Is coming out really always necessary?

  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    May 22, 2012 3:50 AM GMT
    I'm for the most part pretty comfortable with my sexuality accepting that I am into men. I don't care if people find out and it doesn't bother me anymore if people reject me because of it; they just weren't worth it and couldn't appreciate me for who I am. Being accepted isn't really a problem for me even when people do find out most don't really care or are pretty accepting from my experience in college. Now, most ppl would probably think "Well, if you're so comfortable now, isn't it time for you to come out?". I have no problem with people knowing of my sexuality and am totally open with whatever guy I'm with.

    I know that coming out makes it easier for other guys to find you, but sometimes, I think to myself why do I need to tell everyone? If I'm proud of who I am, great, but not everyone needs to know what I do in bed or my sexual interests. Some just aren't interested in that or really don't care which way I swing anyway. And as much as I would want to find another comfortable guy, I don't want people to just respect me for my sexuality, but for the other parts of me that make me who I am as well. I have no problem with truthfully answering if someone asks, but why tell people otherwise? For example, I'm on the rugby team. If I just came out to the entire team as some kind of announcement, they would have respect for me, but only because of my sexuality and my comfort with it rather than my contributions to the team? Is it really necessary to let everyone know of my sexuality? I'm not trying to "sell" my sexuality and I want to be respected for more than just my sexuality. So with this in mind, would me coming out to the public really be necessary?

  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    May 22, 2012 3:53 AM GMT
    I have a similar philosophy.

    There is no need imo. People will find out in their own time. As long as you are ok with it, and don't deny it when they ask you, I think you're all set.
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    May 22, 2012 3:54 AM GMT
    It's necessary if you want to have something more than a fling.

    It's necessary if you don't want to be charged with assault and battery when some guy accidentally outs you.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    May 22, 2012 3:56 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidIt's necessary if you want to have something more than a fling.

    It's necessary if you don't want to be charged with assault and battery when some guy accidentally outs you.


    Ok that's it!! Turn over

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  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    May 22, 2012 4:01 AM GMT
    TheBizMan saidI have a similar philosophy.

    There is no need imo. People will find out in their own time. As long as you are ok with it, and don't deny it when they ask you, I think you're all set.


    Glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks this, and I agree. But there's so much more to me than my sexuality, and I don't want to be defined solely by what gender I'm into. I also don't feel I need to wear it around to feel pride either. I can just be the way I am and live life normally as I did before I came to terms with my sexuality. I'm still the same guy after all, and coming out in front of everyone would bring alot of attention the wrong way.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    May 22, 2012 4:02 AM GMT
    TheBizMan said
    paulflexes saidIt's necessary if you want to have something more than a fling.

    It's necessary if you don't want to be charged with assault and battery when some guy accidentally outs you.


    Ok that's it!! Turn over

    Spanking.png


    Lmao!icon_lol.gif
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    May 22, 2012 4:03 AM GMT
    easterndude69 said
    TheBizMan saidI have a similar philosophy.

    There is no need imo. People will find out in their own time. As long as you are ok with it, and don't deny it when they ask you, I think you're all set.


    Glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks this, and I agree. But there's so much more to me than my sexuality, and I don't want to be defined solely by what gender I'm into. I also don't feel I need to wear it around to feel pride either. I can just be the way I am and live life normally as I did before I came to terms with my sexuality. I'm still the same guy after all, and coming out in front of everyone would bring alot of attention the wrong way.
    Where's your wife?
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    May 22, 2012 4:03 AM GMT
    easterndude69 said
    TheBizMan saidI have a similar philosophy.

    There is no need imo. People will find out in their own time. As long as you are ok with it, and don't deny it when they ask you, I think you're all set.


    Glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks this, and I agree. But there's so much more to me than my sexuality, and I don't want to be defined solely by what gender I'm into. I also don't feel I need to wear it around to feel pride either. I can just be the way I am and live life normally as I did before I came to terms with my sexuality. I'm still the same guy after all, and coming out in front of everyone would bring alot of attention the wrong way.


    Well I just think that you have to be prepared to own up to being gay should someone end up asking you. Denying it would mean that you aren't really comfortable with your sexuality yet.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    May 22, 2012 4:06 AM GMT
    TheBizMan said
    easterndude69 said
    TheBizMan saidI have a similar philosophy.

    There is no need imo. People will find out in their own time. As long as you are ok with it, and don't deny it when they ask you, I think you're all set.


    Glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks this, and I agree. But there's so much more to me than my sexuality, and I don't want to be defined solely by what gender I'm into. I also don't feel I need to wear it around to feel pride either. I can just be the way I am and live life normally as I did before I came to terms with my sexuality. I'm still the same guy after all, and coming out in front of everyone would bring alot of attention the wrong way.


    Well I just think that you have to be prepared to own up to being gay should someone end up asking you. Denying it would mean that you aren't really comfortable with your sexuality yet.


