New to the whole gay dating thing, age old question, DOES HE WANT MORE THAN JUST SEX?

  • David121212

    Posts: 2

    May 30, 2012 8:00 PM GMT
    So this past weekend I went clubbing with a few friends. At the club i met this older guy (39, soon realize that he just left a four year relationship about 7 months ago) I'm 21, he texts me the next morning to head to his place to hang, and I do. by this point he knows my age, and is well aware of the fact that i havent gone very far with a guy since i havent been out for very long.

    We begin to cuddle for an hour or so and kiss. afterwards, he takes me out to lunch. we then go back to his place and the cuddling went further. lots of foreplay and touching. once we finished cuddling he says he wants to take me out to the same club and hang with some of his friends before i head back home (both live in seperate cities) at the club we hang out at the bar a lot, he buys me drinks, is really sweet never tries getting me very drunk, orders me water inbetween and tells me he doesnt want me to get too drunk. this made me feel he didnt just want to get me drunk and take me back home. once the night was ending we head back home and fall asleep.

    the next morning i wake up before him and lean over to his night stand to grab my phone. he thinks im leaving and says "no, no dont go". we begin cuddling again and foreplay. he knows ive never gone all the way, while playing around i tell him "i want you to put it in, but i dont" he then just kinda giggles and says "all in due time" which makes me think..

    by this time, what i didnt want to happen was happening..i was getting feelings for him. How could i have not? he was extremely sweet to me, never put me in a difficult position and was very respecftul. as im getting ready to go home, i dont really know what to say since i dont want him to get the idea that i have feelings for him. so i say "maybe next time im in town, well run into eachother again at the club" to which he replies "oh, only run into eachother, you wont let me know ahwad of time that youll be here" which only further confused me about what he wants. then again when im about to leave i say "ill let you know when im in town again" he says " well we can always talk before then too"

    later that night he texted to ask if i got home okay..the convo was very short and resulted in me sending the last text..
    i texted him again last night saying thatnks for everything and that i really enjoyed my time with him, i wouldnt normally text a guy but i did so becuase i maybe felt that he felt i wasnt intersted in more than just a hook up (the whole thing about me saying id :"run" into him and all that) things got a little flirty, and the convo lasted longer but again, i sent the last text message.

    Im just really confused...im really really digging this guy but dont know what he wants and dont want to throw myself at someone and seem too easy.

    considering all the small details (hit him up more, the "all in due time" comment, taking me out to eat, buying me drinks, introducing me to friends)
    What do YOU think this guy wants?
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    May 30, 2012 8:51 PM GMT
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    May 30, 2012 9:58 PM GMT
    Tops have total advantage over bottom boys cus it's so easy to sweep you guys off your feet. I always get what I want but I generally let you guys feel that your not just a hot hole for a least a couple of dates. Since you guys will never make the first move and never communicate your feelings you don't really leave us any other option. A nice loving fuck is a great way to break the ice and I'm open to that then becoming a relationship. But you won't get to the relationship part until you have sorted out the sex first.
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    May 30, 2012 10:10 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidTops have total advantage over bottom boys cus it's so easy to sweep you guys off your feet. I always get what I want but I generally let you guys feel that your not just a hot hole for a least a couple of dates. Since you guys will never make the first move and never communicate your feelings you don't really leave us any other option. A nice loving fuck is a great way to break the ice and I'm open to that then becoming a relationship. But you won't get to the relationship part until you have sorted out the sex first.

    eb6.jpg
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    May 30, 2012 11:29 PM GMT
    He either wants to be a friend and hope it would lead into a relationship or he just want a straight up relationship just like you do...he is leading you on, its up to you to play the catch up. In all seriousness, I would say he wants a relationship but he can't straight up ask for one.
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    May 30, 2012 11:32 PM GMT
    pasfu31 said
    Alpha13 saidTops have total advantage over bottom boys cus it's so easy to sweep you guys off your feet. I always get what I want but I generally let you guys feel that your not just a hot hole for a least a couple of dates. Since you guys will never make the first move and never communicate your feelings you don't really leave us any other option. A nice loving fuck is a great way to break the ice and I'm open to that then becoming a relationship. But you won't get to the relationship part until you have sorted out the sex first.

