Hook-ups Romance

  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    May 20, 2012 3:48 AM GMT
    We're men (wow, deep) - we want sex. this+is+the+quot+you+don+t+say+quot+face

    The problem is that some of us (I know I'm not the only one) are not into hooking up. In my particular case, I need to be somehow into the person (not just sexually) in order to have sex - therefore, hooking-up would just make me feel like utter shit. The problem is that I seem to be of extremes - I'm not into the person at all, or I'm crushing hard in a matter of minutes. Now, I know I'm young and all that, but I want to ask you guys if there's anything in my power to do in order to adjust it.

    I feel that I must have a really bad love experience, one that tears me apart (drama, drama) so I can find a point in the middle. I think this a bit extreme though.

    Fuck buddies - what are they really about? You're allowed to have an actual connection, or is it like hook-ups? Just for the sex? Is it like a booty call? (people still use this term, right?) Do I ask too many questions? Definitely.

    That's what comes to my mind at the moment, hope you guys can give me some answers!

    P.S. - I don't want to come out as an annoying 15 year old facebook girl -"Like, aumgz, I can't find true lovezZz, life suckzzzz" - it's just that I think I'll be facing this problem even when I'm 30 or whatever.
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    May 20, 2012 8:46 AM GMT
    Splendidus_1 said Now, I know I'm young and all that, b


    This hehe.

    Seriously, though, and this is my own personal experience and thus not generalisable, but it took me until my late 20s/early 30s before I could separate out having sex with someone and feelings of lust/love. For me, it was just a matter of time. That, and realising that having sex with someone you don't want to marry isn't a dirty thing. That you can have sex with someone and be friends with them later (and be friends with them later without having sex). That you can meet up for someone first for a coffee or drink, and if you get on well, have sex later, and that's that.

    But if you don't like having sex without knowing someone, or knowing someone well, then don't do it.

    So that's my 2 cents worth on the matter.
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    May 20, 2012 9:16 AM GMT
    dash_8 said
    But if you don't like having sex without knowing someone, or knowing someone well, then don't do it.



    Basically.

    In life do things you feel comfortable doing.

    Don't do things you're not comfortable doing.

    It actually ends up being more difficult than how easy it sounds, but it really is that simple.
  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    May 20, 2012 2:30 PM GMT
    dash_8 said
    Splendidus_1 said Now, I know I'm young and all that, b


    This hehe.

    Seriously, though, and this is my own personal experience and thus not generalisable, but it took me until my late 20s/early 30s before I could separate out having sex with someone and feelings of lust/love. For me, it was just a matter of time. That, and realising that having sex with someone you don't want to marry isn't a dirty thing. That you can have sex with someone and be friends with them later (and be friends with them later without having sex). That you can meet up for someone first for a coffee or drink, and if you get on well, have sex later, and that's that.

    But if you don't like having sex without knowing someone, or knowing someone well, then don't do it.

    So that's my 2 cents worth on the matter.


    I hate to admit that that sounds 100% correct. Give me the magic formula to become like that instead! Haha. It sucks that the answer to 80% of my problems is "time", but oh well. It's better than not having any answer at all.

    Thanks! (Those are some good 2 cents)
  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    May 20, 2012 2:31 PM GMT
    Ariodante said
    dash_8 said
    But if you don't like having sex without knowing someone, or knowing someone well, then don't do it.



    Basically.

    In life do things you feel comfortable doing.

    Don't do things you're not comfortable doing.

    It actually ends up being more difficult than how easy it sounds, but it really is that simple.


