The Locker Room, Sauna, Sex and Your Reputation

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    Jul 23, 2008 3:52 AM GMT
    [RANT]

    I go to a New York Sports Clubs location at 16th Street and 8th avenue - the heart of Chelsea - the adult homoland. With it being in Chelsea right on the general 8th avenue strip, it's a very trafficked location. It's also know for its very openly gay accepting atmosphere. I started going there about two weeks ago and during the grand walkaround tour of the space, the staff member and I had a conversation about the Sauna/Steamroom stigma. We continued chatting about it last evening and I wanted to bring it to the RealJock space.
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    I talked to him about the things I heard (from others) and read (on craiglist and other personals websites). While he confirmed it all true, he was pretty disgusted by it. He explained there would be days he worked from morning to closing and the same people would come to the gym 3-5 times a day -- not to workout -- but to find people to hookup with. When I asked about the sauna he was up front and said the people that do go in the sauna do their sexual things -- thinking nobody will see them, nobody will talk about them, and nobody will catch them. However, people frequently talk about what goes on the shower rooms - and it ain't positive either. That's typical NYC gay culture, so I wasn't too surprised.

    While I was working out, I would notice this one particular kid, between 20-24 years old, randomly picking up weights here and there, not really working out, walking back and forth from the lockerroom to the weights - just trying to look busy while scoping the weight training floor (to add more to it, he wasn't dressed to workout - who wears a triple lined studded belt and tight pants to workout lol)

    I think Sauna/Steam rooms are interesting free amenities so I did some reading on the history of Saunas and their benefits. I liked what I read, it's a pretty damn healthy process. Sadly, the reputation that's garnered by just going into the sauna is very daunting.

    I think that if you really find someone attractive, then stop being so weak and just go up to them and say hi, get a number, and do your business on your own. Even if it's in the Sauna/Steamroom/Shower/Locker, whatever, honestly, if it's that worth it, you can wait till we get home.

    It's even worse when some of these people go to the locker room/sauna to have sex and then call their boyfriends... and say "hey boo I just finished working out, what chu up to?" (Yeah, I wonder what he just finished working out... and I bet it wasn't his deltoids)
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    - How do you use something you paid for without getting the label stamped on you when you come out? Anyone can cry foul when it happens behind closed doors because people are that fickle. But I wanna get my sweat on with gettin' my stick done lmao.
    - How could people get so addicted to that they only come to the gym just to pick up guys...

    [/RANT]
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2008 4:10 AM GMT
    You just use it for what it is intended for. If you dont go in there for sex, you will get a reputation for not being there for sex. Talk works both ways.

    But I would also like to turn this whole perception around and discuss what's wrong with looking for sex and having sex where the men are?

    American society has this huge perception that sex is wrong and dirty and low and disgusting, unless it is missionary position done between the sheets between the hours of 9 and 12 PM by a man and a woman who are married. What's with that?

    To me, I dont see sex between two people as being much more than having a conversation...except instead of the mouths and ears doing the communicating, the body and genitals are doing the communicating. If having sex were allowed, like having a conversation were allowed, it would be no more noticed than having a conversation.

    The only thing making sex such a notable activity is our decision to make it so. If society just got over it, it would just be gotten over, because it doesnt cause any harm to anyone for two people to have sex...or a group of people for that matter.

    And the objection that some might just not want to see that, well, that is also just because society hasnt allowed it. If people grow up with sex going on, they wouldnt notice it.

    But back to one's reputation now, what does it matter what people think of you now. Would you let people's thoughts dissuade you from participating in any other activity that you wanted to enable in? Why let their thoughts about your sexual activity do it? If you let other people's thoughts stop you from doing things, you wont be doing much at all. Including working out, cause there is always somebody who will think you shouldnt be doing that exercise but this exerise, and not that way, but this way.

    Get over it. Mind your own business and tell others to mind theirs.

    Rant returned...
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    Jul 23, 2008 4:21 AM GMT
    First off, thanks for reading the whole thing. icon_biggrin.gif

    Caslon5000 saidWould you let people's thoughts dissuade you from participating in any other activity that you wanted to enable in?
    Now... If I'm going to sauna, I'm gonna sauna. If I get a woody - as it is possible with all the man candy in locker rooms/saunas, I'll just do like I do everywhere else: make sure to hide it really well lol.

