a bittersweet fantasy

  • varsitybadboy

    Posts: 62

    May 30, 2012 12:47 AM GMT
    So I decided to join this site, mainly to get to know people and talk about situation like the next one, lol.

    I am not out (which sucks balls cause it slowly is killing me everyday) but anyways. I've been holding on to this mainly because I have no "gay" friends or people I could tell.

    I have 3 roommates (2 guys one girl) and the guys are fucking fine as hell, well for my testing atleast. On my birthday last year, my sisters decided to come visit me from Chicago, so that Saturday night we, the roommates and some friends decided to go out to a nightclub. As the night goes on, shots are taken, drinks are poured, it's a good, fun night.

    We continue the party at our house and at about 5AM only one roommate and I are remainding. We continue drinking, finishing up atleast 2 bottles of tequila, we are both completely fd up.

    (Now before all this, I have always thought that this guy, along with the other guy roommate, were, I dont want to say gay, but if anything curious. Things that they do, certain ways that they acted, things they say, has lead me to believe that maybe. Prior to this insident, he always gave me a feel of "checking me out". One time, I was outside picking up some stuff that were on the grass, he walks out and checks my ass out. I acted like I didnt know. He also would do nice things for me behind me back, would always ask about me to the other roommates, and would make sure that I was always well attended to. Oddly though, he is the type of man that says very minimum to you. So I always found it weird that behind my back he cared, but never would say a word to me, but the necessary hi and bye, if that. I started to catch on though on the things he would do for me. Anyways, I dont know if I was looking too much into these details so for the most part I would just let it go and not get my imagination fly to high).

    Continuing, we are both fd up by now. After having a deep, drunk conversation of, "I have your back and you have mine" and "We are here for one another" and creating intimate bonds, out of no where, grabs the water hose and drenches me with water. (I am still wearing my dress shirt, dress pants from the night) He starts to laugh and asks for my cell to ensure it doesnt get damaged (AWE); I give it to him and have the chance to take the hose from him. I spray him down, he laughs and runs from me, so I chase him and we go at it like that for awhile.

    He decides to take his shirt off and begs for me to do the same. I act like I am too drunk to comprehend, so he decided to take it off for me. While doing so, he says to me, "For today, lets relax and go with the flow. Enjoy the moment and not worry about a thing". This peaks my interest, but I obey and let it go and enjoy the moment. He grabs the water hose, pretends like he is showering, turns around and starts to rub my chest as if he were "cleaning" me in this shower of his. Once again I try to not let myself be "discovered" but enjoy every minute of him doing so.

    I shove him a little bit, take the hose and continue to spray him while walking towards the back of the house. I remember then turning the hose off and going in to the garage for more drink. While going in, he follows and asks why I am going in. I tell him I was coming back to continue, I was just going to get some more drink. I remember pushing him though against the door, and asking him if he was scared. (my intension with this question, were to ask if he was scared of going further than just playing around. I dont know if he understood, but he replied with a, scared of what? I let it go and went for more drink.

    I returned with 2 glasses of coke and captain, we drank and stepped outside again. We were going to continue with our water fight, but he seemed to not be able to turn it on. I bullied him a little telling him he was dumb for not being able to and he responded with a rub of my chest and a playful pinch to my nipple. I continued but now he took a bite of it and licked my arm pit (weird, I know, but I liked it).

    By now I didnt know what to think. Either take full advantage of this drunken situation or back off before something goes wrong. I decided to continue and play it by ear.

    He got the thing turned on and we continued with the water fight, but this time I walked to the back of the house where no one could see us.

    Back here, we would continue with the same, but little by little getting more aggressive. I would get him on the floor, at one point I was on top of him, at another he grabbed my junk to "hurt" me. I placed him against the wall on was face to face with him. I would give him a push with my chest as he would push my face to the side. I would return the favor and run my fingers through his lips and open his mouth. He seemed to enjoy it as the water just kept on running through out bodies.

    Things seemed to be on a different level by now and I could sence it, but I didnt know how to respond to it or what to do next. I had a hard on my now and he notices. He doesnt say anything but joke about it and then proceeds to pulling down his pants and exposins hus beautiful uncut, semi hard d!ck. I was surprised but reacted by doing the same. We continue to act dumb and wiggle our junk around and be playful about it.

    For a moment there it was fun. But out of nowhere it turned in to, yea I know you like this. I know this is what you like and this is what you want, as he grabs his package. He continues to tell me to get near he knows I want it (and he isnt lying).

    I guess I let my cowardness or insecurites get the best of me, as I told him to shut the fuck up and that I was going to bed. He followed by saying he was too, but then would change his mind and ask why and that he still wanted to "hang out". (with a sad face icon_sad.gif ) I brushed it off and laughed and he asked where was I going to sleep (I had family over so they were occupying my room) He tells me that I could sleep in his room with him. But by then it all got the best of my and I walked in to the house and went straight to my other roommates room (a female), closed the door and fell asleep on the floor.

    This was a bittersweet fantasy. On one hand, I couldn't believe what was actually going on. It was something I had been looking forward to for so long and such a big turn on and fantasy. But at the same time, I wasn't sure if I was letting all these emotions get the best of me. I in no way shape want them to know "about me" and I didnt want to cause any unnecessary tension. I want it so bad but wasnt sure how to react or think of it. In away I could feel that this is what he wanted to too, but was confused and lost and ultimately, it led me to shut down.

    It was ackward for a bit for a month or two. We would run in to each other and not say much. But then it went back to normal and he actually talked to me way more than he ever did throughout the time I've lived there. He now has a g/f who I remember asking him that night if he was going out with and he told me no, that they were just friends. 3 days later, they are going out. About 4 times since then, we' ve gotten to the point of being wasted, alone and at 5 AM again, but haven't repeated a morning like that one. Much because I haven't allowed it to (although I want to he has a girlfriend).

    Now they live together and I hardly see him. But when I do, I swear I see a smile on that mans face and a "I am so happy to see you" vibe.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2012 1:10 AM GMT
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    May 30, 2012 1:21 AM GMT
    Needs a good bit of editing and probably some sort of plot development, but if you work on it, you might get a C in freshman English Fiction.
  • varsitybadboy

    Posts: 62

    May 30, 2012 2:32 AM GMT
    thanks for the comment. I was actually at the library, an hour before it closed i decided to open this acct. My first time here. Kinda rushed through it but gave it a quick glance just to make sure that it made some kind of sense. Anyways, true story, but thanks for your input and reading it. As far as for the situation, any idea on what I should do/think?
  • varsitybadboy

    Posts: 62

    May 30, 2012 2:33 AM GMT
    GreenHopper said
    exactly how I feel, lol thanks
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2012 3:09 AM GMT
    What a waste...

    It doesn't matter if you're out or not. In a situation like that there is an easy way to have your way with your roommate and still be "in the closet."

  • varsitybadboy

    Posts: 62

    May 30, 2012 5:39 PM GMT
    Squintz saidWhat a waste...

    It doesn't matter if you're out or not. In a situation like that there is an easy way to have your way with your roommate and still be "in the closet."



    Aghh, I know I beat myself over it every fn day, lol.
    But you live and you learn. I believe there will be a next time.

    thanks for the comment