my little problem

  • c0ry88knight

    Posts: 7

    Jul 23, 2008 7:26 AM GMT
    ok so i have a problem. im into masculine guys. and i dont like clubs cuz they usually have guys thats are more femanine. in my opinion other masculine guys dont go to clubs for the same reason as me. i wonder if ill ever find someone because if i met a masculine guy, i wouldnt be able to tell if he was gay, and he might not be able to tell if i am. so what could be would never happen.

    also im the biggest virgin ever. ive never even kissed another guy or girl. so sex isnt really a priority of mine. i dont believe in hookups. i believe in love, that actually blooms from a strong friendship first. and from what ive experienced from this site, most guys are all about sex. so that kinda hurts my situation even more i suppose.

    it doesnt help that i dont know another gay guy either. ALL of my friends are straight guys. im 19 years old and i have never in my life experienced feelings for someone with the same towards me. its not that i dont think someone is out there for me...its just that i think im in an awkward position where ill never find them.
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    Jul 23, 2008 10:28 AM GMT
    OCsnwbordr88 saidok so i have a problem. im into masculine guys. and i dont like clubs cuz they usually have guys thats are more femanine. in my opinion other masculine guys dont go to clubs for the same reason as me. i wonder if ill ever find someone because if i met a masculine guy, i wouldnt be able to tell if he was gay, and he might not be able to tell if i am. so what could be would never happen.
    There's nothing wrong with being into masculine guys... however it sounds like you're mistakenly associating straight with masculine. Trust, you're not the only masculine gay dude out there; there are plenty of them... they just may not live where you live...icon_biggrin.gif

    You can't assume that everyone thinks like you. You said you don't like clubs because guys are more feminine - doesn't mean everyone is feminine. On top of that, you might go to the club and find a guy that "thinks" just like you do and next thing you kno, you make love in the club. The only way to be seen is to put yourself out there. Staying at home wont get you any closer to your potential lover.

    If you REALLY don't like clubs (and I can empathize), find some other outlets. I don't know how out you are, or what goes on where you live, but find some gay organization - they have gay sports groups, gay book clubs, gay bowling nights - whatever, just gotta be a bit more creative if you're not going to be mainstream about meating the homos.

    OCsnwbordr88 saidalso im the biggest virgin ever. ive never even kissed another guy or girl. so sex isnt really a priority of mine. i dont believe in hookups. i believe in love, that actually blooms from a strong friendship first. and from what ive experienced from this site, most guys are all about sex. so that kinda hurts my situation even more i suppose.
    No... it really doesn't hurt your situation. When you're ready to do it, you'll do it. If the person REALLY likes you, then he will wait till you're ready.

    OCsnwbordr88 saidit doesnt help that i dont know another gay guy either. ALL of my friends are straight guys. im 19 years old and i have never in my life experienced feelings for someone with the same towards me. its not that i dont think someone is out there for me...its just that i think im in an awkward position where ill never find them.
    Well, that means you might need to take College as an opportunity to leave your town/state and move to new ground for 2-4 years. That way you can branch out side of your local zone, where you might feel less inclined to do stuff since everyone knows you.

    If not college, then try visiting other cities you know have a more vivid gay life or population.
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    Jul 23, 2008 11:53 AM GMT
    Whenever I go to clubs I always notice the "macho" guys standing in a section amongst themselves. Otherwise continue your search on line your bound to find a guy that fits your criteria.


    There may also be some gay sports leagues in your area. You can check those out. Your being physically fit and you may get a date or friends from it.
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    Jul 23, 2008 12:25 PM GMT
    "blind2limits" basically summarized what I usually advise for guys in your predicament. I would just add that some fairly masculine gay guys will playfully act fem in bars when around other gay guys, but actually are not like that. Sounds confusing I know.

    You are only 19 so you have plenty of time to explore as many opportunities as possible. Where you live there should be plenty of outlets for young gay guys (besides the internet). Just don't stick around straight guys all the time, you will need to put yourself out there in as many ways as possible.

    Good luck.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jul 23, 2008 1:30 PM GMT
    blind2limits saidwhatever, just gotta be a bit more creative if you're not going to be mainstream about meating the homos.


