L, I know exactly what you're going through, I went through it myself. It took me a good year and several bad experiences with church to actually let myself be who I really am. I was in 2 relationships, and broke up with both both of them because I felt "guilty". I remember after the last breakup thinking that I'd be alone for the rest of my life. I still thought homosexuality was a sin. I started going to church more, and reading books like "Washed and Waiting" by Wesley Hill which deals specifically with this issue. I also started getting counseling.
That phase lasted about 4 months, and I suffered frequent bouts of depression. I felt awful after leaving church Sunday, and that's when I realized I should at least take a break for a while. I told the leadership of that church that I was going to take a break, and they said "Is it because you're seeing another guy? Just trying to keep you accountable bro." Well, that pissed me off more than anything, because these guys hadn't had a conversation with me since I joined their church several months prior.
Once I stopped going to church, I was markedly happier. My friends noticed, my counselor noticed, everyone noticed. My depression was almost gone completely. I came out to my friends (to which they gave me a group hug), and decided to never lie about my sexuality again. That was September, 2011, and I've been much happier ever since. But you know something sad? None of my friends I had made at that church kept in touch after that. So I guess they were never my friends to begin with, huh?
Is my faith still important to me? I think I have to say yes. However, it's not something I think about on a daily basis, because I know how much pain it gives me. In fact, I still get offended when people make ignorant remarks about Christianity. Right now, I'm still in a phase where I'm searching for how Christianity fits into my new life. I know you might say sounds like a cookie-cutter approach; some might even call me apostate. However, I do know that going to church right now is not an option for me; I've had too many bad experiences with fake people pretending to "be there" for me.
Something ironic has happened because of all this; I've had more conversations about my faith than I ever have in my entire life. I'm able to talk about my genuine experiences with Christianity with complete non-believers. True, I can't say whole-heartedly that I believe myself anymore, but it's funny how many people want to know about that stuff.
I hope some of my experiences have helped you sort out some of your own feelings. If I had any advice to give you, it would be this: don't stifle who you are; "dying to the flesh" is different than dying to your core being. It's not just that you're attracted to men; you also have the capacity for genuine love for another man. And don't let people tell you you can't be a Christian if you're gay.
***Update Feb 2013***
I'm amazed that I still get messages from people who have read this and were able to relate and draw comfort from it. I just reread it, and I feel the need to update it.
A year later, I still do not regularly go to a church. I've moved from Orlando to LA. I've been to a few with friends, but they are gay-friendly churches (something I'm still very conflicted about). It's interesting to see just how many gay people attend church out here. It just goes to show that we have a desire to connect with something greater than ourselves.
I do believe in God and what the Bible says. I can understand why churches are anti-homosexuality. For myself, I can't make a church like that my home anymore. If I ever join a church again, their doctrine would have to be inclusive of the LGBT community.
I'm just beginning to really pray again. Once when I was attending a gay-friendly Catholic church with my friends, the homily was about how we place too much emphasis on ourselves as our own priest, when Jesus is our high priest. So if you ever don't feel like praying, or if you don't know the words to say, rest in the fact that Jesus is your intercessor.
It's true you don't have to go to church to have a relationship with God. One goes to church to connect with a community of believers.