Open relationship pros? cons?

  • admvick

    Posts: 1

    May 23, 2012 12:10 AM GMT
    What do you think are the pros and cons of open relationships?
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    May 23, 2012 12:25 AM GMT
    Cons... Lack of trust and security? Jealousy? Inconsistency?
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    May 23, 2012 2:19 AM GMT
    Pro- security of a long term relationship, with the fun of interested new partners?
    Pro-Honesty that you both know neither is monogamous.
    Pro-living in the reality that the vast majority of men seem incapable or unwilling to engage in a committed monogamous relationship.
    Pro-something to be said when you don't have to lie to your partner when he asks have you been fucking around.

    Con - even experts have condoms break, disease is never your friend.
    Con - you may find that there is someone out there who is more (fill in the blank) than your LTR, weakening what you thought was a good relationship and in the end, ruining it, all because you thought it more important to have diversity of sex partners.
  • bottomready

    Posts: 2

    May 23, 2012 2:53 AM GMT
    It adds variety and a renewed sense of love and adornment just don't fall in love!
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    May 23, 2012 3:27 AM GMT
    Pros: Jealousy isn't even in the equation. The relationship is built on love, trust, and friendship rather than possessive attachment.

    Cons: Sometimes you'll run across a possessive "extra" who tries to break you up with your partner and keep you to himself. Run fast when that happens.
  • SactownItalia...

    Posts: 306

    May 23, 2012 3:31 AM GMT
    I am in an open relationship. We have been together a total of 6 years. Just bought a house together, and working towards a family in the next 2 to 3 years. There are pro's and con's to every type of relationship, and that being said, an open relationship definitely takes different type of person and is not for everyone.

    The only con for me, however, has already been said. Condoms are not 100 percent effective, so making sure you and your partner are being checked is very important. I know who he is sleeping with and when and he knows who I am. It doesn't happen that often though. We prefer each other more. The fact that there is no temptation because its all fair game, makes the thrill less, so really, we don't have to play around that often.

    Sex is fun, and I know I enjoy it with other people as much as the next person, so it is a nice option to have if the mood strikes me. That's a pro. Another pro is if me and my husband decided to play together with a third, I get to watch my man in action. I find that to be really hot! Otherwise, sometimes just hearing about what he did turns me on.

    I would put the strength of my relationship up against any monogamous couple and say we would be equal to them, or even better. Because we are open, our communication level is a lot higher then most of the monogamous couples we know. We have no secretes and our bond is crazy. I love the man more then I have ever loved a previous boyfriend.

    The only time I tell people to not try an open relationship, is if things are going weak sexually with your partner, or to try to fix a problem. It never works. EVER!
  • SactownItalia...

    Posts: 306

    May 23, 2012 3:35 AM GMT
    TallguyNLA said Con--- An "open relationship" is NOT a relationship at all. why say you're "together" when you aren't?

    Con-- If you have sex with other people and still get in the same bed together at night, who else knows what you or your "partner" is actually bringing home?

    Con-- No trust, no emotional security, no trust, nothing is real.



    Pros--- you don't have to lie to each other about anything because there was never anything to begin with...


    my relationship is a relationship. thank you very much. like my statement above, Id put my relationship up against any monogamous one, including yours and know we would come out as equals or stronger icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 23, 2012 3:56 AM GMT
    I play with a few open couples and have casual slave boys (BDSM context) that I sometimes receive from other masters to play with.

    If I were to engage in a relationship, it would have to be under the premise that we'd be free to fuck whomever we wanted - observing safer sex protocols.

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    May 23, 2012 3:57 AM GMT
    Here is my take on it.

    When you are in a relationship, you have 2 options.

    Go open, and have sex on the side.

    Stay closed, and fuck without condoms.

    Your choice.

    Quite frankly, if I can never trust someone enough to have sex without a condom, then I dont want to live anymore.
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    May 23, 2012 4:03 AM GMT
    SactownItalian said
    TallguyNLA said Con--- An "open relationship" is NOT a relationship at all. why say you're "together" when you aren't?

