Need to spruce up the bedroom action!

  • hunkseekeer

    Posts: 6

    May 29, 2012 4:51 AM GMT
    My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years now and our sex life is less than not exciting by now. We only ever do one position, and it is always me as the bottom. In 3 years I have never gotten to be the one wearing the condom. I understand (more than most I believe) that some guys are strictly a top. But I am NOT strictly a bottom, there is a large (and growing) part of my sexual desire that has gone unfulfilled for years! All this wouldn't be as bad if there was some other variety to speak of, but alas, there is none. Any time I try to give him oral attention of any kind the only response I seem to get is indifference, or on occasion perhaps even annoyance. He used to use his toungue from time to time and now it's been months since he has done anything but lay there during sex.

    He is usually excited for sex and often initiates it, but all his energy dies when we get to the bedroom. What can I do to make him a participant in our sex life again? Are there any cool/unique ideas that have worked for any of you guys before? He is not a romantic in ANY way so candles/music are a bust. And he seems to be allergic to intimacy so that too would prove pointless in any form.

    Thanks in advance for any advice on the subject.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    May 29, 2012 4:56 AM GMT
    He must be really hot if you've kept him around this long.
  • hunkseekeer

    Posts: 6

    May 29, 2012 5:26 AM GMT
    TheBizMan saidHe must be really hot if you've kept him around this long.


    Like you wouldn't believe. The Greek gods would be jealous. Which is part of the reason I feel so desperate to truly ignite our love life, I know it would have no equal!! icon_twisted.gif
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    May 29, 2012 1:37 PM GMT
    This can't be real.

    Your Bf is a top and only " lays there during sex". !
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    May 29, 2012 1:39 PM GMT
    get a new boyfriend that satisfies your desires...
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    May 29, 2012 2:05 PM GMT
    hunkseekeer saidHe is usually excited for sex and often initiates it, but all his energy dies when we get to the bedroom. What can I do to make him a participant in our sex life again? Are there any cool/unique ideas that have worked for any of you guys before? He is not a romantic in ANY way so candles/music are a bust. And he seems to be allergic to intimacy so that too would prove pointless in any form.

    Here's a quote from a previous post of yours:

    hunkseekeer saidI have known my boyfriend was cheating on me for some time. But I never could get together enough proof to actually confront him about it, and I knew he would deny everything until the bitter end and take the secret to his grave without solid evidence. So a week ago I found the proof I needed and confronted him.


    This should answer your question. He's not into you. He doesn't need sex from you when he's perfectly content to find it elsewhere. In the previous post you alluding to age being the issue, it's not. It has to do with the guy hanging on to you for selfish convenience. You're young and he possibly sees this as his advantage because you'll try and hang on. So far, he's right.

    If you have a place to move, I'd suggest you pack your bags and show him that you're not his puppet and that his insecurities are not your problem. You can't change him, you can't make someone love you. If he truly loved you then he would be open in communicating, trying to resolve issues, be intimate in many ways, find some way of showing some amount of romance. Why? Because that's what people in love do. He's selfish. He may be hot as hell on the outside but on the inside he's ugly, selfish, and worse of all, he's using you.

    Hope you figure out a workable solution before your hurt turns to pure anger. Good luck.
  • hunkseekeer

    Posts: 6

    May 29, 2012 5:07 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidThis can't be real.

    Your Bf is a top and only " lays there during sex". !


    There is such a position as the cowgirl. He gets to lay flat on his back with a hard on, and I am left to do all of the work to get us both off.
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    May 29, 2012 5:09 PM GMT
    eb925guy said
    hunkseekeer saidHe is usually excited for sex and often initiates it, but all his energy dies when we get to the bedroom. What can I do to make him a participant in our sex life again? Are there any cool/unique ideas that have worked for any of you guys before? He is not a romantic in ANY way so candles/music are a bust. And he seems to be allergic to intimacy so that too would prove pointless in any form.

    Here's a quote from a previous post of yours:

    hunkseekeer saidI have known my boyfriend was cheating on me for some time. But I never could get together enough proof to actually confront him about it, and I knew he would deny everything until the bitter end and take the secret to his grave without solid evidence. So a week ago I found the proof I needed and confronted him.


    This should answer your question. He's not into you. He doesn't need sex from you when he's perfectly content to find it elsewhere. In the previous post you alluding to age being the issue, it's not. It has to do with the guy hanging on to you for selfish convenience. You're young and he possibly sees this as his advantage because you'll try and hang on. So far, he's right.

    If you have a place to move, I'd suggest you pack your bags and show him that you're not his puppet and that his insecurities are not your problem. You can't change him, you can't make someone love you. If he truly loved you then he would be open in communicating, trying to resolve issues, be intimate in many ways, find some way of showing some amount of romance. Why? Because that's what people in love do. He's selfish. He may be hot as hell on the outside but on the inside he's ugly, selfish, and worse of all, he's using you.