    eb6.jpg


    Im thinking both...
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    May 31, 2012 12:07 AM GMT
    Recall, the guy is 39 and has had at least one long-term relationship. He has had sex literally thousands of times, and you've never had it even once. He senses you're inexperienced and is taking things slow to let you get comfortable. Impossible to say whether he wants "a relationship" with you yet. If the sex is horrific, neither of you will. Let him put it in. He sounds pretty nice, really.
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    May 31, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    Chainers said
    pasfu31 said
    Alpha13 saidTops have total advantage over bottom boys cus it's so easy to sweep you guys off your feet. I always get what I want but I generally let you guys feel that your not just a hot hole for a least a couple of dates. Since you guys will never make the first move and never communicate your feelings you don't really leave us any other option. A nice loving fuck is a great way to break the ice and I'm open to that then becoming a relationship. But you won't get to the relationship part until you have sorted out the sex first.

    eb6.jpg


    Im thinking both...




    Ha, ha, but it got a response. The posts were gay guys lament their inability to communicate are just so laughable. It happened in a club last Sunday. Two guys I know through friends were crushing on each other but they talked to everyone else but the guy that they were interested in. They wouldn't even look at each other.
  • ineedausernam...

    Posts: 118

    May 31, 2012 5:12 AM GMT
    DEKIRUMAN said


    +1
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    May 31, 2012 5:20 AM GMT
    Alpha13 saidTops have total advantage over bottom boys cus it's so easy to sweep you guys off your feet. I always get what I want but I generally let you guys feel that your not just a hot hole for a least a couple of dates. Since you guys will never make the first move and never communicate your feelings you don't really leave us any other option. A nice loving fuck is a great way to break the ice and I'm open to that then becoming a relationship. But you won't get to the relationship part until you have sorted out the sex first.
    You got that idea from straight guys didn't you? icon_lol.gif
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    May 31, 2012 1:38 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Alpha13 saidTops have total advantage over bottom boys cus it's so easy to sweep you guys off your feet. I always get what I want but I generally let you guys feel that your not just a hot hole for a least a couple of dates. Since you guys will never make the first move and never communicate your feelings you don't really leave us any other option. A nice loving fuck is a great way to break the ice and I'm open to that then becoming out the sex first.
    You got that idea from

    Yep, and trust me it works like it did for the captain of the football on Emo bottom boys whom are wired just like girls. Since they won't make a move to get what they want and fantasize about Mr.Right finding them they
    are easily played.
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    May 31, 2012 1:46 PM GMT
    Alpha13 said
    paulflexes said
    Alpha13 saidTops have total advantage over bottom boys cus it's so easy to sweep you guys off your feet. I always get what I want but I generally let you guys feel that your not just a hot hole for a least a couple of dates. Since you guys will never make the first move and never communicate your feelings you don't really leave us any other option. A nice loving fuck is a great way to break the ice and I'm open to that then becoming out the sex first.
    You got that idea from

    Yep, and trust me it works like it did for the captain of the football on Emo bottom boys whom are wired just like girls. Since they won't make a move to get what they want and fantasize about Mr.Right finding them they
    are easily played.


