Advice on straight friend

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    May 17, 2012 10:09 PM GMT
    Hello folks. I would have never thought id join a gay forum. Its not that I'm not comfortable with my sexuality. But I'm not out with it as I don't like the idea of flaunting it. I'm still exploring things. Anyway, I have this friend I met through work a year ago. This guy is super attractive but I knew it would be impoasible to ever get with him but I decided to atleast be friends. Within that year we became really close and I gained much resect for him. He has had girlfriends so I know he's straight. Well a few weeks ago he was kicked out of his home and needed a place to stay so I told him he could stay with me a few days. Well that first night he laid in my bed. I thought to myself well if he doesn't mind sleeping with me that's cool. I wouldn't have expected anything to come from it. Well it started where he put his leg on me. Then I scooted closer to him and he literally began to dry hump me. I thought it was a jokr but he kept going. We then removed each others underwear and continued. I never sucked a cock but after I jacked him off I did it for the first time.. We cuddled the rest of the night and he got up panicking saying "I'm not gay I'm straight". It was kinda weird the next mornin but the next night I gave him a back and foot massage. Snce then I had given him atleast 4 foot massages. I began to notice during the weeks after that he was different. We were still close but he was kinda distant. After a couple weeks yesterday I finally told him we had to talk. Last night I told him I felt things were different between us. Keep in mind we had never talked about the things we did. I was like every since a few weeks ago you have been different towards me. He said "what do you mean? After all that gay shit?" I was shocked he brought it up cause I wanted to talk about it. He said can't we just forget about it. I said well its kind of hard too. He said he wasn't gay amd was just really high. I said well you initiated most of it he said in the beginning when he dry humped me he was joking but I respondede back and that's why things led to another. I said did you enjoy any of it?(He was really hard the whole time) he said the back and foot massages but nothing else) everything else was weird and he can't be gay. He then said he is not attracted to me what so Ever. I got quiet. I thought we had something and we do have a deep emotional type friendship. I thought that we could just continue a touchy feely friendship but not be involved romanticaly. He said nothing would change between us. He said he thought I was just being curious or I might be bisexual. I asked "well don't you think you might be since you initiated much of it. He said "no I can't be living a gay lifestyle I'm not gay". Something told me he isn't telling the full truth. He then said he didn't want to talk about it anymore and wanted to forget it like it didn't happen. I'm now torn. I love this kid. I never felt this way for someone. Ever. Never cried about a guy until this morning. Can I please get you alls advice. Is he bi, straight, in denial? Does he have feelings for me? Is it possible for him to get hard ons by me if he isn't attracted to me? He has said things like I love you and I like your personality before. I'm so lost now. And not sure if I should just stop talking to him. I'm glad we finally talked about it but I need someone to tell me what's going on here. Btw he got a new girlfriend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2012 11:48 PM GMT
    He's probably gay. He's probably not into you.
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    May 17, 2012 11:50 PM GMT
    First post from a new account? Mmmm, fake?
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    May 18, 2012 12:01 AM GMT
    You'll get a lot more of this happening around you as you move ahead. Your in the closet hes in the closet its a recipe for heartache.

    Move on and deal with your issues first
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    May 18, 2012 5:05 AM GMT
    this is an all real post not fake.
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    May 18, 2012 7:51 AM GMT
    He's prob gay and trying to push you away as a form on denial. I'd save the headache and just focus on yourself and someone else more comfortable with themselves.
  • trakstar90

    Posts: 119

    May 18, 2012 8:01 AM GMT
    I would say leave it alone and move on. He will come back and the ball will be in your court. But he sounds kinda flaky so I would remove myself from that situation.
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    May 18, 2012 8:26 AM GMT
    Maybe you need to be upfront with him about your sexuality, which may allow him to feel comfortable being upfront with you about his. Clearly, none of what he did was "joking" or just because he was high. But, for him to admit his attraction to you, whom he believes is straight or at least he's not sure is gay, makes it a very uncomfortable situation for him. (Though, I'm sure he doesn't completely believe you're straight, otherwise, things probably wouldn't have happened the way they did in bed.) Nowhere in your description of the events did you tell him how you felt about him or that you enjoyed it. Your conversation was pointed at him, almost as if you were a straight guy who was wanting to set the the right expectations.

    Bottom line: you need to be honest with him before you can expect him to be honest with you.
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    May 18, 2012 8:34 AM GMT
    He's probably a little bit bisexual.... and in denial.

    I think he's the kind of guy who feels guilty after having sex with a guy and hates himself for it, so he takes long breaks between having gay sex.

