Reading between the lines, srly?

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    Jun 01, 2012 3:03 AM GMT
    So I have a question. How do you guys know how to read between the lines in email or texts? I am asking because it was brought up during one of my conversations today, that that I might now know how to read the subtexts between the lines. But how the hell do oh detect "tone" in an email or text?! I mean I can over-analyze things to the point like

    "oh, was that a typo or was it intentional?"

    "why did he only use one exclamation point and not two? Is he not as excited as I am?"

    "why did he sign BEST at the end and not HUGZ or some other shit like XOXO and LOVE?"

    I mean, I am a very "what you see is what you get" sort of person, which makes me a good scientist I suppose. When I am interacting with people face-to-face I am very good at telling people's mood through their body languages and behavior and stuff (I am a psychologist after all). But...reading between the lines? Really? It just sounds so exhausting. Haha.

    Any input is appreciated (and I do mean that, there's nothing there to read between the lines) icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 01, 2012 3:07 AM GMT
    This is one of the things that drives me nuts about interacting on the Web. In person, I can read the subtle clues everyone gives off, but online, it's a guessing game. Some people are really hard to read too. If you figure it out, write a book. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 01, 2012 3:08 AM GMT
    Yeah, I have the same problem. I can never tell what a guy's intention is when he messages me. And often times the conversation drops after 4 replies. It's not like I say anything weird or creepy or sexual. I mean.. Was he expecting me to say something weird, creepy, or sexual? icon_lol.gificon_neutral.gif
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    Jun 01, 2012 3:13 AM GMT
    CityRiver. I was certain you might already have developed a facility in this regard. That is one of the reasons for our fond friendship.

    Best regards, Showme








    icon_razz.gif
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    Jun 01, 2012 3:15 AM GMT
    xrichx saidAnd often times the conversation drops after 4 replies.


    I've had this happen too many times, and not just on this site. I used to take it personally, but now I accept it as a fact of online life. People don't seem to get that getting to know someone takes a little effort.
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    Jun 01, 2012 3:51 AM GMT
    DudeInNOVA said
    xrichx saidAnd often times the conversation drops after 4 replies.


    I've had this happen too many times, and not just on this site. I used to take it personally, but now I accept it as a fact of online life. People don't seem to get that getting to know someone takes a little effort.
    One time I had a guy make too much of an effort. It was like question after question after question. It was less of a conversation and more of an interrogation. icon_confused.gif
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    Jun 01, 2012 3:54 AM GMT
    xrichx saidOne time I had a guy make too much of an effort. It was like question after question after question. It was less of a conversation and more of an interrogation. icon_confused.gif


    I've probably done that once or twice too, accidentally. Sometimes it's difficult to know when to stop trying to keep the conversation going. In person, it's a lot easier to tell when someone isn't really interested.
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    Jun 01, 2012 4:56 AM GMT
    Refuse to read between the lines and refuse to write between them.
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    Jun 01, 2012 9:57 AM GMT
    When it comes to written messages online, I tend to agree with what others have said before me.

    1) don't try to write or read between the lines
    2) some people are good at writing while others aren't

    If you want to try to read between the lines you have to get the know the persons style of writing first. If you've been talking to him through the web for a long time and can reference past conversation, then that could be easy. Otherwise, I wouldn't even try! Also personally, I type on a phone and have poor writing/grammar/spelling so if people tried to look at my messages for hidden content probability is high that they would find something even though I dont write between the lines. If you look for something hard enough, your gonna find it!
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    Jun 01, 2012 1:37 PM GMT
    Befriend someone who is pretty devious, and then you'll see what is going on. Taught me a few things in CO. It mostly takes observation, notes, and UNDERSTANDING of the people you're listening to. But better still, you FIRST MUST Understand Yourself BEFORE you're to ever to Understand others.

    Don't know who said it, but "Seek To Understand, Then To Be Understood".
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    Jun 01, 2012 2:03 PM GMT
    Reading between the lines? Like, between "sup" "yo" and one word answers to questions? icon_lol.gif

    Seriously there are just a lot of people who are killing time and nothing more. I've found the best clue is - if they aren't asking engaging questions in response to me, they aren't worth investing much time in.
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    Jun 01, 2012 2:33 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidRefuse to read between the lines and refuse to write between them.

    Best policy unless both parties know each other well enough to avoid misunderstandings or are able and willing to clarify any that happen to crop up.
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    Jun 01, 2012 2:42 PM GMT
    Depends on the person with whom you are communicating. Some are direct in their responses while others always seen to talk and read between the lines. If you know the person then you can determine how to interpret the response. Else you could do both but with a grain of salt. Online with strangers is difficult.

