Determining "gay" or not in the gym

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 06, 2007 9:19 PM GMT
    Hey guys! This is my first post, and I'm sure something along the lines of this topic has been posted somewhere in here before. However, I have yet to find it, so I figured I'd start a new post with the hope that it is not a repeat. I was wondering if there is a good way of determining which guys in the gym are gay, and which may be straight. I guess you could call me a "newbie" to all of this, so I do not know the tell-tale signs (if, in fact, there are any) that let one know if a particular guy is into other guys. It is fairly easy to tell if the guy has a workout partner, because you can watch the relationship dynamics between the two of them while they are together. But, when a guy is working out alone, and never speaks to anyone while he is in the gym, are there certain actions or types of body language to watch for? Or, is there an appropriate way to strike up a conversation that would not completely freak him out in the event he's straight? I work out late in the evenings, and there are usually 4 or 5 of us in there at that time, each working out alone. I'd just love to know who may be secretly looking at me while my back is turned. ;-) Thanks for all your help guys. Please be kind if you think this is a ridiculous thread to post...I'm new to the scene, and horribly inexperienced.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2007 1:43 AM GMT
    At the risk of sounding like a libertine I probably am, I have to say I have a lot of experience at this. Here’s the trick. Be friendly with every decent fellow at the gym and don’t worry if he is gay or not. I’ve picked up many straight men from the gym and have become friends with quite a few. They all eventually learned about my sexuality but never had a problem with it. Along the way I might meet a new jockmate. My only friend I’ve made since I’ve moved to Charlotte is straight and we met at the gym. I expect he will learn about my sexuality one day. I made one gay friend there too but the straight one is better at keeping in touch with me then the gay one. The point is the gym is a good place to make both gay and straight friends and once you get to know each other it becomes easier to determine his sexual preference.

    Now there are the more obvious was to tell:
    1. He’s a screaming queen
    2. He gawks at you
    3. He follows you around the locker room
    4. He gets excited showering beside you etc….

    You'd be surprised how many married men rise to the occasion in the showers.
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    Aug 07, 2007 1:57 AM GMT
    Umm... he holds his pinky up as he drinks from the water fountain?

    ;-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2007 3:15 AM GMT
    He's "watching" the TV above you (while you're on the treadmill, etc.)
    instead of the TV 20 feet closer too him. =)
  • liftordie

    Posts: 823

    Aug 07, 2007 3:16 AM GMT
    if he asks if you are using a piece of equipment that you are not that close to!!

    he all of a sudden starts working the muscle group that you are instead of the one that he was!!

    he has his ipod running and he is singing along to 'TOXIC' by britney spears with just a little too much gusto!!!

    his pants are LASC!! oh wait, that all just describes me LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2007 3:19 AM GMT
    Seconds after you enter the sauna He suddenly decides
    its too hot to keep the towel tucked around his waist. =)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2007 3:30 AM GMT
    You catch him glancing at you (usually through several 'layers' of obstacles in your field of vision)... you notice Him leave... but then He reappears minutes later with a different hairstyle! =)
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    Aug 07, 2007 4:03 AM GMT
    You guys are absolutely hysterical!!

    Okay, so I should mention that I don't do cardio at my gym...I normally do that on my own, so I'm not on a treadmill or on a bike in the middle of all those sweating bodies. However, I am in the weight room 3-4 times a week, and that's where I'm wondering if the guy are interested or not. How much eye contact is "normal", and is it normal if guys completely avoid eye contact with other guys...ie: are they trying to overcompensate by not making eye contact at all when they won't even acknowledge you? Even when they're 5 feet away? Gawking is easy to spot, but the occasional glance when we're both resting between sets kinda makes me wonder. Dammit all, why can't they just have their hands stamped or something?!?!?!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2007 4:25 AM GMT
    I usually find that if he closes his eyes when we kiss, he's probably gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2007 4:32 AM GMT
    Why not gawk yourself?

    I find that when a raised eyebrow is added, and smirk-pout
    for a prolonged second, that its quite impossible to have
    any mixed messages at all!
    Then again, I only flirt with the straights at my gym...
    its fun and I don't lead the gay one's on which is cruel
    when I'm just plain not interested in any of them! LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2007 4:59 AM GMT
    I'm with PsycExerSci, make 'em get a handstamp or something so you can tell whose who. I don't really get the whole attraction to flirting with or going after straight men. I mean you might get a roll in the hay with them eventually but they are never going to want more than that (at least not without a lot of drama and a lot of patience on your part) or a friendship. I'd much rather know who I might potentially have a shot at a relationship with than frustrate myself with something I can never have. There are plenty of hot, masculine gay men where I work out but there are still some you can't really tell and it would be nice to weed them out and move on. Maybe hand out rainbow wrist bands like the yellow lance armstrong ones....worn alone or in conjuction with one for other causes people support. : )
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2007 5:17 AM GMT
    Ok, here's my problem... I can find the (non-obvious) gay ones with no problem... but when I get in the position to talk to them, I get SUPER nervous. Then I end up backing off or not saying anything.

