I think I may be in love my best friend....

  • baw1900

    Posts: 11

    May 15, 2012 2:55 PM GMT
    I know that this topic has probably been posted on this forum a 100 times but I need advice. I think I may be in love with my straight best friend. I know it sucks I do not know what to do, how to handle it because I've never really felt something this strong for a man before. I do not know if I love him because I have such a good relationship with someone and he's like a brother to me or if it is something more.. please share your thoughts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 15, 2012 3:04 PM GMT
    Get over it.

    Harsh but true, it's not happening, not going anywhere, he doesn't love you, and it'll never ever work out. Chant that to yourself. Or, if you're good enough friends, have him say it to you.

    The problem with a straight infatuation is that gays have a really bad tendency to imagine that every guy on the planet is somehow just a tiiiiiny bit curious, and we can be the guy that shows them the light on hot gay man love. Not happening. 90%+ guys are straight as an arrow and have the same reaction about dick that we have about soppy fish-smelling roast-beef-looking vaginas.

    The sooner you can shake your subconscious mind out of the silly delusion that there is just a tiny possibility that it could work out, the sooner you'll be over this.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 15, 2012 3:11 PM GMT
    It happens.




    icon_sad.gif
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    May 15, 2012 3:38 PM GMT
    Just keep your thoughts to yourself. You know well enough that he's straight and if you act on your feelings it won't end well.
    As painful as it is right now, just realize you'll get over it in time. If you open up to him you might lose the friendship, and if not, it won't be the same.
    I think most gay men have had feelings for the unattainable guy - it happens, but you're better off using your emotional energies on a guy that would be more likely to return the favor.
    Love him - but as a friend. Nothing. More.
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    May 15, 2012 3:41 PM GMT
    Larkin said soppy fish-smelling roast-beef-looking vaginas. .


    I love it when you talk dirty icon_twisted.gif
  • metta

    Posts: 39159

    May 15, 2012 3:49 PM GMT
    Love him as a human being. Wish the best for him. Obviously, being straight, that does not include having a gay man as a partner. Wish him health, happiness and much success. Enjoy the time that you spend with him. Real love is not about infatuation or 'puppy love'.
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    May 15, 2012 3:51 PM GMT
    metta8 saidLove him as a human being. Wish the best for him. Obviously, being straight, that does not include having a gay man as a partner. Wish him health, happiness and much success. Enjoy the time that you spend with him. Real love is not about infatuation or 'puppy love'.
    QFT*
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    May 15, 2012 4:06 PM GMT
    Are you out to him? How close are you, really? Can you work together to figure out complex problems?

    Contrary to popular wisdom, I think that if you are really close enough, I think you should work on it together. If he is really that good a friend, he will help you deal with this.

    And before the rest of you jump on me, I have done this. It lead to the best friendship of my life so far. He died a few years back, but I think of him every day.
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    May 15, 2012 4:25 PM GMT
    Larkin saidGet over it.

    Harsh but true, it's not happening, not going anywhere, he doesn't love you, and it'll never ever work out. Chant that to yourself. Or, if you're good enough friends, have him say it to you.

    The problem with a straight infatuation is that gays have a really bad tendency to imagine that every guy on the planet is somehow just a tiiiiiny bit curious, and we can be the guy that shows them the light on hot gay man love. Not happening. 90%+ guys are straight as an arrow and have the same reaction about dick that we have about soppy fish-smelling roast-beef-looking vaginas.

    The sooner you can shake your subconscious mind out of the silly delusion that there is just a tiny possibility that it could work out, the sooner you'll be over this.
    So well said.
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    May 15, 2012 4:29 PM GMT
    OP, when I was your age I took it a step further. I told my best friend how I felt. He was kind, considerate but said NO WAY. The nipped it in the but. What a relief to not deal with that feeling anymore, and to know that my friendship was safe. Since then, now that I know better, straight guys have been a turn-off.
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    May 15, 2012 4:30 PM GMT
    Since mostly the severely jaded have appeared to post to your topic I figure I'll try and balance the set of opinions you have to work from.

    It could be, he might be, it's possible, and maybe even likely. But that all depends on him. Because, while you may only know enough about him to assume he's straight, there may be a chance he assumes and feels the same about you as well. And even if he's "straight" in that he copulates with women, there's a probability that he also has some potential for same-sex attraction as well. It just depends on what you want out of the relationship and if that's a typical gay or guy/girl relationship then you may not have much of a chance at all.

    You can speculate all you want with every other person in the world besides this guy you care for but you will never learn the answer that way. The only way the feelings you have for each other will become known is if you voice them to each other out loud. Again, only you know enough about the situation to be able to weigh whether the risk of losing your friend is greater than the possibility of taking your friendship to the next level where both of you understand each other more deeply, for better or worse.

    Good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 15, 2012 4:44 PM GMT
    Here's your answer:

    If one of your straight female friends told you they were madly in love with you, what would you tell her as a gay man? Whatever that is, tell it to yourself, then find a way to move on.
  • metta

    Posts: 39159

    May 15, 2012 5:32 PM GMT
    I also think you need to give yourself a little time to grow out of these feelings. I don't know that it is a good idea to even mention it to your friend right now. Of course, you know him better. But it is possible that it may make him feel uncomfortable and may damage your friendship.

    He probably does love you...but just not in the way that you are thinking. I'm not really saying that you need to hide it from him but that it may be safer to work through your feelings first and come to more realistic expectations.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 15, 2012 5:40 PM GMT
    "The quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

    That said, get him drunk and you'll win his heart...at least for a night. icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 15, 2012 6:52 PM GMT
    LarkinGet over it.