    Are you trying to piss people off?
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    May 31, 2012 2:10 PM GMT
    It pisses me off that a huge chunk of gay guys only strategy in love making is to play games as the op is doing. I'm with a guy now that actually texted me the next morning after our chance meeting at a club to tell me that he enjoyed meeting me .He asked me if i wanted to hang out the next day, never flaked, told me he liked me etc. and we had a record 4 dates before he got topped cus he didn't behave like a helpless, brainless sexual victim.
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    May 31, 2012 2:52 PM GMT
    David121212 said
    Im just really confused...im really really digging this guy but dont know what he wants and dont want to throw myself at someone and seem too easy.

    considering all the small details (hit him up more, the "all in due time" comment, taking me out to eat, buying me drinks, introducing me to friends)
    What do YOU think this guy wants?


    he wants to treat you with respect. he's treating you like a human being, not just a mound of flesh. this guy wants a deeper connection with someone. not just a one-night stand. enjoy getting to know him, cuz he's a keeper.

    if all you want is sex (and fast!) then you should tell him up front so he doesn't waste his time.
  • David121212

    Posts: 2

    May 31, 2012 2:53 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidIt pisses me off that a huge chunk of gay guys only strategy in love making is to play games as the op is doing. I'm with a guy now that actually texted me the next morning after our chance meeting at a club to tell me that he enjoyed meeting me .He asked me if i wanted to hang out the next day, never flaked, told me he liked me etc. and we had a record 4 dates before he got topped cus he didn't behave like a helpless, brainless sexual victim.


    When did I claim to have a "strategy" in love making?
    For one, the title of my post clearly states "NEW to the gay dating thing" so I asked for advice. Secondly, you claim the guy youre currently with texted you the following morning. Maybe had you read my post more thoroughly you would've come across me saying that I texted the next day telling him I had a great time with him, Yet I'm still kinda getting mixed feelings, huh go figure, a TOP doing what you claim "bottom boys" do in "playing ganmes"
    You know I come on here to maybe get advice on the whole gay thing since I'm new to this, And I get replies like yours. You seem to think quite highly of yourself. I hope other people, in your day to day life don't see the person you've come across as here.
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    May 31, 2012 3:19 PM GMT
    alternately, you could kind of give him the green light and say that you really want to get closer to him. being clear about what you want, what you don't, and what you're not sure about is a good exercise, because its really hard for others to tell what you are thinking.

    note: texting is very difficult to interpret what is being said. there is no tone, there is no subtlety, and you can easily mis-interpret meaning. better to have a phone conversation more often than texting.
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    May 31, 2012 3:30 PM GMT
    David121212 said
    Alpha13 saidIt pisses me off that a huge chunk of gay guys only strategy in love making is to play games as the op is doing. I'm with a guy now that actually texted me the next morning after our chance meeting at a club to tell me that he enjoyed meeting me .He asked me if i wanted to hang out the next day, never flaked, told me he liked me etc. and we had a record 4 dates before he got topped cus he didn't behave like a helpless, brainless sexual victim.


    When did I claim to have a "strategy" in love making?
    For one, the title of my post clearly states "NEW to the gay dating thing" so I asked for advice. Secondly, you claim the guy youre currently with texted you the following morning. Maybe had you read my post more thoroughly you would've come across me saying that I texted the next day telling him I had a great time with him, Yet I'm still kinda getting mixed feelings, huh go figure, a TOP doing what you claim "bottom boys" do in "playing ganmes"
    You know I come on here to maybe get advice on the whole gay thing since I'm new to this, And I get replies like yours. You seem to think quite highly of yourself. I hope other people, in your day to day life don't see the person you've come across as here.


    Take people's opinions with a grain of salt. He's giving you advice on what his experience has been, and you're also getting advice on what others have experienced. You don't get to pick and choose what you want to hear from people... because most of the real world opinions that are worth hearing are going to be ones you don't want to listen to, and that probably includes mine.

    Although you're "new to the whole gay dating" thing, you shouldn't have as much of a problem interpreting this guy's motives as you've been having. If you reread your post, it should be obvious that he's into you. Making a relationship takes two people, so although you think you're being clear about what you want, it's possible he doesn't know that as well.

    And from my experience, guys that have to keep asking "is he into me," "does he really like me," "does he just want sex..." are just insecure and looking into their situation way too deeply. If you have to have everything defined, be proactive and talk to him about it. If you don't wanna sound so young and insecure, just go with the flow and see what happens.