    Con-- If you have sex with other people and still get in the same bed together at night, who else knows what you or your "partner" is actually bringing home?

    Con-- No trust, no emotional security, no trust, nothing is real.



    Pros--- you don't have to lie to each other about anything because there was never anything to begin with...


    my relationship is a relationship. thank you very much. like my statement above, Id put my relationship up against any monogamous one, including yours and know we would come out as equals or stronger icon_biggrin.gif


    Thank you. Every time this topic comes up some know it all twit posts judgmental crap like this.

    Neither type of relationship is better, it all depends on what works for you at the time. I have an openish relationship but it's been 25 years. I don't think being open would have worked for us in the early days. It takes a lot of trust and communication.
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    May 23, 2012 4:07 AM GMT
    My take is I could never be in one. Everyone has their reasons to close or open their individual relationship and whatever suits them is up to them. My definition of a relationship is that man is mine and mine only. I think jealously would also play somewhat of a role as well. As one of the posters said you have to be 100% confident in sex with your partner to be comfortable to open it up and that is something that I know I would have trouble doing.
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    May 23, 2012 4:10 AM GMT
    showme said
    SactownItalian said
    TallguyNLA said Con--- An "open relationship" is NOT a relationship at all. why say you're "together" when you aren't?

    Con-- If you have sex with other people and still get in the same bed together at night, who else knows what you or your "partner" is actually bringing home?

    Con-- No trust, no emotional security, no trust, nothing is real.



    Pros--- you don't have to lie to each other about anything because there was never anything to begin with...


    my relationship is a relationship. thank you very much. like my statement above, Id put my relationship up against any monogamous one, including yours and know we would come out as equals or stronger icon_biggrin.gif


    Thank you. Every time this topic comes up some know it all twit posts judgmental crap like this.

    Neither type of relationship is better, it all depends on what works for you at the time. I have an openish relationship but it's been 25 years. I don't think being open would have worked for us in the early days. It takes a lot of trust and communication.


    Agreed...except...you know...my relationship with my dog is better. He never lets me down.
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    May 23, 2012 4:19 AM GMT
    Chainers said
    showme said
    SactownItalian said
    TallguyNLA said Con--- An "open relationship" is NOT a relationship at all. why say you're "together" when you aren't?

    Con-- If you have sex with other people and still get in the same bed together at night, who else knows what you or your "partner" is actually bringing home?

    Con-- No trust, no emotional security, no trust, nothing is real.



    Pros--- you don't have to lie to each other about anything because there was never anything to begin with...


    my relationship is a relationship. thank you very much. like my statement above, Id put my relationship up against any monogamous one, including yours and know we would come out as equals or stronger icon_biggrin.gif


    Thank you. Every time this topic comes up some know it all twit posts judgmental crap like this.

    Neither type of relationship is better, it all depends on what works for you at the time. I have an openish relationship but it's been 25 years. I don't think being open would have worked for us in the early days. It takes a lot of trust and communication.


    Agreed...except...you know...my relationship with my dog is better. He never lets me down.


    But does he fuck you? icon_neutral.gif
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    May 23, 2012 4:19 AM GMT
    Chainers said
    showme said
    SactownItalian said
    TallguyNLA said Con--- An "open relationship" is NOT a relationship at all. why say you're "together" when you aren't?

    Con-- If you have sex with other people and still get in the same bed together at night, who else knows what you or your "partner" is actually bringing home?

    Con-- No trust, no emotional security, no trust, nothing is real.



    Pros--- you don't have to lie to each other about anything because there was never anything to begin with...


    my relationship is a relationship. thank you very much. like my statement above, Id put my relationship up against any monogamous one, including yours and know we would come out as equals or stronger icon_biggrin.gif


    Thank you. Every time this topic comes up some know it all twit posts judgmental crap like this.

    Neither type of relationship is better, it all depends on what works for you at the time. I have an openish relationship but it's been 25 years. I don't think being open would have worked for us in the early days. It takes a lot of trust and communication.


