"dude, totally PERFECT body bro..."

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2007 9:06 PM GMT
    I have some questions about online etiquette.

    When you send an email to a stranger, do you expect a reply? Do you get mad if you don't get one? Does it depend on what you said in the email?

    Do YOU respond to every single email that you get?

    I'm asking because I've had people email me with "wow man you're hot" only to switch to "fine, asshole!" or (my favorite) "you aren't really that hot anyway" once find that that I have read their email but not replied to it.

    It baffles me. It would never even occur to me to get MAD at a total stranger for not replying to my out-of-the-blue email.

    But apparently some people feel differently....?
  • imaxim

    Posts: 94

    Aug 07, 2007 11:11 PM GMT
    There was a pretty lengthy thread about this with a lot of different opinions, with the topic "Commom decency using this site" or a similar misspelling. A lot of what was said is that some people think every message should be replied to, while others felt that was an unreasonable burden because of the volume of messages.

    For myself, I've always discriminated based on profile and message content; I will usually say thanks to a compliment, or more if I'm interested or the message particularly thoughtful/personalized. I used to get a fair amount of that in return. A lot of that is due to my upbringing, which emphasized certain social graces.

    However, I have noticed more recently, since the site has grown, that even if I send a thoughtful response to someone's profile, chances are they will not respond unless they are interested sexually. I think it's a rather sad development, but also a consequence of growth as people come over from less friendly sites and bring their behaviors with them.
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    Aug 07, 2007 11:16 PM GMT
    I don't necessarily reply to all messages, but I suppose I try. I certainly don't have a temper tantrum if someone doesn't reply. Get a bit bummed for a second maybe, but no pitching of fits over it. :)

    NICK
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    Aug 07, 2007 11:26 PM GMT
    Yeah, I can see what a burden that would be. I'm rushing right out to get some donuts and a case of beer, to make sure that never happens to me!

    Really, what can anybody expect from a two or three word message, or one that's incomprehensible. How could you even formulate a reply?
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    Aug 07, 2007 11:35 PM GMT
    Sometimes, a lot.

    With the anonimity of the internet, most of us are expecting a response, no matter what it could be, to any outreach to communicate. It's human nature, but it's magnified in certain cases or when the desire is strong. I'll admit, I sometimes sit in anticipation until someone responds to a message that I send, but when it doesn't happen I don't take it personally. Besides, who knows? Maybe it's just because someone is busy, their internet is down, or a computer error. There's always a reason, but the majority of the time it's something that is outside a person's control.

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    Aug 07, 2007 11:52 PM GMT
    Come on, guys - how hard is it to reply to a "hi" with a "hi", or to say "thanks" to a simple compliment?

    For those of you who receive so many compliments that you feel it's burdensome, how about copying & pasting a simple reply?

    Many of us remember all too clearly when we couldn't get anyone to look at us ~~ at all ~~ because we were geeky, unattractive, skinny or fat (or skinny with a fat butt & gut - my appearance for years).

    On the other hand, when a site enables winks or gropes which are no more than the click of a button, I frequently let them go unresponded. If I'm to be morally consistent, maybe I should rethink that... but right now I draw the line when someone actually writes ANYTHING.
  • imaxim

    Posts: 94

    Aug 08, 2007 12:03 AM GMT
    It can be fun to make up wacky excuses why people don't reply. Fake/outdated profile (actually very common), poor English (common again), boyfriend/wife found the profile, they are a heavy drug user or whatever else it was you said you didn't want in your own profile, or they just couldn't stop looking at your photos and forgot about answering altogether.

    Incidentally, I can remember two significant e-mails on here I didn't reply to. One was a guy I met locally, who was pretty cool in person and I was going to see again the following weekend. He was supposed to call, but sent an e-mail a day or so before, thanking me for lunch. When he flaked on calling about the weekend I didn't think much of it and just moved on, but some months later I got an angry message from him about what an evil hypocrite I was. I tried to apologize and clear up the misunderstanding, but he just deleted my message without reading it. C'est la drama.

    The other was a lengthy marriage proposal from someone in the middle east who I suspect sent the same message to numerous other people.

    Generally, the others I didn't reply to were pretty much all either explicitly sexual comeons (usually from pictureless profiles), or requests for private photos who I didn't see a reason to share with. Genuine, polite compliments always deserve a thanks, IMHO.

