Does a guy's credentials affect your decision to date him?

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    Jul 26, 2008 3:01 PM GMT
    A friend of yours tells you that you ought to date this certain guy. After your friend assures you that the guy's really nice, that you'll hit it off, and that he's attractive enough, he rattles away about the guy's astounding accomplishments in various physical and occupational pursuits.

    If ever, will the guy's resumé affect your decision to date him?

    How much does a guy's accomplishments figure in your dating decisions?

    If you date a guy whose either more accomplished or less accomplished than you are, do you find yourself adjusting to him?

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    Jul 26, 2008 5:29 PM GMT
    Married now...

    But when I was dating: yeah, what a guy does, his past history would have influenced me.

    A solid, successful guy who is down to earth with clear cut goals and a plan would win out over some bed hopping idiot whose life goals are being a barista at Starbucks, clubbing, and nailing ass.

    R
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    Jul 26, 2008 5:42 PM GMT
    Well, I guess this touches on issues of class in a way.

    When I was on Wall Street I dated a number of investment bankers, high-powered lawyers, etc. None of them interested me in the slightest. Maybe I just met the wrong ones. But the attitude, the self-regard, it was all just suffocating.

    The guy I went crazy for (too bad it didn't last but we gave it six good years) was a high-school teacher.

    Whatever this means.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19133

    Jul 26, 2008 5:51 PM GMT
    No, but they don't hurt
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    Jul 26, 2008 5:52 PM GMT
    Yes!

    I think it affects the dating situation more if the guy doesn't have anything going for him, but life accomplishments, success, etc definitely don't hurt.

    Now dating somebody just because of their creditentials....totally different thing.
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    Jul 26, 2008 7:01 PM GMT
    Not a damn bit. I'm much more interested in where a guy's going with his life than where he's been. If a guy drags out his resume on a first date, chances are it's a last date, too.

    Edit: Shame on you, carver, you changed the initial questions. Now I have to revise my answer. To questions one and two: sure...if his various accomplishments make him sound interesting, it might catch my attention. To question three: no...if our differences outweigh our similarities, we're not a good match to begin with.
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    Jul 26, 2008 7:45 PM GMT
    If ever, will the guy's resumé affect your decision to date him?
    To an extent. Because I value intelligence and ambition (and possess these traits as well), I prefer guys with at least a college education, though I know some intelligent gay men who lack formal education, as well as some dumb gay men with a degree or two.

    How much does a guy's accomplishments figure in your dating decisions?
    I've dated billionaires and dancers--all that glitters is not gold. In my experiences, the ones with the most wealth and power often turn out to be more controlling, freaky (I'm talking yucky stuff!), unpleasant, etc. It takes a rare person to resist the dehumanizing effects of mucho dinero. To answer the question: Not at all.

    If you date a guy who's either more accomplished or less accomplished than you are, do you find yourself adjusting to him?

    As long as a guy has ambition, I don't care about where he is on his journey. I'm a late bloomer, so I know what it's like to struggle. I wouldn't mind passing along the wisdom I've gathered over the years. But I wouldn't mind learning from a more seasoned guy either. Adjusting isn't something I think about, as I am "me"--all the time.
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    Jul 26, 2008 7:47 PM GMT
    For me, a guy's attitude, maturity, integrity and knowing where he's going are key - but with that said, where he's been and what he's accomplished (school, work, life) is important to me too. Also important is what a guy has learned along the way - how he's grown from mistakes and life's lessons. Sounds trite, but a guy has to know where he has been - to see clearly where he is going.
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    Jul 26, 2008 9:08 PM GMT
    No, absolutely not. A girlfriend kept trying to hook me up with a gay friend of hers based on our similar educational backgrounds. That did not impress me, he did not do anything for me sexually and his personality did not wow me either.

