Do you ever wonder if/how things would have turned out different had you not been gay?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 9:40 AM GMT
    ?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 10:08 AM GMT
    Not in a loooong time. It is such an irrelevant question, and I am not a person given to wondering "what if."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 10:34 AM GMT
    showme saidNot in a loooong time. It is such an irrelevant question, and I am not a person given to wondering "what if."


    You don't think there's anything to learn from "what if" questions?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 2:27 PM GMT
    OFTEN!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 2:33 PM GMT
    Sometimes I wonder whether I would be an active ally to the LGBT community. I like to think that I would, but it's hard to say.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 2:36 PM GMT
    no, because I'm not unhappy being gay.

    I spend more time wondering what life would be like if I had telekinetic powers.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 2:40 PM GMT
    No, because I am very happy being gay. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 2:58 PM GMT
    Woulda, shoulda, coulda! If my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle...

    Don't think so much on a would be life. Make the life you got worth talking about, for yourself. Noone can guide you, do the work, suffer, or enjoy it for you.
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    May 18, 2012 3:10 PM GMT
    I do sometimes, especially as my siblings and cousins get married and start families. I think I'd probably also be married with a couple of rugrats by now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 3:11 PM GMT
    The_Watchers said
    showme saidNot in a loooong time. It is such an irrelevant question, and I am not a person given to wondering "what if."


    You don't think there's anything to learn from "what if" questions?


    We're not talking about some intellectually interesting speculative exercise. We're talking about focusing on what is not and cannot be. Unless it's a minor part of a journey to self-acceptance as a gay man (a journey I took long ago), it sounds useless.
  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    May 18, 2012 3:15 PM GMT
    I wouldn't like to be otherwise. It made me grow so much through dealing with all kinds of challenges - solo. I'd be a pathetic jock probably icon_smile.gif (society, society ..)
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    May 18, 2012 3:17 PM GMT
    I used to, but not anymore. The more people i've told and the more accepted it's become, i dont see it as being an issue.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 3:17 PM GMT
    Seems like a pretty harmless question to me. People seem to be reading way too much into it. The question is about how things might be different, not necessarily better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 3:31 PM GMT
    VSG1290 saidSeems like a pretty harmless question to me. People seem to be reading way too much into it. The question is about how things might be different, not necessarily better.


    A little idle speculation, fine, but I think most guys who might want to think about this probably actually would be thinking too much about how much better things might be, which is either useless or (for a gay man struggling with his sexuality) counterproductive. It's kind of like me wondering what it would be like if I were a woman. Might be interesting for a bit - might help me to understand gender issues a little better - but for someone who's not trans, it's not something that's worth a lot of time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 4:46 PM GMT
    Not often but maybe a few times here and there - usually when a straight friend is experiencing a life event more often associated with straight individuals such as getting married, have kids/grandkids etc. But generally, I think a lot of time can be wasted on wondering "what if" that can be put to better use.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    May 18, 2012 5:26 PM GMT
    I think pondering on the "what ifs" can be a healthy practice...We all have options...Being gay is one of many aspects that make me ..."me"...Do I regret being gay?....No. Can gay relationships suck ass sometimes?...Yes...Ponder all you want man...that search will end with you finding your true core...I know some gay guys who lack that core...They try to attach their happiness to having the boyfriend or partner...That attachment over time turns into neediness...Neediness destroys trust...When that trust ends...so does the bond...Ponder you're asses off y'all...it's healthy as fuck....rant done.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 5:38 PM GMT
    Well, now that you ask. . . . K, done. Boring story.icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 5:46 PM GMT
    When I was a Senior in High School, I had a pretty serious girlfriend. We were talking about a future together. But getting closer to graduation, I had to work a lot and things got pretty hectic. She started hanging around a different crowd from her work and eventually ended up getting drunk and having sex with some other guy. Well, I've never been very tolerant of cheating so I called it of right then and there.

    I often think, if I was more forgiving, we may very well have ended up building a life together, and I wonder how things would have turned out. I know that I would have always struggled with my desire for men, but would it have been tolerable for the sake of a conventional life?

    I used to torture myself with this train of thought. And it is self-torture. Completely nonsense.
    Live your life as you see fit, in the NOW. Don't worry so much about what could have been.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 6:31 PM GMT
    Oh god, married to some woman in some lame accounting job, bratty kids running around. This is the point where I wake up drenched in sweat and screaming.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 6:33 PM GMT
    Yes; I wish it would've worked out that way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 6:35 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidOh god, married to some woman in some lame accounting job, bratty kids running around. This is the point where I wake up drenched in sweat and screaming.


    Been there, done that, and have half the T-shirt (divorced) to prove it. I stopped waking up screaming in a sweat the day I left. So I don't have to wonder I know. I often wonder how different my life would have been if I had had the guts to do it sooner.

    Straight life was so constricting - like living in a straight (pun intended) jacket.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 6:39 PM GMT
    Things wouldn't be any different for me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 7:35 PM GMT
    Where I grew up, society created the individual. Of course, if you were "different" then you had to take the task on yourself. The greater bulk of the responsibility of creating and grooming your identity fell on your shoulders.

    I had to figure out a lot of shit for myself that no one else could tell me - because my parents, family (the world, as far as I knew) were straight. I was "the other". As a result of that journey, I am now who I am. I function on a level of empathy, cognizance and self-awareness that perhaps would not have been available to me if I hadn't been gay. Am I a better person for being gay? Only time will tell.

    So I wonder. If I'd been straight, how much of my identity would have been handed to me by my culture and my society on a silver platter? Am I essentially the product of choices that were forced upon me by my sexual orientation?

    Each of us can consciously create our identities and grow everyday. By asking this question, I was hoping to point out a dimension and dynamic of self-awareness that is common to all of us - that of being gay, what that means (which can only be understood by occasionally reflecting on the alternative: life if we'd been straight). The straight world affords its citizens a gift that we don't have: the freedom to exchange and compare life experiences and insights both horizontally (peer to peer) and vertically (from one generation to another). This, to be the best of my knowledge is how health societies develop. So the question wasn't meant as a test of the "realness" of any gay man's individual identity: it was an opportunity to share wisdom.

    As things stand, online is one of the few places right now where I can discuss anything that has to do with being gay.

    Gay men can be very complex beings sometimes icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 8:01 PM GMT
    Of course they would've been completely different, but who says that I want that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2012 8:01 PM GMT
    when I see my straight roommate getting emasculated by his braindead girlfriend I shake my head and say "glad im gay icon_biggrin.gif"