Honesty about age

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2012 3:10 PM GMT
    My age on RJ is my real age - 51. However, on some, um, "other" sites, I was honest for only a few weeks past my 50th birthday. I got so much less attention - hugely less - that I shortly reverted to 49 and have stayed there ever since. I'm not embarrassed about being 51, and if the subject arises I fess up. But I had always told myself I would never lie about my age, so the dishonesty - even though it's pretty minor - still bothers me.

    I justify it to myself because my pics are current and let guys know what I really look like - what they see is what they get. I'm not looking for dates or relationships, so I figure it shouldn't really matter. Also, everyone does it. I know that sounds like a lame excuse, but if I had a nickel for every guy who claimed to be in his early to mid 40s but was clearly in his mid to late 50s, I'd be rich. Too much honesty seems like it would put me at a big disadvantage.

    Anyone else sometimes fib about their age? If so, how do you get comfortable with it? Or am I just being a big ol' fat lying liar from Lie-ington?



  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14295

    May 22, 2012 3:12 PM GMT
    Unfortunately I have to be honest about my age which is also 51. It stinks getting older. Oh to be in either my 20s or 30s again.
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    May 22, 2012 3:19 PM GMT

    Well, there's two of us on our profile, so I make Bill's age and mine into an average. He's now 54 and I'm 57 so I guess I should update it.

    -Doug
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    May 22, 2012 3:19 PM GMT
    I used to say I'm 20 on those dating sites... I don't think many people really want any type of relationship with a 19 year old and I'm not really looking for a quick hookup...

    @showme and @roadbikeRob: You guys are seriously 51? You both DO NOT look 51... early-mid 40's I would say icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 22, 2012 3:20 PM GMT
    For me, it doesn't really stink getting older - I like who and where I am in life, mostly. Other than the fact that the grim reaper is a lot closer. icon_eek.gif I'm normally not someone who wishes things were different than they are. Which is probably why I'm kinda conflicted about the age fibbing thing.
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    May 22, 2012 3:21 PM GMT
    Josh1992 said
    @showme and @roadbikeRob: You guys are seriously 51? You both DO NOT look 51... early-mid 40's I would say icon_biggrin.gif


    And YOU are a super sweet guy. Hope you're doing well.
  • kemoze

    Posts: 390

    May 22, 2012 3:31 PM GMT
    i don't know if i am allowed to post here. well guys for me i really respect those guys who are always honest about their age. i think ladies only lie about their age. i never knew my sisters age even though they are married and have kids too icon_razz.gif
    but they still never tell me their real age. anyway.. when i am attracted to someone i look at their age just to define my way to talk to them.. if younger than me then i wont give much attention to them, if same age so i think i will just tease them and make some jokes about them just to laugh and i would feel comfortable talking to them.
    but if they are elder than me. then i would be so careful while talking to them cuz they are way experienced and they know much more than me. so i chose to be careful just not to sound dumb to them. cuz i am attracted to elder guys in the first place..

    i hope i am not annoying nor boring.. icon_wink.gif
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    May 22, 2012 3:36 PM GMT
    I don't (nor do I intend to), but plenty of people do (even my bf did). Honestly, I don't really care.
    It's not a super-meaningful number and I understand people fudging it on a profile --people really care more about your looks and athleticism, age is just a poor proxy.
    Though if you lie when asked that's crossing a line (if someone thinks it's important enough to them to ask, they deserve to know - even if they're being stupid, that's their business).

    imo
  • Kwokpot

    Posts: 329

    May 22, 2012 3:37 PM GMT
    showme saidMy age on RJ is my real age - 51. However, on some, um, "other" sites, I was honest for only a few weeks past my 50th birthday. I got so much less attention - hugely less - that I shortly reverted to 49 and have stayed there ever since. I'm not embarrassed about being 51, and if the subject arises I fess up. But I had always told myself I would never lie about my age, so the dishonesty - even though it's pretty minor - still bothers me.

    I justify it to myself because my pics are current and let guys know what I really look like - what they see is what they get. I'm not looking for dates or relationships, so I figure it shouldn't really matter. Also, everyone does it. I know that sounds like a lame excuse, but if I had a nickel for every guy who claimed to be in his early to mid 40s but was clearly in his mid to late 50s, I'd be rich. Too much honesty seems like it would put me at a big disadvantage.

    Anyone else sometimes fib about their age? If so, how do you get comfortable with it? Or am I just being a big ol' fat lying liar from Lie-ington?




    Hmmm I will 51 in October and I would have to say I feel the complete opposite of you.
    If you are soley on these other site for hookups, then I can see why you would feel depressed about growing older. The issue really is about self esteem and not looking for validation from others.

    You are a handsome, fit guy. You know, fooling around with others our own age can be just as pleasureable. It's when you're looking for that 22 yr old that calls you grandpa that will play with your head (although I seem to be getting equal attention from 22 as well ass 55yr olds, LOL)
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    May 22, 2012 3:38 PM GMT
    For me, honesty and integrity are paramount, so I never have, nor would I. Be dishonest as something so minor as age.

    Especially since I have been with minors a couple times. They claim to be 18, we have our fun, then say, "by the way, I'm really 17". And that scares me. Same thing with HIV, since lying about that in my city seems to be pretty common.
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    May 22, 2012 3:41 PM GMT
    Kwokpot said
    Hmmm I will 51 in October and I would have to say I feel the complete opposite of you.
    If you are soley on these other site for hookups, then I can see why you would feel depressed about growing older. The issue really is about self esteem and not looking for validation from others.

    You are a handsome, fit guy. You know, fooling around with others our own age can be just as pleasureable. It's when you're looking for that 22 yr old that calls you grandpa that will play with your head (although I seem to be getting equal attention from 22 as well ass 55yr olds, LOL)


    Ha. There's something about being this age that attracts really young guys looking for a daddy type, and guys 40+, little in between.