    Caslon5000 said...American society has this huge perception that sex is wrong and dirty and low and disgusting, unless it is missionary position done between the sheets between the hours of 9 and 12 PM by a man and a woman who are married. What's with that?
    I do think that sex has a super-stigma attached to it. As if gay sex isn't bad enough - you dare not talk about alternative/kinky sex around anyone, that's grounds for immediate blackballing (no pun intended haha). I do think American society is so swayed by Christian ideals, that the limitation you presented is even questioned as "clean enough".

    People really do need to get over it... and I think as bad as this generation is claimed to be, at least xtube is doing some sexual justice haha
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    Jul 23, 2008 4:29 AM GMT
    blind2limits saidI think that if you really find someone attractive, then stop being so weak and just go up to them and say hi, get a number, and do your business on your own. Even if it's in the Sauna/Steamroom/Shower/Locker, whatever, honestly, if it's that worth it, you can wait till we get home.


    But that isn't hot. People don't fuck in a sauna because they are so horny they need to do it right there and then. People fuck strangers in saunas because they find fucking strangers in saunas hot. Which is not to say that you can't find it perfectly disgusting. I like what Cas has to say. Just do your thing, be polite, and if you can't hide your stiffy, rub one out in the privacy of the shower stall.
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    Jul 23, 2008 4:31 AM GMT
    Don't you have a calculus project due pretty soon? Get back to work! icon_mad.gif
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    Jul 23, 2008 5:08 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie said
    blind2limits saidI think that if you really find someone attractive, then stop being so weak and just go up to them and say hi, get a number, and do your business on your own. Even if it's in the Sauna/Steamroom/Shower/Locker, whatever, honestly, if it's that worth it, you can wait till we get home.


    But that isn't hot. People don't fuck in a sauna because they are so horny they need to do it right there and then. People fuck strangers in saunas because they find fucking strangers in saunas hot.


    That I know, I have that fantasy at times (thanks to the corruption of porn lol). However, I know that a sauna isn't the place to do it. It would feel so awkward - I like to do my thing and know he's the only one that gets it and knows about it. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 23, 2008 5:09 AM GMT
    Coolrabbit saidDon't you have a calculus project due pretty soon? Get back to work! icon_mad.gif
    Yes, Yes I do, and I'm doing it - thanks MOMicon_twisted.gif
  • cowboyathlete

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    Jul 23, 2008 2:47 PM GMT
    There is one Bally's here in town that used to have police stings in the steam room, it got that bad. I fully support something like that on a regular basis.
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    Jul 23, 2008 2:53 PM GMT
    blind2limits said[RANT]

    who wears a triple lined studded belt and tight pants to workout lol)


    Didn't you say it was Chelsea?
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    Jul 23, 2008 3:12 PM GMT
    cowboyathlete saidThere is one Bally's here in town that used to have police stings in the steam room, it got that bad. I fully support something like that on a regular basis.

    WHAT? you support the police policing the steam room at your gym? That doesn't say much for the management of your gym. You're paying money to them to belong, if they can't hire enough people to keep the gym "fit" for the members, I'd dump them. Tax payers should not be paying for steam room patrol. Additionally, unless guys are selling that ass, what are the police going to do? Or is having sex, playing around, illegal in TX?
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    Jul 23, 2008 3:19 PM GMT
    I have problems with people having sex in public gyms, mainly due to not everyone appreciates seeing others going at it. Everybody pays a monthly fee for the gym, don't members have a right to use the facilities without being subjected to public sex? This is coming from someone who does not have hang-ups about sex. That does not translate to everybody being able to do their own thing. There should be an appreciation for others sensitivities.

    If you want to hook-up with another guy fine. Say hello to him at the public gym, then go back to his or your place to have sex. If you really are horny and want to hook-up for sex go to a gay bathhouse if there are some around, that is there purpose.
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    Jul 23, 2008 3:21 PM GMT
    As I said in another post somewhere else:

    Don't fuck in the sauna. It's a gym, not a Falcon set. Have some sense of propriety.