    It really is that simple when put down in words, haha. I envy that man that can live like that!
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    May 20, 2012 4:57 PM GMT
    Adam6969 saidHi guys I'm finding it hard to find a big cock man or men to brake me in ..my ass is virgin and I really want to be treated like a slave,slut or even just a toy boy...I've fantasised of being fucked by a group of men that treat me like a slutty slave...I'm keen to learn more and maybe build to something so come on guys I'm in narrangba qld come take me to your place and fucke like never before


    Duck duck goose?
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    May 20, 2012 5:17 PM GMT
    Splendidus_1 said
    Fuck buddies - what are they really about? You're allowed to have an actual connection, or is it like hook-ups? Just for the sex? Is it like a booty call? (people still use this term, right?) Do I ask too many questions? Definitely


    Fuck buddies is just a way to have sex and possibly even go out with a guy without having to invest any risk in actually being together and calling it BF.

    However, have you ever watched that movie 'friends with benefits' with Timberlake and that girl from The Book of Eli? Feelings can and do get involved. I personally don't do fuck buddies unless it's with a guy that's like way older than me, much too older for me to consider wanting to have a relationship with. Because at least it will be clear that, okay...he don't want a relationship because he just got out of an 8 year relationship and I don't want to get leftovers.
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    May 20, 2012 5:32 PM GMT
    I've met some cool guys and developed some good friendships that started out from hookups. If the guy you fuck genuinely likes you, he'll at least make the effort to try to fuck you again. It's pretty tough not to develop some sort of friendship or casual intimacy when you're having sex with someone on a regular basis, even if it doesn't develop into a fullblown relationship. If you're just hooking up with random guys without so much as speaking to each other before and after cumming then you're probably not going to find the potential for romance to emerge. Similarly, if a guy hooks up with you and decides he likes you as more than a simple cum recepticle, then chances are you'll grow closer. The one-time tricks who don't contact you again were probably just extremely horny and didn't find you to be a particularly attractive person.
  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    May 20, 2012 7:18 PM GMT
    Fit4Fit said
    Splendidus_1 said
    Fuck buddies - what are they really about? You're allowed to have an actual connection, or is it like hook-ups? Just for the sex? Is it like a booty call? (people still use this term, right?) Do I ask too many questions? Definitely


    Fuck buddies is just a way to have sex and possibly even go out with a guy without having to invest any risk in actually being together and calling it BF.

    However, have you ever watched that movie 'friends with benefits' with Timberlake and that girl from The Book of Eli? Feelings can and do get involved. I personally don't do fuck buddies unless it's with a guy that's like way older than me, much too older for me to consider wanting to have a relationship with. Because at least it will be clear that, okay...he don't want a relationship because he just got out of an 8 year relationship and I don't want to get leftovers.


    Ugh, I hate this childish part of me .. but I don't understand how is it possible to have sex and go out with a person, without developing something deeper.
    I guess I have to play the waiting game and give time, time. I just hope I'll eventually get out of this delusional state .. I feel like it's making me miss out on some (possible) positive experiences!
  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    May 20, 2012 7:29 PM GMT
    Trepeat saidI've met some cool guys and developed some good friendships that started out from hookups. If the guy you fuck genuinely likes you, he'll at least make the effort to try to fuck you again. It's pretty tough not to develop some sort of friendship or casual intimacy when you're having sex with someone on a regular basis, even if it doesn't develop into a fullblown relationship. If you're just hooking up with random guys without so much as speaking to each other before and after cumming then you're probably not going to find the potential for romance to emerge. Similarly, if a guy hooks up with you and decides he likes you as more than a simple cum recepticle, then chances are you'll grow closer. The one-time tricks who don't contact you again were probably just extremely horny and didn't find you to be a particularly attractive person.


    The bold part is what stands out for me in a hook-up. I refuse to be a cum recepticle, I'm not disposable icon_neutral.gif . I believe every person has more value than that, no matter what. Obviously, each person do what feels right for them, I'm no one to judge, I'll simply get out of that then.

    But then you say that you met good friends through hook-ups .. which leaves me, again, feeling like maybe I'm missing out on opportunities to meet someone interesting, or whatever that may bring.

    I'll guess I'll have to sort it out, instead of bothering you guys with my teenage dramas haha.

