WHEN SHOULD YOUR NEW BEAU MOVE IN?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2008 2:21 PM GMT
    Last night my buddy and I discussed his new relationship. He's been seeing this guy for about 3 months. Things seem to be going well. A few days ago the guy mentioned that he would move in if my buddy asked him to. My buddy, who is already dreaming about getting engaged, would like the relationship to reach the 6-month mark before they consider living together.

    I think guys who live together after 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, etc., are asking for it, but that's because of my cynical view on men and relationships icon_lol.gif.

    I'm curious, though--what do you guys think?
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    Jul 25, 2008 3:09 PM GMT

    There's no rule of thumb. We moved in after 2 weeks - 19 years ago.

    This has angered and enraged some people.

    Go figure.

    When to move in with each other is completely based on emotional readiness.

    Your friends could always try co-habitating for a 2 week period and see how it fits. They can have fun with it, exploring by trying your friend's place as 'home', then trying his guy's place as 'home'. It's all about Happy.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2008 4:59 PM GMT
    Every couple is unique, but I think it's safer to err on the side of caution and give it a minimum of 6 months. During the leadup to the 6-month mark you're sure to be spending more and more time at each other's places, which will allow you to learn this person's quirks and let them learn yours. Then you'll be better able to gauge how the two of you would live together.

    Better to discover you're a bad fit for cohabitation early on, rather than having the merging of the things, and then the prompt and painful separating of the things.
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    Jul 25, 2008 5:10 PM GMT
    When my boyfriend and I first started dating people would always ask if we lived together. We've been together for a year and we still live in seperate places. I dont think we can even consider living together until the 1 1/-2 year mark.
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    Jul 25, 2008 5:14 PM GMT
    Oh come on, guys! I think you should definitely tell a guy you love him during the first date, along with all your personal problems with your mom, and then be sure to ask him to move in with you that very weekend! If he needs cars, clothes and spending money - why not offer to help him in those areas too!
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    Jul 25, 2008 5:23 PM GMT
    I would move in with someone after 1.5 / 2 years.
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    Jul 25, 2008 5:33 PM GMT
    For me, moving in is like marriage. And since I don't plan ever to marry a man, I can't imagine living with one. Kudos to those guy who live together and make it work!
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Jul 25, 2008 5:47 PM GMT
    Time is one measure but really you're talking about changing the nature of the relationship.

    There's a honeymoon phase and your friend is in the dead center of it. And, of course, living with someone you get to see all their unalterable faults, 24/7. Definitely not for the faint of heart.

    Why risk a relationship by getting to know each other too well? lol!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2008 5:54 PM GMT
    My BF moved into my home 2 weeks after we met. Best decision I ever made. I have had others that never moved in after 3 years of dating, also a very good decision!

    There is no right answer to when you should move in. Only you will know when it's right. If you can't see yourself moving in with someone, or need the support of your friends to take the leap, then its not the right time!





  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2008 7:39 PM GMT
    I moved in with my bf after 6 months and now we bought a home together and have been together for 4 years. If you are both muture enough the bad habits will go away or not be a problem anymore. But it is different for everyone.
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    Jul 25, 2008 7:47 PM GMT
    Right after the lingering odor of the last boyfriend buried under the floorboards in the basement dissipates.
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    Jul 25, 2008 8:05 PM GMT
    RBY71 saidRight after the lingering odor of the last boyfriend buried under the floorboards in the basement dissipates.


    LMAO


    Seriously, I would apply the 6 month rule for myself but thats just me personally. You'll notice at a certain point you are basically living together pretty much give or take a few days off at that point.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2008 8:10 PM GMT
    My ex and I just started spending loads of time together, and after a handful of months he was practically living with me. We got a place together later, and while the relationship didn't work out, we made incredible living mates. We're getting another apartment together in a month or so.

    I'd tell them that if they both think they're ready, to go for it. Though a few weeks of extended sleep over doesn't sound like a bad idea.
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Jul 25, 2008 9:12 PM GMT
    ...after you know you're not going to kill him for not cleaning up after himself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2008 9:24 PM GMT
    I moved in with my first serious boyfriend after two weeks. Surprising...and unexpected...but it happened.

