Being unapproachable.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 21, 2012 4:40 AM GMT
    So, I went to a club this weekend for the first time in a long time. Brought a few girls and some guys and was planning on having a good time with them. I danced and had a good time, but of course I was looking around for other guys to dance with. Turns out 3 of the 4 guys I wanted to dance with were straight... of course. Not surprising since that's the type I go for.

    But I noticed over the course of the night that nobody was coming up and asking me to dance. I'm not shy when asking people to dance anymore... if I get shot down, I get shot down. I actually asked someone to dance that was gay and they turned me down for my friend... no big deal. I can understand that people have their preferences because I'm the same, but I didn't get approached by anyone. Maybe I was sending out some closed off body language signals or something... or maybe I'm intimidating because I have awesome dance moves... haha, kidding.

    I know other gays can be shy, hell, I'm still shy around guys all the time, but I just felt kind of shitty that night. So I just wonder if I'm an unapproachable guy at the bar/club. If so... that sucks.

    Anyone else feel like they're unapproachable?
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    May 21, 2012 5:33 AM GMT
    It's funny how girls always ask me to dance with them when I'm at a club. Sometimes I wish I was straight... oh well...
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    May 21, 2012 5:35 AM GMT
    Whoever is turning you down needs a face smack.

    I don't get approached, but I think it's because when I go out I'm with my friends, and I think people are intimidated to go up to someone who is in a group. You kind of have to wait until they get separated from the herd.

    And it's entirely possible that I just exhibit a "fuck off" vibe, which keeps the gents away.

    But if you have no problem going up to a guy, then do it icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 21, 2012 5:37 AM GMT
    Yep. People say I'm intimidating and don't approach me, except for the uber desperate types who know they're gonna get shot down, and other bigger dudes.
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    May 21, 2012 5:42 AM GMT
    Yes. I ask myself this all the time. It makes me wonder if there's something intimidating about myself.
  • metta

    Posts: 39104

    May 21, 2012 5:51 AM GMT
    Definitely....I don't go to gay clubs...so you can't get more unapproachable than that. icon_wink.gif
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    May 21, 2012 5:55 AM GMT
    Firebrand saidYep. People say I'm intimidating and don't approach me, except for the uber desperate types who know they're gonna get shot down, and other bigger dudes.


    yup, same here. I guess i dont smile enough or maybe i should shave more cuz someone said i look mad all the time. shy+looking intimidating= alot of alone time.
  • trakstar90

    Posts: 119

    May 21, 2012 5:56 AM GMT
    I've never been to a gay club but from my experiences people tell me that I give off a "look or vibe" that says I'm too good for everyone. I hate hearing that cuz its not true. That may be a factor for u. They see a hot guy and automatically assume u think u are too good to approach
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    May 21, 2012 5:58 AM GMT
    I actually just choose an open seat, keep to myself until I've had a few drinks, then start randomly talking to the first guy who seems to be on the same wavelength as me. My face says approachable, my posture says unapproachable... my mouth gets me in trouble. icon_twisted.gif
  • Art2D2x

    Posts: 148

    May 21, 2012 6:10 AM GMT
    Kudos on asking straight guys out to dance at whatever club this is you're talking about.

    I wouldn't call you unapproachable. I mean, you smile in your profile pics, so I would assume you do this in most social settings. It's just a matter of not taking what happened to you personally. It's typical club behavior. You're lucky one night; you're not lucky the other.

    I can't even answer that last question, because I ask myself the same thing. I know I'm approachable and I do my best to not violate social cues/etiquette. Yet, no one does. But that's the L.A. bar/club scene. I just don't have expectations anymore.
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    May 21, 2012 6:14 AM GMT
    Unfortunately I have been told that I carry myself with an air of superiority, thus making me seem unapproachable...

    Kind of sad, because it really isn't the case once you get to know me. But oh well..

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    May 21, 2012 6:15 AM GMT
    7Famark saidUnfortunately I have been told that I carry myself with an air of superiority, thus making me seem unapproachable...

    Kind of sad, because it really isn't the case once you get to know me.


    OMG thats the icon_lol.gif I have seen today; a real pisser.

    Oh and yep kid, haters are gonna hateicon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 21, 2012 6:16 AM GMT
    Hahaha, speaking of haters..
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    May 21, 2012 6:17 AM GMT
    Have someone randomly record you doing whatever you usually do when you interact with others, the honest you. Then watch it back the next day. Sometimes knowing what you look like and sound like to others helps to change how you approach them.
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    May 21, 2012 6:18 AM GMT
    7Famark saidHahaha, speaking of haters..


    Floss you forget you are the one who started with the vitriol; one just talked back.icon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gif
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    May 21, 2012 6:19 AM GMT
    Photobucket
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 21, 2012 6:22 AM GMT
    Now floss promoted he had blocked one, but it seems it's not true; and he seems delusional too, thinking people are obsessed with him as well; must be his narcissism at play.
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    May 21, 2012 6:23 AM GMT
    ....I don't refer to myself as "the one"...and I'm a narcissist?

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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 21, 2012 6:31 AM GMT
    7Famark said....I don't refer to myself as "the one"...and I'm a narcissist?

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    LOL! My reaction to him years ago... without that silly hat.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1765

    May 21, 2012 6:37 AM GMT
    I feel the same way, I mostly get hit on whenever I'm working at the club rather than when I'm just on the club on my own. I guess when I'm working I'm trying to reach out to people for a different reason and that kind of helps.

    When I'm on my own however, I rarely get approached; but I also almost never approach anyone so I guess I'll have to suit myself. I'm the worst-case-scenario-person to the extreme, so I always assume the worst.

    I'm also the worst conversationalist. I absolutely suck at smalltalk, mostly because I really can't follow up some topics. I envy my friend who can enthustically keep on asking on the most banal topics.
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    May 21, 2012 6:38 AM GMT
    Haha, you see that...call someone on their bull shit, and they leave.

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    May 21, 2012 6:44 AM GMT
    Well for me, You're only unapproachable if you do any of the following below:

    1/ Looks mean, unhappy or constipated or never smile at any guys at the bar

    2/ Only glances around the room like you're shopping for guys, You stop and stare for 2 seconds and move your eyes around

    3/ You constantly move around at several different spots in the club to cruise other guys

    4/ Your body language/gestures seem close off, not welcoming a dance partner on the dancefloor

    5/ You only talk briefly to a guy, stop and make an excuse to go to the bathroom

    Sometimes, just smile, stare at the guy longer or come up to ask him probably do the trick for me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 21, 2012 6:44 AM GMT
    Meh! I was dancing my ass off on the dance floor last night and no one approached me. They were probably intimidated of how much fun I was having i.e. they didn't wanna disturb me.

    I think I read somewhere that said people tend to like to approach people that seem lonely.

    Whatever. I like to dance and to bring my friends along. If I don't find a guy, at least I had fun with my friends. Right?
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    May 21, 2012 7:08 AM GMT
    I only have trouble being approached by gay guys... to everyone else, I am apparently very approachable
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    May 21, 2012 8:38 AM GMT
    JPtheBITCH said
    JoyfullyRandom saidHave someone randomly record you doing whatever you usually do when you interact with others, the honest you. Then watch it back the next day. Sometimes knowing what you look like and sound like to others helps to change how you approach them.

    This is smart advice.

    Oh---and Mark, why don't you just block Sybil already??


    It's just so funny, ugh...you're right, though.