    As long as he is sane, responsible and willing to work hard, along with a good heart and a generous disposition then he will catch my interest. I am not a materialist so I don't need a guy to make mega-bucks to make me happy. I always wanted a companion in life. If he had accomplishments to go with his other attributes than that was just icing on the cake.
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    Jul 26, 2008 9:35 PM GMT
    A credential singular or credentials plural? In any event, credentials do factor into the decision, but they aren't the be-all end-all when it comes to dating. Marriage...now, that's another story, altogether.
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    Jul 26, 2008 9:51 PM GMT
    What do you mean by resume... I might find the guy more interesting if he had a long list of accomplishments and likewise I might find him dull if it was blank. But at the end of the day I'd never write a guy off based on particular feature of his resume



    I did decide I'm not dating any credit cards junkie guys living beyond their means,

    Any guy who fits into that category gets written off no matter how good looking it's a no go for a relationship. Don't care if your fixing it, fix it and then give me a call...

  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Jul 26, 2008 10:09 PM GMT
    I have a man, but credentials mean nothing to me. Some of the most successful people I know are a pain in the ass.
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    Jul 26, 2008 11:20 PM GMT
    carverhouse saidA friend of yours tells you that you ought to date this certain guy. After your friend assures you that the guy's really nice, that you'll hit it off, and that he's attractive enough, he rattles away about the guy's astounding accomplishments in various physical and occupational pursuits.

    If ever, will the guy's resumé affect your decision to date him?

    How much does a guy's accomplishments figure in your dating decisions?

    If you date a guy whose either more accomplished or less accomplished than you are, do you find yourself adjusting to him?



    Interesting questions.

    Going down the list 1. It would initially cause intrigue. 2. An interesting resume "might" spark a curiosity. 3. I suppose if I find out certain things that impress me I'd go on a first date to satisfy that curiosity. If I find some things that suggest we just aren't playing on an even level I may not be interested. 4. I don't adjust. No one should. I wouldn't want him to do the that to me either.
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    Jul 26, 2008 11:50 PM GMT
    1. yes the resume will help to determine whether or not id date someone because i think that "resumes" give u a little insight into the way a person lives and the drive that the person has. the resume does not have to be ful of degrees and fortune 500 companies, but it does need to show that the person has goals and ambitions in life other than sitting around and doing nothing all day.

    accomplishments are important too. i dont mean oh he has won a grammy or designer of the year lol but he should be able to show that he has or is making progress in his life. accomplishments signify personal growth. i would like to know that someone has grown and adapted from the past to the present and that thhey have the capacity to continue growing.

    in terms of adjusting to a person, its not so much adjusting as it is learning from that person. learning about their experiences and how those experiences have formed them and how i can learn from those. but no, i wouldnt adjust myself to be on the same level as that person, as if u must tweak ur basic being to have a successful relationship, i dont think the relationship will be successful.
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    Jul 27, 2008 12:05 AM GMT
    jsttennis77 said I don't adjust. No one should. I wouldn't want him to do the that to me either.

    You just verbalized my sacred motto, jsttennis. You seriously rock. icon_cool.gif
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    Jul 27, 2008 12:37 AM GMT
    zdrew said
    jsttennis77 said I don't adjust. No one should. I wouldn't want him to do the that to me either.

    You just verbalized my sacred motto, jsttennis. You seriously rock. icon_cool.gif


    I adjust my underwear when it bunches up. Damn boxers.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 27, 2008 12:42 AM GMT
    It really doesn't matter what my partner does for a living or has done for a living. What matters is that he is always striving and aspiring to achieve more and "be all he can be."

    Do what you can where you are, be happy, but never get too satisfied with yourself.

    You must have goals, desires, wants and hopefully, a plan and timetable for achieving them, preferably written down.

    If you work at Starbucks, that's fine, but hopefully your goal is to be the manager or district manager.

