SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP

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    Jul 24, 2008 12:48 PM GMT
    Ok, I know this isn't all things gay. But the best form of birth control, is taking care of a newborn baby. I'm sleep deprived, I'm ill, and I'm not sure how much longer I can take it. To those of you out there who have kids.. how the hell did you do it??? She's not mine, but I take care of her every night because the mom doesn't know how to be a real mom, and the dad, well he might as well be dead for all the damn kid knows. I guess in a way, you can say I'm really all she has. I've gotten a total of maybe 8-10 hours of sleep this week. She falls asleep when she has the bottle, but when I lay her down, she wakes up and screams the min my hand leaves her head. ARGH. I love the kid to death, but I'm about ready to just tell the mom that I can't do it anymore. Any advice on how to get and keep this child asleep?
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    Jul 24, 2008 12:50 PM GMT
    Vibrating chair?
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    Jul 24, 2008 12:50 PM GMT
    Tried it, doesn't work.. have also tried the swing. Singing to her, playing music, even the kind that sounds like the womb.. nothing will work.
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    Jul 24, 2008 12:52 PM GMT
    Send for adoption?
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    Jul 24, 2008 12:58 PM GMT
    Lol, I couldn't do that.
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    Jul 24, 2008 1:44 PM GMT
    Ok. I think a baby seriously feels the emotions someone is projecting at them. hence why a frantic parent will only make a crying baby worse.

    My niece is old enough to be told when to sleep (just tell her a bedtime story and she's off to dreamland, LOL, I love that kid). My nephew however, is still in the 'learning to speak' stage. And unfortunately, he's already learned one important word: Ayaw, Visayan for 'Don't/No', which he says over and over whenever he doesn't want to sleep. Argh.

    I say it's often impossible to put children to sleep if they're not tired. The few times I've succeeded is when I pick them up and just rock them to sleep. In this case, it's important not to let your other emotions seep through (e.g. Frustration: 'Gotosleepnowkid!!!' or 'Fuckimgonnabelateifthiskiddoesntsleepnow'! icon_lol.gif ). Kids can sense that.

    Ok this might not work especially for evry young kids, but I project a kind of protective/reassuring mood on the baby, and that always seem to convince them to close their eyes and sleep.

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    Jul 24, 2008 1:55 PM GMT
    taken it for a lil drive yet? my folks apparently used to do that for my sister, and she'd pass out by the time they got around the first block. good thing fuel was so pricey back in the early 80s
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    Jul 24, 2008 1:56 PM GMT
    jms84 saidtaken it for a lil drive yet? my folks apparently used to do that for my sister, and she'd pass out by the time they got around the first block. good thing fuel was so pricey back in the early 80s


    icon_eek.gif OMG, did you check for Carbon monoxide leaks?!! LOL
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    Jul 24, 2008 2:15 PM GMT
    My best friend used to add a 3 ml of Baileys or Kahlua to the milk preparation in the feeding bottle to her niece back then. Now the niece is 14, alive and well, and excelling in school.
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    Jul 24, 2008 3:01 PM GMT
    I AM SUDDENLY PISSED OFF BY THIS THREAD!!!

    WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE SURROGATE GAY UNCLE TRAPPED IN THIS KIND OF SHITUATION!?!?!


    I'm submitting this post now before it gets ugly... "mama didn't raise no fool."
  • gumbosolo

    Posts: 382

    Jul 24, 2008 3:10 PM GMT
    Sedative's right, babies will absorb the emotional atmosphere around them. Mostly it's the fault of her crap parents, but you're getting the brunt of it. The best thing may be to play with her for a bit-- something that gets her laughing and uses some serious energy-- makes her feel safe. And it'll tire both of you out . . . not that that's a problem for you. Keep trying; it's a mighty good thing you're doing.
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    Jul 24, 2008 3:20 PM GMT
    try feeding her right before bedtime. something like mashed potatoes will fill her tummy and keep her sleeping. My god-daughter was the same way, she would wake up as soon as she was moved or layed down. you could try sleeping with her on the sofa or bed where she knows you are right there and you can sleep while she does.
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jul 24, 2008 3:36 PM GMT
    ZiMpLuS saidI AM SUDDENLY PISSED OFF BY THIS THREAD!!!

    WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE SURROGATE GAY UNCLE TRAPPED IN THIS KIND OF SHITUATION!?!?!


    I'm submitting this post now before it gets ugly... "mama didn't raise no fool."


    surely there are different reasons, but for some guys its the nearest they will get to a family. My nehpews are like my kids, because I know exactly that I wont be able to adopt.
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    Jul 24, 2008 3:41 PM GMT
    haha. Sleepless nights with babies is nothing new. I don't know if it is as bad as it seems but the notion of neglectful parents disturbs me very much. Do you burp her after you feed her (I am assuming she is getting enough to eat)? In my memory (all my nieces and nephews are grown now) it seems that dirty diapers and gas were the most common reasons for my little ones crying.
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    Jul 24, 2008 4:02 PM GMT
    I've been there, lil - try a white noise machine:

    http://www.sleepwellbaby.com/SleepMate-980-White-Noise-Machine-p/sm-980.htm

  • fitnfunmich

    Posts: 181

    Jul 24, 2008 4:04 PM GMT
    How old is the baby? What and how much and how often is she being fed? Do you have any family there in SC to help, like your Mom maybe? Has the child been seen by her pediatrician???
  • Mikeylikesit