    I'm sure that wasn't intentional, but that's a pretty funny typo...
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    Jul 23, 2008 1:31 PM GMT
    as far as meeting guys you might have put yourself in a tough spot.

    while you may not feel attracted to fem guys, are you open to being friends with them? i only ask because in order to meet gay guys, it helps to know one or ten. i know your predicament because i moved home from university knowing 0 gay guys. i've met up with a couple now, some are kinda femmy, but i still get along with them, and have met other cool guys through them as well. you don't have to date or hook up with every gay guy you meet.
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    Jul 23, 2008 1:33 PM GMT
    jms84 saidyou don't have to date or hook up with every gay guy you meet.

    Fuck you.



    icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 23, 2008 1:45 PM GMT
    oh dear!
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    Jul 23, 2008 2:28 PM GMT
    I have a short phrase to say about this...

    Dude, you are ONLY 19!! Take a deep breath and work on yourself and attain your goals and do what you want and he WILL come along. But seriously, you're ONLY 19!!!!
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    Jul 23, 2008 3:36 PM GMT
    a1972guy saidI have a short phrase to say about this...

    Dude, you are ONLY 19!! Take a deep breath and work on yourself and attain your goals and do what you want and he WILL come along. But seriously, you're ONLY 19!!!!


    A Reading from the Book Of Kinderqueer!
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    Jul 23, 2008 4:05 PM GMT
    Kinderqueer... can I borrow that phrase? I really like it.


    To the OP, looking for love in the clubs is like looking for a toddler in a pack of dingos. It is one of the worst possible places for a guy 1) not into casual sex 2) with specific requirements for a dating partner 3) for a 19 year old with a lot of hangups about the scene. If you aren't finding Mr.Macho Man in the clubs, don't keep looking there.

    And you don't have any gay friends? That is the best way to find people to date. Friends of friends of friends that you meet at parties, events, etc. Also, how can you begin to love another gay guy when you haven't even befriended another gay guy. Start there.


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    Jul 23, 2008 4:14 PM GMT
    OCsnwbordr88 saidok so i have a problem. im into masculine guys. and i dont like clubs cuz they usually have guys thats are more femanine. in my opinion other masculine guys dont go to clubs for the same reason as me. i wonder if ill ever find someone because if i met a masculine guy, i wouldnt be able to tell if he was gay, and he might not be able to tell if i am. so what could be would never happen.

    also im the biggest virgin ever. ive never even kissed another guy or girl. so sex isnt really a priority of mine. i dont believe in hookups. i believe in love, that actually blooms from a strong friendship first. and from what ive experienced from this site, most guys are all about sex. so that kinda hurts my situation even more i suppose.

    it doesnt help that i dont know another gay guy either. ALL of my friends are straight guys. im 19 years old and i have never in my life experienced feelings for someone with the same towards me. its not that i dont think someone is out there for me...its just that i think im in an awkward position where ill never find them.


    haha wow, that's like reading my biography (cept im not a virgin, but close enough)

    yeah, im into really masculine guys as well, and they tend to be the ones that are most elusive and hard to find. Most of the guys i meet on myspace (boo, myspace! hisss icon_mad.gif )are either flamboyent or effeminate, which is cool, just not my type. Then the guys that are my type that i meet on craigslist turn out to be complete assholes who just want a tight, fuzzy boycunt (which about what you can expect from craigslist)

    haha but there are many masculine gay guys out there, as this site has proven time and time again. All summer all i wanted was to find a fuck buddy, and now im beginning to realize that what i really want is a gay friend with whom i can do all the thing i do with my guy friends (who, of course, are all straight), but yet dont have to worry about grossing out or making uncomfortable by talking about my sexuality. And of course, i want to fuck to, but friends with benefits is more my thing=)

    So if you've waited this long to have sex, you can wait until you find the right guy. Don't settle for a hook-up you'll regret; you'll find a guy that suites your tastes (*cough* ME *cough* icon_biggrin.gif )

    haha so stay positive man! We young gay jocks gotta stick together =)
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    Jul 23, 2008 4:24 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidKinderqueer... can I borrow that phrase? I really like it.


    To the OP, looking for love in the clubs is like looking for a toddler in a pack of dingos. It is one of the worst possible places for a guy 1) not into casual sex 2) with specific requirements for a dating partner 3) for a 19 year old with a lot of hangups about the scene. If you aren't finding Mr.Macho Man in the clubs, don't keep looking there.

    And you don't have any gay friends? That is the best way to find people to date. Friends of friends of friends that you meet at parties, events, etc. Also, how can you begin to love another gay guy when you haven't even befriended another gay guy. Start there.




