How to get over being shy?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2012 11:51 AM GMT
    Im 35 yrs old, always been shy since i can remember. At this point in my life i guess Im set in my ways. Is it too late for me? was never shy around women when i pursued them. Are they any men out there, who can relate to this matter?
  • Tritimium

    Posts: 261

    May 28, 2012 12:03 PM GMT
    First off - it's never too late to change. Being 35 does not mean you are set in your ways. It's a myth.

    Are you shy all the time, or only in certain situations? For each situation, do you know why you are feeling shy?
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    May 28, 2012 12:04 PM GMT
    Get to know some other people , you can try to talk with them on facebook or whatsoever .
    I used to be shy , not a normal shy , it was SUPER shy , then I talked to strangers more often and now I dont know what shy is icon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 28, 2012 12:10 PM GMT
    Well there is a difference between "being shy" and being an introvert. First, understand there isn't anything wrong with either... actually being an introvert has it's positive aspects as the introvert can handle lving and doing things alone much better than many extroverts. Fortunately, I can appreciate both sides of that.

    If you really feel you are "shy", I think you need to do a couple of things: 1) Make it a point to change how you do things by taking the initiative with meeting people.. (things like be the first to shake hands.... take it on yourself to start of conversation) and 2). Ask friends to include you in social activities (where you may not or want to have been previoiusly). Most won't have a problem, especially if you explain why.

    Good luck.. the most important thing is that you be happy and satisfied with your life. Just know, taking the effort yourself... consistently... can be quite a challenge.
    Are you up for it?
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    May 28, 2012 12:16 PM GMT
    Baby steps.....

    Try somethings that are out of your comfort zone gradually....
  • Imaxsean

    Posts: 17

    May 28, 2012 1:00 PM GMT
    karl3s saidGet to know some other people , you can try to talk with them on facebook or whatsoever .
    I used to be shy , not a normal shy , it was SUPER shy , then I talked to strangers more often and now I dont know what shy is icon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gif

    How about off the internet? Could you be not shy in real life?
    I have had this big crush on this guy for nearly 4 years now. I'm struggling so hard coz the graduation is around the corner. We are just so much tangled.
    The shyness is making me dying from the inside...icon_sad.gif
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    May 28, 2012 1:27 PM GMT
    Thanks guys, thats my one phobia being shy around large crowd of people. I do agree the comments on this particular matter. Im all ears for advice and knowledge. I will try the social activities more, and quit being such a homebody. And going out and mingle moreicon_biggrin.gif
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    May 28, 2012 1:29 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidWell there is a difference between "being shy" and being an introvert. First, understand there isn't anything wrong with either... actually being an introvert has it's positive aspects as the introvert can handle lving and doing things alone much better than many extroverts. Fortunately, I can appreciate both sides of that.

    If you really feel you are "shy", I think you need to do a couple of things: 1) Make it a point to change how you do things by taking the initiative with meeting people.. (things like be the first to shake hands.... take it on yourself to start of conversation) and 2). Ask friends to include you in social activities (where you may not or want to have been previoiusly). Most won't have a problem, especially if you explain why.

    Good luck.. the most important thing is that you be happy and satisfied with your life. Just know, taking the effort yourself... consistently... can be quite a challenge.
    Are you up for it?

    Yes i will try it, what i have to lose? i can only gain
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    May 28, 2012 1:31 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]RobBobGalore said[/cite]Baby steps.....

    Try somethings that are out of your comfort zone gradually....[That would be hard, like u said baby steps. What u considered baby steps?]
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    May 28, 2012 1:31 PM GMT
    Xavier1989 said
    karl3s saidGet to know some other people , you can try to talk with them on facebook or whatsoever .
    I used to be shy , not a normal shy , it was SUPER shy , then I talked to strangers more often and now I dont know what shy is icon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gif

