Balancing Christianity and Homosexuality

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2012 7:53 AM GMT
    Hey guys,
    I am a young gay Christian male. I believe homosexuality is a sin just like any other sin such as murdering or gossiping. I hate it that I am gay however I have had homosexual relationships I have come out to my friends but am considering just suppressing my homosexual side and just maybe being single for the rest of my life I don't really know. Whenever I am in a homosexual relationship and it gets serious or goes for a relatively long time period I start feeling even more guilty and am forced to break up with him. I am really lost don't know what to do or feel. I can't abandon my faith. Thoughts? Experiences? Anybody willing to talk about this? I can skype or message or whatever.
    Many thanks,
    L
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    May 25, 2012 12:13 PM GMT
    Dude, you had better realize who and what you are and get over it. Sounds tough, but if your faith doesn't allow you to be yourself, how can you believe in something that doesn't believe in you?
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    May 25, 2012 12:17 PM GMT
    http://www.gaychurch.org/find_a_church/find_a_church.htm

    I'd recommend joining an accepting church. I doubt it will spell eternal damnation just for picking one denomination over another.
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    May 25, 2012 12:20 PM GMT
    God believes in him...it's the people who have the problem.
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    May 25, 2012 12:23 PM GMT
    Is like balancing your right to speak and your right to eat. Just be both without an dependency on one from the other.
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    May 25, 2012 12:39 PM GMT
    L, I know exactly what you're going through, I went through it myself. It took me a good year and several bad experiences with church to actually let myself be who I really am. I was in 2 relationships, and broke up with both both of them because I felt "guilty". I remember after the last breakup thinking that I'd be alone for the rest of my life. I still thought homosexuality was a sin. I started going to church more, and reading books like "Washed and Waiting" by Wesley Hill which deals specifically with this issue. I also started getting counseling.

    That phase lasted about 4 months, and I suffered frequent bouts of depression. I felt awful after leaving church Sunday, and that's when I realized I should at least take a break for a while. I told the leadership of that church that I was going to take a break, and they said "Is it because you're seeing another guy? Just trying to keep you accountable bro." Well, that pissed me off more than anything, because these guys hadn't had a conversation with me since I joined their church several months prior.

    Once I stopped going to church, I was markedly happier. My friends noticed, my counselor noticed, everyone noticed. My depression was almost gone completely. I came out to my friends (to which they gave me a group hug), and decided to never lie about my sexuality again. That was September, 2011, and I've been much happier ever since. But you know something sad? None of my friends I had made at that church kept in touch after that. So I guess they were never my friends to begin with, huh?

    Is my faith still important to me? I think I have to say yes. However, it's not something I think about on a daily basis, because I know how much pain it gives me. In fact, I still get offended when people make ignorant remarks about Christianity. Right now, I'm still in a phase where I'm searching for how Christianity fits into my new life. I know you might say sounds like a cookie-cutter approach; some might even call me apostate. However, I do know that going to church right now is not an option for me; I've had too many bad experiences with fake people pretending to "be there" for me.

    Something ironic has happened because of all this; I've had more conversations about my faith than I ever have in my entire life. I'm able to talk about my genuine experiences with Christianity with complete non-believers. True, I can't say whole-heartedly that I believe myself anymore, but it's funny how many people want to know about that stuff.

    I hope some of my experiences have helped you sort out some of your own feelings. If I had any advice to give you, it would be this: don't stifle who you are; "dying to the flesh" is different than dying to your core being. It's not just that you're attracted to men; you also have the capacity for genuine love for another man. And don't let people tell you you can't be a Christian if you're gay.

    ***Update Feb 2013***

    I'm amazed that I still get messages from people who have read this and were able to relate and draw comfort from it. I just reread it, and I feel the need to update it.

    A year later, I still do not regularly go to a church. I've moved from Orlando to LA. I've been to a few with friends, but they are gay-friendly churches (something I'm still very conflicted about). It's interesting to see just how many gay people attend church out here. It just goes to show that we have a desire to connect with something greater than ourselves.

