dating someone with an eating disorder

  • turbojesus

    Posts: 10

    May 22, 2012 8:18 PM GMT
    would that be a deal breaker, if you learned a guy you'd been dating has an eating disorder?

    it seems like a running joke with many people i know that a large percentage of gays are anorexic or bulimic, and in light of the harsh standards that many of us are trying to live up to, i almost think there's some truth to it. that, coupled with internalized nonacceptance of ourselves that we've been taught by the society we grew up in, as well as the fact that our potential partners, men, are visually stimulated, wouldn't it make sense?

    anyways... would this issue, if it were a legit issue for the guy, be enough to make you step back from the relationship? would it matter if he was in therapy and was making efforts to get better?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 22, 2012 9:18 PM GMT
    If you're about to start dating someone for the first time any mental disorder will be a deal breaker. It's one thing to see your partner of X number of years through an illness by their side than to meet a random stranger and go "Ok random stranger let's program your doctor visits!"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 22, 2012 9:23 PM GMT
    I only date straight, white, normal guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 22, 2012 9:54 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI only date straight, white, normal guys.

    icon_eek.gif

    Please bring one along, next time we have dinner together.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 22, 2012 9:58 PM GMT
    turbojesus said...a large percentage of gays are anorexic or bulimic ...coupled with internalized nonacceptance of ourselves that we've been taught by the society we grew up in, as well as the fact that our potential partners, men, are visually stimulated, wouldn't it make sense?

    The only thing that makes sense is that you need to get out of whatever college courses you're taking at USM, they're turning your brain into Jell-O.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 22, 2012 10:16 PM GMT
    Yes, it is common.

    Should it be a deal breaker? That, like everything else, depends on the people and circumstances involved.

    Are you contending with an eating disorder?
    Consider whether you should be inflicting yourself on someone right now.

    Are you seeing someone who is contending with an eating disorder?
    So long as you are willing to put up with the extra stressors, you should still ask this person the question I just asked.

    And then you need to be prepared for that person to say, "No, I should not be inflicting myself on anyone right now."
  • turbojesus

    Posts: 10

    May 22, 2012 11:15 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidIf you're about to start dating someone for the first time any mental disorder will be a deal breaker. It's one thing to see your partner of X number of years through an illness by their side than to meet a random stranger and go "Ok random stranger let's program your doctor visits!"


    Obviously it'd be stupid to get involved with someone who immediately informs you of their mental illness.... but what if they told you after a few months, when things have gotten a little bit more serious? Would it be better if they dealt with it privately, and kept a good bit of themselves a secret? Or is this better reserved for discussing a year or two or more into the relationship? Should that afflicted person just not be dating at all?

    To be honest, I'm the person with the disorder in my scenario. I've made major strides the past few years and am living a generally functioning life again, but this problem is still very alive in my brain and gets me down on a regular basis. I feel like I'd have to lie out my teeth or disappear regularly if I'm not explaining myself. (I could push all of my feelings down inside and try to "get over it," but every time I do that, it rears its ugly head in an ugly, ugly way)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 22, 2012 11:20 PM GMT
    I am dating a guy that was fit and muscular when I met him a year ago but he let himself go. So opposite of bulimic. I've kept him as a friend though. Sex not so great.
  • turbojesus

    Posts: 10

    May 23, 2012 12:07 AM GMT
    dancerjack saidYes, it is common.

    Should it be a deal breaker? That, like everything else, depends on the people and circumstances involved.

    Are you contending with an eating disorder?
    Consider whether you should be inflicting yourself on someone right now.

    Are you seeing someone who is contending with an eating disorder?
    So long as you are willing to put up with the extra stressors, you should still ask this person the question I just asked.

    And then you need to be prepared for that person to say, "No, I should not be inflicting myself on anyone right now."


    I've considered it from this perspective before. There have been many times when I backed off from dating at all. It can become very difficult for both myself and the other person. The question for me became, how long should I wait to get myself in order before including another person in my life?

    I've progressed a good bit in recent years to the point that the people in my life have told me multiple times how, at least from the appearance of things, I look like I'm living a healthy, normal life now like anyone else's. I think getting involved with someone is bringing a lot of my insecurities and neuroses to the surface again, so I don't think I could've totally known how dating was going to affect me.


    Anyways... I was just curious how a guy trying to recover from an eating disorder is seen by a potential partner.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 23, 2012 12:19 AM GMT
    Could you please combine this with the other "would X be a deal-breaker" threads that were started even in the last few days... icon_rolleyes.gif
  • turbojesus

    Posts: 10

    May 23, 2012 12:23 AM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor saidDon't put anything in your mouth that you don't feel like digesting. I'm pretty sure I'd catch that nasty habit pretty fast and call you on it.
    I'd probably be calling it quits if that was your M.O. Besides.. that's what they invented Elliptical for!!! I should know.....icon_cool.gif


    What about the cookie-tossing M.O. is more of a deal breaker than the cookie-avoiding?
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    May 23, 2012 12:31 AM GMT
    Eating disorders are only one aspect of the spectrum of mental illnesses. You might need to reconsider your tolerance for less-than-perfect.
  • turtleneckjoc...

    Posts: 4685

    May 23, 2012 3:33 AM GMT
    One of Larkin's gifs would be so appropriate for this thread..........
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    May 23, 2012 3:36 AM GMT
    I can't give up sweets. If I could give up sweets, the ten pounds I gained over the holidays would go away in no time since I've been working out 7 days a week.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 23, 2012 3:38 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    paulflexes saidI only date straight, white, normal guys.

    icon_eek.gif

    Please bring one along, next time we have dinner together.
    I ran out of straight white normal paint.
  • Rosa12

    Posts: 10

    May 23, 2012 6:59 AM GMT
    Good luck!www.50centsloseweight.com
  • turbojesus

    Posts: 10

    May 23, 2012 9:51 PM GMT
    barriehomeboy saidEating disorders are only one aspect of the spectrum of mental illnesses. You might need to reconsider your tolerance for less-than-perfect.


    I'm beginning to think that way... that we're all a little f-ed in the head. But not all people share my sentiments.

    Rosa12 saidGood luck!www.50centsloseweight.com


    Thanks! I actually told him this week. It hasn't been too much of a downer thus far. I guess we'll see how it plays out.