    How about off the internet? Could you be not shy in real life?
    I have had this big crush on this guy for nearly 4 years now. I'm struggling so hard coz the graduation is around the corner. We are just so much tangled.
    The shyness is making me dying from the inside...icon_sad.gif

    no, I meant he should try to talk on the internet first because it's not easy to talk in real life at this time.
    Talking a lot on internet then make it real , go out and find strangers to talk , it will be more easier and we can leave the shyness forever
    aw Im sorry to hear that , hope you will be fine and have those happy times with him...
    icon_smile.gif
    <3
    *hug*
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    May 28, 2012 1:33 PM GMT
    Lima3016 saidThanks guys, thats my one phobia being shy around large crowd of people. I do agree the comments on this particular matter. Im all ears for advice and knowledge. I will try the social activities more, and quit being such a homebody. And going out and mingle moreicon_biggrin.gif


    being shy around large crowds of people isn't an uncommon thing at all. I hate crowds (though its more due to my having Aspergers than anything else) but I stick it out because I know that forcing myself into social situations like that is the only way I'll ever overcome it. Just take your time and ease into things.
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    May 28, 2012 1:41 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]RoadsterRacer87 said[/cite]
    Lima3016 saidThanks guys, thats my one phobia being shy around large crowd of people. I do agree the comments on this particular matter. Im all ears for advice and knowledge. I will try the social activities more, and quit being such a homebody. And going out and mingle moreicon_biggrin.gif


    being shy around large crowds of people isn't an uncommon thing at all. I hate crowds (though its more due to my having Aspergers than anything else) but I stick it out because I know that forcing myself into social situations like that is the only way I'll ever overcome it. Just take your time and ease into things. [True... guess i have to come to terms with it]
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    May 28, 2012 1:48 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidWell there is a difference between "being shy" and being an introvert. First, understand there isn't anything wrong with either... actually being an introvert has it's positive aspects as the introvert can handle lving and doing things alone much better than many extroverts. Fortunately, I can appreciate both sides of that.

    If you really feel you are "shy", I think you need to do a couple of things: 1) Make it a point to change how you do things by taking the initiative with meeting people.. (things like be the first to shake hands.... take it on yourself to start of conversation) and 2). Ask friends to include you in social activities (where you may not or want to have been previoiusly). Most won't have a problem, especially if you explain why.

    Good luck.. the most important thing is that you be happy and satisfied with your life. Just know, taking the effort yourself... consistently... can be quite a challenge.
    Are you up for it?

    Good post and helpful advice to OP. I think the distinction between shyness and introvert is critical. If you're an introvert, there's not much you can do about it, it's just who you are. I'm very much an introvert. Shyness is something you can change and it's not because you are an introvert that you are shy. I'm not shy at all.
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    May 28, 2012 1:51 PM GMT
    First, I think you need to know why you are shy...

    It sure should not be your appearence, you have a great body! Your profile is not very detailed so, can't really read enough to guess if it's in the way you communicate or.... Is the shortness of your profile due to being shy?

    The best overall method I can think of to address being shy is taking a few classes. Start with just a speech class then take a debate class. IMO, this will give you structure to practice and in the end provide success and therefore improve your confidence when interacting with others.
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    May 28, 2012 2:04 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]joe_diesel1 said[/cite]First, I think you need to know why you are shy...

    It sure should not be your appearence, you have a great body! Your profile is not very detailed so, can't really read enough to guess if it's in the way you communicate or.... Is the shortness of your profile due to being shy?

    The best overall method I can think of to address being shy is taking a few classes. Start with just a speech class then take a debate class. IMO, this will give you structure to practice and in the end provide success and therefore improve your confidence when interacting with others.[Point taken, I guess i really need to sit down and evaluate myself.. My communication is good but still shyness can get the best of me at times. ]
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    May 28, 2012 2:05 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]karl3s said[/cite]Get to know some other people , you can try to talk with them on facebook or whatsoever .
    I used to be shy , not a normal shy , it was SUPER shy , then I talked to strangers more often and now I dont know what shy is icon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gif[I can agree with that, talking to strangers is better to talking to people u know at times.]
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    May 28, 2012 2:07 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]Tritimium said[/cite]First off - it's never too late to change. Being 35 does not mean you are set in your ways. It's a myth.

    Are you shy all the time, or only in certain situations? For each situation, do you know why you are feeling shy? [I really have to sit and evuluate myself and figure out why.]
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    May 28, 2012 2:18 PM GMT
    Hey Lima3016, I used to be shy to the point of painful. Anxiety would surge up in a choking tide when I was out and about. I carried an extra shirt in a back-pack because I would pit-sweat all the way down to my waist.