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    May 31, 2012 4:08 PM GMT
    Squintz saidTake people's opinions with a grain of salt. He's giving you advice on what his experience has been, and you're also getting advice on what others have experienced. You don't get to pick and choose what you want to hear from people... because most of the real world opinions that are worth hearing are going to be ones you don't want to listen to, and that probably includes mine.
    This ^^^

    "Those that dont learn from history are doomed to repeat it's mistakes"

    Learning lessons from someones history can only benefit you. Unless you prefer making the same mistakes yourself and learning things the hard way.
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    May 31, 2012 10:09 PM GMT
    David121212 saidSo this past weekend I went clubbing with a few friends. At the club i met this older guy (39, soon realize that he just left a four year relationship about 7 months ago) I'm 21, he texts me the next morning to head to his place to hang, and I do. by this point he knows my age, and is well aware of the fact that i havent gone very far with a guy since i havent been out for very long.

    We begin to cuddle for an hour or so and kiss. afterwards, he takes me out to lunch. we then go back to his place and the cuddling went further. lots of foreplay and touching. once we finished cuddling he says he wants to take me out to the same club and hang with some of his friends before i head back home (both live in seperate cities) at the club we hang out at the bar a lot, he buys me drinks, is really sweet never tries getting me very drunk, orders me water inbetween and tells me he doesnt want me to get too drunk. this made me feel he didnt just want to get me drunk and take me back home. once the night was ending we head back home and fall asleep.

    the next morning i wake up before him and lean over to his night stand to grab my phone. he thinks im leaving and says "no, no dont go". we begin cuddling again and foreplay. he knows ive never gone all the way, while playing around i tell him "i want you to put it in, but i dont" he then just kinda giggles and says "all in due time" which makes me think..

    by this time, what i didnt want to happen was happening..i was getting feelings for him. How could i have not? he was extremely sweet to me, never put me in a difficult position and was very respecftul. as im getting ready to go home, i dont really know what to say since i dont want him to get the idea that i have feelings for him. so i say "maybe next time im in town, well run into eachother again at the club" to which he replies "oh, only run into eachother, you wont let me know ahwad of time that youll be here" which only further confused me about what he wants. then again when im about to leave i say "ill let you know when im in town again" he says " well we can always talk before then too"

    later that night he texted to ask if i got home okay..the convo was very short and resulted in me sending the last text..
    i texted him again last night saying thatnks for everything and that i really enjoyed my time with him, i wouldnt normally text a guy but i did so becuase i maybe felt that he felt i wasnt intersted in more than just a hook up (the whole thing about me saying id :"run" into him and all that) things got a little flirty, and the convo lasted longer but again, i sent the last text message.

    Im just really confused...im really really digging this guy but dont know what he wants and dont want to throw myself at someone and seem too easy.

    considering all the small details (hit him up more, the "all in due time" comment, taking me out to eat, buying me drinks, introducing me to friends)
    What do YOU think this guy wants?
    AWWWW what a sweet man icon_redface.gif
  • mikeylikes

    Posts: 53

    Jun 01, 2012 12:09 AM GMT
    Alpha13 said
    paulflexes said
    Alpha13 saidTops have total advantage over bottom boys cus it's so easy to sweep you guys off your feet. I always get what I want but I generally let you guys feel that your not just a hot hole for a least a couple of dates. Since you guys will never make the first move and never communicate your feelings you don't really leave us any other option. A nice loving fuck is a great way to break the ice and I'm open to that then becoming out the sex first.
    You got that idea from

    Yep, and trust me it works like it did for the captain of the football on Emo bottom boys whom are wired just like girls. Since they won't make a move to get what they want and fantasize about Mr.Right finding them they
    are easily played.


    i know this is a generalization, but is it making you mad because it has some truth? don't tops play bottoms a lot easier? i think it's cuz the market is saturated with bottoms