    I do believe in God and what the Bible says. I can understand why churches are anti-homosexuality. For myself, I can't make a church like that my home anymore. If I ever join a church again, their doctrine would have to be inclusive of the LGBT community.

    I'm just beginning to really pray again. Once when I was attending a gay-friendly Catholic church with my friends, the homily was about how we place too much emphasis on ourselves as our own priest, when Jesus is our high priest. So if you ever don't feel like praying, or if you don't know the words to say, rest in the fact that Jesus is your intercessor.

    It's true you don't have to go to church to have a relationship with God. One goes to church to connect with a community of believers.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2012 12:40 PM GMT
    suppressing it will make more damage internally. Stress and emotional burden and guilt will slowly eat away at you. I done it and feel horrible year after year. It gets worse. I think we have to accept how we feel. I think if you find a person that your compatible with, do not jump in bed right-away, get to know him and with time you can make that decision to be close to him or not.

    You can cuddle, kiss, hug etc.. and not feel guilty about it, only have sex when your ready and accept yourself and the way you are.

    Would you tell a heterosexual to not have sexual feelings, or fall in love? NO. Somehow it if was only a handful of people in the world that were gay then we could say this is not legit, but there are millions, there is nothing wrong with us. I too was born in a religious family and brought up to think it is wrong, but I did not choose to be this way. I was this way all the time from childhood. So accept who you are but be picky with who you want to have a relationship.
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    May 25, 2012 12:43 PM GMT
    Theres no need for balancing. Join a gay friendly denomination.

    If you are made in gods image how can anything be wrong with you?
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    May 25, 2012 12:52 PM GMT
    As was already mentioned, look at gay-friendly churches. There are plenty, not just MCC. I was a member of an Episcopal church for years and when I joined the church, I had a heart-to-heart with the preacher about my conflict between religion and homosexuality. She recommended the book, The Good Book, which is written by a Harvard-educated theologian. In it, he addresses the verses in the bible that deal specifically with homosexuality and how many of the conservative interpretations of the word simply don't stand up under deeper scrutiny.

    I have evolved much more spiritually since joining the church many years ago. For me, I have found a comfort outside of traditional religion. Regardless of your path, be real and authentic to yourself. Your life is a gift to be cherished and celebrated. Stop punishing yourself with your guilt and find love and acceptance for who you truly are. Peace.
  • stretch77

    Posts: 6

    May 25, 2012 12:54 PM GMT
    Lots of good comments here! I'm in a similar situation but I've had kids and my whole family belongs to a religion that will kick out and shun members who are gay or say they no longer believe what the religion teaches. I'm trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life now that I'm sick and tired of the fake religion, and have found a semi-serious relationship that, for thefirst time, I'm thinking could last.
    Pretty screwed up, right?
  • muscletruk

    Posts: 109

    May 25, 2012 12:55 PM GMT
    i feel god made me gay for a reason. the tough part is figuring out the reason.
    I second finding a church that will except you
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    May 25, 2012 12:56 PM GMT
    Simple: ditch your present faith. It´s hurting you. Either abandon the denomination or ditch the whole waste of space religion.

    Gonzo xxx
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    May 25, 2012 1:22 PM GMT
    http://daily-hell-n-brim.tumblr.com/post/23705058730/what-the-bible-does-and-doesnt-say-leviticus-18-and

    A very dear friend of mine, who is an Old Testament scholar, wrote this piece recently. She was a big part of my growth as both a gay man and a Christian, one of my first models that you actually can be both, and they don't have to be at odds with each other.

    What the Bible says and what the church today claims it says are very different things. There are actually very few (under 10, if I recall) places where the Bible references homosexuality, and of those, some are very clearly taken out of context and a few may never have been about homosexuality at all--that was just the closest thing translators could think the original writers might have been talking about.

    Of the one to two remaining references that are more problematic...well, the Bible has many more than 1-2 instructions about divorce, giving to the poor, lying, greed, and other things most churches today don't consider sins worthy of going to hell or concerted efforts to change state constitutions to outlaw.