    Thanks for the input!
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    May 22, 2012 7:07 AM GMT
    I immediately wanted to disagree with all the posters but then I realized that me and you both are pretty much the same age and going through the same issues.

    For me, the issue is that gay sex was never "gross" or "bad," but gay sex was "excessive" and promiscuous, and so I've developed an anti-culture to gay stigmas and I try NOT to be promiscuous. If we're criticized for that, then I don't want to be apart of that (is what I told myself when I came out 9 years ago).

    To this day, that still effects me. I equate dates and relationships to sex, and sex without those labels seems convoluted and pisses me off and internally makes me feel like I've crossed a moral standard I didn't ever want to cross. I often times can't get hard when I'm NOT in a relationship/dating a guy that I'm trying to have sex with...I just feel as if there's a binding element that I'm missing.

    Perhaps it's young and its our age...Or perhaps, just maybe, the younger generation has figured out that this promiscuous behavior isn't worth supporting, and that we realize we can get better sex or at least more satisfying sex (to us) by using a type of morality that promotes healthy/safe and less "instant" sex.

    There is nothing wrong with creating the moral standard you and I have both created, and the only reason you probably want to change it (like myself) is because others around you aren't the same, and you see opportunities that you can't have because of your mental/moral block. Well...Too bad, it's unique, it's nice, and I think it's cute =p

    Plus, if there's enough of us young people doing this...the promiscuous lifestyle of a gay guy won't be so stereotypical as much as it will be the exception, not the rule.

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    May 22, 2012 7:13 AM GMT
    Splendidus_1 saidWe're men (wow, deep) - we want sex. this+is+the+quot+you+don+t+say+quot+face
    I didn't read any further. That is incorrect. We are men. We GET sex.
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    May 22, 2012 7:19 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Splendidus_1 saidWe're men (wow, deep) - we want sex. this+is+the+quot+you+don+t+say+quot+face
    I didn't read any further. That is incorrect. We are men. We GET sex.


    youre fucking atrocious
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    May 22, 2012 7:22 AM GMT
    "I feel that I must have a really bad love experience, one that tears me apart (drama, drama) so I can find a point in the middle. I think this a bit extreme though.

    Fuck buddies - what are they really about? You're allowed to have an actual connection, or is it like hook-ups? Just for the sex? Is it like a booty call? (people still use this term, right?) Do I ask too many questions? Definitely."


    Yeah dude, I would probably advise against the whole wanting to experience the bad love thing, I mean, it looks fun in the movies but in real life it's much worse and the pain is for real. So like, kinda avoid that one to find your middle if you can (that kind of pain of the heart and emotions can lead you to some really potentially dark places). The fuck buddy thing, that can actually be kinda cool but the problem is the human flesh condition thing. I mean, no human can regularly orgasm with another one human and not eventually begin to ask the one question "Do you care any thing about me as a dude, a person?" Oh yeah, your whole not being in to the random hook up thing? Believe it or not you are the "normal" human, at least the way most people are designed I pontificate, lol. Just my humble thoughts on your very excellent post thoughts here. Thanks
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    May 22, 2012 7:28 AM GMT
    JayP said
    paulflexes said
    Splendidus_1 saidWe're men (wow, deep) - we want sex. this+is+the+quot+you+don+t+say+quot+face
    I didn't read any further. That is incorrect. We are men. We GET sex.


    youre fucking atrocious
    You don't get sex?
  • Montague

    Posts: 5205

    May 22, 2012 7:37 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    JayP said
    paulflexes said
    Splendidus_1 saidWe're men (wow, deep) - we want sex. this+is+the+quot+you+don+t+say+quot+face
    I didn't read any further. That is incorrect. We are men. We GET sex.


    youre fucking atrocious
    You don't get sex?


    I know I get sex.
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    May 22, 2012 7:41 AM GMT
    Montague said
    paulflexes said
    JayP said
    paulflexes said
    Splendidus_1 saidWe're men (wow, deep) - we want sex. this+is+the+quot+you+don+t+say+quot+face
    I didn't read any further. That is incorrect. We are men. We GET sex.


    youre fucking atrocious
    You don't get sex?