    Yes... indeed you may my child!
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    Jul 23, 2008 4:38 PM GMT
    StripperRocco said
    a1972guy saidI have a short phrase to say about this...

    Dude, you are ONLY 19!! Take a deep breath and work on yourself and attain your goals and do what you want and he WILL come along. But seriously, you're ONLY 19!!!!


    A Reading from the Book Of Kinderqueer!


    Isn't he though?!?!? LORD!!!
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    Jul 23, 2008 4:39 PM GMT
    OCsnwbordr88 saidok so i have a problem. im into masculine guys. and i dont like clubs cuz they usually have guys thats are more femanine. in my opinion other masculine guys dont go to clubs for the same reason as me.


    Have you ever actually been to a club?? You're 19. You're barely getting started. How would you even know something like that? Have you ever given clubs a chance?

    I am not a feminine acting guy at all, and I go to clubs. Lots of my friends do too. Quite a few of them don't act like girls either. In fact, I've met many of my closest friends at clubs. And several of the guys I've dated....none of which have been big girls either.

    My advice is: Why not give it a chance?? Going to clubs will at the VERY least, get you out there. Will get you to meet new people. Who knows?? You could meet someone great. You could at least meet someone who could introduce you to someone great.

    Don't write it off, and don't be narrow minded. Explore the possibilities.

    Your's Truly,

    Dear Abbey

    P.S. BoyBar at Hamburger Mary's at Broadway and Alamitos in Long Beach. Friday Nights. 18 and over.

    Go.
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    Jul 23, 2008 4:57 PM GMT
    a1972guy saidI have a short phrase to say about this...

    Dude, you are ONLY 19!! Take a deep breath and work on yourself and attain your goals and do what you want and he WILL come along. But seriously, you're ONLY 19!!!!


    He's right. Not only that, but when you least expect it, that's when guys will show face.
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    Jul 23, 2008 5:00 PM GMT
    My best friend had the same delema... he thought that he would never find that special someone. Then he told me that he descided to stop looking. And once he did that, about a couple of months later he fianlly met someone who he had a lot in common with. Best boy/girl I've seen.

    So, maybe if you stop looking for awhile the situation will take care of itself.

    Don't worry, I've been throuth the same thing and best thing is to stop worrying and start having fun.

    You take care my friend.
  • c0ry88knight

    Posts: 7

    Jul 23, 2008 5:02 PM GMT
    a1972guy said
    StripperRocco said
    a1972guy saidI have a short phrase to say about this...

    Dude, you are ONLY 19!! Take a deep breath and work on yourself and attain your goals and do what you want and he WILL come along. But seriously, you're ONLY 19!!!!


    A Reading from the Book Of Kinderqueer!


    Isn't he though?!?!? LORD!!!


    i know i know. but like i said im not looking for a relationship at all. just curious as to if itll happen. im just looking for friends right now because i find it strange that i dont know a single gay or bi person, and ive never met one either. thats my worry because ive been out for a loooooooong time and i STILL have strictly all straight guy friends
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    Jul 23, 2008 5:05 PM GMT
    OCsnwbordr88 said
    i know i know. but like i said im not looking for a relationship at all. just curious as to if itll happen. im just looking for friends right now because i find it strange that i dont know a single gay or bi person, and ive never met one either. thats my worry because ive been out for a loooooooong time and i STILL have strictly all straight guy friends


    OC it WILL happen and it CAN happen! Most of us have straight guy friends. Hell I'm STILL friends with guys that I played sports with back in High School! However keep this in mind, it's up to you the type of friends you keep around as well as the type of guy. So, just sit back and do your thing and he'll come around!
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    Jul 23, 2008 5:25 PM GMT
    Why are u trying to force it????
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    Jul 23, 2008 5:58 PM GMT
    Ok, let's cut the kid some slack. (Yes, Stripper - it's St. Giga to the rescue).

    He's not saying he wants to get married tomorrow. He's asking how, if he doesn't even KNOW any gay guys, is he gonna hope to meet someone to screw, date, marry.

    So it seems the better question for him is, "Where can I go to meet guys - particularly a guy's guy?"

    You do leave out some key details - HAVE you ever been to a gay club? What kind was it? How many times did you go? You went alone presumably? Did you talk to anyone?