    Posts: 1021

    Jul 24, 2008 4:41 PM GMT
    Sound like a typical Colicky baby!!...Two of my neices where like that. It WILL get better....LOL icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 24, 2008 4:52 PM GMT
    Hi lilmaninsc,
    Unfortunately I can't give you advice on what to do for the baby. I just want you to know, I think your name should be bigmaninsc. It is really great what you are doing. You are a good and loving man. I just wanted to tell you, I am proud of you for what you are doing.
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    Jul 24, 2008 4:57 PM GMT
    ruck_us saidI've been there, lil - try a white noise machine:

    http://www.sleepwellbaby.com/SleepMate-980-White-Noise-Machine-p/sm-980.htm



    Try running water too. Crazy I know, but it may just work.
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    Jul 24, 2008 6:42 PM GMT
    Lots of good advice guys. She just turned 1 month old yesterday. She eats 4 - 6 oz every 3-4 hours. I burp her every oz or so. Change her diaper every time. I normally don't let it get to me that she can't get to sleep, but last night was a rough night. I will try some of the things you guys said. Maybe the car ride, that used to work for me as well. She was seen by her pediatrician(sp?) about a week ago and they said she was fine. Maybe it is a result of the parents not being there for her, I don't know. She finally went to sleep for a good 4 hours and I did get some sleep. Mommy has her now, big whoop. She can't do anything with the kid because she gets so aggrivated, hence the reason why I always take over. Thanks again guys.
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    Jul 24, 2008 7:06 PM GMT
    this helped for me and it's worth a try.

    take a shirt that the mother's worn for a day, turn it inside out, put it on yourself or drape it over your shoulder, put the baby against it - it should calm her (mother's scent)
  • BrooksideGuy

    Posts: 20

    Jul 24, 2008 7:23 PM GMT
    lilmaninsc saidLots of good advice guys. She just turned 1 month old yesterday. She eats 4 - 6 oz every 3-4 hours. I burp her every oz or so. Change her diaper every time. I normally don't let it get to me that she can't get to sleep, but last night was a rough night. I will try some of the things you guys said. Maybe the car ride, that used to work for me as well. She was seen by her pediatrician(sp?) about a week ago and they said she was fine. Maybe it is a result of the parents not being there for her, I don't know. She finally went to sleep for a good 4 hours and I did get some sleep. Mommy has her now, big whoop. She can't do anything with the kid because she gets so aggrivated, hence the reason why I always take over. Thanks again guys.


    Does she sleep in a separate crib or in your bed? Try making a small nest out of pillows/blankets in your bed. At 1 month old she's going to still be on her mom's sleep cycle. Babies typically sleep for a couple hours, then wake back up. Not getting any sleep goes with the job of taking care of a baby. There's nothing wrong with the kid and this is something that you'll just have to adapt to. The baby will slowly adapt to your sleep cycle but it will take a while.
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    Jul 25, 2008 2:17 AM GMT
    My x and I had two, so I've been there !!! the idea of the mother's scent is true, and if the mother is nervous with the baby, and fretfull, yelling, claims she cannot do anything with it, you can expect the baby to be upset. The poor little baby needs security and a calm invironment, with calm affectionate touching, holding, calm talking. you cannot expect if its in and around turmoil all day for it to calm down for you this early in its life. The only thing I can suggest is that you and the mother have to decide, is she going to be with you every night, or 5 days or nights a week whatever you decide, it has to be consistent. the baby will be upset each time its program is changed. So if your going to take care of her nights try the shirt idea with mothers scent, feed the baby, change her and read to her in a rocker and gently rock back and forth, speak soothingly to her then put her to bed with the mothers scented clothing. Your going to have to let her cry herself to sleep several times. She won't die from crying LOL !!! ( babies are smart, and learn quick how to get attention, so if you reasonably know she's got no reason to cry, ignore it and let her cry until she falls asleep, if she gets attention for every cry, she's going to cry for attention) after a few nights she will get used to your routine, she will wake up hungry or wet at that age, so your going to have to put up with some of that. It does get better, but whatever you and the mother decide, it has to be consistent or the baby will be upset with every change. Consistence is key. Can you put her in a room next to where you sleep rather than in the same room? Your a great guy to take this on !!! you have to realize though, that if when with the mother, she's treated poorly, and around constant confusion that you cannot correct the damage done in the few hours you have her. So if your willing to commit, you'll have to commit to some timeframe thats consistent and frequent, or your in a losing battle to undo damage from the mother's home environment during short and infrequent stays at your place. I hope this common sense stuff makes sense to you LOL !!! and sorry for repeating the consistency theme, but it is of utmost importance and cannot be stressed enough. The best of luck !!!
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    Jul 25, 2008 2:35 AM GMT
    Gosh. I don't much about taking care of infants.

    But I do know you're doing a wonderful thing. I found your post very touching. You must be a great guy.
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    Jul 25, 2008 4:11 AM GMT
    icon_eek.gif Looks like you already had my suggestions covered .. sounds like you are pretty good at this .. here is a web reference full of ideas. It talks about sound stuff too ..

    http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t051200.asp#top