    I definitely recommend looking for a church that is more accepting. And by accepting, that Doesn't mean ignoring homosexuality. A good church will help you wrestle through these issues, and ultimately, your faith will come out stronger when you aren't afraid to ask these kind of tough questions and work out the answers on your own, not just accepting what a pastor or priest tells you.
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    May 25, 2012 1:22 PM GMT
    big_nick_86 saidHey guys,
    I am a young gay Christian male. I believe homosexuality is a sin just like any other sin such as murdering or gossiping. I hate it that I am gay however I have had homosexual relationships I have come out to my friends but am considering just suppressing my homosexual side and just maybe being single for the rest of my life I don't really know. Whenever I am in a homosexual relationship and it gets serious or goes for a relatively long time period I start feeling even more guilty and am forced to break up with him.


    *sighs* There's so much wrong in this I'm not sure where to start.

    Let's begin here:
    "I believe homosexuality is a sin just like any other sin such as murdering or gossiping."
    Do you believe obese people should be treated the same as murderers? (gluttony)

    "I hate it that I am gay."
    If you believe in the love from god you need to ask why god made you this way and permitted your birth in the first place. Is god a doddering fool who makes mistakes?



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2012 1:39 PM GMT
    Let's go a step further into this.

    Do you believe god is the epitome of Love, so much so that no matter how much love you can muster it pales in comparison, like trying to use a candle to outshine the sun?

    Do you believe god is a cool implacable entity, impatient of worthless Man, demanding of Man a miserable existence, waiting for an unwary moment to strike him down in his sin?

    Do you believe no school teacher should be a woman? Is a girl allowed to ask questions in school?

    "Let the women learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression." (I Timothy 2:11-14)

    intrigued,

    - Doug
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    May 25, 2012 1:45 PM GMT
    Dude...check out Unity.org
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    May 25, 2012 2:06 PM GMT
    mybud saidDude...check out Unity.org
    That puts the closest church in North Charleston... if they're accepting of homosexual, I'd pay a visit.
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    May 25, 2012 2:20 PM GMT
    I believe in the tenet that we ALL have sinned, but that if we believe that God sent Jesus to die for our sins and redeem us, and we have faith...we will go to Heaven. Obviously this means that EVERY Christian should try to live a life that follows Biblical-New Testament principles. That means that if we become Christians and still do the same sinful things we did before we became zchristians, then it should give you pause in realizing what you need to do differently. There's a reason why you feel guilt for what you do that is not right. You could be straight, gay, whatever...it doesn't matter. If you act immorally, you won't feel good about it. You can be gay and have a Christian life if you have faith, repent if you do sin, and do your best not to do thm again. God doesn't expect us to be perfect. Jesus took that upon himself. But we do have to accept God and Jesus in our hearts.
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    May 25, 2012 2:31 PM GMT
    big_nick_86 saidHey guys,
    I am a young gay Christian male. I believe homosexuality is a sin just like any other sin such as murdering or gossiping. I hate it that I am gay however I have had homosexual relationships I have come out to my friends but am considering just suppressing my homosexual side and just maybe being single for the rest of my life I don't really know. Whenever I am in a homosexual relationship and it gets serious or goes for a relatively long time period I start feeling even more guilty and am forced to break up with him. I am really lost don't know what to do or feel. I can't abandon my faith. Thoughts? Experiences? Anybody willing to talk about this? I can skype or message or whatever.
    Many thanks,
    L