    I know I get sex.
    You're fucking Atrocious too? No wonder he's so loose.
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    May 22, 2012 7:03 PM GMT
    Paul you're the exact type that I'm talking about in my above post icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    May 22, 2012 7:20 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Splendidus_1 saidWe're men (wow, deep) - we want sex. this+is+the+quot+you+don+t+say+quot+face
    I didn't read any further. That is incorrect. We are men. We GET sex.


    I'm still waiting for the day where I'll read a serious post made by you icon_lol.gif . *Grabs a chair*
  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    May 22, 2012 8:17 PM GMT
    JayP saidI immediately wanted to disagree with all the posters but then I realized that me and you both are pretty much the same age and going through the same issues.

    For me, the issue is that gay sex was never "gross" or "bad," but gay sex was "excessive" and promiscuous, and so I've developed an anti-culture to gay stigmas and I try NOT to be promiscuous. If we're criticized for that, then I don't want to be apart of that (is what I told myself when I came out 9 years ago).

    To this day, that still effects me. I equate dates and relationships to sex, and sex without those labels seems convoluted and pisses me off and internally makes me feel like I've crossed a moral standard I didn't ever want to cross. I often times can't get hard when I'm NOT in a relationship/dating a guy that I'm trying to have sex with...I just feel as if there's a binding element that I'm missing.

    Perhaps it's young and its our age...Or perhaps, just maybe, the younger generation has figured out that this promiscuous behavior isn't worth supporting, and that we realize we can get better sex or at least more satisfying sex (to us) by using a type of morality that promotes healthy/safe and less "instant" sex.

    There is nothing wrong with creating the moral standard you and I have both created, and the only reason you probably want to change it (like myself) is because others around you aren't the same, and you see opportunities that you can't have because of your mental/moral block. Well...Too bad, it's unique, it's nice, and I think it's cute =p

    Plus, if there's enough of us young people doing this...the promiscuous lifestyle of a gay guy won't be so stereotypical as much as it will be the exception, not the rule.



    Thanks for sharing your (great) opinion.

    Hm, I'm not sure about changing the lifestyle of gay people, haha. But even so, I agree with most of what you said. It's just that I wish I was a bit more detached from my romantic self .. it gets too much on the way.

    Shall we raise the standards then? Haha.
  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    May 22, 2012 8:23 PM GMT
    araphael said"I feel that I must have a really bad love experience, one that tears me apart (drama, drama) so I can find a point in the middle. I think this a bit extreme though.

    Fuck buddies - what are they really about? You're allowed to have an actual connection, or is it like hook-ups? Just for the sex? Is it like a booty call? (people still use this term, right?) Do I ask too many questions? Definitely."


    Yeah dude, I would probably advise against the whole wanting to experience the bad love thing, I mean, it looks fun in the movies but in real life it's much worse and the pain is for real. So like, kinda avoid that one to find your middle if you can (that kind of pain of the heart and emotions can lead you to some really potentially dark places). The fuck buddy thing, that can actually be kinda cool but the problem is the human flesh condition thing. I mean, no human can regularly orgasm with another one human and not eventually begin to ask the one question "Do you care any thing about me as a dude, a person?" Oh yeah, your whole not being in to the random hook up thing? Believe it or not you are the "normal" human, at least the way most people are designed I pontificate, lol. Just my humble thoughts on your very excellent post thoughts here. Thanks


    Great, so fuck buddy goes off the list too, haha. I know that if I got involved sexually with someone I'd end up developing feelings, sooner or later (but I'm guessing sooner lol).
    I wish I could see how "normal" I am on this matter, but from what I look around .. not so sure!

    Thank you for sharing you opinion, I'm the one who thanks you icon_smile.gif .
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    May 22, 2012 10:31 PM GMT
    [quote]
    Thanks for sharing your (great) opinion.

