My Boyfriend Has Been Gaining Weight...


  • Jun 03, 2012 4:29 AM GMT
    I've been with my boyfriend a little over 3 years now and he has steadily been gaining weight for the past 2. I don't mind a little chubb-chubb, but it's getting to the point where his health habits (or lack there of) are really starting to annoy me. I've tried encouraging him to come work out with me or at least eat a little healthier, but I failed. I also tried being straight up with him and telling him how it makes me feel, but it didn't get through to him.

    He is perfectly happy in his ways and I know I can't change that.

    This is the only thing about him that I can't stand...and I'm starting to feel less attracted to him. I don't want this to end just on something physical- it makes me feel shallow, but at the same time health is something important to me...and I would like to share that with my partner.

    I was just wondering what you guys would think about this situation and what I should do.

    Thanks for your help!
    -Mitch
  • spacemagic

    Posts: 520

    Jun 03, 2012 4:53 AM GMT
    I know exactly how you feel. I'm with a guy who assigns little value to being physically fit or even healthy. What you need to think about is, "Is this a deal-breaker for me?" Is your love for him dependent on his physical appearance/health? If so... well, it's time to think about some more serious questions. If not, can you live a life where you are the "healthy one" in the relationship?
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    Jun 03, 2012 6:00 AM GMT
    We can't make a decision for you, if you are feeling less attracted to him that is a bad sign right there...for me a guy MUST be into fitness and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, you don't have to be into bodybuilding...but please keep your gut in check.
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    Jun 03, 2012 6:14 AM GMT
    I think you need to make this less about how you feel aobu tit and more about how he feels. When someone lets themselves go like that and don't care about their well being, there's a high possibility there's an emotional reason they are feeling this way and not caring about their health/fitness anymore.

  • chgobuzz1

    Posts: 155

    Jun 03, 2012 6:30 AM GMT
    I would ask him if he finds his bulkier look attractive. Some guys like looking like off season football players and many guys like that. But if you cant get into his new look then it is time to move on. He cant be what you want him to be.
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    Jun 03, 2012 6:32 AM GMT
    take him to costco and let him buy what he wants and have him sample different foods icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 03, 2012 9:18 AM GMT
    I sympathise with you completely as I am in a similar situation!
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    Jun 03, 2012 9:39 AM GMT
    OP: did he work out previously and then stopped, or are his well-established habits gradually catching up with him? (I'm thinking your post indicates the latter, but want to make sure.)
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    Jun 03, 2012 9:59 AM GMT
    Don't enforce a healthy lifestyle on your boyfriend, if he's not interested in it. That's gonig to ruin your relationship and it would be a very stupid move. It's you has to draw certain conclusions whether you can go through with this or not.
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    Jun 03, 2012 10:09 AM GMT
    I'm afraid that you really can't change what someone values or take away his free will. - If you two no longer value the same things, then you have hit a crossroads. You have to decide together if it's right for you to go forward or if your lives are starting to go in different directions.

    I am sorry to hear this. Best of luck.

    It may not be this serious, but it reminds me of this song. I love the way she describes the stages. You have to figure out what "particular time" you are in now.

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    Jun 03, 2012 10:23 AM GMT
    Wait a minute ... sock account ... icon_rolleyes.gif

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2316365/
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    Jun 03, 2012 10:45 AM GMT
    Hey Mitch. Only you can decide what you are going to do, but I have a similar experience with my partner. When we first met, he was extremely thin but that wasn't due to diet or exercise - just his metabolism. Over the years, he put on maybe 30 to 40 pounds. When the metabolism started slowing down in his 30s, he started going to the gym with me but he hated it, it just wasn't his thing. So, I didn't push it and these days he doesn't make an issue of the time I spend working out and I don't try to get him to join in with me. Kind of the same with eating habits although I have found him to be more receptive to moving toward healthier choices IF I am the one doing the cooking! icon_cool.gif Anyhow, I knew years ago that I wasn't going to be able to change him and his other qualities more than made up for it. But only you can decide whether this aspect of the relationship is something you can deal with. Bottom line, it is unlikely he is going to change.
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    Jun 03, 2012 12:57 PM GMT
    Tenebrism saidWait a minute ... sock account ... icon_rolleyes.gif

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2316365/



    Bingo.

    So OP, you've been with your boyfriend for a little over three years. You've also been crushing on a friend you've had for a year, and you're also hot after a guy on the bus.

    Er, perhaps you're merely looking for an excuse to dump the long-time BF?

    *sighs*
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    Jun 03, 2012 1:01 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Tenebrism saidWait a minute ... sock account ... icon_rolleyes.gif

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2316365/



    Bingo.

    So OP, you've been with your boyfriend for a little over three years. You've also been crushing on a friend you've had for a year, and you're also hot after a guy on the bus.

    Er, perhaps you're merely looking for an excuse to dump the long-time BF?

