A rather nasty encounter with a bully

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2012 1:08 AM GMT
    I honestly have to say that this is the first time in my life I've been bullied. I've been out since I was 17 and have been lucky to have had all these years without any backlash. But today I got picked on over something really stupid (though it had nothing to do with me being gay).

    I was walking on the sidewalk warming up for my run in a nearby trail. I was minding my own business just walking and listening to my iPod. An older couple on bikes are approaching and swiftly pass me.

    Then suddenly the guy stops, turns around, and shouts at me: "Hey faggot, you're supposed to walk on the right 'cause we're on bikes here!"

    I heard him loud and clear, paused for a moment, and just kept walking and ignored him. He kept shouting as I walked. Then I heard him start to come after me where finally I turned around and said: "What? That rule doesn't exist! Besides, bikes are illegal on the sidewalk! Sidewalks are for pedestrians! You should be on the road in the bike lane as it's marked!"

    He shouted back at me: "This is America, and you're supposed to be on the right-hand side, you fucking dumbass!"

    I replied: "I'm American, too, but the Virginia law says what you and your wife are doing is illegal!"

    He blurted a bunch of other profanities. I was fed up with his shit and started to turn away. But then I made a grave mistake: I flipped him the finger.

    I regretted it as soon as I did it because then he started running after me, grabbed my shirt, and threatened to punch me. Some woman from a nearby apartment screamed from her balcony that she was going to call the cops. The guy let go of me, said more four-letter words, then finally went back to his wife. I went straight home after that because I was so pissed.

    I should've just continued to ignore him like I had before. Actually, I should've just started running since I was near the running trail anyway. He was a big boy who appeared to be in his late 30s, so I doubt he would've been able to catch me. He wouldn't have even been able to catch me on his bike since there would've been a lot of hills to slow him down.

    Anyway, even though bikes are illegal on the sidewalk, I know plenty of people still ride them on the sidewalks. But people don't go batshit crazy about what side people are on! Just go around! There's plenty of space! That dude had no reason to lose his shit because even though I was on the right. He and his woman went around without getting hurt. Leave it there.

    This was probably the biggest lesson I've ever learned on the golden rule of silence. My worst habit since I was little has always been being a cheeky smart ass. I felt like I was at such a disadvantage since he was older than me, bigger than me, with his wife, and on his bike. My natural reaction was to run my mouth. I nearly got my shit kicked because of it because I didn't know any better. So even though I got away with being mouthy before, I don't think it'll happen again after this.

    Heh, and the wife/girlfriend didn't even do anything! She just stood at her bike and watched. How shitty that she has a husband/boyfriend who picks on people smaller and younger than him over nonsense. But that's her problem.

    I was pretty shaken up from the incident for a while, but I'm doing OK now. Lesson learned. Move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2012 1:10 AM GMT
    Kill him.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    May 26, 2012 1:18 AM GMT
    Also, an advantage to be an American is your right to bear arms.

    I suggest you purchase a firearm for protection. Perhaps a Desert eagle, or at a minimum a .55 caliber hand canon.

    It's pricks like that...that get shot. A rude, foul-mouthed, ignorant piece of shit.

    He had no right to mouth off at you or to grab ur shirt. It's a shame u didnt have a baseball bat handy to bash his fucking brains in. Like...or at least threaten him in front of his wife.

    ugh, reading this annoyed me

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    May 26, 2012 1:22 AM GMT
    He committed a crime and I am not talking about riding his bike on the sidewalk, I'm talking about assault and battery.The threat to punch you was assault, but just by grabbing your shirt he committed battery and it doesn't matter that you were not injured. At this point I do not know if it would do any good to report him as you probably have little information to go to find him, but it could at least be something on record if he tries to do this again to someone else. The lady yelling from her window may be the only thing that saved you from physical harm.
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    May 26, 2012 1:24 AM GMT
    Just another a-hole bully. Forget it and move on....but be careful.
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    May 26, 2012 1:24 AM GMT
    Iceblink saidHe committed a crime and I am not talking about riding his bike on the sidewalk, I'm talking about assault and battery.The threat to punch you was assault, but just by grabbing your shirt he committed battery and it doesn't matter that you were not injured. At this point I do not know if it would do any good to report him as you probably have little information to go to find him, but it could at least be something on record if he tries to do this again to someone else. The lady yelling from her window may be the only thing that saved you from physical harm.