    Would you not do the same if a stranger complimented you on the street?
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    Aug 08, 2007 12:51 AM GMT
    I dont get as many messages as the people replying to these threads cos well i am just not the "hot" type but i do say this as a message sender, I try to personalize every email i send and not only that i try NOT to stick to "wow u are hot" or "hot body" cos i hate it when people do that. My problem is, i try to give some flavor and personality to my emails and out of the 100 or so i have emailed i have gotten maybe 3 or 4 replies and what of the rest? Am i THAT unappealing to all those beautiful jocks out there to get even a simple "thanks for the message [that u spent time to write], but i am not interested."?

    Understand this, not everyone is out there emailing u "model types" with "hot bod lets have sex" and u should take the time regardless of how "hideous" a profile is and just read what the guy had to write. Normally a good subject line helps determine a good message and even then if u DONT like the email cos it has the typical BS...that's when u DON't reply. I def don't think it hurts though to respond with a simple NO thank you though when the message is genuine and not about getting u in the sack. But what do I know right?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2007 12:54 AM GMT
    "Would you not do the same if a stranger complimented you on the street?"

    I think this is a good point. On the one hand, it's tempting to think "Why not be as polite on the internet as in person?"

    On the other hand: I've seen how rude some people are in person, even... so maybe I'm not surprised by what goes on on the internet.

    When out at a dance club, dancing with my shirt off, there have been nights when I get a dozen or more variations of "Wow, awesome body, man" over the course of the evening. (I'm not bragging or anything, although I know how that might sound; it's just something that happens, though.) I have friends who are silent or even disrespectful, but to me, it doesn't matter WHO is saying it, I still smile politely and say, "Thank you!"

    That being said, though, sometimes when I'm scraping through emails, I do feel more detached, and less pressured to give any response at all. I'm more inclined to say something if the email is clever or interesting, beyond just "you're hot." And, of course, I'm more inclined to respond if I think the other guy is hot, too. But on the whole, the anonymity makes me feel LESS pressured to give an answer, not more.
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Aug 08, 2007 1:11 AM GMT
    Now I finally understand you guys a bit more. Mostly when I send a message to a guy who I think its hot, I try to be polite ,a little compliment and of course at least a question so the opposite has something he can answer with if he is intrested.

    But my messages mostly get just read and then they are forgotten. I am thinking of myself as not so bad looking. What not is will the Gym handle with time. So I wondered why my messages get ignored that much when they are at least more personally made as just by the look on a pic. And mostly I am just looking for guys to talk to and have a nice chat.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2007 1:16 AM GMT
    I make it a point to reply to everyone. Most are polite and sincere. But a direct, nasty come on will get a colder response.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2007 1:25 AM GMT

    I generally try to reply to e-mails.

    I suspect you could build a set of rules based on the following:

    1) Those looking for hookups will only respond to those e-mails where a picture is posted and respondee thinks the guy is hot.

    2) Those looking for hookups will not respond to your e-mail unless you are super super hot if you are over age 40 and respondee is under age 30.

    3) Those looking for friends will respond if the content of the e-mail provokes a positive thought and ....believe it or not if the guy is hot.

    4) Some folks just don't respond to e-mails. ;-)

    The lis could go on, so add a few rules.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2007 1:25 AM GMT

    I generally try to reply to e-mails.

    I suspect you could build a set of rules based on the following:

    1) Those looking for hookups will only respond to those e-mails where a picture is posted and respondee thinks the guy is hot.

    2) Those looking for hookups will not respond to your e-mail unless you are super super hot if you are over age 40 and respondee is under age 30.

    3) Those looking for friends will respond if the content of the e-mail provokes a positive thought and ....believe it or not if the guy is hot.

    4) Some folks just don't respond to e-mails. ;-)

    The lis could go on, so add a few rules.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2007 1:35 AM GMT
    Until I figure out why the heck I joined this site in the first place, my email reply rules will constantly vary. I imagine this makes me the most annoying type of RealJock™. Oh well.

    I will say this. I never reply to someone who has yet to show me his face. Ever.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2007 1:39 AM GMT
    Well, I haven't been getting the "you've got an awesome body" emails. Some of us have to work more on charm.

    That said, I try to respond to emails, but I haven't been perfect. I'm much more likely to respond if I get the sense that the guy is sincere, has ready my profile and/or postings and has something interesting to comment about what I've written. I'm looking to relate to guys, so I look for someone to relate to me.

    On the other hand, I've tried to do the same when I've been the one who has initiated contact. I don't do it a lot, but have reached out to some guys who I like what they've posted or have something that I can relate to in their profiles.

  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Aug 08, 2007 1:41 AM GMT
    Greg interesting I saw you on another guys hot list and said hi. Taken guy here, but either way I don't get offended if someone doesn't answer. Mike
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2007 1:41 AM GMT
    I try to reply because it seems if someone took the effort to write to me, I can certainly reply. If there are common interests and intellegent conversation and/or humor, then I'll definitely respond.