    *sighs*


    If you are so miserable then leave. Do prolong a dying relationship because communal property in the apartment.
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    Jun 03, 2012 1:06 PM GMT
    We all become more unattractive one day...
    It's too bad he isn't postponing it

    If he s the one you want to spend the rest of your life with than just get over the fact that he stopped working out... You can't project your own values on others

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    Jun 03, 2012 1:20 PM GMT
    Tenebrism saidWait a minute ... sock account ... icon_rolleyes.gif

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2316365/


    I'm starting to think RJ is creating these and posting them just to generate action in the forums.
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    Jun 03, 2012 1:22 PM GMT
    RunintheCity said
    Tenebrism saidWait a minute ... sock account ... icon_rolleyes.gif

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2316365/


    I'm starting to think RJ is creating these and posting them just to generate action in the forums.


    haha, I thought that too.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jun 03, 2012 1:31 PM GMT
    this is a tough one. i am not sure what to say about that buddy. that is pretty tough question. i do not think we can figure this one out for you buddy. however, like one of the others posted before me. I think you have to sit down and figure out is his physical appearance more important or is it the person. listen, few extra lbs is fine but for me if your stomach is sitting in your lap than that is a problem.
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    Jun 03, 2012 1:38 PM GMT
    MitchellCuddly saidI've been with my boyfriend a little over 3 years now and he has steadily been gaining weight for the past 2. I don't mind a little chubb-chubb, but it's getting to the point where his health habits (or lack there of) are really starting to annoy me. I've tried encouraging him to come work out with me or at least eat a little healthier, but I failed. I also tried being straight up with him and telling him how it makes me feel, but it didn't get through to him.

    He is perfectly happy in his ways and I know I can't change that.

    This is the only thing about him that I can't stand...and I'm starting to feel less attracted to him. I don't want this to end just on something physical- it makes me feel shallow, but at the same time health is something important to me...and I would like to share that with my partner.

    I was just wondering what you guys would think about this situation and what I should do.

    Thanks for your help!
    -Mitch


    This isn't just physical attraction. Sure, it's a big part, but this is driven by something else entirely. You feel he's somewhat lazy and/or he doesn't care about his appearance. Furthermore, this is a long-term health issue. You're not asking him to drop 30 pounds, become jacked, or get a six pack. You're asking him to be healthier.

    You guys aren't going like all of the same things. Maybe if you try approaching it from the "I really think it would be fun if we worked out together" angle, it might work. If you let him know how important it is that you guys work out together (with a focus on together), he might be more compelled to do it.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 03, 2012 1:42 PM GMT
    Unfortunate, maybe his doctor will "kick his butt in gear" when he gets information about what can happen if he continues down this path.
    Sometimes people don't wake up until something specific happens.

    Sorry to hear that, it may be very difficult for you to get him to respond.....
    it may be some major event or warning from, again, his doctor or someone else.
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    Jun 03, 2012 1:48 PM GMT
    Stuttershock said
    RunintheCity said
    Tenebrism saidWait a minute ... sock account ... icon_rolleyes.gif

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2316365/


    I'm starting to think RJ is creating these and posting them just to generate action in the forums.


    haha, I thought that too.
    If that's true, they need to hire an admin to keep the stories straight in the individual accounts. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2012 1:48 PM GMT
    Dear Sock Account, dump his fat ass. Here is what I do. Every morning I weigh my BF, if he has gained 2-3 pounds I begin to burn his clothing. Simple.
    If he goes away on a business trip not only do I do a standard STD test, but I also weigh him and if he has gained 3-5 pounds, I piss on his laptop and kill his dog. Guess what? He stays in great shape. Learn the lesson.Now, Sock Account, get out there and teach your fake BF how to stay in shape.
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    Jun 03, 2012 4:31 PM GMT
    He will be healthy and gain six packs again after you dump him and hurt him badly.
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    Jun 03, 2012 4:38 PM GMT
    MitchellCuddly saidI've been with my boyfriend a little over 3 years now and he has steadily been gaining weight for the past 2. I don't mind a little chubb-chubb, but it's getting to the point where his health habits (or lack there of) are really starting to annoy me. I've tried encouraging him to come work out with me or at least eat a little healthier, but I failed. I also tried being straight up with him and telling him how it makes me feel, but it didn't get through to him.

    He is perfectly happy in his ways and I know I can't change that.

    This is the only thing about him that I can't stand...and I'm starting to feel less attracted to him. I don't want this to end just on something physical- it makes me feel shallow, but at the same time health is something important to me...and I would like to share that with my partner.

    I was just wondering what you guys would think about this situation and what I should do.

    Thanks for your help!
    -Mitch


    It sounds like this weight gain has been recent. Are you sure there isn't something going on with him? Perhaps he's going through a tough time or some stress is causing him to change his diet/exercise habits. You seem like you care a lot, and therefore it might be worth looking into it, if nothing else to try and salvage what could just be a relationship going through a rough spot.
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    Jun 03, 2012 5:41 PM GMT
    I think you already know the answer. You know what you want, just grow some ball and go get it.

    Apparently, he won't change since he is happy with his own skin, and you can't accept that. To you, physical attraction is more important, and there is nothing wrong with that. Yeah, you may be called shallow but what's wrong with that? Stop doing what people want you to do. This is your life, you are the only driver. Don't settle for less than you deserve just because of someone. There is risks involve. You may broke his heart, but it is better than living every single day and unhappy.

    There are a bunch of gay men out there who will love him for who he is, and who will love you for who you are. So in the end, everything will turn out fine.

    Like I said, you already know what you want. So why don't go get iticon_exclaim.gif