    That is certainly true, but I made the horrible mistake of provoking him with flipping him the finger. That's when he lost it and came for me. I could've ignored his shit and went my merry way, but I lost sense of judgment by being a smart ass with an obscene gesture. I basically invited him to bring it on (even though I really didn't mean to).
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    May 26, 2012 1:29 AM GMT
    pocketnico said
    Iceblink saidHe committed a crime and I am not talking about riding his bike on the sidewalk, I'm talking about assault and battery.The threat to punch you was assault, but just by grabbing your shirt he committed battery and it doesn't matter that you were not injured. At this point I do not know if it would do any good to report him as you probably have little information to go to find him, but it could at least be something on record if he tries to do this again to someone else. The lady yelling from her window may be the only thing that saved you from physical harm.


    That is certainly true, but I made the horrible mistake of provoking him with flipping him the finger. That's when he lost it and came for me. I could've ignored his shit and went my merry way, but I lost sense of judgment by being a smart ass with an obscene gesture. I basically invited him to bring it on (even though I really didn't mean to).



    Have fun making yourself out to be the antagonist. nothing will ever be accomplished with a mindset like this.

    He started the whole thing by cursing at you in the first place. He put his hands on you. He doesn't have a story for the police. YOU do.

    Edit; Basically what you are saying is "I should have just shut up and knew my place"
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    May 26, 2012 1:31 AM GMT
    pocketnico said
    Iceblink saidHe committed a crime and I am not talking about riding his bike on the sidewalk, I'm talking about assault and battery.The threat to punch you was assault, but just by grabbing your shirt he committed battery and it doesn't matter that you were not injured. At this point I do not know if it would do any good to report him as you probably have little information to go to find him, but it could at least be something on record if he tries to do this again to someone else. The lady yelling from her window may be the only thing that saved you from physical harm.


    That is certainly true, but I made the horrible mistake of provoking him with flipping him the finger. That's when he lost it and came for me. I could've ignored his shit and went my merry way, but I lost sense of judgment by being a smart ass with an obscene gesture. I basically invited him to bring it on (even though I really didn't mean to).


    You sound like a battered wife who thinks she deserves her black eye for not doing the dishes.

    HELLO!? Do you even hear yourself? Giving someone the finger is never an excuse for violence. And you certainly aren't ASKING to be punched if you do that.
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    May 26, 2012 1:32 AM GMT
    TheBizMan said
    pocketnico said
    Iceblink saidHe committed a crime and I am not talking about riding his bike on the sidewalk, I'm talking about assault and battery.The threat to punch you was assault, but just by grabbing your shirt he committed battery and it doesn't matter that you were not injured. At this point I do not know if it would do any good to report him as you probably have little information to go to find him, but it could at least be something on record if he tries to do this again to someone else. The lady yelling from her window may be the only thing that saved you from physical harm.


    That is certainly true, but I made the horrible mistake of provoking him with flipping him the finger. That's when he lost it and came for me. I could've ignored his shit and went my merry way, but I lost sense of judgment by being a smart ass with an obscene gesture. I basically invited him to bring it on (even though I really didn't mean to).



    Have fun making yourself out to be the antagonist. nothing will ever be accomplished with a mindset like this.

    He started the whole thing by cursing at you in the first place. He put his hands on you. He doesn't have a story for the police. YOU do.


    Basically, this is where I feel conflicted because my initial thought after the encounter was exactly what you said. But some have told me that I did myself no favors by provoking him with the middle finger when I could've ignored him. Though yes, the law certainly would've been against him not only for the assault but also for riding his bike on the sidewalk in the first place, lol.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    May 26, 2012 1:35 AM GMT
    If anything I think you were in the right for standing up for yourself. Something that gays far to often never do.
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    May 26, 2012 1:36 AM GMT
    I had lots of bullies in high school. I decked most of them. I was no wimp.

    Now I have online cyber bullies, like DONTKNOWWHY. I can't physically deck them, they're cyber and more insidious.

    So now I have to live with these demented psychos. An interesting dilemma of the online world. The law is still evolving regarding these online issues. People can slander you online, but you have little recourse. The law needs to be updated to the 21st Century.
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    May 26, 2012 1:36 AM GMT
    pocketnico saidI honestly have to say that this is the first time in my life I've been bullied. I've been out since I was 17 and have been lucky to have had all these years without any backlash. But today I got picked on over something really stupid (though it had nothing to do with me being gay).