    Personally I prefer the direct approach. A direct question should get a direct and clear answer. If I get an evasive or generic answer, a red flag starts to go up.

    Note: Being direct means communicating your point. Too often most think flapping their yap without any mouth filter is being straight forward. Not so. How you communicate is also important as it will determine how you are perceived. In the end how you are perceived is what counts most in what the other thinks of you.
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    Jun 01, 2012 4:57 PM GMT
    A big problem with all of this is that I find myself making less effort when I communicate with people. What the point if they're just going to flake out on me or take something I said the wrong way? We're making it too hard on ourselves.
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    Jun 01, 2012 9:58 PM GMT
    LOLWUT
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    Jun 01, 2012 10:14 PM GMT
    LIEV saidLOLWUT



    when people type that i also envision some fat college frat date rapist with a backwards cap and a can of beer sitting in front of the screen picking belly button lint.

    It goes both ways.. you CAN read too much into what someone types and then sometimes you can read exactly into what someone types. But one thing is for certain, because it's the internet, people are more apt to just take short cuts. E-mail is a bastardization of writing a letter. Text messaging is the bastard of the bastard with dyslexia and spectrum disorder. So it gets to a point where you can't detect shit from it. lol. nearly everyone abbreviates.. everyone at one time or another types OMG or R U O K? So for me i adopt a what you see is what you get attitude and ignore hints.

    However if someone types a LONG message to me i know that they are interested in me. Short message, lazy or pressed for time.. send them a second message... and they respond with a short abbreviated message.. lazy or drug dealer.

    Few word messages.. or a simple Hi e-mail from a good friend you havent heard from in awhile indicates to me that they are indeed busy, just droping a "Hi.. how are you/Please do not respond with telling me anything negative and long". If i get a message from someone i complimented on a site like this and there is no question attached to the thanks.. or they compliment me but no how are you?.. then i instantly can safely assume it was not meant to bridge contact and open up dialog. Anyone really interested in you is going to want to ask questions that you will in turn respond to and a back and forth will begin. When i do not want to start a back and forth with someone.. i just wont ask a question. I'll close the exchange by just not leaving the email open ended.

    no sequel. squelched.

    So you kind of have to go back to common sense and human interaction basics to decipher sometimes tricky people.. but if you do it too much.. you can easily misread someone and then wind up with consequences. It's better to just not read too much into text/internet conversations.. even from people you know well.
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    Jun 01, 2012 10:17 PM GMT
    ATLKSU04 saidI serious don't put much much effort in when I communicate with people, it's just who I am! People that put the time to get to know me, usually always take a liking to me though! I believe you should portray yourself as true as possible as hopefully the same could be said for them as well. If you find somebody that you click with, all the better!


    That doesn't make sense to me. I'm a very introverted person. If I was totally true to myself, I wouldn't meet anyone, and I'd be alone the rest of my life. If I want to find friends or my life mate, then I have to pull myself out of my comfort zone and make the effort to get to know people. Those people who are more extroverted by nature probably don't get that, but for me, it takes work.
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    Jun 01, 2012 10:18 PM GMT
    @Jack Kash ^^ So true. It's not about what's between the lines ... but what's staring you in the face.

    A person expressing genuine interest in you is not something that lies between the lines ... it's very up front.
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    Jun 01, 2012 10:26 PM GMT
    This is a big problem with textual contact
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    Jun 01, 2012 10:28 PM GMT
    CityRiver saidSo I have a question. How do you guys know how to read between the lines in email or texts? I am asking because it was brought up during one of my conversations today, that that I might now know how to read the subtexts between the lines. But how the hell do oh detect "tone" in an email or text?! I mean I can over-analyze things to the point like

    "oh, was that a typo or was it intentional?"

    "why did he only use one exclamation point and not two? Is he not as excited as I am?"

    "why did he sign BEST at the end and not HUGZ or some other shit like XOXO and LOVE?"

    I mean, I am a very "what you see is what you get" sort of person, which makes me a good scientist I suppose. When I am interacting with people face-to-face I am very good at telling people's mood through their body languages and behavior and stuff (I am a psychologist after all). But...reading between the lines? Really? It just sounds so exhausting. Haha.

    Any input is appreciated (and I do mean that, there's nothing there to read between the lines) icon_biggrin.gif


    I wish I could help you with this, but apparently I'm awful at this as well. For example, I started talking with this guy six months ago. We talked every day for a month before we finally met up (as friends for drinks). We hung out a bunch of times after that, and have talked every day for six months. (We've never gone a day without at least saying hello.) He initiates texts more than I do, sometimes as many as five or six times a day. On average we text around 2000-2500 per month, and we talk on the phone once or twice a week. Oh, and we tell each other almost everything. In April, he told me to download this video off of You Tube seemingly out of nowhere.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3xA4xkQGEs&ob=av2n

    Clearly, I thought he was as into me as I was with him. When I asked him what he thought about us being more than friends, he told me he thought we should just stay friends and got a little defensive about it. I don't fucking get it. We've become unbelievably close friends, but it's very confusing.