    If you're an escort, fine, but if you're only getting $300 an hour, hopefully your goal is $500 an hour ;)

    A goal-driven, purpose-minded man is always attractive.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 27, 2008 12:51 AM GMT
    I agree with what others have said -- credentials are not *everything* but they are *something* in most cases. I'm looking to date a guy for his personality, not his credentials.
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Jul 27, 2008 1:23 AM GMT
    I get scrred to date guys who are more accomplished then myself.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 27, 2008 1:35 AM GMT
    It's not really "credentials"
    but when you meet someone new you take everything into account
    You learn about what their likes and dislikes are
    their family
    the car they drive
    the friends they have
    and yes... the kind of job they have and everything that goes along with that

    ... this goes back to another post where the question is asked would you date someone who made significantly less than you
    and the same answer applies
    yes I would but there needs to be a reason for it
    If he's a teacher...great
    If he's had a DUI or has part of his wages garnished... no

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    Jul 27, 2008 1:49 AM GMT
    Don't really care about the credentials on paper...but we need to be able to communicate. I could care less if they walked across the stage or not, but if we can't talk about simple subjects such as what's going on in the world, then I can't do it. I know plenty guys with degrees that wouldn't even know that the economy of the US is in turmoil right now, lol, so having a degree or not doesn't matter.
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Jul 27, 2008 2:14 AM GMT
    To an extent, yes. It may not be romantic of me, but I'm happier dating a guy with goals for his life. I'm fine if they're totally different than my goals, but I know that I'm not likely to be very compatible with someone who is content as a drifter. Being the sort of person who has goals and actively pursues them means you're likely to have as interesting resume.

    As for what qualifies, there I'm far more flexible. One of my worst dates was with a guy in law school who was entirely focused on getting rich. I had a nice date with a guy who was working as a waiter while he learned sign language with the plan of becoming an interpreter.

    Also, long-term, one of the best predictors of being in a good mood on a daily basis is not hating your job. Many jobs in the service industry, like being a waiter, involve long hours of dealing with unpleasant people, where you feel underappreciated. That can really wear on your mood to deal with day in, day out, for years on end.

    As for adjusting? No. If who and what I am is not what a guy's looking for, it's better to find that out up front. As much as I think I'd like the whole white picket fence dream, I'd rather be alone than pretend to be something I'm not. As other have said, that doesn't mean I'm not going to be affected by what others tell me--there's something to learn from essentially everyone--but I'm neither going to hype myself to impress a guy nor downplay my own accomplishments to keep him happy. I look forward to the hypothetical day when a guy I'm interested in decides I'm something special, but if it never comes, I've gotten through this much of life being happy on my own, I bet I can manage the rest.
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    Jul 27, 2008 2:22 AM GMT
    I'm an educator who's dated my fair share of (future) lawyers and businessmen... in most cases, those relationships did not work out because their accomplishments reflected a set of values that weren't compatible with my own.

    At the end of the day, I'd rather know that my partner is following his passion than extending his resume.
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    Jul 27, 2008 2:40 AM GMT
    What are "credentials" anyway? I always ask what guys are doing with their lives, as in are they pursuing what their passions are either in hobbies or in their professional life. I don't want to date someone jaded with their work as it brings frustration into other parts of their lives, ie dating.

    Success is not how much money you make, how much stuff you have, it's the ability to do what you love for a living every day of your life. Corny? Maybe, but I find if you screen for job/career satisfaction it's better than money/accomplishments.
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    Jul 27, 2008 4:46 AM GMT
    Thanks for answering, guys! Here's my answer:

    I'll be curious and intrigued, yes, but I won't date anyone based on credentials. It would be nice if the guy has made strides in his career, or is in the process of achieving his goals. It would also be good if the guy wouldn't rely on me to pay for anything.

    But what's ultimately important to me is whether or not we connect--mentally, emotionally, sensually.

    Do I adjust based on accomplishment? No. However, if we do date, I can be very inquisitive, secretly hoping that the other would be inquisitive, too.

    I don't know if that's a lot to ask.