    Yeah, but I've been truthful with people as of this year about my sexuality. I did tell a few ppl on the rugby team who asked and they're cool with it. Actually, they say being bi is the best way lol. I'm still not sure I'm really into women though, but I'm willing to give them a try.
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    May 22, 2012 4:08 AM GMT
    As someone who just came out to my friends, I have to say that it completely depends on what coming out means to you. If you are truly comfortable just being yourself and not making any kind of an announcement, then continue to do that.

    The reason that I had to "make an announcement," was purely for myself... it had become a big deal for me in my mind that no one knew. I felt trapped, like I was hitting pause on my life. Telling others was an act of facing my own fears so that they would no longer control me, and it did far more for me than for them. But that may not be the case for you.

    I look forward to the day when there's no such thing as "coming out," because being gay is simply seen as one of the many ways human beings are, like having musical talent, or being tall.
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    May 22, 2012 4:08 AM GMT
    TheBizMan said
    paulflexes saidIt's necessary if you want to have something more than a fling.

    It's necessary if you don't want to be charged with assault and battery when some guy accidentally outs you.


    Ok that's it!! Turn over

    Spanking.png
    *bends over*
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    May 22, 2012 4:09 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidIt's necessary if you want to have something more than a fling.



    Really? My two long term relationships were with guys who were not out. So much for that theory.
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    May 22, 2012 4:10 AM GMT
    People often present this idea as if they are living their lives the way straight people live theirs since straight people never make an announcement that they are straight. That is true, but if you live in the closet you are not living your life anything like straight people. A straight person does not leave their girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse at home for the Christmas party for work because that will let on they are straight. If a straight person is seeking assistance from a store clerk in finding a gift for their spouse they say "my husband" or "my wife", they don't say my "friend". If a straight person is asked what their weekend plans are and they are going on a date, they say that, not something like, "A friend and I are going to see a movie." If a straight person is getting married, everyone around them will know about it- their friends, their coworkers, other guys on their rugby team, other people in their church. Saying that being gay is not just about sexuality. My boyfriend and I have not been together for almost ten years now just because of sex and when I talk about my life with my boyfriend to people, I am not telling them about the sex we are having.
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    May 22, 2012 4:12 AM GMT
    wonofakind said
    paulflexes saidIt's necessary if you want to have something more than a fling.



    Really? My two long term relationships were with guys who were not out. So much for that theory.
    Did you live with them?
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    May 22, 2012 4:12 AM GMT
    wonofakind said
    paulflexes saidIt's necessary if you want to have something more than a fling.



    Really? My two long term relationships were with guys who were not out. So much for that theory.


    "Were."
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    May 22, 2012 4:15 AM GMT
    Iceblink saidPeople often present this idea as if they are living their lives the way straight people live theirs since straight people never make an announcement that they are straight. That is true, but if you live in the closet you are not living your life anything like straight people. A straight person does not leave their girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse at home for the Christmas party for work because that will let on they are straight. If a straight person is seeking assistance from a store clerk in finding a gift for their spouse they say "my husband" or "my wife", they don't say my "friend". If a straight person is asked what their weekend plans are and they are going on a date, they say that, not something like, "A friend and I are going to see a movie." If a straight person is getting married, everyone around them will know about it- their friends, their coworkers, other guys on their rugby team, other people in their church. Saying that being gay is not just about sexuality. My boyfriend and I have not been together for almost ten years now just because of sex and when I talk about my life with my boyfriend to people, I am not telling them about the sex we are having.


    nailed it, icon_cool.gif
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    May 22, 2012 4:16 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    wonofakind said
    paulflexes saidIt's necessary if you want to have something more than a fling.



    Really? My two long term relationships were with guys who were not out. So much for that theory.
    Did you live with them?


    I'm gay. But I'm also traditional. I don't move in with anyone unless it's for life.
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    May 22, 2012 4:17 AM GMT
    wonofakind said
    paulflexes said
    wonofakind said
    paulflexes saidIt's necessary if you want to have something more than a fling.



    Really? My two long term relationships were with guys who were not out. So much for that theory.
    Did you live with them?


    I'm gay. But I'm also traditional. I don't move in with anyone unless it's for life.
    That's the excuse I used to use with women before coming out.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    May 22, 2012 4:20 AM GMT
    Iceblink saidPeople often present this idea as if they are living their lives the way straight people live theirs since straight people never make an announcement that they are straight. That is true, but if you live in the closet you are not living your life anything like straight people. A straight person does not leave their girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse at home for the Christmas party for work because that will let on they are straight. If a straight person is seeking assistance from a store clerk in finding a gift for their spouse they say "my husband" or "my wife", they don't say my "friend". If a straight person is asked what their weekend plans are and they are going on a date, they say that, not something like, "A friend and I are going to see a movie." If a straight person is getting married, everyone around them will know about it- their friends, their coworkers, other guys on their rugby team, other people in their church. Saying that being gay is not just about sexuality. My boyfriend and I have not been together for almost ten years now just because of sex and when I talk about my life with my boyfriend to people, I am not telling them about the sex we are having.


