Sometimes I wonder if I'm really gay...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2012 9:17 PM GMT
    I'm so damn picky about what guys I like, and I can't help this. On the other hand, I can find a good percentage of girls attractive and doable. The thing is, I've only been in love with a guy, not a girl. I just wish it was easier!

    I also regret having hook ups with guys, whereas girls I don't! Man, my mind is fucked up. Anyone else have this issue? I'm guessing it stems from years of hating myself.
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    May 24, 2012 9:26 PM GMT
    mikkeb, you're far too young and much too cute to worry about things like that. Like who you like, f**k who you wanna f**k (safely, please) and enjoy yourself. 21 doesn't last very long, baby boy, so try not to waste time in unnecessary guilt and regret.
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    May 24, 2012 9:40 PM GMT
    Hey man... I've been right where you are at. I promise you, although it seems confusing right now, you will eventually settle somewhere and know who you are. A lot of gay guys (if they knew me) would be offended by my eventual choice.

    I call myself a closeted "Gay Curious". Gay because I know I am not sexually attracted to women and Curious because I have chosen not to live the gay lifestyle, yet would give anything to have a guy to love and take care of... but not necessarily sexually.

    Sounds pretty messed up doesn't it? I have had several sexual encounters with guys in my life. The sex part was great, but then I wasn't happy afterwards. I have decided that the reason was because all that was there was the sex... the focus was totally on fulfiling crazy lust.

    I don't think there are easy answers out there. There is lots of advice like I am kind of giving right now... but, eventually, you will have to come up with your own conclusion and make your own choices about what kind of life you want. Personally, I think the stigma attached to the whole homosexual thing makes it even more difficult for people to ultimately make the choice that would make them happiest.

    I don't know if any of that helped or made it more confusing. icon_smile.gif I guess I can sum it all up by saying, "Although life really flies by (and it does!) take your time to really explore who you are and what you want." To me it's better to have one or two incredible experiences than to have dozens that break your heart in the end and leave you feeling empty.

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    May 24, 2012 9:43 PM GMT
    If you sleep with a female then you are considered out half-brother also known as bisexuals.
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    May 24, 2012 9:48 PM GMT
    mikkeb saidI'm guessing it stems from years of hating myself.
    Since you know where it stems from, you know where to work the hardest. Once you get over the guilt that's been implanted into most of us since birth, your life will be much happier. *hugs* icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 24, 2012 9:52 PM GMT
    dontknowwhy saidIf you sleep with a female then you are considered out half-brother also known as bisexuals.

    So I'm a bisexual??? icon_eek.gif
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    May 24, 2012 9:58 PM GMT
    dontknowwhy saidIf you sleep with a female then you are considered out half-brother also known as bisexuals.



    Tru_Blu_Canadian, diddums?
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    May 25, 2012 12:16 AM GMT
    Thanks for the advice so far. It's weird because I'm looking for a really strong emotional connection to a guy that eventually leads to sex (like robdaviv). Not sure I could form a great connection with a woman, though I suppose it's possible. I guess labels aren't needed and I'll like what comes my way.
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    May 25, 2012 12:17 AM GMT
    Iceblink said
    dontknowwhy saidIf you sleep with a female then you are considered out half-brother also known as bisexuals.



    Tru_Blu_Canadian, diddums?


    Plus 1

    its all coming together now lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2012 2:49 AM GMT
    Well I don't know how to break this, but here goes:

    You are bisexual and maybe even heteroflexible.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    May 25, 2012 2:59 AM GMT
    Unfounded, your dog doesn't count.
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    May 25, 2012 3:05 AM GMT
    mizzouguy10 saidYou have the worst case of gay face I've seen in a while. I don't think even the most forgiving person would think you're straight.

    It's cute you're so in denial though.


    5z7b.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2012 3:14 AM GMT
    I'm on the same boat as you dude except the part where u hate urself after being with guys...that stopped when I accepted I was attracted to guys too.
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    May 26, 2012 6:05 AM GMT
    mikkeb saidI'm so damn picky about what guys I like, and I can't help this. On the other hand, I can find a good percentage of girls attractive and doable. The thing is, I've only been in love with a guy, not a girl. I just wish it was easier!

    I also regret having hook ups with guys, whereas girls I don't! Man, my mind is fucked up. Anyone else have this issue? I'm guessing it stems from years of hating myself.


    I feel you bro. And in my case it doesn't help matters that chicks seem to be drawn to me and I'm just being nice to them, you know. This one chick told me it's because I'm a sensitive kinda guy with them. Even when I tell them I like dudes, a lot of them don't even seem to blink. Just drive ahead and offer up the booty and I often can not turn it down, because of my horniness lol. And getting chicks seems easier for me too than getting dudes. Dudes act more complicated to hook up with, well with me they do anyway, than chicks. But dudes is what I want and it's my best sex to me. It's all weird. What the hell bro? So yeah, I feel you man and you are not alone.
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    May 26, 2012 6:18 AM GMT
    It sounds like you are strictly sexually attracted to women, while you are both emotionally/romantically and sexually attracted to men. I have talked to a few bi guys who feel this way, so it is not as uncommon as you think. I suspect it is sort of a procreative sex drive. Once the deed is done, your emotional/romantic attachment is non-existent, so you move on. Maybe that is why you don't have any 'regrets' after hooking up with women, while you maybe want something more out of your sexual encounters with men???
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    May 26, 2012 6:40 AM GMT
    mizzouguy10 said
    Alpha1 saidIt sounds like you are strictly sexually attracted to women, while you are both emotionally/romantically and sexually attracted to men. I have talked to a few bi guys who feel this way, so it is not as uncommon as you think. I suspect it is sort of a procreative sex drive. Once the deed is done, your emotional/romantic attachment is non-existent, so you move on. Maybe that is why you don't have any 'regrets' after hooking up with women, while you maybe want something more out of your sexual encounters with men???