    We lived together for a year, and then broke up, and I moved out. We dated on and off for another year...but never got back to square one. He loved me dearly, and I loved him, but I never fell in love, and though we were perfect in just about every other way, it was unfair to him - and to myself - to be in a relationship.

    We stayed best friends until his current BF, who has moved him into the woods, forced him to get a new cell number, change his email address, and lose all of the friends that he had in this city.

    Even with all that...he still calls me about twice a year from his parents house in PA, where the number can't be traced. I miss his friendship very much, we were very close, and though I don't understand why he's sticking with this guy - he is.

    Now - I'm not sure how quickly I would move in with someone. And I'll be damned if someone is moving into my house anytime soon - that's my haven, my space, and though I enjoy sharing my bed some nights...I'm not ready to share my house with another human full time.

    So I'd say at least 6 months. Hopefully, he'd have a house of his own...and at some point...we'd just get one together.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2008 9:41 PM GMT
    my bf and i have spent almost every night together since we met. the only time we've been apart is when i was in brazil for 10 days. it's been almost three months now and we're happy. we're looking at moving in together when my current lease is up in september.

    :icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2008 1:13 AM GMT
    I pretty much live at my partner in crime's apt. However, I still do keep my own apt...for kicks I guess. We are getting pretty serious, even though it has only been almost 2 months, and the topic has definitely come up several times.

    I am not sure when the "right time" will be for me to officially move in and find someone else to take over my lease.

    But I think, as you can see, it depends on the person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2008 2:14 AM GMT
    For me I would have to be with a guy at least a year before I would consider moving in w/him on a permanent basis. I actually was supposed to move in w/my now ex this summer back in May after only dating for about 6 months but I was only ok with this because it would only be for the summer months until I moved back to Norman for school and I had other options in case it didn't work out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2008 2:19 AM GMT
    Never again.

    Date? Sure.
    Fuck? You bet.
    Cohabit? ARE YOU NUTS?

  • Jul 26, 2008 3:11 AM GMT
    I wouldn't even consider moving in with someone before a year of dating, but then I also don't intend to date anymore.
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Jul 26, 2008 3:19 AM GMT
    They should move in together when they're ready.

    The only guy I've ever lived with and I moved in together only 2 1/2 months after we met. Yeah, too soon, but we ended up being together for 4 years.
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    Jul 26, 2008 3:24 AM GMT
    I don't think there is a "normal" waiting period for every person. It's different for some people. For me, even if I knew a guy was the one, I wouldn't move in with him on a permanent basis until we reached the 6 month mark. I'd also keep a backup plan and a lot of savings. I've learned a lot of lessons the last year and I've had to just decide on relationship "rules." Every person should have rules, and stick to them, for their own well-being based on their own personal growth. Thinking with the heart is a good thing, but the mind needs to set the limits.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 26, 2008 3:27 AM GMT
    I think its hard to set a time table on something as personal as this..... but I do think it should be carefully considered and approached seriously.
    While I would think a year would be in order, again setting a specific length of time probably isn't a wise idea.
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    Jul 26, 2008 4:03 AM GMT
    ITALIC TEXT GOES HERE

    My roommate and I lived together before we had a relationship. Then, again, he was straight when we met.

    I don't think that really counts, seeing as we were college roommates.

    There is very little chance in changing the ways your partner lives in their home. Either they're clean or they're a mess. Either they're helpful or they're lazy.

    So, I like the suggestion of spending as much time (whenever appropriate) at each other's place. Then, you can really get a good feel of how it is to be together.

    After that, like much else in all relationships, it's a toss up.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2008 6:46 AM GMT
    As our relationship progressed, he was spending more and more time at my apartment. He worked nights and I worked evenings so this was tough to get to know each other at first but he would spend most of his weekends with me. We decided to buy a condo together and moved in after being with each other for 7 months. Seventeen years later and we are still together.

    I do not think that guys should be afraid to discover each others eccentricities and foibles. This discovery process is part of the joy of a relationship, not something to be dreaded. After a while these things that you might see as bad characteristics are what become endearing.

    But, by all means, tell your buddy to take his time. There is no rush but at the same time do not have him be too careful, lest insecurity drive the other man off.