Not sure what to do

  • floridaguy88

    Posts: 1

    May 29, 2012 8:17 AM GMT
    Sorry for the long ass post.

    Well here's the background.

    I have two best friends, both straight, which we will call Jeff and Rick. Jeff is my closest friend that I have. He is a very sweet man one of the nicest people you will ever meet, always sees the good in people and will help you out when you need it. But with being so nice he always ends up getting stepped on and taken advantage of, and lately has had a slight depression problem(not a serious one to the point of needing treatment). Rick is my second best friend. He's that guy that will always stick up for you and defend you, fun guy and really chill and calm. Great man, but has a history of making dumb mistakes. Rick and Jeff are good friends too.

    Here's the situation.

    Jeff was dating this girl for 2 years until about 4 months ago. They always had problems and would get in so many arguments so eventually they broke up. Recently, about 2 weeks ago, me and Rick were out drinking and he got really drunk and Jeff's ex came up in conversation. He then slipped up and told me he had sex with her while Jeff was dating her, in about the middle of the relationship too. I of course told him he needs to tell Jeff and apologize because what he did was fucked up and Jeff is eventually going to find out from someone else if he doesn't tell him and it will be a lot harder on Jeff if he finds out that way. Rick feels like total shit for what he did and I can tell it eats at him with regret. He refuses to tell Jeff and tells me to never to say anything. Now every time I hang out with Jeff I think about it and feel like shit. I feel like I am a bad friend for not telling Jeff. But on the other hand it would just cause Jeff to get depressed again and cause Rick to get mad at me. I seriously have no idea what to do. And to top it all off Jeff still thinks his ex is this amazing girl even though she only ever treated him like total shit and took advantage of him like everyone else does. I also feel like Jeff will get mad at me if he finds out I knew the entire time and never told him.

    Is ignorance really bliss? Any help would be amazing I honestly have no idea what to do
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 29, 2012 8:50 AM GMT
    Do what they did on Jersey Shore and write an anonymous letter then deny you ever wrote it.







    No but seriously, tough situation. I would continue trying to talk your friend into telling your other friend. Just be honest about how you feel, that its shit of him to put you into this situation and that he fucked up.
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    May 29, 2012 11:14 AM GMT
    Sorry you got caught up in the middle of this, I understand how you feel, never expecting it happening from a close friend and all..

    Personally I think the best thing to do is tell Rick to confess, explain him that you're disgusted by him everytime you spend time with Jeff..
    Tell him to place himself in Jeff's shoes, how would he feel when he finds out from someone else besides his friends.. The shame, betrayal, the lies... and explain that this will help him get over his ex!

    (I'm gay and even for me it took almost two years to get over my ex-girlfriend!)

    In my case I told my close friend back then that I couldn't hang out with her anymore untill she confessed, luckily she valued our friendship and she told her sister who was also a close friend of mine (but she didn't had sex, she did kiss and cuddle and slept next her boyfriend)

    No matter what don't say a thing to Jeff, you'll get yourself deeper involved in the situation you didn't need in the first place..

    Good luck resolving this matter, the one that got cheated on still has contact with her ofcourse (they're sisters) but she told me few months ago when she was drunk she will never forgive her and this happened like 3years ago.. So I hope Jeff is more willing to forgive..



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    May 29, 2012 11:23 AM GMT
    Nooooo! This is none of your business. Stay out of it. Especially since Jeff is no longer dating the girl in question. Nothing good can come of sticking your nose in this mess.

    Tell Rick that his sharing this with you put you in a very uncomfortable situation and listen consolingly while Jeff unloads on you, at least so long as his grieving process is healthy.
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    May 29, 2012 12:33 PM GMT
    showme saidNooooo! This is none of your business. Stay out of it. Especially since Jeff is no longer dating the girl in question. Nothing good can come of sticking your nose in this mess.

    Tell Rick that his sharing this with you put you in a very uncomfortable situation and listen consolingly while Jeff unloads on you, at least so long as his grieving process is healthy.

    I was bored after the first sentence of the original post, so I am going to go with this answer, it seems about right.
    Original Poster, get more gay friends, they have more drama, and it will be more interesting to me and I will read your long winded and badly written posts.
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    May 29, 2012 12:59 PM GMT
    a) simplify the situation - this is not your mess to clean up. but you can be an intermediary, a benevolent force helping something right itself.

    b) treat Jeff the way he should be treated - with respect. no one else does. he deserves that at a minimum. also help him realise that his passive nature can be self-destructive and that he needs to stand up for himself and you'll always have his back when he makes those awkward first steps... starting with confronting his ex-girlfriend.

    c) tell Rick that he's a douchebag, and that his drunken Freudian slip is an indicator that he needs to man-up and tell Jeff himself; not just lay it all on you in a blubbering drunken confession, hoping that you'll clean up after his jizz session with Jeff's ex. he can wipe up his own cum shots.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    May 29, 2012 1:01 PM GMT
    showme saidNooooo! This is none of your business. Stay out of it. Especially since Jeff is no longer dating the girl in question. Nothing good can come of sticking your nose in this mess.

    Tell Rick that his sharing this with you put you in a very uncomfortable situation and listen consolingly while Jeff unloads on you, at least so long as his grieving process is healthy.


    +2

    This really is not your show, OP. It is not your job to run your best friend's life. Let him do that.

    A little less directly, think of it this way: only the people directly involved (the two guys and the girl) should have anything to do with this. You should not have been told. Don't widen the circle.