    Agreed...except...you know...my relationship with my dog is better. He never lets me down.
    Difference between a dog and a boyfriend/husband: A dog is still happy to see you come home from work after 5+ years.
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    May 23, 2012 4:21 AM GMT
    My last relationship was open. It worked for us, and yes, I consider it a real relationship and the second most important one of my life.

    Pros: Very honest and respectful relationship. Admitting and respecting that Men in general, desire to have more than one sexual partner. Being honest with yourself that you might not fulfill every sexual desire your partner has, for instance, I can't turn myself into a blond blue eyed surfer anytime soon. Wanting your lover to have everything his heart desires includes in my opinion, giving him permission to fulfill those kinds of sexual desires. And that is part of what I consider loving another person without hooks, gotchas or restrictions. That can be very liberating and loving.

    Pro: not getting cheated on ( I was cheated on in every monogamous relationship I have been in).

    Pro: You can make sexual rules that you both can live with to keep each other safe, and if a sexual health issues comes up one partner can tell the other immediately without guilt, censure or fear of ending the relationship. Which makes it much more likely in my opinion that you WILL keep each other safe and healthy than if one or both parties are sneaking around and having affairs in a monogamous relationship.

    The one con I had in my last relationship probably had more to do with my partner than with the fact that it was an open relationship. You have to layout the ground rules very clearly and exactly as to what is allowed and what is not.

    Con: The one issue we had that might have more to do with the person I was with, than with the fact that it was 'open' was that you have to define very clearly what the ground rules are for your openess. My guy liked to find technicalities and use them to do more than I was comfortable with. But had we been monogamous, it would have been the same thing.

    Con: (to some people, not to me), that your partner or you will meet someone that pulls you apart. This was not an issue for me, and was not an issue in our relationship, because we really were in love, and it just wasn't happening. If someone comes along that pulls you apart, it has just as much chance happening in a monogamous relationship (and I see it all the time in my friends monogamous relationships). I never really worried about this because I knew how hard it was to find real love, and the likelyhood it would happen to either of us was pretty damn slim, and if it did, there was NOTHING that could be done to stop it.
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    May 23, 2012 4:25 AM GMT
    Jealousy plays a huge part in attention giving and receiving. I felt more happy with an obsessive man than one that didn't care where you were at night.So, I would say that monogamy gives you the "special" attention vs. open which is more laid back - no rules, no boundaries, etc...

    of course, people can place rules and they in fact do place rules around an open relationship.

    The idea that the person I sleep with every night is screwing my neighbor turns me off... so I would never be able to be "happy" in an open relationship. I was in one for 3 months and disliked it.

    my 0.02
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    May 26, 2012 12:47 PM GMT
    Open relationship with someone you love - only cons!
    Open relationship with someone you feel lukewarm or cold about - may have a few pros, but you're just fooling yourself. It's over.
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    May 26, 2012 12:50 PM GMT
    Pros: I get to fuck who I want and still have a stable relationship.

    Cons: They get to fuck who they want and I am not their everything.

    In the end I'm too selfish to have an open relationship because I wanna be their world.
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    May 26, 2012 1:33 PM GMT
    here's what i see:

    all the people who i personally know in open relationships, in my eyes don't seem very happy. they co-exist and they share lot of practical things (homes, cars, lives, friends) but their intimacy is a kind of practical business arrangement, but it works for them - they get to have their cake and eat it too! they have sex with each other when there is a 3rd joining them. one is usually more on the prowl and looking for attention, while the other is absorbed in work and accommodates the others' wishes.

    all the people who i know that are in closed relationships seem to be more content and stable people. they're not on the prowl, they are happy with who and what they have in life, and they don't need any more. they never have to justify their relationship. they seems perfectly satisfied and it works for them.

    ultimately its about what works for you and your partner. some people are built for it, others are not and don't care to be. i'm of the latter group.
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    May 26, 2012 1:35 PM GMT
    Pros: Maintain your promiscuous slut status.
    Cons: Maintain your promiscuous slut status.
    icon_eek.gif
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    May 26, 2012 1:44 PM GMT
    kingmo saidhere's what i see:

    all the people who i personally know in open relationships, in my eyes don't seem very happy. they co-exist and they share lot of practical things (homes, cars, lives, friends) but their intimacy is a kind of practical business arrangement, but it works for them - they get to have their cake and eat it too! they have sex with each other when there is a 3rd joining them. one is usually more on the prowl and looking for attention, while the other is absorbed in work and accommodates the others' wishes.