    How do I get over that?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2007 5:18 AM GMT
    Hey shortnsexystud (that you are),
    I'm completely with you on the "save yourself the aggro" bit about guys that chase straights - I'm certainly not one of them either.
    Practically everyone at my gym knows I'm gay, I'm very upfront about it,
    which is why I pretty much know who is and isn't gay, and why I tend to hang with the straight guys... I like to keep the gawking and mindgames to a minimum to better focus on what I am there for.


    Which, all kidding aside PsychExerSci, how 'out' you are (or choose to be, in any given environment) has a HUGE impact on the effectiveness
    of one's 'gaydar'. IMHO
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2007 5:28 AM GMT
    "IMHO" meaning?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2007 5:46 AM GMT
    IMHO = in my honest opinion
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2007 5:52 AM GMT
    or... In My Humble Opinion.
    that's I meant. :-}
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2007 5:53 AM GMT
    let me just get this straight (no pun intended) there are other gay guys that, to the naked eye, seem straight? ive only had a profile on this site for a week now and i think its great but to my own understanding and the advice of friends i would have a seriously hard time finding someone else like me. where i live and go to school im surrounded by the ever-giddy and flamboyant and thats all ive ever known. basically im saying this thread is brilliant and i hope one guy out there can unlock the secret word or whatever to uncover these "diamonds in the rough"
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    Aug 07, 2007 5:57 AM GMT
    To DRKO: I am not "out" at all, anywhere, at any time. The only guys who know are the very few I have hooked up with, and all of them, without exception, have told me how impossible it would be to determine that I am into guys from just seeing me or talking with me. When I am working out, I usually try to at least acknowledge a guy if he is working out near me...maybe a half smile and head nod. But what do you mean by saying that how "out" I am determines how effective my gaydar is?? You've definitely peaked my curiosity!
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    Aug 07, 2007 1:23 PM GMT
    I won't speak for DRKO but I'm guessing what he means (and you sort of answered it in your own question actually) is that if you aren't very out yourself (confidence, being yourself, etc.) it's going to be hard for someone else to pick up on it. This doesn't mean you have to be flaming with a half-shirt and pigtails. It just means, there's a certain something that a confident gay man gives off that other gay guys pick up on.

    So by being "not "out" at all, anywhere, at any time," you aren't exactly making it easy for anyone else to say, 'Oh hey, that guy's gay. I'll indicate I am too.' It's a subtle thing all the 'ros will miss but it's obvious to those of us familiar with it.

    Geez, I sound like I'm describing some sort of secret handshake. Guys, help me out here!

    And vonsooner, really, just have some basic line you can drop without having to worry about getting into a long drawn out conversation. All you want to do is go from being a stranger to being someone they'll recognize the next time they see you.
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    Aug 07, 2007 2:11 PM GMT
    I can't handle all that stress. Just work out at a gay gym. Problem solved
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    Aug 07, 2007 2:23 PM GMT
    I was at a gym in Qatar..and there was a very good looking local guy. I want him badly but do not know how to approach him cos he did not have any "gay" look in him. But one day, I met him at the changing room and say hello to him..and the rest is up to your imagination....
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    Aug 07, 2007 5:34 PM GMT
    I find alot of the muscle heads at my gym are always looking at you, doing double takes and what not, jsut to see if you are looking at them.

    They may have picked up that I'm gay, but there is no way in hell they'd want me for anyting else. I don't say that to sound dispariging, but it is true. Mostly they just like to know they are being looked at, but not leered at.
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Aug 07, 2007 8:20 PM GMT
    Seems like my English is a bit rusty, what do you guys mean with double takes?
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    Aug 07, 2007 10:45 PM GMT
    a double take is simply looking twice: looking, looking away and then looking back
  • maximumrisk

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    Aug 08, 2007 12:29 AM GMT
    Sure, ask somebody who trains for years out and prey that when he is not intrested, he at least doesnt scare you out of the gym :-)

    To be honest. There are a few guys in my Gym where I am guessing that they are gay, but I am not sure how I should make the contact. I am not so good in sending signals.