    I was walking on the sidewalk warming up for my run in a nearby trail. I was minding my own business just walking and listening to my iPod. An older couple on bikes are approaching and swiftly pass me.

    Then suddenly the guy stops, turns around, and shouts at me: "Hey faggot, you're supposed to walk on the right 'cause we're on bikes here!"

    I heard him loud and clear, paused for a moment, and just kept walking and ignored him. He kept shouting as I walked. Then I heard him start to come after me where finally I turned around and said: "What? That rule doesn't exist! Besides, bikes are illegal on the sidewalk! Sidewalks are for pedestrians! You should be on the road in the bike lane as it's marked!"

    He shouted back at me: "This is America, and you're supposed to be on the right-hand side, you fucking dumbass!"

    I replied: "I'm American, too, but the Virginia law says what you and your wife are doing is illegal!"

    He blurted a bunch of other profanities. I was fed up with his shit and started to turn away. But then I made a grave mistake: I flipped him the finger.

    I regretted it as soon as I did it because then he started running after me, grabbed my shirt, and threatened to punch me. Some woman from a nearby apartment screamed from her balcony that she was going to call the cops. The guy let go of me, said more four-letter words, then finally went back to his wife. I went straight home after that because I was so pissed.

    I should've just continued to ignore him like I had before. Actually, I should've just started running since I was near the running trail anyway. He was a big boy who appeared to be in his late 30s, so I doubt he would've been able to catch me. He wouldn't have even been able to catch me on his bike since there would've been a lot of hills to slow him down.

    Anyway, even though bikes are illegal on the sidewalk, I know plenty of people still ride them on the sidewalks. But people don't go batshit crazy about what side people are on! Just go around! There's plenty of space! That dude had no reason to lose his shit because even though I was on the right. He and his woman went around without getting hurt. Leave it there.

    This was probably the biggest lesson I've ever learned on the golden rule of silence. My worst habit since I was little has always been being a cheeky smart ass. I felt like I was at such a disadvantage since he was older than me, bigger than me, with his wife, and on his bike. My natural reaction was to run my mouth. I nearly got my shit kicked because of it because I didn't know any better. So even though I got away with being mouthy before, I don't think it'll happen again after this.

    Heh, and the wife/girlfriend didn't even do anything! She just stood at her bike and watched. How shitty that she has a husband/boyfriend who picks on people smaller and younger than him over nonsense. But that's her problem.

    I was pretty shaken up from the incident for a while, but I'm doing OK now. Lesson learned. Move on.


    You know in all honesty....turning the cheek may avail yourself spiritually....but backing down will do no good....how many gay men have been hurt seriously bad by assholes like the encounter you had....I would have spewed profanities at the asshole...sorry that's just the alpha fucker in meicon_twisted.gif
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    May 26, 2012 1:38 AM GMT
    Bummer. And yeah, you're right, don't aggravate foolish people, no good will come of it. Whether you get hurt or they do, it's all just a useless mess in the end.

    I'm a little confused on the "older than me" part though. You're 26. You're a full grown adult at the peak of your virility. I don't think being picked on by people older than you is relevant anymore. (Not that it matters, no one has any business threatening anyone else.)
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    May 26, 2012 1:38 AM GMT
    Can you cut me some slack, eh? I'm only 26 years old and this is the first time I've ever had a nasty spat with someone. I'm pretty confused what to think about all this because I'd never been in any situation like this before in real life. I guess what confuses me more than anything is that there are laws against obscenities, too, and that flipping the bird wasn't the ideal way to deal with that situation.

    The whole exchange lasted about 5 minutes and I know nothing about him. So it's obviously too late to pursue any legal action now unless I encounter him again. Although I'm not too sure what the odds of that are anytime soon.
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    May 26, 2012 1:39 AM GMT
    Geez, scary! This is the kind of thing I'm afraid of when around drunk people. You know the violent drunk types looking to improve their night by beating someone up?

    It makes me angry that people have to button it, even if they're right because of a thread of violence. It's so wrong. I'm glad that balcony lady was there and wasn't the type to sit and let it happen!

    While flipping him the bird wasn't smart in terms of guaranteeing your safety, you didn't do anything wrong. It's not illegal to show someone a finger or tell them to fuck off. Not wrong either, considering how he treated you.

    I have had the hypothetical argument in my head too about people biking on the sideWALK. They can be fined here.