    all the people who i know that are in closed relationships seem to be more content and stable people. they're not on the prowl, they are happy with who and what they have in life, and they don't need any more. they never have to justify their relationship. they seems perfectly satisfied and it works for them.

    ultimately its about what works for you and your partner. some people are built for it, others are not and don't care to be. i'm of the latter group.


    I dont find that to be true for my friends. The ones that are open and the ones that are closed are exactly the same. The ones that are open have actually been together longer.
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    May 26, 2012 2:41 PM GMT

    pros: It works out great because you're both happy in it.

    cons: It doesn't work out because one of you isn't happy in it.

    Issues of trust etc can make or break any relationship. icon_wink.gif
  • Shark100

    Posts: 234

    May 26, 2012 2:59 PM GMT
    Have sex with a guy out of ur rel. Sum the amount of guys that guy has slept with, including the dicks and arses he had rimmed and fucked and sucked, include the once those other guys had slept with...voila you are a complete slut....safer sex is not safe sex. Keep dreaming u trust ur partner is having "safe sex", with others and let him have bareback sex with you, at the end you trust him... or not. Or you dont love him enough ???.

    I agree with prevous guys who cant see pros in an open rel. , but I guess it is up to you. In my case I would not like to go bed with my man with the feeling where the fuck his cock or arse have been.

    If there is need or curiosity to include a third one, I could consider possible with conditions: play together and trusting that person, otherwise I prefer to stay alone thinking tha I am the only man created to be monogamous and faithful. Sorry if I offended someone but it freaks me out to see how something that amazing like sex has turned into a vicious undervalued habit.
  • TallguyNLA

    Posts: 440

    Jun 12, 2012 5:53 AM GMT
    showme said
    SactownItalian said
    TallguyNLA said Con--- An "open relationship" is NOT a relationship at all. why say you're "together" when you aren't?

    Con-- If you have sex with other people and still get in the same bed together at night, who else knows what you or your "partner" is actually bringing home?

    Con-- No trust, no emotional security, no trust, nothing is real.



    Pros--- you don't have to lie to each other about anything because there was never anything to begin with...


    my relationship is a relationship. thank you very much. like my statement above, Id put my relationship up against any monogamous one, including yours and know we would come out as equals or stronger icon_biggrin.gif


    Thank you. Every time this topic comes up some know it all twit posts judgmental crap like this.

    Neither type of relationship is better, it all depends on what works for you at the time. I have an openish relationship but it's been 25 years. I don't think being open would have worked for us in the early days. It takes a lot of trust and communication.



    Funny how guys in an "openish" or "open" relationship are always having to DEFEND their point.....
    Im no know it all, and Im not perfect...NOBODY IS, but be real with yourself. icon_exclaim.gifWHY THE HELL WOULD YOU HAVE TO FUCK OTHER PEOPLE SO YOU CAN STAY WITH ONE PERSON??????????
    JUST BE SINGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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    Jun 12, 2012 6:09 AM GMT
    I wouldn't consider myself an expert, but in reality... the pros and cons are going to be personal. No one person on this site or anywhere can answer that for you. There are going to be things you can live with, and things that you can't. THOSE are the things that you discuss with your partner before opening up your relationship. And if you both agree, and it works for you? More power to you.

    There's no real written rule to the type of relationship you HAVE to have... it's whatever works for you and your partner. Could range from being completely wide open, to completely closed and monogamous, or anywhere in between.

    Personally I don't think it could ever work for me. It doesn't appeal to me. I don't get into a relationship with someone unless I have pretty strong feelings and connection with them - that sense of not wanting anyone else. But that's just me. And does that mean I will never go the open route? Not really (Never is a long time). It's just not likely.


    Dan Savage has a pretty decent response: