Benefits of "being feminine"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2012 8:04 AM GMT
    Was just wondering if there are actual benefits of being a feminine gay man. I always felt more 'me' being out and yet having typical straight/masculine mannerisms. I also enjoy being 'ironic' or showing the world that not all gay guys 'act gay'. So are there benefits of being the gay stereotype? again, just wondering, not looking to have replies of disgust. I know how some can be sensitive icon_neutral.gif
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    Jun 03, 2012 9:53 AM GMT
    Random people are going to recognize you a lot easier as being gay, but whether that's a positive, i'm not sure. A lot (esp. on this site, I can imagine) or going to be put off by this. I think they have it a lot harder (judged a lot more) than the more straight-acting guys, so I don't see too many advantages.
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    Jun 03, 2012 9:58 AM GMT
    I'm not really feminine. Not really anything...
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    Jun 03, 2012 1:11 PM GMT
    Being more readily accepted and embraced into the 'gay scene'?
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jun 03, 2012 1:22 PM GMT
    _SAGE_ saidBeing more readily accepted into the 'gay scene'?
    I will probably have to agree with you on this one. I do not see any advantages. I think maybe it is easier for people to accept them if they are feminine rather than masculine. I have heard woman say many times that they would rather see them be fem rather than masculine because at least they know that is gay rather than have to figure it out
  • nefficles

    Posts: 511

    Jun 03, 2012 1:45 PM GMT
    The feminine guys that I have met have all had a great sense of humor?
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    Jun 03, 2012 1:51 PM GMT
    The main benefit, in my mind, would be that you don't need to constantly remind everyone in a 100KM radius that you are "masculine" and/or "non-scene" and/or "down to earth" and/or "chill" and that "most of your friends are straight."

    Regarding your assertion that you "enjoy being 'ironic' or showing the world that not all gay guys 'act gay'" you have shown your gayness by posting this gayass question on a gay website.

    No homo.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Jun 03, 2012 2:04 PM GMT
    First off, I make a personal distinction between guys who are feminine, and guys who are queens. To me, they're not the same thing. But anyway, for the sake of this post, I'll say non-masculine (NM).

    I don't know if you'd call it a benefit in the obvious sense, but many NM guys have to develop a self awareness at an early age that many masculine guys don't. Most masculine guys grow up fully vested in the perks and entitlements that go with being male in a male dominated culture, while the NM guys are outted by the time they're toddlers. Learning to cope with being different at an early age can lead you to turn inward, and that can be good or bad: you can develop inner strength and self-reliance, or you can become angry and resentful. Which way it goes depends on multiple factors, not least of which is the kind of family and community you grow up in.

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    Jun 03, 2012 2:27 PM GMT
    Girl, you have no idea! My milkshake brings all the boy to yard! Halur!
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    Jun 03, 2012 2:37 PM GMT
    I guess the obvious one like others have said is that you don't have to explicitly say your into guys because people can tell just by looking at you.

    Also a lot of feminine gay men are very emotionally strong. They can take a lot of shit from people due to the thick skin's they have had to develop. They are also completely comfortable with their sexuality in most cases although it can be traumatic during your teen years not being able to fit in with the rest of the guys.

    The downside is all the shit you get for it. Not just from straight men but also from other gay men who either hate feminine gay men or have issues with their own sexuality and just want to conform.

    starboard5First off, I make a personal distinction between guys who are feminine, and guys who are queens. To me, they're not the same thing.


    A very smart observation. I'd classy myself as feminine looking but I'm certainly not a 'queen'. The lazy thing to do would be to put all femme's in the same box.
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    Jun 03, 2012 4:46 PM GMT
    Gay or straight, society prefers masculine men. BS to gay guys embracing femmes. Have you ever seen a femme looking MOTD? How about ads that say "no masc".

    For guys that are truely feminine, the act of being feminine yields the benefit of being themselves. That's probably the prime reason they do it.
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    Jun 03, 2012 5:05 PM GMT
    starboard5 said... Learning to cope with being different at an early age can lead you to turn inward, and that can be good or bad: you can develop inner strength and self-reliance, or you can become angry and resentful. Which way it goes depends on multiple factors, not least of which is the kind of family and community you grow up in.




    I'll attest to that. While I'm not necessarily "feminine" I grew up with a condition known as "Asperger's Syndrome" which made me an incredibly attractive target for bullies. It didn't help matters that whenever something happened to me the first thing my parents asked was what I did to provoke it, insinuating my being at fault in the matter. Scars like the ones I (and others like me) received as young children can take decades to heal if they even DO heal.
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    Jun 03, 2012 5:12 PM GMT
    Doing drag is a bit easier?
  • Jerebear

    Posts: 329

    Jun 03, 2012 5:23 PM GMT
    Feminine men are more free in their one and only life to define themselves on their own terms. As a masculine man, I have to constantly fight against the roles that my peers and society at large expect of me.

