Brother issues...

  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    May 16, 2012 10:42 PM GMT
    So I have a brother, he is 7 years older than me. He and I are 2 VERY different people. He lies, cheats, lies, is a womanizer, lies and he lies. Basically he's a liar. I don't like liars. Its been annoying me for the last few years already that he lies about every little thing to everyone. I know he does this because I see him do the things he lies about (e.g smoking while he says he quit) He's 29 so if he wants to smoke, please go ahead and smoke but why lie? And thats just one of the SO many examples.

    So last month he broke up with his gf. I already figured (seeing his dating history) that he was seeing some1 else already. But he said he didn't.But ofcourse he lied. 2 weeks later he said he was seeing some1 else. But he broke up with his ex before they did anything.. (yea sure) Anyways. Now I heard that he kissed an old collegue of mine last week. While he just broke up with his ex a month ago and has this new gf going on for about 3 weeks. Im very fed up with his lying. He knows this because I made it quite clear and I let him know that I don't want anything to do with him unless he comes to me and talks to me. But always circumstances are in his favor, and he can pretend like nothing is going on between us. What should I do? His behavior disgusts me...
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    May 16, 2012 11:25 PM GMT
    He's an adult now, if his actions aren't affecting you then you shouldn't even stress yourself about it. You talked to him and did your part, the rest is up to him since it's his life.
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    May 16, 2012 11:31 PM GMT
    Daelin saidSo I have a brother, he is 7 years older than me. He and I are 2 VERY different people. He lies, cheats, lies, is a womanizer, lies and he lies. Basically he's a liar. I don't like liars. Its been annoying me for the last few years already that he lies about every little thing to everyone. I know he does this because I see him do the things he lies about (e.g smoking while he says he quit) He's 29 so if he wants to smoke, please go ahead and smoke but why lie? And thats just one of the SO many examples.

    So last month he broke up with his gf. I already figured (seeing his dating history) that he was seeing some1 else already. But he said he didn't.But ofcourse he lied. 2 weeks later he said he was seeing some1 else. But he broke up with his ex before they did anything.. (yea sure) Anyways. Now I heard that he kissed an old collegue of mine last week. While he just broke up with his ex a month ago and has this new gf going on for about 3 weeks. Im very fed up with his lying. He knows this because I made it quite clear and I let him know that I don't want anything to do with him unless he comes to me and talks to me. But always circumstances are in his favor, and he can pretend like nothing is going on between us. What should I do? His behavior disgusts me...
    Quit worrying and obsessing over what HE does.. Worry about what YOU do and live YOUR life, not his!icon_wink.gif
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    May 16, 2012 11:33 PM GMT
    You should stop trying to be his mom
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    May 16, 2012 11:36 PM GMT
    True, he is old enough. But what u say about it not affecting me is not true. He dated this girl for 2 years or so. And he then expects me after lying to me for 2 weeks that I will do all nice to this new girl while the other one barely left? No.. Not in the mood for that. And then I hear he already cheated on this new girl as well with some other girl? Whats up with that.. Its his life. Totally true, but he should quit the lying.. And it annoys me so much cause I see that he hurts so many people and he doesnt seem to care and he always gets away with it..
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    May 16, 2012 11:38 PM GMT
    Maybe you can adopt him so you can ground him.

    Seriously though, stop worrying about him, you're just making yourself miserable
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    May 16, 2012 11:45 PM GMT
    You say it does affect you, but that is only because you are letting it by not minding your own business, which may be why he lies to you. You expect honesty from him about his personal life, so let me ask you, is that what you are giving to him?
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    May 16, 2012 11:57 PM GMT
    If your brother lies for no reason, in other words, if he lies in situations where there is no obvious advantage to telling the lie, then his lying might not be by choice. It could be a structural defect.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pseudologia_fantastica
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    May 17, 2012 1:04 AM GMT
    Iceblink said... You expect honesty from him about his personal life, so let me ask you, is that what you are giving to him?


    Ouch! Touche!

    Daelin? Come out, come out wherever you are! icon_lol.gif
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    May 17, 2012 6:09 AM GMT
    There are four types of relationships no outsider should ever give their opinion on, or get in the middle of: parents and their children, husbands and their wives (read also boyfriend and girlfriend), sisters and their brothers, and lastly brothers and their brothers.
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    May 17, 2012 6:19 AM GMT
    Iceblink said You expect honesty from him about his personal life, so let me ask you, is that what you are giving to him?


    guuuuurl!

    db3d575d34376686b396c4e5e554bcb9-8666900
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    May 17, 2012 10:11 AM GMT
    Iceblink saidYou say it does affect you, but that is only because you are letting it by not minding your own business, which may be why he lies to you. You expect honesty from him about his personal life, so let me ask you, is that what you are giving to him?


