Sperm Donor?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2012 8:09 AM GMT
    So this is kind of a complicated topic and I'm making myself vulnerable by sharing my opinions and asking for advice. I don't really like making myself vulnerable and leaving myself open to attack, so here are a couple disclaimers: I don't really know a whole lot about this sort of thing, so my opinions are based on hearsay and online videos and shit. In addition, I'm young and dumb and don't really know what I want from life, so I might feel totally different in, like, a week. Lastly, this is a lot to read, so... sorry.

    I mentioned this briefly in another thread, but I'm interested in hearing others' opinions and/or experiences, so I made it a separate thread. I've thought about possibly becoming a sperm donor later in life. I like the idea of offering the opportunity to give birth to child to a woman who might not otherwise be able to get pregnant, whether she's gay or straight, single or married. But it's not a decision I'd want to make lightly.

    I've heard that co-parenting situations rarely ever work out and I wouldn't want to put a child through the possible emotional and legal complications. So I'm talking about a situation where I would be giving up all legal rights as a parent, probably not even meeting with the kid until he or she was 18. I just think that would be easier, emotionally, for me and the kid alike.

    But even with regard to that scenario, I have a couple hangups. I'd like to be certain that any offspring of mine would be growing up in a loving and safe home. It seems to me that most people who use sperm donors must really want children, so that should take care of itself, right? But then you hear about crazies like Octomom... To the best of my knowledge, sperm donation is still highly unregulated in the U.S. Do some sperm banks have strict regulations, like background checks on sperm donors/receivers, limits on how many pregnancies can result from the donations of a single donor, etc.?

    Anyway, I'm interested in any opinions/information/experiences you guys might have. Have any RJers donated sperm? Through a sperm bank? Through a private agreement? Do you know of anyone who has? What was the experience like? Were there any regrets?

    Thanks.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 31, 2012 11:56 AM GMT
    there are enough children in the world... we don't need more
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    May 31, 2012 12:10 PM GMT
    What drives you to this idea? Helping some stranger get pregnant doesn't seem to be a compelling reason in itself, and staying out of the child's life until he's an adult, even though you stated a reason, still leaves the question, why.
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    May 31, 2012 12:15 PM GMT
    Not a good enough reason to contribute to Global Overpopulation.
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    May 31, 2012 2:32 PM GMT
    I'm confused! You talking about donation or surrogacy? I think people have a misconception about sperm donation. I view that as I do Goodwill, you give and it's gone. You don't get to go back to whomever purchase your shirt and wear it when you want. You're giving it away, never to be seen again. Donation of your sperm is the same, giving up all rights to it's use!

    You seem like you want a surrogate to eventually use your sperm to fertilize and have a child, to which you want involvement in their life. If that's the case, then I suggest a partner, a surrogate to carry your child and full legal responsibility as parents for the child...oh wait, I think there's a name for that, yes....it's called a family. Otherwise, donate, walk away and hope that someone out there is using your DNA to create a loving family.
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    May 31, 2012 6:59 PM GMT
    I was going to mention the possibility of being sued for child support by the mother, but fortunately a California court overturned that ruling last month and set a precedent.

    http://www.star-telegram.com/2012/04/09/3871461/appeals-court-rules-arlington.html

    BTW, the donor was Pro Bodybuilder, Ronnie Coleman. icon_wink.gif
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    May 31, 2012 7:22 PM GMT
    eb925guy saidI'm confused! You talking about donation or surrogacy? I think people have a misconception about sperm donation. I view that as I do Goodwill, you give and it's gone. You don't get to go back to whomever purchase your shirt and wear it when you want. You're giving it away, never to be seen again. Donation of your sperm is the same, giving up all rights to it's use!

    You seem like you want a surrogate to eventually use your sperm to fertilize and have a child, to which you want involvement in their life. If that's the case, then I suggest a partner, a surrogate to carry your child and full legal responsibility as parents for the child...oh wait, I think there's a name for that, yes....it's called a family. Otherwise, donate, walk away and hope that someone out there is using your DNA to create a loving family.


    Thanks for your response. I guess the hypocrisy in my thinking is that I wouldn't want involvement in the child's life, necessarily, but I would want to be sure, somehow, that s/he was being raised in a loving, safe home. If I could somehow be assured of that, I'd feel more comfortable.

    Anyway, this is just something that was on my mind. I'm not about to run out and jerk off into a cup any time soon. Just wanted others' perspectives. So thanks.
  • Nipmuck

    Posts: 35

    May 31, 2012 8:53 PM GMT
    As long as you've got plenty of time, why don't you contact some sperm-banks, talk to them, and find out about them.

    Some sperm-banks are friendly toward gay men. Others use being gay as a disqualification for donating sperm ( just as the Red Cross does for donating blood). So try to find out what their policy is.

    Also, some sperm banks have a question on the application form where you can check off if you're willing or not to meet with any possible child you've fathered at some point in the future, if the child at some point contacts the sperm-bank and also wishes to meet. It has to be mutually agreeable, otherwise the anonymity of both parties is preserved.

    Good luck.


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    Jun 01, 2012 10:34 PM GMT
    VSG1290 saidThanks for your response. I guess the hypocrisy in my thinking is that I wouldn't want involvement in the child's life, necessarily, but I would want to be sure, somehow, that s/he was being raised in a loving, safe home. If I could somehow be assured of that, I'd feel more comfortable.

    Anyway, this is just something that was on my mind. I'm not about to run out and jerk off into a cup any time soon. Just wanted others' perspectives. So thanks.

    I think that's an admirable concern but unrealistic. That's like wanting to make sure that the pint of blood you give goes to a worthy person. You have to let go once you've given. You just have to assume that when the bank gives out the sperm (or blood) that they have some set criteria to ensure it's going to the right person. Perhaps research the sperm bank for the criteria they require for recipient to receive your gift.

    I think the idea of donating is just giving and forgetting. If you can't do that, and pocket the $50 or whatever they pay, then it's probably not for you.
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Jun 02, 2012 11:35 PM GMT
    eb925guy said
    VSG1290 saidThanks for your response. I guess the hypocrisy in my thinking is that I wouldn't want involvement in the child's life, necessarily, but I would want to be sure, somehow, that s/he was being raised in a loving, safe home. If I could somehow be assured of that, I'd feel more comfortable.

    Anyway, this is just something that was on my mind. I'm not about to run out and jerk off into a cup any time soon. Just wanted others' perspectives. So thanks.

    I think that's an admirable concern but unrealistic. That's like wanting to make sure that the pint of blood you give goes to a worthy person. You have to let go once you've given. You just have to assume that when the bank gives out the sperm (or blood) that they have some set criteria to ensure it's going to the right person. Perhaps research the sperm bank for the criteria they require for recipient to receive your gift.

    I think the idea of donating is just giving and forgetting. If you can't do that, and pocket the $50 or whatever they pay, then it's probably not for you.
    Wait..you get 50 bucks? Homeless people could start a business on that, hahaha. Too many irresponsible people out there. If you are sure about what you want, find out it works from a bank you have researched and do it. The world could use more superior raceicon_smile.gif