    He probably doesn't want to identify as gay, and having sex w the same guy more than once, might resemble a relationship to him, so he'll basically go for one night stands, when the urge gets strong enough, and the guilt from his last encounter has lessened.

    So you may have had your first and last sexual experience with this guy. you may keep up a friendship with him, and the awkwardness might become less, if you pretend it never happened.

    only if he accepts and gets comfortable with his own sexuality, I see a minimal chance of him hooking up with you again. that'll probably take quite some time though.

    just my personal analysis.
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    May 18, 2012 9:07 AM GMT
    Affairs with straight men only lead to hurt and frustration. Get out of there. And get out of the closet and you will have less butthurt too (the bad kind of butthurt).
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    May 18, 2012 9:36 AM GMT
    Walk away. Nothing good can come of it.
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    May 18, 2012 12:10 PM GMT
    Being infatuated with straight guys...

    tanker-storm.jpg

    If a guy says he's straight, always take that at face value. It doesn't matter what the truth is. If he's straight, then there's no chance. If he's lying, then he has a serious reason to do so and you want no part of that nonsense.
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    May 18, 2012 1:54 PM GMT
    I never felt this way for someone. Ever. Never cried about a guy until this morning. Can I please get you alls advice. Is he bi, straight, in denial? Does he have feelings for mewww.50centsloseweight.com
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    May 18, 2012 6:25 PM GMT
    Well not only a few days after our conversation he wants to go to some clubs n drink tonight so well see what our friendships like after tonight. I'm calming my hormones down a little since then but I still am extremely attracted to him and on top of that I love him.
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    May 21, 2012 2:30 AM GMT
    I've decided to distance myself. We had a good night at the club and all, and he slept over that night but of course in different beds this time. The next morning when I dropped him off we made plans to hang out that night and he bailed on me. Ignored my call. When I called him out on it he tried to say he really needed someone to talk to and that he valued my friendship but i ignored his text. this morning i responded saying "i dont think you do" and haven't heard from him all day. It's driving me crazy so I've decided to drink and smoke hope this works! Please more advice needed....wtf is going on and what should i do? I don't want to admit my feelings on him and it makes things works. Like another poster said this game is like an addictive drug. and Where is it going?
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    May 21, 2012 2:45 AM GMT
    Two fucked up guys.
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    May 21, 2012 2:56 AM GMT
    chuckystud saidTwo fucked up guys.
    Is that all you've got to say? I need more than that lol
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    Sep 12, 2012 4:44 AM GMT
    Alright guys. Im bringing this back up, I hope many of you respond.


    Well since I last posted this back in may, a few things have happened.

    First, he and I have become a lot closer and I have gotten to know him a lot better. We have learned a lot about each others personalities.

    We have "broken up" our bro mance and made up many times lol. Many of those times was because I was butthurt over something he did and I made a big deal of it. My feelings have grown stronger for him.

    We havent had a moment quite like the one we had in the first time, but we have slept in the same bed probably two times since then when he has come over.

    Him and his girlfriend got into a fight so he came to spend the night. I gave him a back massage and foot massage after a long day of work. He vented some of his beliefs to me and what not, and passed out on my bed.

    I went into my room to find his laying on my bed. (help me out here, if he is straight and uncomfortable with the idea of us being anything close to a relationship, why would he fall insleep in my bed knowing im gonna crawl into that bed when i get ready to pass out?) I immediately wrapped my arms around him and laid close to him. I cuddle him the entire night, and at one point he grarbbed my arm while it was over him and held my arm close to his chest. But i dont know if he was sleeping when he did that or not. We woke up next to each other and we didn't mention it.

    Well the reason I'm bringing this back up is because of yesterday. Yesterday was "bro time" and we spent the whole day together. We went to eat, I paid for his food, took him rock climbing, and ate again (he always likes to go in and sit down, which I like about him alot....) and then ended the night at the bar, played pool, and i beat him, and left. He told me he had a great night and was fortunate to have a best friend like me who would take him out on dates and spend money on him and that he really appreciated everything. However at the bar While we were playing pool we were talking about girls and then I said something like "there are things about me that I don't talk about" but I was not reffering to being attracted to men. I guess he thought I was, and goes "Look, are you gay?" I said no. He said "bisexual?". I said "I don't think so". This was the first time I had even made an open verbal gesture that I just might not be straight. He said what do you mean you don't think so, if your not you would say "hell no". I didn't know what to say and he goes "if you are and are expecting some kind of relationship with us then I can't be your friend, because im a christian. I said "that doesn't mean anything, you know how many christians use religion to hide who they are?" he said "true", then I said "if you told me you were bi i wouldn't judge you and would always be your best friend". He paused without saying anything then said "lets just stop talking about this".