    One day it came to me that my emotional and social muscles were just like my physical ones; what you don't use, you lose, and to an extent, no pain no gain.

    So I initiated what I called 'Doug's Rule' lol.

    Every day or night I went out. It could be a bar, a club, a coffee house, a juice bar. I had to speak with one person I didn't know, and try to do it for 10 minutes, then I was free to go home. Old young short tall skinny fat man woman child adult; it didn't matter. The focus was on giving them a little lift.
    Many evenings I was home an hour later. I wasn't successful every time, but began to be. This went on for a few years.

    Finally, one night in a crowded bar pounding with loud music, I saw Bill looking up at the overhead light show (you know, big metal racks with spinning lights etc) that was wobbling in a rickety way.


    I walked over to him, not thinking, it had become so routine, leaned forward to his ear from slightly behind him and said in a Data (Star Trek) type conversational tone,
    "If there's an earthquake, we're all going to die."

    The rest, as they say, is history. icon_wink.gif

    warmly,

    -Doug


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    May 28, 2012 2:18 PM GMT
    I was shy since I was little, but I've pretty much gotten over it as I've gotten older. But it does creep up again on certain occasions, especially when it comes to approaching a really hot jock. But I force myself through it and try to strike up conversations as much as I can.
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    May 28, 2012 2:31 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]meninlove said[/cite] Hey Lima3016, I used to be shy to the point of painful. Anxiety would surge up in a choking tide when I was out and about. I carried an extra shirt in a back-pack because I would pit-sweat all the way down to my waist.

    One day it came to me that my emotional and social muscles were just like my physical ones; what you don't use, you lose, and to an extent, no pain no gain.

    So I initiated what I called 'Doug's Rule' lol.

    Every day or night I went out. It could be a bar, a club, a coffee house, a juice bar. I had to speak with one person I didn't know, and try to do it for 10 minutes, then I was free to go home. Old young short tall skinny fat man woman child adult; it didn't matter. The focus was on giving them a little lift.
    Many evenings I was home an hour later. I wasn't successful every time, but began to be. This went on for a few years.

    Finally, one night in a crowded bar pounding with loud music, I saw Bill looking up at the overhead light show (you know, big metal racks with spinning lights etc) that was wobbling in a rickety way.


    I walked over to him, not thinking, it had become so routine, leaned forward to his ear from slightly behind him and said in a Data (Star Trek) type conversational tone,
    "If there's an earthquake, we're all going to die."

    The rest, as they say, is history. icon_wink.gif

    warmly,

    -Doug


    [excellent advise men, I will try that my friend!
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    May 28, 2012 2:32 PM GMT
    You must find the joy in meeting others and experiencing new things. When you discover why you like to do it, it will become like 2nd nature.
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    May 28, 2012 2:33 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]Helios69 said[/cite]I was shy since I was little, but I've pretty much gotten over it as I've gotten older. But it does creep up again on certain occasions, especially when it comes to approaching a really hot jock. But I force myself through it and try to strike up conversations as much as I can.[My hats of to u man, that takes a lot of courage man. How do u get over the initial shock man?]
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    May 28, 2012 2:33 PM GMT
    *Hugs*

    I am a recovering shy person. My own struggles with shyness have improved over the years, but it has taken a plan, with a daily conscious effort to improve my situation. There are reasons why people are shy. If it’s debilitating, there is nothing wrong with seeking professional help.
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    May 28, 2012 2:35 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]Rockbiter said[/cite]You must find the joy in meeting others and experiencing new things. When you discover why you like to do it, it will become like 2nd nature.[Hello, i hope that is true rock]
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    May 28, 2012 2:36 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]SleepyFisherman said[/cite]*Hugs*

    I am a recovering shy person. My own struggles with shyness have improved over the years, but it has taken a plan, with a daily conscious effort to improve my situation. There are reasons why people are shy. If it’s debilitating, there is nothing wrong with seeking professional help.
    [Agreed....it can only make me stronger]