    Hm, I'm not sure about changing the lifestyle of gay people, haha. But even so, I agree with most of what you said. It's just that I wish I was a bit more detached from my romantic self .. it gets too much on the way.

    Shall we raise the standards then? Haha. [/quote]

    Yessum, we should.

    This entire year I "detached" myself from my romantic self, and was able to hookup with a couple guys and now I'm finding myself regretting it. But, in that regret there is a twinge of appreciation for the fact that I allowed myself to experiment and learn from it all...But that I want to be my romantic self all over again. I don't mind being unique in that respect. The only reason to want to be promiscuous or have hookups without attachments is to simply have those encounters to be "similar" to the other gays, and might I add...the older gays. Although promiscuity is now a shared trait ...esp with our straight counterparts of our age, and the gays, I still don't see the reason to join them when we already have a concrete understanding of what love and sex can be. Why denigrate what we think just because we're different?

    Plus, if it makes a difference, most of those people, except a lot of men on this site (which I find are extremely out of touch sometimes with REAL society...) CHANGE to be what we are doing.

    While we're busy staying true to a romantic moral standard that, most importantly, WE are comfortable with, they are still toiling in the in-between transitory stage of hooking up without feelings for ''fun.''

    Some nay sayers may argue that those people who hoookup more often aren't morally defunct...and I'd agree. Some nay sayers may argue those people who hookup more often are better at sex...I'd agree/disagree..still. Although I will admit they probably have more experience, that isn't indicative of a person's sex in being good or bad per se. icon_razz.gif
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    May 22, 2012 10:49 PM GMT
    Splendidus_1 said
    Fit4Fit said
    Splendidus_1 said
    Fuck buddies - what are they really about? You're allowed to have an actual connection, or is it like hook-ups? Just for the sex? Is it like a booty call? (people still use this term, right?) Do I ask too many questions? Definitely


    Fuck buddies is just a way to have sex and possibly even go out with a guy without having to invest any risk in actually being together and calling it BF.

    However, have you ever watched that movie 'friends with benefits' with Timberlake and that girl from The Book of Eli? Feelings can and do get involved. I personally don't do fuck buddies unless it's with a guy that's like way older than me, much too older for me to consider wanting to have a relationship with. Because at least it will be clear that, okay...he don't want a relationship because he just got out of an 8 year relationship and I don't want to get leftovers.


    Ugh, I hate this childish part of me .. but I don't understand how is it possible to have sex and go out with a person, without developing something deeper.
    I guess I have to play the waiting game and give time, time. I just hope I'll eventually get out of this delusional state .. I feel like it's making me miss out on some (possible) positive experiences!


    No, it's not childish. FB's are not for everyone... and don't worry about that.
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    May 22, 2012 10:58 PM GMT
    Ariodante said
    dash_8 said
    But if you don't like having sex without knowing someone, or knowing someone well, then don't do it.



    Basically.

    In life do things you feel comfortable doing.

    Don't do things you're not comfortable doing.

    It actually ends up being more difficult than how easy it sounds, but it really is that simple.


    Actually, I have found that if I just push past the initial discomfort what at first seemed unpalatable soon becomes quite tasty! icon_twisted.gif
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    May 22, 2012 11:11 PM GMT
    Splendidus_1 said...hooking-up would just make me feel like utter shit.


    Just be more discerning when hooking up. Trust me, I would never make you feel like shit.

    Even when hooking up I want a guy that respects me as a fellow human being who enjoys the pleasures of another man's body. Who enjoys giving as well as receiving pleasure from another man. If I get the vibe that my hook up only wants to use me and not experience me and what I have to offer, I shut it down pronto and get out. Chances are a guy like that doesn't respect himself, doesn't love himself, and probably takes risks with his sexual health. You don't need that. And when hooking up the rule is: NO GLOVE, NO LOVE.