    Those questions answered, the next things to ask would be, "have you looked into gay sports leagues, running clubs, etc?" There are plenty of other venues in which to meet gay guys. Have you tried the advanced search on here? I did just a 25 mile radius of Orange, 18-25 years old and got page after page after page of guys....

    As I'm always fond of saying, "Use the internet to find something to do, then turn the damn machine off and go out and do it!"
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    Jul 23, 2008 6:44 PM GMT
    I agree with the guy that said relax, you're only 19. I'm not sure you have done yourself any favors ruling out clubs in the future to meet guys who you feel will compliment you as a friend or whatever it is you desire.

    There are plenty of masculine guys going to clubs. Someone has fibbed to you if you think it's just a bunch of fems ( and there would be nothing wrong with that) gathering like a gaggle of geese at those places. Masculine gay men aren't as rare at a gay club as you think they are.

    You say you are out so going to your local Lambda center or something similar and hooking up with different groups is an option. If you are looking for a world free of fem guys you might want to let that go now. There is nothing wrong in having certain tastes that you are attracted to physically and personality wise but seeing as how it appears you are also searching for non sexual companionship please allow yourself the privilege of embracing a lot of different unique characters in the process of trying to find those that compliment you. Within one of those groups that probably has some fem guys there are also masculine guys or as a group you will do things where you will meet other masculine guys.

    By the way... You will fall in love. You think just simply finding masculine guys is a chore just wait for that first roller coaster ride with your first love icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 23, 2008 6:47 PM GMT
    Echoing what most everyone has said, you're 19 with the endurance and curiosity to begin your exploration.

    You don't have to do anything nasty. Use your best judgment of any situation or scenario. If being in a situation makes you uncomfortable, maybe you're just not used to it, or maybe it's not your cup of tea at all. It's your choice.

    As mentioned, there are lots of special interest groups composed of homosexuals. Find them and participate, if only for you to meet people and discover the diversity of what it is to be homosexual.

    But most importantly, try to keep an open mind about what you think you want. At this point you say you prefer masculine homosexuals, but it's too early to etch it in stone.

    Go through the process. The guys here will be rootin' for ya.

    All the best! :-)
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    Jul 23, 2008 6:49 PM GMT
    Gigaram saidOk, let's cut the kid some slack. (Yes, Stripper - it's St. Giga to the rescue).

    He's not saying he wants to get married tomorrow. He's asking how, if he doesn't even KNOW any gay guys, is he gonna hope to meet someone to screw, date, marry.

    So it seems the better question for him is, "Where can I go to meet guys - particularly a guy's guy?"

    You do leave out some key details - HAVE you ever been to a gay club? What kind was it? How many times did you go? You went alone presumably? Did you talk to anyone?

    Those questions answered, the next things to ask would be, "have you looked into gay sports leagues, running clubs, etc?" There are plenty of other venues in which to meet gay guys. Have you tried the advanced search on here? I did just a 25 mile radius of Orange, 18-25 years old and got page after page after page of guys....

    As I'm always fond of saying, "Use the internet to find something to do, then turn the damn machine off and go out and do it!"


    Blah... what is it that they say about G-d and people helping themselves.

    I think what got me the most was the femmy guys at the club thing AFTER i looked at the guys on his hotlist... a few of them boast Big Nelly to me. And St. Giga, you know i have my hang ups about certain groups of people, hell people in general, but seriously... deal.

    And the whole paragraph about sex not being an issue, then don't bring it up. Like The Dark Knight, the OP could have used a good dose of editing.

    The Book Of Kinderqueer 1:2
  • c0ry88knight

    Posts: 7

    Jul 24, 2008 4:36 AM GMT
    it seems like everyone thinks im searching for someone. actually its quite the opposite. im not make any advances at all to find someone in any way. ive given that up entirely. also i just know what i want and im a very picky person with people. i know in my heart if i dont see what i want then i wont be happy.

    everyone seems to think that im against femanine guys too. im totally not. im just more attracted to guys that have personalities similar to my friends, which like i said are all straight guys. its just what i like.

    and ya i went to a few clubs and it wasnt my scene. i felt uncomfortable and out of place. i even found it boring to me. i guess i just have very picky taste. but like i said i cant change that cuz i cant pretend to like something i dont. i dont even like straight clubs or bars.

    the entire point of this thread is find out whats out there besides clubs and bars that could potentially introduce a scenario where i do eventually meet someone. thats all. i just want to make sure that me making absolutly no effort in looking is going to hurt my chances.