    Yet he brought it up. We left shortly after I beat him in pool and didnt talk about it. However he made plans to already hang with me today, which I took him around to see if he was elgible for the marines, and he we went to a salad bar and he paid for my meal (which I didn't expect). He also introduced me as his best friend to this lady he met. She apparently had heard a lot about me from him (so everyone he introduces me to says when i first meet them) He also made plans for wanting to go to some church together on thursday that this lady invited us to which Im thinking of canceling on him (to create a little distance so that I appear to be more in demand and busy, which seems to make him contact me more instead of me always contacting him and demanding his attention). At this point Idk what the hell is going on. hahaha. When I look into his I see a soul that I love and want to be related to for a very long time regardless of relationship status. He looks into my eyes too and its like i feel this connection. He always holds the door for me, and I just don't get why what he is saying is so different from his actions. It's like he wants to hold me close because one day he is going to tell me the truth about his sexuality or the way he feels towards me. I dont understand it. We've sat down and ate together countless times, and the fact that he paid for my food today proves that it's not one sided and he spends if he has it.

    He is younger than me guys by about 4 years, he's 19 going on 20 and i think that has a lot to do with this also. SOrry for the long story but I have NO ONE to talk to about this at all. Thanks icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 12, 2012 5:09 AM GMT
    cj1111 saidAlright guys. Im bringing this back up, I hope many of you respond.


    Well since I last posted this back in may, a few things have happened.

    First, he and I have become a lot closer and I have gotten to know him a lot better. We have learned a lot about each others personalities.

    We have "broken up" our bro mance and made up many times lol. Many of those times was because I was butthurt over something he did and I made a big deal of it. My feelings have grown stronger for him.

    We havent had a moment quite like the one we had in the first time, but we have slept in the same bed probably two times since then when he has come over.

    Him and his girlfriend got into a fight so he came to spend the night. I gave him a back massage and foot massage after a long day of work. He vented some of his beliefs to me and what not, and passed out on my bed.

    I went into my room to find his laying on my bed. (help me out here, if he is straight and uncomfortable with the idea of us being anything close to a relationship, why would he fall insleep in my bed knowing im gonna crawl into that bed when i get ready to pass out?) I immediately wrapped my arms around him and laid close to him. I cuddle him the entire night, and at one point he grarbbed my arm while it was over him and held my arm close to his chest. But i dont know if he was sleeping when he did that or not. We woke up next to each other and we didn't mention it.

    Well the reason I'm bringing this back up is because of yesterday. Yesterday was "bro time" and we spent the whole day together. We went to eat, I paid for his food, took him rock climbing, and ate again (he always likes to go in and sit down, which I like about him alot....) and then ended the night at the bar, played pool, and i beat him, and left. He told me he had a great night and was fortunate to have a best friend like me who would take him out on dates and spend money on him and that he really appreciated everything. However at the bar While we were playing pool we were talking about girls and then I said something like "there are things about me that I don't talk about" but I was not reffering to being attracted to men. I guess he thought I was, and goes "Look, are you gay?" I said no. He said "bisexual?". I said "I don't think so". This was the first time I had even made an open verbal gesture that I just might not be straight. He said what do you mean you don't think so, if your not you would say "hell no". I didn't know what to say and he goes "if you are and are expecting some kind of relationship with us then I can't be your friend, because im a christian. I said "that doesn't mean anything, you know how many christians use religion to hide who they are?" he said "true", then I said "if you told me you were bi i wouldn't judge you and would always be your best friend". He paused without saying anything then said "lets just stop talking about this".

    Yet he brought it up. We left shortly after I beat him in pool and didnt talk about it. However he made plans to already hang with me today, which I took him around to see if he was elgible for the marines, and he we went to a salad bar and he paid for my meal (which I didn't expect). He also introduced me as his best friend to this lady he met. She apparently had heard a lot about me from him (so everyone he introduces me to says when i first meet them) He also made plans for wanting to go to some church together on thursday that this lady invited us to which Im thinking of canceling on him (to create a little distance so that I appear to be more in demand and busy, which seems to make him contact me more instead of me always contacting him and demanding his attention). At this point Idk what the hell is going on. hahaha. When I look into his I see a soul that I love and want to be related to for a very long time regardless of relationship status. He looks into my eyes too and its like i feel this connection. He always holds the door for me, and I just don't get why what he is saying is so different from his actions. It's like he wants to hold me close because one day he is going to tell me the truth about his sexuality or the way he feels towards me. I dont understand it. We've sat down and ate together countless times, and the fact that he paid for my food today proves that it's not one sided and he spends if he has it.