    I'll always appreciate a compliment because in an actual person to person live situation, I tend to be too shy to compliment anyone. It's much easier on a site and I realize that I'm probably not the only guy like this. I don't get compliments from strangers in my day to day life. From friends, yes, but not strangers.

    If I'm deluged with emails, it may take awhile for me to respond, but I'll try.

    I don't tend to respond to a picture alone. I need words. I do realize that people can make typos (being dyslexic, sometimes I don't even notice), though I tend to be a little intolerant of poor usage (allowing of course if English being a second language.)

    This is just me of course and therefore I don't expect that anyone should follow my example anymore than I should follow thier's (unless I find it compelling enough.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2007 1:43 AM GMT
    I agree with you Big Joey! How hard is it to reply with a simple Hi or Thank you? It shows who is really civil and who is not. Just because you have a hot body doesn’t mean you got have an attitude. Don’t let the muscles go to your head.

    “People may forget your name and who you are, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou

    When you do reply back just know that you made that other person on the other side feel special.

    I wanna say thank you to the guys who replied back to me!

    Love you Boys!
  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Aug 08, 2007 1:52 AM GMT
    Thank you Dreamdrop

    My sentiments exactly.

    -- Ron
  • gymguy81

    Posts: 455

    Aug 08, 2007 2:15 AM GMT
    Hey,
    Would anyone bethere to day with out a comploment or two. i know i dont get hundreds of emails but i try to replay to them, when and if i can lifehappens. i say just be polite and reply. its not like you need a full 4 paragraph replay for a 5 word email. lol

    anyways its the price people payto look good
  • liftordie

    Posts: 823

    Aug 08, 2007 2:38 AM GMT
    if someone takes the time out of their busy day to send me a quick email then i try to reply with at least a quick 'thanks m8' unless of course the message they sent me involves the words 'sup' or 'get back' HOWDY.....use it....i guarantee you it will get you farther!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2007 2:39 AM GMT
    I'm not sure if this is etiquette, per se. Think about it this way... If a person can be set off that easily from something as simple as your not responding to a cold email, just imagine how the same personality type would react if you were better acquainted and ten minutes late returning their call.

    Plenty of people, particularly those who are either new to the Internet or who are just not cut out for text-based media, are really bad with protocol. Some seem to treat email or even IM as if they were equal and exactly the same as the phone.

    I try to reply to emails I receive, but sometimes I find something off-putting in the email, the profile, etc., and don't. Sometimes I just bounce online quickly and don't have time to reply, opting instead to put it off for later. Conversely, I like to think that I'm not egotistical enough to *expect* a reply to every email I send myself. People have lives of their own to deal with.

    One matter of etiquette that does set me off is webcams. I have a really short fuse for people who insist on camming. I used to be a bit more laid back and at least show myself to people more readily to prove I am real, but I often find that thereafter, they immediately, solely want to cam, and I get treated like a non-cooperative live-action porn clip. It's quite dehumanizing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2007 2:43 AM GMT
    Its not a problem for me because I don't get those kind of emails anyway!

    But I always respond to anyone who takes the time to email me, just as a courtesy.
    I don't send very many "you're hot" emails out, only if I find a guy really striking and its usually not to try to hookup (bit hard when im in Australia!) but more so just as a compliment. if the guy chooses not to respond, its Ok, not going to change my day.
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Aug 08, 2007 2:54 AM GMT
    Like a lot of the other guys, how I respond depends a lot on what the message contains. On the one hand, I know that personally I prefer to be shot down than to be ignored, so most messages which seem to have taken any thought, and pretty much anyone who's sent me more than one message will get a response. A random compliment will generally get a reply when it's not given in combination with a request for some sort of sexual favor. A request out of the blue for the measurements of my endowment, on the other hand, will almost always be ignored by me. One line requests that I unlock my private pictures for guys I've never spoken to also are rarely given a response. While I tend to think it's generally more polite to respond to messages than to ignore them, there are minimum hurdles people need to clear with a message to warrant a response.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2007 2:59 AM GMT
    It all depends on the contents of the email/message. If its a compliment or something "looking good man" or anything like that, it can't hurt to send a quick "thanks" in reply. Now, guys, if you send a guy a compliment and you would like to get more than a "thanks" in return, take a little more effort writing the original message. Quick emails get quick replies in return... on the other hand... I think emails (especially on websites) are very casual. If someone does NOT reply, then move on. They might be too busy, maybe they are not interested, etc... just move on.

    Also, I personally ignore all "hey man, wanna f*ck" (or anything of that sort) emails.