    I suppose then that I should not hide guys I go out with from other ppl who ask what I'm doing. I'm out to some of my friends namely my close friends. My close friends are accepting and are actually curious about what I do and how my love life is with either gender.

    However, I did lie to some ppl about my sexuality to cover it up out of insecurity I had earlier with myself trying to please and impress others. I feel kind of bad about lying about that now because that means that if say my friend were to find out, he may be even more upset than he initially would if I just told him how it was in the first place. I'm not sure if I should tell him or just let him find out somehow on his own. I guess if he's not accepting of me for who I am, then he shouldn't be my friend anyway. My parents actually feel I shouldn't tell ppl about my sexuality. Hmm...
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    May 22, 2012 4:21 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    wonofakind said
    paulflexes said
    wonofakind said
    paulflexes saidIt's necessary if you want to have something more than a fling.



    Really? My two long term relationships were with guys who were not out. So much for that theory.
    Did you live with them?


    I'm gay. But I'm also traditional. I don't move in with anyone unless it's for life.
    That's the excuse I used to use with women before coming out.


    I don't go with women. And it's not an excuse. Many gay couples are known for moving in after barely being together that long.
    Even if I was straight, I wouldn't move in with anyone until we were engaged or have made a life time commitment. Everyone is different. No need to pigeon hole us all in the same category.
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    May 22, 2012 4:21 AM GMT
    wonofakind said
    paulflexes said
    wonofakind said
    paulflexes saidIt's necessary if you want to have something more than a fling.



    Really? My two long term relationships were with guys who were not out. So much for that theory.
    Did you live with them?


    I'm gay. But I'm also traditional. I don't move in with anyone unless it's for life.


    Is it traditional for straight people to hide the nature of the the relationship with their boyfriend/girlfriend from their friends and family?

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    May 22, 2012 4:25 AM GMT
    Iceblink said
    wonofakind said
    paulflexes said
    wonofakind said
    paulflexes saidIt's necessary if you want to have something more than a fling.



    Really? My two long term relationships were with guys who were not out. So much for that theory.
    Did you live with them?


    I'm gay. But I'm also traditional. I don't move in with anyone unless it's for life.


    Is it traditional for straight people to hide the nature of the the relationship with their boyfriend/girlfriend from their friends and family?



    Who said I hid it? I said THEY were not out. And I respect every guy's decision to come out when they're ready.
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    May 22, 2012 4:27 AM GMT
    wonofakind said
    Iceblink said
    wonofakind said
    paulflexes said
    wonofakind said
    paulflexes saidIt's necessary if you want to have something more than a fling.



    Really? My two long term relationships were with guys who were not out. So much for that theory.
    Did you live with them?


    I'm gay. But I'm also traditional. I don't move in with anyone unless it's for life.


    Is it traditional for straight people to hide the nature of the the relationship with their boyfriend/girlfriend from their friends and family?



    Who said I hid it? I said THEY were not out. And I respect every guy's decision to come out when they're ready.


    Unless they hold onto the closet like a life preserver.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    May 22, 2012 4:28 AM GMT
    easterndude69 said
    Iceblink saidPeople often present this idea as if they are living their lives the way straight people live theirs since straight people never make an announcement that they are straight. That is true, but if you live in the closet you are not living your life anything like straight people. A straight person does not leave their girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse at home for the Christmas party for work because that will let on they are straight. If a straight person is seeking assistance from a store clerk in finding a gift for their spouse they say "my husband" or "my wife", they don't say my "friend". If a straight person is asked what their weekend plans are and they are going on a date, they say that, not something like, "A friend and I are going to see a movie." If a straight person is getting married, everyone around them will know about it- their friends, their coworkers, other guys on their rugby team, other people in their church. Saying that being gay is not just about sexuality. My boyfriend and I have not been together for almost ten years now just because of sex and when I talk about my life with my boyfriend to people, I am not telling them about the sex we are having.


    I suppose then that I should not hide guys I go out with from other ppl who ask what I'm doing. I'm out to some of my friends namely my close friends. My close friends are accepting and are actually curious about what I do and how my love life is with either gender.

    However, I did lie to some ppl about my sexuality to cover it up out of insecurity I had earlier with myself trying to please and impress others. I feel kind of bad about lying about that now because that means that if say my friend were to find out, he may be even more upset than he initially would if I just told him how it was in the first place. I'm not sure if I should tell him or just let him find out somehow on his own. I guess if he's not accepting of me for who I am, then he shouldn't be my friend anyway. My parents actually feel I shouldn't tell ppl about my sexuality. Hmm...


    Well my take is that you don't have to make a big deal about it. If someone asks me if I think a girl is hot, I casually reply something along the lines of, 'She's pretty, but she's all yours, I'm gay dude." And that's that. You don't have to announce it to the world on a pretty little rainbow pony.
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    May 22, 2012 4:32 AM GMT
    Not necessary for me but I came out to my neighbors so whenever I go over to visit it is cool to share whenever an eye candy guy come on TV. My neighbors own a bar so they are cool with whomever. I think nothing should be mentioned to work people IMO. It doesn't belong there.