    He is younger than me guys by about 4 years, he's 19 going on 20 and i think that has a lot to do with this also. SOrry for the long story but I have NO ONE to talk to about this at all. Thanks icon_smile.gif



    damn novel! lol sooo do you have other guy friends? is this like your first guy best friend that you've ever had?
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Sep 12, 2012 5:42 AM GMT
    Wow, you can cut through the denial with a knife.

    First of all, what about you? He asked you if you were gay, and you said no. He asked you if you were bi, and you said you don't think so. From what I've read here, it seems clear enough to me that you aren't straight, dude. Have you come to terms with that yourself? Are you hoping that by getting him to admit feelings for you, it will make things easier for you to come out?

    As for him, well, it's still possible he was just curious. It's possible that he doesn't feel threatened by your touch (the massages), he really values you as a friend, and he has zero interest in doing anything gay again. He's denying that anything sexual ever happened because whatever he's thinking, he knows he doesn't want to turn upside-down his safe, straight, Christian world.

    More than just curious, it's also possible that he really does have recurring feelings for you that he's fighting. EVEN if that's the case, the denial is still the same; the guy just doesn't want to deal with it. CAN you coax someone else out of homosexual denial? I'm skeptical. I think more often that not those attempts backfire, and the person in denial just becomes more defensive. The best thing you can do, both for you and him, is to work on yourself and to become comfortable saying you're gay (or bi) to other people. IF he has any similar feelings, that's your best chance to persuade him to confide in you, and that's by no means a guarantee.

    Sorry, everyone has to make these choices for themselves.
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    Sep 12, 2012 6:30 AM GMT
    Wow this is some story. Unfortunately I don't know if i can help muchicon_confused.gif. For the time being I would focus on your friendship. If he really is gay and just in denial and likes you then be there for him, but let him decide what your relationship should be.

    My first thought are that he is in denial, based in the fact that he slept in your bed. I can understand if he was "high" the first time, but I'm thinking the second time was a tell of his true nature. If he knew things were weird between you after the first time, he wouldn't even let a second time happen. If I was straight I would be freaked out by sleeping with another guy, heck I would jump out of bed in the middle of the night, not just wake up and act like nothing happened.

    My guess is he also wanted to see if you were gay. He was probably trying to test the waters and see what was going on with you. After you denied it he may have lost the little hope he had. If it comes up again say your gay, or bisexual if you want. And say it with confidence. Show him that its not some horrible dark secret.

    Its hard to tell if he truely is gay though. People are raised diffrently and see things differently. He may see two guys sleeping together as okay, maybe he was raised that way.

    Based on his religious response, he's probably scared of this whole thing. Trust me when I say, when you live in fear of the people you love most, it does horrible things to your mind. Just be there for him and let him go at his own pace.
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    Sep 12, 2012 6:34 AM GMT
    From my personal experience, if you can't get over a straight friend you are going to destroy your friendship. You really need to try to let it go.
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    Sep 12, 2012 10:35 AM GMT
    OP.. i think you are hungry for an adventure..!
    Hopefully it won't end too badly!
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    Sep 12, 2012 2:06 PM GMT
    Thanks guys. Well no this is not the first guy best friend. I always have gotten along better with straight guys. Idk why. But I've always kept my feelings to myself if I thought they were hot. My feelings were better controlled cause I knew they wouldnt feel the same for me, so I got to secretely admire them and enjoy their friendship and company.


    This is the first straight guy friend who allowed me to even expose my self to physically. First one that I have exchanged I love yous with, and the thing is is even though he hasn't verbally accepted me, he has made hints that he knows my sexuality. And it's weird because it's almost like he wants me to tell him I am not straight. The way I am when with him is not like the way I am with other guy friends who are straight. I have no gay friends so I can't talk to them if I wanted to.

    I have accepted my attractions to men, don't get me wrong. I just dont want anyone knowing yet, and one reason why I love this guy so much and why he has gotten to my heart, is that he has remained my friend regardless of my sexuality that he may know deep down inside, and that really flatters me. Other than that, like I said we are best friends with or without the other junk. Ive met his whole entire family, they all know we are best friends...He calls me his brother from another mother, I call him brother my brother and his mom my mom.

    Were planning a fishing trip where me him and our dads go fishing together which should be bad ass.