    You must be from the South because that is some of the most convoluted logic I've seen on RJ.


    What does the South have to do with being convoluted? Moreover, I've read a few of your own posts.... get off your high horse.
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    May 26, 2012 6:45 AM GMT
    mizzouguy10 said
    Alpha1 said
    mizzouguy10 said
    Alpha1 saidIt sounds like you are strictly sexually attracted to women, while you are both emotionally/romantically and sexually attracted to men. I have talked to a few bi guys who feel this way, so it is not as uncommon as you think. I suspect it is sort of a procreative sex drive. Once the deed is done, your emotional/romantic attachment is non-existent, so you move on. Maybe that is why you don't have any 'regrets' after hooking up with women, while you maybe want something more out of your sexual encounters with men???


    You must be from the South because that is some of the most convoluted logic I've seen on RJ.


    What does the South have to do with being convoluted? Moreover, I've read a few of your own posts.... get off your high horse.


    The South isn't known for its prestigious schooling, that's how it's related to having convoluted logic.

    I have no horse.


    And I take it Missouri is renown for it is intellectual excellence? Spare me your bullshit. I was making an observation for the OP's benefit. I am not going to waste my time arguing with a cowardly homo hiding in the shadows.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2012 2:09 PM GMT
    mikkeb saidI'm so damn picky about what guys I like, and I can't help this. On the other hand, I can find a good percentage of girls attractive and doable. The thing is, I've only been in love with a guy, not a girl. I just wish it was easier!

    I also regret having hook ups with guys, whereas girls I don't! Man, my mind is fucked up. Anyone else have this issue? I'm guessing it stems from years of hating myself.


    I think with the second sentence you hit the nail on the head. Hating being gay makes us want to be straight, in some ways.... and it makes us question our reality..... Love yourself and go after whatever you feel is right FOR YOU. Not what other people want. We all have to be the master of our own destiny.
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    May 26, 2012 2:51 PM GMT
    mikkeb saidI'm so damn picky about what guys I like, and I can't help this. On the other hand, I can find a good percentage of girls attractive and doable. The thing is, I've only been in love with a guy, not a girl. I just wish it was easier!

    I also regret having hook ups with guys, whereas girls I don't! Man, my mind is fucked up. Anyone else have this issue? I'm guessing it stems from years of hating myself.



    I'm in the same space since my divorce but I figure it's like the weather and there is absolutely no reason to bitch about it but you can focus on enjoying each and every unique and continuing changing aspect of it. Society creates easy roles you can assume as well but they don't allow much flexibility.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 26, 2012 2:58 PM GMT
    Sounds like it isn't a gay/non gay issue, but just your acceptance of others and what you want in your life. Nothing wrong with that, but remember that flexibility is a key to happiness. Don't be too inflexible or to find fault in others, that can be a problem.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    May 26, 2012 3:04 PM GMT
    mikkeb saidI'm so damn picky about what guys I like, and I can't help this. On the other hand, I can find a good percentage of girls attractive and doable. The thing is, I've only been in love with a guy, not a girl. I just wish it was easier!

    I also regret having hook ups with guys, whereas girls I don't! Man, my mind is fucked up. Anyone else have this issue? I'm guessing it stems from years of hating myself.


    This sounds like half the young gay guys I know. Just because you find girls attractive doesn't make you straight. Just because you find guys attractive doesn't make you gay. It's about who you connect with. Who you think you are going to end up falling in love and spending your life with. I think you don't care about hook ups with girls because you aren't emotionally invested. That's how it was for me anyways.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2012 3:10 PM GMT
    you're possibly bisexual, leaning towards gay, I'd say a 4 or 5 on the Kinsey scale http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale
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    May 26, 2012 3:20 PM GMT
    mikkeb saidThanks for the advice so far. It's weird because I'm looking for a really strong emotional connection to a guy that eventually leads to sex (like robdaviv). Not sure I could form a great connection with a woman, though I suppose it's possible. I guess labels aren't needed and I'll like what comes my way.


    Based on your own words sounds like you are gay but are too young and immature (not meant in a bad way, just limited life experience to work with) to admit it to yourself. A lot of guys do this at your age. I readily admit I did and really fucked up my life by trying to live as a bisexual, then hetero, but wasn't completely happy and comfortable with myself until I accepted myself for what I was - a gay man.

    It is only by being truly honest with yourself and accepting yourself that you will find peace with yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2012 3:27 PM GMT
    You're gay. Trust me. I know these things. icon_surprised.gif
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    Jun 04, 2012 9:51 PM GMT
    mizzouguy10 saidYou have the worst case of gay face I've seen in a while. I don't think even the most forgiving person would think you're straight.

    It's cute you're so in denial though.


    Bold words for a man without a pic. Yours is for sure better icon_rolleyes.gif