your friends' opinions

  • mikeylikes

    Posts: 53

    May 28, 2012 3:36 AM GMT
    If you met this guy you find attractive, let's not go as far as drop dead gorgeous, but you think he's good looking and you're happy.

    Then your friends meet him and when you are alone ask "What do you see in him? He's ugly, etc."

    How much would that affect your perception of him? Would their opinions matter enough that you couldn't be with him anymore?
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    May 28, 2012 4:56 AM GMT
    It would drain the fun out of it I bet. And give you a feeling like you had to prove them wrong.

    I had a friend tell me a guy I thought was hot looked like someone else who I didn't like. Crush ruined.
  • m0dern

    Posts: 32

    May 28, 2012 7:33 AM GMT
    People told me that I could get 'better' than my current bf.
    But it didn't matter to me. I'm not a superficial person.

    Have your own thoughts, don't let others think for you.
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    May 28, 2012 7:52 AM GMT
    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder....when I was young it would bother me a bit, now... I don't care! If your happy and attracted to this guy, who cares what others think...if there your true friends they wouldn't care what he looks like! they would be happy for you, because your happy! your friends sound very superficial...
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    May 28, 2012 10:43 AM GMT
    ^This

    Or one of your friends has a crush on you..
    You really shouldn't care what your friends think about his looks, eventually you're going to believe it and distand yourself from your guy..
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    May 28, 2012 1:33 PM GMT
    mikeymikes, I wrote a story about this and here are some excerpts:

    This is from a fairy tale, A Ribbon Of Beauty (I write them for children and grown-ups).
    Frank dates Janice, who his friends find ugly.

    " She was like him, when he was younger, terrified of the very people called friends, in their power to reject him out of hand, afraid of the lonely passages of time that one imagined would follow."


    "When Janice smiled, the motion was beguiling. Her lips curved with a grace he caught himself thinking was secretly, exclusively his to observe"

    ...and the friends:
    "Their combined expressions of wary sympathy, as though her appearance was as debilitating as a missing limb, didn’t pierce, didn’t hurt now."

    "The evening passed languidly in the currents of Janice and Frank’s sudden confidence. They laughed at each others’ lame jokes. They became engrossed in each others’ tame pastimes. To everyone else at the table, the couple with them exuded a peculiar excitement over the mundane, so they sparred with each other instead with witty remarks and sophisticated conversation, leaving Frank and Janice to their own devices. Neither of them noticed, nor perhaps, anyone else, that it was they that spurned their friends. "


    You're experiencing a powerful magic as old as the human race. Delightfully, none can steal this from you, unless you let them. icon_wink.gif


    warmly,

    -Doug

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    May 28, 2012 1:45 PM GMT
    Remember your friends are viewing your hottie through their lens. It's THEIR taste and perception. It sounds like they are shallow. Your happiness should be your friends' concern...not your hottie's "looks."

    For your friends to say such a cruel thing says so much more about THEM and not your hottie. That's where I see the problem.

    If I were in your shoes, I would lose a lot of respect in your friends.

    Don' worry, be happy!
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    May 28, 2012 1:52 PM GMT
    I don't have friends who'd ask me what I see in another guy because he's that ugly. If they are my friend, they wouldn't ask such a question. You can ask something like that if your bf is acting like a complete douchebag. Then i'd have no problem with friends pointing that out to me. I'd apologize for his behavior, etc., but in the end it's MY bf. So they'd have to deal with it.
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    May 28, 2012 1:56 PM GMT
    If it's about looks, no worries. If it's about behavior, I definitely take notice and consider their opinions.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 28, 2012 1:57 PM GMT
    My friends' opinions matter provided they have some grounded basis in logic.
    If it is based on what he looks like, I'd probably think less of the "friend" as such.
    If was based on the behavior of the guy I was seeing (basically they were concerned for my welfare, rather than a superficial assessment of the dude), I'd listen and give their opinions some merit, not that I would kick the guy to the curb.

    "Looks" are a personal preference. If they are telling you his is ugly... the only
    "ugliness" is their unfair commentary to you.

    icon_mad.gif
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    May 28, 2012 3:11 PM GMT
    Happened to me a couple times icon_razz.gif I'd argue with them for a while then just plain out ignore their opinions