    Here's a strange thing. A while back he introduced me to his grandma. She said the whole "I've heard so much about you" deal. Just like his dad and everyone else has said. Well his grandma was drunk (on and off alcoholic) and he was sleeping. She then goes "tell me the truth, what is going on between you and my son". I was thrown off big time. I was like "what do you mean?". She goes the way he talks about you, he loves you alot. Your a nice young man blah blah blah. I was like no its nothing like that. I said "he isn't even gay". She said "oh I think my grandson is...I think he likes men and women. " i said how do you know? She goes "Im his grandma, I just know".

    I never told him about that conversation, and me and his grandma are cool to this day even though I dont see her as much. I kind of want to talk to her again about it, but like I said I did not admit my feelings and sexuality to her either. and If I was to initiate the conversation with her it would be a red flag of who I was, and I dont know if Im ready for that. She seems like the one however to talk to about this.....She even went on to say "he reminds me of me when I was younger. I tried some things with a lady friend of mine but it wasn't right for us to do that because of christianity"

    Wouldnt his grandma know him better than I would, especially since he's lived with her before, but not sure what he's done though to make her assume that me and him had something going on lol. We even slept in the same bed when I spent a night at his grandmas, and I told her we were just comfortable sleeping together, thats all. hahahaha so much bull shit denial.

    Heeeelp. hahhaa. should i talk to his grandma? I know time is a virtue and things will unfold in time but damn!
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    Sep 12, 2012 8:59 PM GMT
    cj1111 saidThanks guys. Well no this is not the first guy best friend. I always have gotten along better with straight guys. Idk why. But I've always kept my feelings to myself if I thought they were hot. My feelings were better controlled cause I knew they wouldnt feel the same for me, so I got to secretely admire them and enjoy their friendship and company.


    This is the first straight guy friend who allowed me to even expose my self to physically. First one that I have exchanged I love yous with, and the thing is is even though he hasn't verbally accepted me, he has made hints that he knows my sexuality. And it's weird because it's almost like he wants me to tell him I am not straight. The way I am when with him is not like the way I am with other guy friends who are straight. I have no gay friends so I can't talk to them if I wanted to.

    I have accepted my attractions to men, don't get me wrong. I just dont want anyone knowing yet, and one reason why I love this guy so much and why he has gotten to my heart, is that he has remained my friend regardless of my sexuality that he may know deep down inside, and that really flatters me. Other than that, like I said we are best friends with or without the other junk. Ive met his whole entire family, they all know we are best friends...He calls me his brother from another mother, I call him brother my brother and his mom my mom.

    Were planning a fishing trip where me him and our dads go fishing together which should be bad ass.

    Here's a strange thing. A while back he introduced me to his grandma. She said the whole "I've heard so much about you" deal. Just like his dad and everyone else has said. Well his grandma was drunk (on and off alcoholic) and he was sleeping. She then goes "tell me the truth, what is going on between you and my son". I was thrown off big time. I was like "what do you mean?". She goes the way he talks about you, he loves you alot. Your a nice young man blah blah blah. I was like no its nothing like that. I said "he isn't even gay". She said "oh I think my grandson is...I think he likes men and women. " i said how do you know? She goes "Im his grandma, I just know".

    I never told him about that conversation, and me and his grandma are cool to this day even though I dont see her as much. I kind of want to talk to her again about it, but like I said I did not admit my feelings and sexuality to her either. and If I was to initiate the conversation with her it would be a red flag of who I was, and I dont know if Im ready for that. She seems like the one however to talk to about this.....She even went on to say "he reminds me of me when I was younger. I tried some things with a lady friend of mine but it wasn't right for us to do that because of christianity"

    Wouldnt his grandma know him better than I would, especially since he's lived with her before, but not sure what he's done though to make her assume that me and him had something going on lol. We even slept in the same bed when I spent a night at his grandmas, and I told her we were just comfortable sleeping together, thats all. hahahaha so much bull shit denial.

    Heeeelp. hahhaa. should i talk to his grandma? I know time is a virtue and things will unfold in time but damn!


    awwhhhh you got a litttle romantic thing going on here your living the fantasy that we all want to have..hookin up with your "straight" best friend! haha it sounds like its slowwwly coming true in your case. i dont really know all the other details but id say go for it! you should just be assurtive and make a move, whats the worst that could happen. i mean, if youve already given this guy head(i think thats what you said lol) its not like it could get much more awkward. so you might scare him off maybe not, but if you say you love this guy so much, then its worth finding out, and if you dont then your left with "what could have been" and you'll regret it. UNLESS you live in a small ass town where everybody knows EVERYYYYTHING and youre trying to keep you sexuality on the down low lol that would be the only thing holding me back if i were in your case, but if you dont live in the boon docks then go for it!