    I also feel the same way you do. My closest friends are the only ones that know where I stand on being gay. I think it is a sin as well. I DO NOT think that GOD intended any of us to be gay. I mean, look at all the calamity and turmoil that goes on throughout our community. It is a major deal breaker for most to learn that I am not for gay marriage either. And the only explanation I have is that, that was the way I was raised growing up in a Southern Baptist home. My parents never attended church when I was growing up, however, I would go with the neighborhood kids and found myself to be somewhat out of place spiritually. It is very hard to fight the homosexual urges and I find that, that may be one reason I really have frowned over the last couple of years in being intimate with anyone. I always feel dirty afterwards. People use the argument that straight people have just as many problems as homosexuals, however, I think we have it just that much harder. Stigma, prejudice, and discrimination stemming from negative societal attitudes toward homosexuality lead to a higher prevalence of mental health disorders among lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals compared to their heterosexual peers. There has to be something said about that. My advice would be to not let anyone deter you away from your Christian beliefs, somehow you have to find a balance between the two and find a place where you can be comfortable with both.
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    May 25, 2012 2:38 PM GMT
    fhaynie81, you said this, "I think it is a sin as well. I DO NOT think that GOD intended any of us to be gay. I mean, look at all the calamity and turmoil that goes on throughout our community."

    ....then said this, "Stigma, prejudice, and discrimination stemming from negative societal attitudes toward homosexuality lead to a higher prevalence of mental health disorders among lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals compared to their heterosexual peers."

    Have you considered that the second quote's observations are why you think the way you do in the first quote?

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    May 25, 2012 2:44 PM GMT
    fhaynie81 said
    big_nick_86 saidHey guys,
    I am a young gay Christian male. I believe homosexuality is a sin just like any other sin such as murdering or gossiping. I hate it that I am gay however I have had homosexual relationships I have come out to my friends but am considering just suppressing my homosexual side and just maybe being single for the rest of my life I don't really know. Whenever I am in a homosexual relationship and it gets serious or goes for a relatively long time period I start feeling even more guilty and am forced to break up with him. I am really lost don't know what to do or feel. I can't abandon my faith. Thoughts? Experiences? Anybody willing to talk about this? I can skype or message or whatever.
    Many thanks,
    L

    I also feel the same way you do. My closest friends are the only ones that know where I stand on being gay. I think it is a sin as well. I DO NOT think that GOD intended any of us to be gay. I mean, look at all the calamity and turmoil that goes on throughout our community. It is a major deal breaker for most to learn that I am not for gay marriage either. And the only explanation I have is that, that was the way I was raised growing up in a Southern Baptist home. My parents never attended church when I was growing up, however, I would go with the neighborhood kids and found myself to be somewhat out of place spiritually. It is very hard to fight the homosexual urges and I find that, that may be one reason I really have frowned over the last couple of years in being intimate with anyone. I always feel dirty afterwards. People use the argument that straight people have just as many problems as homosexuals, however, I think we have it just that much harder. Stigma, prejudice, and discrimination stemming from negative societal attitudes toward homosexuality lead to a higher prevalence of mental health disorders among lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals compared to their heterosexual peers. There has to be something said about that. My advice would be to not let anyone deter you away from your Christian beliefs, somehow you have to find a balance between the two and find a place where you can be comfortable with both.


    Wise and well put! Now can we hookup?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2012 2:52 PM GMT
    Ugh im glad i was never exposed to this type of oppressive religion.

    Went to church but my mother always said take whatever you hear in church with a grain of salt and learn to think for yourself.

    My understanding is religion is meant to uplift and keep you in touch with your spirituality. Not oppress and condemn. WTF??
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 25, 2012 2:53 PM GMT
    Well let me say, I am Christian and certainly very gay. I don't think that being gay "is a sin" and what you need to do is to take some time and explore different sides of christianity. I was raised in an episcopal church,
    which is very accepting. Take some time and talk to people from different
    christian denominations... know that it doesn't have to be "one or another".. and above all... you need to be happy, confident and satisfied with who you are. You deserve a happy life!

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    May 25, 2012 2:56 PM GMT
    fhaynie81 said
    I think it is a sin as well. I DO NOT think that GOD intended any of us to be gay.... It is a major deal breaker for most to learn that I am not for gay marriage either.


    There is so much that makes me sad and angry in this thread.
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    May 25, 2012 3:00 PM GMT
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