 15, 2012 3:05 AM GMT
    So, I am extremely happy where I am in life. I have become more open about who I am. Almost all of my close friends know that I am gay, and for the most part they have supported me in the best ways possible! I am in the process of telling my family. I have so far told my mom and siblings (minus one cause he is 9). My dad is the last to know I'm by direct family.

    I am working on the best way to tell him. We are puerto rican and usually the man of the house is very stubborn and has his own way. He is somewhat religious which also makes me nervous (i have had friends who have dropped me because of this). I am the first born so (so naturally the one to carry on the legacy). I want kids I want a family. I am so nervous to tell him. He has a history of getting a bit emotional and out of hand, and I don't want him to take it out on anyone in my family, this is my life.

    Any suggestions on how to tell him? My family has had some tough times (but whose hasn't) and i don't want this to cause a fourth rift between us.

    Im planning on doing it in the next week or 2 so any advice in the mean time or if you want to share how you told your parents let me know.

    THANKS GUYS!!!!!
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    May 15, 2012 3:27 AM GMT
    He probably already knows. Most parents always know - they're just in denial. Maybe ask your mom to throw him a few hints, butter him up etc. so that when you finally tell him, it's not that big of a shocker.
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    May 15, 2012 3:29 AM GMT
    Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 15, 2012 3:58 AM GMT
    PT_times2 saidSo, I am extremely happy where I am in life. I have become more open about who I am. Almost all of my close friends know that I am gay, and for the most part they have supported me in the best ways possible! I am in the process of telling my family. I have so far told my mom and siblings (minus one cause he is 9). My dad is the last to know I'm by direct family.

    I am working on the best way to tell him. We are puerto rican and usually the man of the house is very stubborn and has his own way. He is somewhat religious which also makes me nervous (i have had friends who have dropped me because of this). I am the first born so (so naturally the one to carry on the legacy). I want kids I want a family. I am so nervous to tell him. He has a history of getting a bit emotional and out of hand, and I don't want him to take it out on anyone in my family, this is my life.

    Any suggestions on how to tell him? My family has had some tough times (but whose hasn't) and i don't want this to cause a fourth rift between us.

    Im planning on doing it in the next week or 2 so any advice in the mean time or if you want to share how you told your parents let me know.

    THANKS GUYS!!!!!
    Make sure you keep us all informed! You'd be surprised how some have to rethink their 'religion' when all of the sudden its is their own children!

    Good luck and know we all have your back! Even PR is beginning to acept the fact that we do indeed exist. SJ has a huge thriving gay community!

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    May 15, 2012 4:35 AM GMT
    My mom told my dad. I told my mom by writing her a letter.
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    May 15, 2012 5:24 AM GMT
    I want ur eyebrows
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    May 15, 2012 5:40 AM GMT
    If you and your father have any activities that you do together, you might consider telling him while you're away from the rest of the family. This might give him a chance to blow some steam if he reacts strongly to the news.

    We're all hoping that he takes the news well and he accepts you just as you are.

    Know that you have a lot of positive thoughts going out to you from the RJ community.
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    May 15, 2012 5:43 AM GMT
    I once met a twinky flamer at a gay gathering who told me his father took him to a whorehouse on his 18th birthday to make him a man. He was terrified, but he and the hooker hit it off and talked for a few hours and then pretended they did the deed.
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    May 15, 2012 6:20 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk said
    Helios69 saidI once met a twinky flamer at a gay gathering who told me his father took him to a whorehouse on his 18th birthday to make him a man. He was terrified, but he and the hooker hit it off and talked for a few hours and then pretended they did the deed.

    I think I saw that in a movie once

    I know. But it really happened. I felt sorry for the guy. It was so obvious he was gay. His father must have been in denial.
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    May 15, 2012 8:13 AM GMT
    I haven't told my father yet because I am still afraid but I think he knows. Told my mother she thinks I am joking about it. My only advice would be to take your time.
  • drypin

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    May 15, 2012 8:21 AM GMT
    daviddoublebay saidSOMETIMES it is best to write such news and everything you're thinking / feeling in a letter.

    It gives you the chance to say everything you want / need to say without being interrupted or an argument intervening. Also... it would give your dad time to digest everything that was written and truly consider all his feelings, thoughts and reaction rather than putting him in the position of possibly blurting out something that he will later regret.



    I wrote both of my parents for this very reason. Then I went home to tell them individually, but when I couldn't work up the nerve, I left the letter on their bed. They called me about two days later and we got together the following weekend to talk about it. I had said my piece, so I gave them time to say their piece, which was ensuring me of their love and voicing their fears. I listened and then tried to assure them they I was responsible about safe sex, that I didn't rule out having children of my own one day (I was only 19 at the time), and that I was pretty hopeful about finding someone to love because there were so many more of us than people seemed to realize at the time.

    It was an okay start. They were on eggshells a little around me for a while until they understood I didn't intend to make every family gathering about me and my sexuality. On the other hand, I could see this minor tension and it took a good couple of years before any mention of it was taken in stride. Also, they were never anything less than civil and friendly to the many gay friends and few "boyfriends" they met. And when I finally met the guy of my dreams and they realized it was long-term, they embraced him in the family without a second thought.

    Okay, now I'm missing my mom and getting a little verklemmt.