I just came out and my mom she's trying to ignore it...What can I do now ?

  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    May 24, 2012 2:54 PM GMT
    I knew I was gay at the age 13 but I have never told my family about that.
    And I just come out to my mom last evening , she didnt express anything... Neither acceptance nor reject but I could see that she was really angry.

    In my country , people doesnt hate gays or lesbians but it doesnt mean they accept it.

    So does my mother , she always thinks that being gay is something unacceptable , she doesnt believe in gay happiness and keeps ignore what she just heard from me.

    I think I should show her some photos and stories about gay family , convince her about what Im gonna do for my future.

    Can I do anything else ? Anyone has experience about these things like this ?
    All of your advices are appreciated.
    Thank you icon_smile.gif
    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    ignore my grammar.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2012 3:15 PM GMT
    She might LOOK like she is ignoring it but is really trying to process it in her head. This can take time.

    icon_wink.gif
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    May 24, 2012 3:18 PM GMT
    Don't force the issue, give her some time to process. She'll come around.
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    May 24, 2012 3:38 PM GMT
    meninlove said She might LOOK like she is ignoring it but is really trying to process it in her head. This can take time.

    icon_wink.gif

    Hothouse saidDon't force the issue, give her some time to process. She'll come around.


    oh I see , I was so impulsive.
    Thank you so much icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2012 5:56 PM GMT
    karl3s saidI think I should show her some photos and stories about gay family, convince her about what Im gonna do for my future.

    Can I do anything else ? Anyone has experience about these things like this ?
    All of your advices are appreciated.

    A common response by parents is to hope that this is a passing phase, that the gay will go away on its own, like a youthful case of acne.

    In the US we have an organization called PFLAG (pronounced pea-flag), for which I've provided a link below. It provides information and resources to parents of gay children, and also can assure parents that having a gay son or daughter is not something they can or should change.

    I realize not all of this may be applicable in your country, and that PFLAG may use some approaches that reflect more of American culture than yours. Nevertheless, whether you show it to your mother or not, it may give you some ideas on how to handle your coming out to her.

    http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2012 6:00 PM GMT
    It probably took you awhile to come to peace with who you are (I know it took me time). As others have said, give your mom time to work through it, and let her know that you're the same son, no matter what, and that your love for her hasn't changed.
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    May 24, 2012 6:09 PM GMT
    I don't think you were impulsive - you just told her the truth.
    The thing is now, you've got to give her some time to realize that her son is no different than before you told her. I won't say that your relationship with your mom will be just like it was, but now you can live honestly. I think most mothers will rally and accept and love their son. There are exceptions, but you have to be true to yourself first and foremost, and it is much better in the long run to not have to keep hiding the truth from your parents.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2012 6:15 PM GMT
    It's curious but, actually, i had a similar experience when i came out to my parents. In a first moment, they didn't believe me (very "straight-acting" to be gay, i guess), then, they just ignored this fact.
    Honestly, i've never tried to change this situation. I don't like to talk too much with them, so it's ok. we live in different worlds: i don't make any try to understand them, they don't make any try to understand me, so we ignore each other and don't try to convice of anything to anybody. It's fair.
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    May 24, 2012 6:19 PM GMT
    Another thing we have to remember is that coming out to your parents is a big deal for them too. From birth, they have expectations and dreams for their children. For most, being gay isn't one of them. So once they're told by a child that their child is gay, they have to go through a process of understanding and accepting that information. They may have known all along, and they're ok with it right away, or they may have suspected and now have to accept and deal with it. They may not have had a clue, and it's a shock to them. They will have to go through a process of realization just like each of us did understanding and accepting our own sexuality. Some parents will have an easier time than others with all of this. And, sadly, some parents never come to terms with it and alienate themselves from their child. At least with each new generation there is more understanding and acceptance - and hopefully one day, a child's "coming out" won't be a big deal at all. Everyone's experience is different, but hopefully most parents love their children unconditionally, and only want the best for them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2012 6:22 PM GMT
    i have a chinese mom too. when i came out, my dad kinda smiled and said, "yes, i thought so". my mom was like yours: shocked.

    it turns out she was much more conservative than she thought of herself! it took her a while to adjust to the new information, which i had come to accept over the span of several years of self-realisation. for my mom, what i did was i would talk about all the normal things that we normally would talk about, but don't edit out the gay things. i would talk about my gay friends, their dating life, the normal problems that young people go through - i.e. normalise the subject, and show her that she already knew gay people who are smart, and good, and strong, and like family to her.

    she came to realise that all the issues are the same, whether you're gay or straight. but i think when i first told her, all she could think about was the sex (!) and the possible danger or ridicule that gay people may face. she just needed to know that times have changed, that its just like "women's lib" (re: gender equality), and she became fine with it.
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    May 26, 2012 6:26 AM GMT
    karl3s saidI knew I was gay at the age 13 but I have never told my family about that.
    And I just come out to my mom last evening , she didnt express anything... Neither acceptance nor reject but I could see that she was really angry.

    In my country , people doesnt hate gays or lesbians but it doesnt mean they accept it.

    So does my mother , she always thinks that being gay is something unacceptable , she doesnt believe in gay happiness and keeps ignore what she just heard from me.

    I think I should show her some photos and stories about gay family , convince her about what Im gonna do for my future.

    Can I do anything else ? Anyone has experience about these things like this ?
    All of your advices are appreciated.
    Thank you icon_smile.gif
    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    ignore my grammar.


    Lol. Dude this was my mom's same reaction. I'm not sure there is anything you can do except just keep living your life. Remember that females often cope with the real world through the world of make believe and "pretend it didn't happen." Eventually they tend to accept reality but they have to do it on their own terms in their own time. Damn, I almost sound like a dude who has a clue about what he's saying, lol. Well it sounds good anyway.
  • rac727

    Posts: 196

    May 26, 2012 6:45 AM GMT
    my mom did the same thing i came out when i was 18 im 22 she still pretends like it never happened which is fine i know its out there now so weather takes her a few years to except it or not at least the clock is ticking =)