    I bet having the girlfriend there with him made it even worse, he wanted to prove how much of a man he was to is woman so she'd be so impressed with him. At least you get to know you won't have to live knowing you're him. He walks away the true loser.
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    May 26, 2012 1:39 AM GMT
    neosyllogy saidBummer. And yeah don't aggravate foolish people, no good will come of it.
    I'm a little confused on the "older than me" part. You're 26. You're a full grown adult at the peak of your virility. I don't think being picked on by people older than you is relevant anymore. (Not that it matters, no one has any business threatening anyone else.)


    He's well older than me, and I look very young for my age, especially in person. A lot of folks his age would think someone like me is barely out of high school! I just thought it was lousy of him to pick on someone who's a lot younger and smaller than him.
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    May 26, 2012 1:40 AM GMT
    Sounds like a crazy mother-fucker with major anger issues.

    I don't know that it really had anything to do with "you" per se...just sounds like he is a horrid human being.
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    May 26, 2012 1:44 AM GMT
    pocketnico saidCan you cut me some slack, eh? I'm only 26 years old and this is the first time I've ever had a nasty spat with someone. I'm pretty confused what to think about all this because I'd never been in any situation like this before in real life. I guess what confuses me more than anything is that there are laws against obscenities, too, and that flipping the bird wasn't the ideal way to deal with that situation.

    The whole exchange lasted about 5 minutes and I know nothing about him. So it's obviously too late to pursue any legal action now unless I encounter him again. Although I'm not too sure what the odds of that are anytime soon.


    Hey, not picking on you - was honestly just curious. You learned a valuable lesson and at least you didn't escalate it further once he threatened violence. And yeah, these things can shake you up a little (a friend and I got jumped by 3 drunk guys a couple years back; it didn't work out for them icon_smile.gif, but my friend and I were still a little 'edgy' for a least a week after. It's not something we're used to in civilized society; and thank goodness for that! I'm sure you'll feel more 'normal' soonish. No worries. ;)

    And yeah: picking on someone smaller than you is especially churlish. Sounds like a sad person who feels out of control in his own life and wanted to feel a bit bigger for a moment. Blech.
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    May 26, 2012 1:45 AM GMT
    The guys saying you should have fought him (in any way) are all in a higher weight class than you. I'd like to see them do as they preach with a 250lb tank.

    I think I would have done the same as you, hopefully without the finger. It would have accomplished nothing for you to fight him. Upon getting beaten up, he wouldn't have suddenly taken up fighting for gay rights. The best case scenario given that he was psycho was for you to do what was required to keep yourself safe.

    As I say, I'd rather swallow my pride than my teeth. You know you were in the right and you stood up for yourself the way a judge in a court case would deem best.
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    May 26, 2012 1:48 AM GMT
    This was a BIG guy. I definitely wouldn't have been able to take him on. Plus, I have absolutely no fighting instinct. My yapping mouth has always been my means of defense because for years I could talk my way out of most trouble. Well, this time it definitely backfired on me!
  • trakstar90

    Posts: 119

    May 26, 2012 1:48 AM GMT
    U didn't do anything wrong. There shouldn't be any conflict internally about the situation. I'm mad u didn't knee him in the balls when he grabbed u
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    May 26, 2012 1:56 AM GMT
    The best thing to do in these situations is to mind your own business. It's much better than talking back. You'll face alot of consequences for being a smart ass. I've seen smart asses get their ass kicked and ended up being in a coma for the rest of their life (hopefully he will wake up someday icon_cry.gif
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    May 26, 2012 2:00 AM GMT
    You know what adds insult to injury? This is the SECOND attack I've had in a week! Early in the week I was attacked by a goddamn mockingbird while I was jogging!
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    May 26, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    pocketnico saidYou know what adds insult to injury? This is the SECOND attack I've had in a week! Early in the week I was attacked by a goddamn mockingbird while I was jogging!


    You think that's bad? My sister was about to eat her steak outside the seating area of a restaurant and a HAWK flew down and grabbed it from her! Now that was scary lol
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 26, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    I have to say I'm torn between telling the SOB what to do ... and I would have,
    I would have done it calmly, but with authority. But if he had grabbed my shirt, I would have done my best to have knocked the fucker on his ass.

    But he might have had a gun. Think about the "Zimmerman" scene in Florida,
    the lunatic might have been gunning for you after you flipped him off. Probably the best thing to do is move along and ignore the SOB. You just never know what might happen. I'd have hated to hear about a serious assult involving you on CNN...

    icon_mad.gif