    Hope you figure out a workable solution before your hurt turns to pure anger. Good luck.



    Well.....here ya go!
  • hunkseekeer

    Posts: 6

    May 29, 2012 5:11 PM GMT
    freshbreeze saidget a new boyfriend that satisfies your desires...

    All matters of sex aside, our relationship is good. We have a lot of good times together. Sex isn't everything in a relationship, but it should be satisfying icon_confused.gif
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    May 29, 2012 5:13 PM GMT
    hunkseekeer saidNeed to spruce up the bedroom action!

    The last thing you need to do is spruce it up. I'd spice it up.
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    May 29, 2012 5:25 PM GMT
    eagermuscle said
    hunkseekeer saidNeed to spruce up the bedroom action!

    The last thing you need to do is spruce it up. I'd spice it up.


    Hmmmm... although spruce is wood and therefore a necessary ingredient, I'd have to agree. Spruce is a soft wood... icon_confused.gif
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    May 29, 2012 6:28 PM GMT
    eb925guy saidThis should answer your question. {snip}
    Agree ^^

    Seems like you are being used. And by hanging on to someone who you know isn't that into to you anymore and suspect cheating, you are allowing yourself to be used.

    Make a decision and talk to him and tell him how you feel and what you want. If you cant come to an agreement, then time to cut your losses and move on. Doesn't matter whether he is hot or not.
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    May 29, 2012 6:44 PM GMT
    intensity69 said
    eagermuscle said
    hunkseekeer saidNeed to spruce up the bedroom action!

    The last thing you need to do is spruce it up. I'd spice it up.


    Hmmmm... although spruce is wood and therefore a necessary ingredient, I'd have to agree. Spruce is a soft wood... icon_confused.gif


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    May 30, 2012 6:47 PM GMT
    Perhaps his sexual preferences have changed, which is not unusual. Ask him if he's developed a preference for other things, such as BDSM, toys, role play, three-somes/groups, gangbangs, etc. Perhaps "vanilla" no longer turns him on. It's all about communication and putting everything on the table. Find out what he wants without being threatening,defensive, or accusatory, and then figure out a way to satisfy your carnal desires through compromise.
  • tckrguys

    Posts: 133

    May 30, 2012 7:36 PM GMT
    Communication is key to a healthy relationship, including in the bedroom. Talk to him and open up so he will feel comfortable talking to you. Talk about what you want from your sexual relationship. Also, talk about fantasies each of you might have and if you feel comfortable enough, explore them.

    Sexual relationships take just as much effort as an emotional relationship. If things are boring in the bedroom, or you want to try new things, discuss it with your partner.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    May 30, 2012 7:41 PM GMT
    Time for fetish-play.....icon_cool.gif
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    May 30, 2012 7:47 PM GMT
    Talking is important, but don't talk IN the BED Room. discuss things out of the bedroom. Its like a dog and their crate. It should be a place of safety not fear and stress.
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    May 30, 2012 8:06 PM GMT
    hunkseekeer said
    All matters of sex aside, our relationship is good. We have a lot of good times together. Sex isn't everything in a relationship, but it should be satisfying icon_confused.gif


    sadly, sex is always the first thing to go when relationships are experiencing trouble. of course its not the only thing, but its physically the most intimate part of a relationship, and its very telling if he isn't even showing the bare minimum of participation in your sex life.

    time to take a step back: take sex off the table. re-approach to talk about what the deeper problems are that you're / he's facing. no confrontation, no blaming, no begging, no excuses.

    remember: a relationship is 50/50 teamwork and you both have to be willing to make it work. you can't do it all for him, no matter what new sex tricks you learn - because you will be doing all the work (as you currently are) and he will be lying on his back (as he currently is).
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    May 30, 2012 9:59 PM GMT
    hunkseekeer saidAll matters of sex aside, our relationship is good. We have a lot of good times together. Sex isn't everything in a relationship, but it should be satisfying icon_confused.gif


    Seriously? Wake up my friend. You claim your BF has cheated on you and this is your post in bullet points, perhaps it will be clearer to you reading it like this....

    1. our sex life is less than not exciting
    2. We only ever do one position
    3. it is always me as the bottom
    4. I have never gotten to be the one wearing the condom
    5. I am NOT strictly a bottom
    6. my sexual desire that has gone unfulfilled for years!
    7. some other variety to speak of, but alas, there is none
    8. only response I seem to get is indifference
    9. perhaps even annoyance
    10. it's been months since he has done anything but lay there during sex
    11. all his energy dies when we get to the bedroom
    12. He is not a romantic in ANY way
    13. he seems to be allergic to intimacy

    He's not into you... Or you're over stating the facts.
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    May 30, 2012 10:16 PM GMT
    Ask him what he wants to try and do it. Let him know you're not satisfied and he should step up to the job.