    Seriously. I'm all for hooking up if that's what you want to do but the Internet will allow you to do that without using public areas.
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    Jul 23, 2008 3:28 PM GMT
    People should be able to have sex in public (yes, as in infront of hundreds of people if they chose) if they chose to. Humans are the only animals who have sex in private; it's completely rediculous. Sex is a part of nautral behavior, especially for men who are pretty driven by sex for most of their lives. If someone wants to have sex in a sauna, its not a big deal; if it bothers you, dont watch!

    I agree with Caslon; im sooo sick of sex being a widely taboo topic in this country.

    if you want to fuck, then fuck. If you dont, then dont. It's really as simple as that.
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    Jul 23, 2008 3:32 PM GMT
    It is too distracting after a good workout to want to relax in the sauna with an X-rated show going on. Get a hotel room.It's OK to meet someone there, but take the floor show elsewhere.
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    Jul 23, 2008 3:41 PM GMT
    BearCub17 said.

    if you want to fuck, then fuck. If you dont, then dont. It's really as simple as that.


    When you sit in cum in the sauna of your health club, let me know how accepting you are of this crap. Especially when kids are allowed in the locker room. I have before. I have also walked in on a married co-worker jacking off some dude in the shower. I have also returned from the shower to find my underwear with a fresh cum stain in them.
    There is a time and a place.


    I have to pay 148.00 a month to go to a gym that has no cruising (at least that I have seen in the 5 years I have been a member).
    I don't have to worry about being followed into the gym or those creepy "cruising" eyes staring at me while i am working out. It gets a little pathetic and gross when some perv is watching you change and stroking off watching you in the mirror. Or when you step up to a urinal and the dude is jacking his dick watching you piss.
    Sex is between consenting adults. Too often the interaction is one sided and only one person is uncomfortable.
    The gym is not a sex club and it is impossible to ignore it.
    I like a hot guy jacking just as much as the next guy, but an all ages health club is not the place to suddenly be "liberated".
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    Jul 23, 2008 4:02 PM GMT
    BearCub17 saidPeople should be able to have sex in public (yes, as in infront of hundreds of people if they chose) if they chose to. Humans are the only animals who have sex in private; it's completely rediculous. Sex is a part of nautral behavior, especially for men who are pretty driven by sex for most of their lives. If someone wants to have sex in a sauna, its not a big deal; if it bothers you, dont watch!

    I agree with Caslon; im sooo sick of sex being a widely taboo topic in this country.

    if you want to fuck, then fuck. If you dont, then dont. It's really as simple as that.


    There is a difference between discarding the taboos surrounding discussing sex and actually having it in public. Yes, it may be that humans are the only animals that have sex in private. We are also the only animals that build hospitals and schools, and find the time to go to a building where we choose to lift heavy things repeatedly and run in place for an hour or so. We are highly developed and interact with each other in a multitude of ways, in sometimes densely populated areas where there can be negative consequences for behaviour that is too 'liberated' from social convention.

    What I am saying is: regarding humans as somehow equivalent to the animal kingdom in terms of sex, when we are quite different in many other regards, is a stupid argument.

    Look, I've had sex in saunas/bathhouses-- in saunas in London that are precisely there so men can go and have sex in them in a more public way. I'm not a prude. But I do draw the line at gym saunas where people who've just come for a workout are treated to cum-splattered steam rooms because other people don't realise their rights end where another person's begins.

    Apart from anything else, it's unhygienic to have sex in gym saunas; in bathhouses, at least in London, the rooms are cleaned after each use and condoms and safer sex materials are provided for everyone. This stops the spread of disease-- MRSA and syphilis are two that spread just by contact, not even through an exchange of fluid. I am not saying all gay men have diseases but it would be wrong to suggest that some don't-- should I have to sit in someone else's cum in the steam room and wonder?

    It's not as simple as saying 'oh, don't watch' and it doesn't make me or anyone else a prude to suggest that you take your sexual business to a place more appropriate in such a highly socialised society as we live in.

    Grow the fuck up.
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    Jul 23, 2008 4:08 PM GMT
    BearCub17 saidPeople should be able to have sex in public (yes, as in infront of hundreds of people if they chose) if they chose to. Humans are the only animals who have sex in private; it's completely rediculous. Sex is a part of nautral behavior, especially for men who are pretty driven by sex for most of their lives. If someone wants to have sex in a sauna, its not a big deal; if it bothers you, dont watch!