    In general the process of coming out is harder for feminine men in their younger years, because they have to deal with it when they are still emotionally immature. As a masculine man, I could wait, because I blended in, but I have to come out constantly for the rest of my life in every new situation and with every new acquantance.

    Because I can hide my sexuality, I'm constantly tempted to do so for short term gain which only leads to long term pain and being trapped.

    And lastly for what its worth, another advantage feminine men have is that they will always be loved and respected by me personally. I know that all the rights and the equality that I enjoy I owe to the pioneering feminine gay men.
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    Jun 03, 2012 5:25 PM GMT
    I am a feminine guy, but I am not a queen. I have facial hair and I am hairy, but I have feminine mannerisms - few guys I met were surprised and disappointed that I am not masculine or "straight-acting," which I think it is sad. It is obvious to me, those kind of people are not worth my time.

    I think in generally as long you are comfortable in your sexuality, then you are true to yourself.
  • masculumpedes

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    Jun 03, 2012 5:26 PM GMT
    Feminine guys are always in the haute of fashion....connie_1.gif
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    Jun 03, 2012 5:32 PM GMT
    I think for me the big benefit of being feminine is that you don't have to repeatedly 'come out' every time you meet new friends. They just know and you assume they'll like you without having 'the talk.' I grew up in a small town where I saw gay kids tortured, that it's still a big deal when I tell people about myself. I'm afraid they'll run or tell me I'm going to hell. It would be nice to skip all that.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jun 03, 2012 5:34 PM GMT
    You are more likely to come out younger when it is harder to hide who you are.
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Jun 03, 2012 5:39 PM GMT
    Having been attending events at the local Pride Center recently, which is largely dominated by more fem guys, I can observe that there are some benefits.

    For starters, you are more easily embraced by the mainstream gay community. Fem guys have a sort of sisterhood with one another, and a real tight closeness and sense of identity. I find that they aren't very accepting of more masculine guys simply because the two opposites can have difficulties relating to one another's personalities.

    A lot of the more masc guys, at least in my area, are somewhat closeted or choose to disconnect from the gay community at large. That, in turn, can lead to a sense of isolation that fem guys less frequently face.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jun 03, 2012 5:43 PM GMT
    novo saidWell, in the South guys hold doors open for you, carry your heavy groceries to the car, stand up to give you a seat in crowded rooms, and, of course, always insist on paying on dates. Not to mention you get dibs on lifeboats in the event that your ship is sinking.

    Yeah, right.

    Gender is an interesting thing. Does it really exist, biologically, beyond the basic bodily plumbing? Isn't all gender expression a kind of performance, however unconsciously motivated?

    When it comes to feminine men, it's even more confusing; are they "born" that way, or do they just act that way for some culturally-conditioned reason? Why do some guys like to play up their strong, dominant, manly sides, and others prefer to assume the persona of the weaker (and, that's not the right word here), passive (is that word any better?), feminine sides?

    And, why are, not only homophobic straight guys, but also lots of gay guys, somehow afraid of feminine guys? Are straight guys worried they might actually be attracted to this form of the feminine? Are (masculine) gay guys repelled by the expression of a part of themselves that they hate, or just unconsciously jealous of better performances?

    I dunno.
    LOL, your last paragraph is very funny. first of all, straight are not afraid of fem guys doing anything to them. like most guys they do not understand why they act that way. it is strange to them to see a man act way. masculine gay guys probably feel the same way. the fact that you think that they are scared because it is a direct reflection on them is someone true but not always the case. in many cases most guys straight or gay do not like fem guys around them because they do not understand how someone could act that way. i mean look at this way. cats do not bark and dogs do not meow.
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    Jun 03, 2012 6:17 PM GMT
    Not watching football is one possible benefit.
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    Jun 03, 2012 7:29 PM GMT
    Trepeat saidFor starters, you are more easily embraced by the mainstream gay community.
    I find that they aren't very accepting of more masculine guys simply because the two opposites can have difficulties relating to one another's personalities.


    I've never seen anything like this. I have only noticed that fem guys get along, but are horny for masculine guys, and are flirty with them if anything.

    And as for the difficulty with straight people. I have heard "I'm glad you're a normal acting guy who happens to be gay". I've never heard "I'm glad you're a really girly gay guy". They may be surprised to find out you're gay, but it's a pleasant surprise compared to not giving a chance to the fem guy they meet.
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    Jun 03, 2012 7:30 PM GMT
    ....uh....nothing?

    Except I guess guys might be able to ID you as gay more easily
  • metatextual

    Posts: 774

    Jun 03, 2012 7:32 PM GMT
    StephenOABC saidNot watching football is one possible benefit.


    i like youicon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2012 7:32 PM GMT
    The butcher the guy the bigger the bottom. icon_twisted.gif