    He's soooooo right.
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    May 15, 2012 7:01 PM GMT
    Larkin saidGet over it.

    Harsh but true, it's not happening, not going anywhere, he doesn't love you, and it'll never ever work out. Chant that to yourself. Or, if you're good enough friends, have him say it to you.

    The problem with a straight infatuation is that gays have a really bad tendency to imagine that every guy on the planet is somehow just a tiiiiiny bit curious, and we can be the guy that shows them the light on hot gay man love. Not happening. 90%+ guys are straight as an arrow and have the same reaction about dick that we have about soppy fish-smelling roast-beef-looking vaginas.

    The sooner you can shake your subconscious mind out of the silly delusion that there is just a tiny possibility that it could work out, the sooner you'll be over this.


    This answer is everything that needs to be said on the issue...

    It is not/will not/will never happen.

    Oh, and Animus' answer is blindly optimistic and extremely unrealistic...Like Larkin said, straight guys are straight guys...and they DO feel the same way about others guys' dicks as we do about girls beef tacos. Gay guys seem to have this habit of convincing themselves that every guy might have the capacity to fall in love with another man, just because they are attracted to the guy....doesn't work like that.
  • metta

    Posts: 39159

    May 15, 2012 7:32 PM GMT
    ^

    Yes, with the exception that his friend must may very well love and care about him... just as many friends do. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 15, 2012 7:33 PM GMT
    metta8 said^

    Yes, with the exception that his friend must may very well love and care about him... just as many friends do. icon_smile.gif


    Yeah, yeah, yeah...friend-love is great...but it doesn't mean he is going to switch teams and hop on the dick.
  • metta

    Posts: 39159

    May 15, 2012 7:35 PM GMT
    ^
    Yes, that is obvious.
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    May 15, 2012 7:45 PM GMT
    Been there done that...
    Step 1. Make yourself 100% positive that it will never work out. You need to set barriers in your mind to not think of him in that way and to just see him as a friend.
    Step 2. Try to back away some. I'm not saying don't be friends with him. Just try to limit the amount of time spent together.
    Step 3. Be content with being single and the single life or go out and meet someone that is actually gay and will give you the same feelings back.
  • tonepas

    Posts: 5

    May 15, 2012 8:10 PM GMT
    I'm in the same situation, but there is another person im love with. Its been hard, and they know that i really like them, but we are all still friends. i finally got the one i am with now. he was straight. and i had fallen real deep for him, but i stayed near by. kept tabs through other friend when i wasnt around in person. and one day his whife broke with him.. she just wanted his money. and i saw him crying one night when i walked by his house. so i walked up to him and talked to him. that night we had came close to kissing. but we didn't. i wanted to. but week went by and i had randomly gottten a text from a different number, didnt know it was him. he had wanted me to come chill cause he wanted to catch up, after not speeking and trying to block me out of his life. so i went to the adress he gave me. he was sitting on the door steps. so i sat down with him. and he ask me out of the blue, what did i thought of him. and i studdered, i told him we were best friends, and then he asked did i ever think of him as being more than best friends, and at that time i had to tell him how i truely felt. so i told him that i had always wanted to be his. for him to make me his... PUT A RING ON MY FINGER!!!!!!. It took him a while to admit to me that he really liked me also, but he finally did after a week... ANYWAY just be friends with them. and wait a whille to let him know u as a friend. and then u mite can tell him. just be there for him when ever you can and if u do it rite. u time will come... and personally I WISH U LUCK...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 15, 2012 8:41 PM GMT
    Larkin saidGet over it.

    Harsh but true, it's not happening, not going anywhere, he doesn't love you, and it'll never ever work out. Chant that to yourself. Or, if you're good enough friends, have him say it to you.

    The problem with a straight infatuation is that gays have a really bad tendency to imagine that every guy on the planet is somehow just a tiiiiiny bit curious, and we can be the guy that shows them the light on hot gay man love. Not happening. 90%+ guys are straight as an arrow and have the same reaction about dick that we have about soppy fish-smelling roast-beef-looking vaginas.

    The sooner you can shake your subconscious mind out of the silly delusion that there is just a tiny possibility that it could work out, the sooner you'll be over this.


    True, to the point and the last line made me laugh! Keep that frame of focus though and it will help you through, plenty of guys out there who WILL reciprocate, value the friendship and not the eutopian ideal! ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 15, 2012 8:44 PM GMT
    Are you in the closet? If so, you probably don't have a healthy outlet to find the companionship you need, so it's manifesting as lust for your friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 15, 2012 9:14 PM GMT
    It's definitely not going to happen, so just forget it. I know it's hard to do but a lot of us have had straight crushes and just had to get over it. There's only 2 things you can do and only one is good: You can try something on him and ruin your friendship forever or just forget about it and move on.

    There's no way to turn him gay and you don't want to lose what sounds like a great friendship over this.
  • rebelbeard

    Posts: 558

    May 15, 2012 9:28 PM GMT
    Larkin saidGet over it.

    Harsh but true, it's not happening, not going anywhere, he doesn't love you, and it'll never ever work out. Chant that to yourself. Or, if you're good enough friends, have him say it to you.

    The problem with a straight infatuation is that gays have a really bad tendency to imagine that every guy on the planet is somehow just a tiiiiiny bit curious, and we can be the guy that shows them the light on hot gay man love. Not happening. 90%+ guys are straight as an arrow and have the same reaction about dick that we have about soppy fish-smelling roast-beef-looking vaginas.

    The sooner you can shake your subconscious mind out of the silly delusion that there is just a tiny possibility that it could work out, the sooner you'll be over this.


    Larkin, I am pretty sure I might be in love with you.