    I agree with Caslon; im sooo sick of sex being a widely taboo topic in this country.

    if you want to fuck, then fuck. If you dont, then dont. It's really as simple as that.

    Um, we also don't shit on the sidewalk downtown at 9am on a Monday morning. Your point?
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    Jul 23, 2008 4:17 PM GMT
    I think that the venue must be taken into consideration. I have had sex (oral sex only) in more or less "regular" gyms that did NOT allow minors and were segregated by gender, but in those places it was never something I was actively there for. I just wanted to sit in the steam room, and happened to be cruised by guys a few times. Nobody was around, and so we played, always ready to stop if it looked like somebody else was going to enter the room, as it WAS a conventional gym, after all, and not a sex gym.
    But, in a Gay club that happens to also be a gym (like Melrose Spa, Flex, or Hollywood Spa in L.A.) where the place is made for sexual recreation and is also a gym, I don't have any problem at all having sex in the steamroom openly, as long as I clean up after myself with a towel when I'm done. That's what the place is for.

    So, there are shades of gray in this debate.
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    Jul 23, 2008 4:26 PM GMT
    Melrose spa and FLex or Hollywood spa are ALL sex clubs with weights rooms. That is not a grey area. Most gyms have signs posted saying there is no sexual activity allowed, thus alleviating any confusion you may have.
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    Jul 23, 2008 4:29 PM GMT
    mnjock2003 saidMelrose spa and FLex or Hollywood spa are ALL sex clubs with weights rooms. That is not a grey area. Most gyms have signs posted saying there is no sexual activity allowed, thus alleviating any confusion you may have.


    Word.

    Case closed.
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    Jul 23, 2008 4:32 PM GMT
    Let me clarify. I meant the gray area is at the sex clubs, NOT conventional gyms. If you play in the steamroom at a conventional gym you are most likely breaking the rules and can't complain if they throw you out. In the sex club gyms, there may be some that have rules against play in the sauna or steam, and other that allow it. That's what I meant. Sorry. I'm not legally awake yet. NEED CAFFEINE!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 23, 2008 4:34 PM GMT
    In Kansas, there are known to be some gyms that are "gayer" than others and some comment about "hanky panky" that goes on in the saunas, etc.

    I've never seen anything like that at the YMCAs I attend, they are mostly family oriented establishments.
    I'm not there to look for or see sex in the saunas or lockerrooms. If I did, I'd probably be a little startled. I'm there to work out only.

    I do find some of this discussion interesting, but I think if I were witness to it, I doubt if I'd have a great reaction.
  • cowboyathlete

    Posts: 1346

    Jul 23, 2008 4:34 PM GMT
    eb925guy said
    cowboyathlete saidThere is one Bally's here in town that used to have police stings in the steam room, it got that bad. I fully support something like that on a regular basis.

    WHAT? you support the police policing the steam room at your gym? That doesn't say much for the management of your gym. You're paying money to them to belong, if they can't hire enough people to keep the gym "fit" for the members, I'd dump them. Tax payers should not be paying for steam room patrol. Additionally, unless guys are selling that ass, what are the police going to do? Or is having sex, playing around, illegal in TX?
    The one in question is in the West U/Rice Village section of Houston. I now go to the one on North Shepherd.
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Jul 23, 2008 4:37 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie said
    blind2limits saidI think that if you really find someone attractive, then stop being so weak and just go up to them and say hi, get a number, and do your business on your own. Even if it's in the Sauna/Steamroom/Shower/Locker, whatever, honestly, if it's that worth it, you can wait till we get home.


    ...if you can't hide your stiffy, rub one out in the privacy of the shower stall.


    Ew... Leave talk of Pattison out of this. I don't want to see anything about what someone does to him a shower stall. ew ew ew ew ew ew
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 23, 2008 4:41 PM GMT
    Auryn said


    Ew... Leave talk of Pattison out of this. I don't want to see anything about what someone does to him a shower stall. ew ew ew ew ew ew




    Lets leave other RJ members out of this kind of discussion. I don't care who it is.