    I have no problem with guys my own age. But because the lying is so pervasive, it's just hard to tell who actually IS my own age. I just met a super hot guy who claimed to be 45, but turns out he was really 53.
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    May 22, 2012 3:45 PM GMT
    Medjai saidFor me, honesty and integrity are paramount, so I never have, nor would I. Be dishonest as something so minor as age.


    I always said that too. Then I turned 50. icon_cry.gif

    Medjai saidEspecially since I have been with minors a couple times. They claim to be 18, we have our fun, then say, "by the way, I'm really 17". And that scares me. Same thing with HIV, since lying about that in my city seems to be pretty common.


    Now that's scary. The whole minor thing isn't much of an issue for me, that's just too young. And the HIV issue, it's just an unfortunate fact of life that we need to act as though every guy were positive, regardless of what they say. Even the guys who truly think they're negative may not be.
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    May 22, 2012 3:45 PM GMT
    showme said I got so much less attention - hugely less - that I shortly reverted to 49 and have stayed there ever since. I'm not embarrassed about being 51... I'm not looking for dates or relationships, so I figure it shouldn't really matter. Also, everyone does it...


    hold up a sec... if you're not embarrassed, and you're not looking for dates/relationships... they why would you care about getting attention, and subsequently lie about your age?

    either something's missing, or i don't understand.

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    May 22, 2012 3:46 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH said
    showme saidAnyone else sometimes fib about their age? If so, how do you get comfortable with it? Or am I just being a big ol' fat lying liar from Lie-ington?

    You never struck me as the insecure type. Hm.


    I'm not, generally. Jeez, open up a just a little bit and the hawks start peeling the flesh off the carcass. icon_wink.gif
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    May 22, 2012 3:47 PM GMT
    kingmo saidhold up a sec... if you're not embarrassed, and you're not looking for dates/relationships... they why would you care about getting attention, and subsequently lie about your age?

    either something's missing, or i don't understand.


    Umm, there is something to look for online other than dates/relationships.icon_wink.gif
  • Steven791

    Posts: 95

    May 22, 2012 3:48 PM GMT
    Age is really just a number. If you meet someone, you like them and hit it off great then age shouldn't matter. My roomate was seeing a guy who claimed to be 23 but then turned out to be 17. I look at it as if you're going to lie about something as small as your age then who is to say you won't lie about lots of other things?
  • Steven791

    Posts: 95

    May 22, 2012 3:50 PM GMT
    kingmo said
    showme said I got so much less attention - hugely less - that I shortly reverted to 49 and have stayed there ever since. I'm not embarrassed about being 51... I'm not looking for dates or relationships, so I figure it shouldn't really matter. Also, everyone does it...


    hold up a sec... if you're not embarrassed, and you're not looking for dates/relationships... they why would you care about getting attention, and subsequently lie about your age?

    either something's missing, or i don't understand.



    Regardless of if you've got any interest in the person, getting attention is always nice, it makes you feel good about yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2012 3:50 PM GMT
    Honestly I used to a number of years ago but don't anymore. I think after testing positive and dealing with the issues surrounding that and dating, issues like age really don't matter to me anymore.
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    May 22, 2012 3:51 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH said
    Hawks? We're talking vultures, darling.


    See what I mean? Even hawks sometimes eat carrion, so I thought that was more polite.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2012 3:52 PM GMT
    showme said
    JPtheBITCH said
    Hawks? We're talking vultures, darling.


    See what I mean? Even hawks sometimes eat carrion, so I thought that was more polite.



    Tsk, you are NOT carrion, so carry on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2012 3:52 PM GMT
    Never lie about your age. It gets you by for a moment, but as soon as you're figured out it's usually downhill from there with someone who isn't worthy of you to start with. Either way, there are guys who like older men on here and out in the world. It's less worry to love yourself for who and where you're at in life; and more attractive to other guys IRL.
    I was giving age the bird long before I settled on being 30... from that I leave you this. icon_wink.gif
    Photobucket
  • Steven791

    Posts: 95

    May 22, 2012 3:52 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH said
    Steven791 saidAge is really just a number.

    I swear I'm gonna cut the next idiot who says this.


    Well let me rephrase that.. I suppose it does matter if you meet someone who claims they are of age and aren't, but I met a guy who by his looks I assumed he was around 24 but he turned out to be 31 and it wasn't a big deal to me.
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    May 22, 2012 3:54 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH said
    Steven791 saidAge is really just a number.

    I swear I'm gonna cut the next idiot who says this.


    Temper, temper. icon_razz.gif
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    May 22, 2012 3:55 PM GMT
    I feel strongly about this, too. I'd much rather tell people I'm 41 and be happy if they say "wow, you don't look it" rather than tell them I'm 36 and have them say "um, really?!?"

    I met a guy on PlentyOfFish a couple years ago, whose age online was 39 but the day we were to meet (after talking on MSN for a few times, over a week and a half) admitted to me he was 41. I still went on the date but by this time knew he was too shallow (about other things as well) for me to keep an interest in him. He's still on that site and others, only now he's claiming to be 36 and using the same photos he did two and a half years ago. I guess the years have really been kind to him, he was once 2 yrs older than me and now he's 5 yrs younger than me! icon_lol.gif
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    May 22, 2012 3:59 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH said
    showme said
    JPtheBITCH said
    Hawks? We're talking vultures, darling.


    See what I mean? Even hawks sometimes eat carrion, so I thought that was more polite.

    I heard that Vulture Airlines is going to start charging for carrion.



    ZZZZzzzziiinnnnnnggggg! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    Egads you're good.