    I am honest about everything in my life to him EXCEPT for the part of being gay. He lies about EVERYTHING is his life except for the part of being straight ;) BUt ill let it go >.
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    May 17, 2012 10:18 AM GMT
    Wonderful advice in the posts above. Do you also obsess when you see the gossip rags in the supermarket checkout line? About what celebrity cheated on who, who allegedly lied about what?

    Yeah, he's your brother, but how the fuck does that involve YOU? If you don't like his behavior, or him, just keep your distance. Not your problem, mon.
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    May 17, 2012 1:48 PM GMT
    Use your coming out (to your brother, and everyone else close to you) as a guiding example for your brother about the liberating power of truth. Also, make sure your brother is clear that you are not obligated for familial reasons to cover for his lies and infidelities.
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    May 17, 2012 1:51 PM GMT
    Claystation saidYou should stop trying to be his mom


    plus one
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    May 17, 2012 2:05 PM GMT
    Save the drama fer yer mama and get on with yer life.
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    May 17, 2012 2:07 PM GMT
    This is so fucking unreal the crap that people
    put on here drives me nut's Putting your family's
    crap on here If you don't like it then change him ( good Luck)
    If not deal with it
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    May 17, 2012 2:10 PM GMT
    theantijock saidIf your brother lies for no reason, in other words, if he lies in situations where there is no obvious advantage to telling the lie, then his lying might not be by choice. It could be a structural defect.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pseudologia_fantastica


    Since he lies for sex, he might be bipolar.
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    May 17, 2012 2:11 PM GMT
    Maybe the brother haXorZed his account and the entire post is a lie.

    itsamystery
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    May 17, 2012 2:22 PM GMT
    iron70 saidThis is so fucking unreal the crap that people
    put on here drives me nut's

    You realize that's a little ironic in this case, right? Just saying ;)
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    May 17, 2012 2:31 PM GMT
    Only concern yourself with his relationship with YOU. Allow him to live his life and learn his own lessons and stop getting involved with thing that don't concern you. But when you catch him lying to YOU, set boundaries with him directly and let him know in no uncertain terms what you will and will not put up with. Let him know what action you will take if he lies to you again. Do NOT state this as an ultimatum. Just let him know that there are certain things you will not allow in your life and if he breaks those rules you will (insert action here). Only you can decide what that action will be. Maybe it will be a separation for 6 months or whatever you decide is appropriate to protect yourself from his lies.
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    May 17, 2012 2:43 PM GMT
    swimguychicago said
    theantijock saidIf your brother lies for no reason, in other words, if he lies in situations where there is no obvious advantage to telling the lie, then his lying might not be by choice. It could be a structural defect.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pseudologia_fantastica


    Since he lies for sex, he might be bipolar.


    Ya, there could be any number of personality disorders involved, we'd have to know his other symptoms. My adopted nephew is like this so I have researched the issue enough for me to not judge him too harshly, to keep some perspective. It is heartbreaking for my s-i-l and brother, of course.

    The lying might not be just for sex, but going from relationship to relationship might be because of the lying. These people can fool others for a short time, as they fool themselves all the time. They actually can have very high IQs. But eventually people figure them out and then distance themselves, either by labeling the person a common liar or out of fear or self preservation or whatever.

    Some theories suggest that pathological lying is sort of the opposite of autism, the autistic having trouble comprehending lies and the liar with truth. There are even studies showing the opposite issues with the amount of white matter in the brain. But it seems not well understood at this point.

    Though sometimes winding up dead or in jail or otherwise institutionalized, they can manage to function well enough in society depending on the severity of their condition and on what tools of living they manage to learn & use. I had a receptionist who was a pathological liar--was my first experience with that, that I knew of, and it took me a while to catch on as in my past I tended to give the benefit of the doubt too much.

    As a society, we tend not to offer pathological liars the sympathy we would an autistic person because, well, it's lying and how do you trust that? The two problems might arise from the very same condition but one tugs at our heart while the other stikes us as vile. It's a very tough situation for anyone involved.
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    May 17, 2012 2:48 PM GMT
    neosyllogy said
    iron70 saidThis is so fucking unreal the crap that people
    put on here drives me nut's

    You realize that's a little ironic in this case, right? Just saying ;)




    Its freaking petty................
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 17, 2012 2:51 PM GMT
    Well to begin with, my suggestion is that you back off, relax and focus on your own life, not his! Take the emotion out of it. If he is less than truthful, than remove yourself from the situation where you don't have to be privy to every lie he tells.

    You see what he does, use it to improve your own life in a positive manner.
    What he is doing is injurious to himself, don't make your life a part of it.
  • Melv1

    Posts: 7

    May 17, 2012 3:09 PM GMT
    www.50centsloseweight.com
    araphael saidThere are four types of relationships no outsider should ever give their opinion on, or get in the middle of: parents and their children, husbands and their wives (read also boyfriend and girlfriend), sisters and their brothers, and lastly brothers and their brothers.

    I very much agree with your point of view