    My advice is to try not to read between the lines in texts. Take everything at face value. If he's too scared to be honest, that's his issue.
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    Jun 01, 2012 10:31 PM GMT
    Am I the only person who did Ctrl+A to see if there were any sentences with white text between the sentences with black text?

    Edit: This sentence is done with white text.
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    Jun 01, 2012 10:34 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidAm I the only person who did Ctrl+A to see if there were any sentences with white text between the sentences with black text?

    Edit: This sentence is done with white text.


    LOL that's real funny and made my day. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 01, 2012 10:43 PM GMT
    redsoxfan791 said
    CityRiver saidSo I have a question. How do you guys know how to read between the lines in email or texts? I am asking because it was brought up during one of my conversations today, that that I might now know how to read the subtexts between the lines. But how the hell do oh detect "tone" in an email or text?! I mean I can over-analyze things to the point like

    "oh, was that a typo or was it intentional?"

    "why did he only use one exclamation point and not two? Is he not as excited as I am?"

    "why did he sign BEST at the end and not HUGZ or some other shit like XOXO and LOVE?"

    I mean, I am a very "what you see is what you get" sort of person, which makes me a good scientist I suppose. When I am interacting with people face-to-face I am very good at telling people's mood through their body languages and behavior and stuff (I am a psychologist after all). But...reading between the lines? Really? It just sounds so exhausting. Haha.

    Any input is appreciated (and I do mean that, there's nothing there to read between the lines) icon_biggrin.gif


    I wish I could help you with this, but apparently I'm awful at this as well. For example, I started talking with this guy six months ago. We talked every day for a month before we finally met up (as friends for drinks). We hung out a bunch of times after that, and have talked every day for six months. (We've never gone a day without at least saying hello.) He initiates texts more than I do, sometimes as many as five or six times a day. On average we text around 2000-2500 per month, and we talk on the phone once or twice a week. Oh, and we tell each other almost everything. In April, he told me to download this video off of You Tube seemingly out of nowhere.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3xA4xkQGEs&ob=av2n

    Clearly, I thought he was as into me as I was with him. When I asked him what he thought about us being more than friends, he told me he thought we should just stay friends and got a little defensive about it. I don't fucking get it. We've become unbelievably close friends, but it's very confusing.

    My advice is to try not to read between the lines in texts. Take everything at face value. If he's too scared to be honest, that's his issue.



    I would safely assume, without "reading too much" into it, that The guy just doesn't want to be more than close friends with you and is toying around with the idea without commitment by putting out feelers.. but ultimately might be waiting on sealing any deal because he's waiting for something better or easier. He might even have doubts as to whether he'd be good for you or could meet any of your personal criteria with things he might know about himself that you don't know. So ultimately If I were in that situation it would be best to actually go with what is overt and just wait for him to resolve whatever issues he has and wait for OVERT messages... like You're staying over his house.. you are fucking.. you are agreeing to monogamy.. you are saying you are in relationship.
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    Jun 02, 2012 3:01 AM GMT
    It doesn't help that we get so passive-aggressive against each other on here (and let each other get away with it). It gets to be so that you have to read between the lines to know why people are laughing at you. It encourages the activity.

    *spreads ass cheeks and winks at paulflexes*
  • MisterT

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    Jun 02, 2012 3:12 AM GMT
    CityRiver saidSo I have a question. How do you guys know how to read between the lines in email or texts? I am asking because it was brought up during one of my conversations today, that that I might now know how to read the subtexts between the lines. But how the hell do oh detect "tone" in an email or text?! I mean I can over-analyze things to the point like

    "oh, was that a typo or was it intentional?"

    "why did he only use one exclamation point and not two? Is he not as excited as I am?"

    "why did he sign BEST at the end and not HUGZ or some other shit like XOXO and LOVE?"

    I mean, I am a very "what you see is what you get" sort of person, which makes me a good scientist I suppose. When I am interacting with people face-to-face I am very good at telling people's mood through their body languages and behavior and stuff (I am a psychologist after all). But...reading between the lines? Really? It just sounds so exhausting. Haha.

    Any input is appreciated (and I do mean that, there's nothing there to read between the lines) icon_biggrin.gif


    Big problem with text communication, there's no body language or voice intonation to read from. Different people text differently too, it cab be difficult if there's supposed to be hidden meaning. Big reason I don't like to relay certain info via text, especially where feelings are involved.