Displaying public affection

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2012 10:28 AM GMT
    How to compromise with your partner who likes be affectionate even in public settings. He knew from day one, that you are not that type of guy. He does get your affection in the privacy of your own home. This is not being selfish is it?
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    Jun 03, 2012 10:30 AM GMT
    I think compromise on this issue is very reasonable and unfortunately necessary for personal safety given mixed levels of gay acceptance in the community.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jun 03, 2012 11:31 AM GMT
    a hug or even a quick kiss is acceptable for me in public...but anthing else more lasting or intense is best saved for more private settings.

    Even in my "home turf", one of the most open minded, gayest gayborhoods of New Orleans, I'm nut much into PDA's.
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    Jun 03, 2012 11:37 AM GMT
    Public affection (with the exception of a hug, because you could do this with friends as well) is a no-go for me and I don't plan to compromise on this.
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    Jun 03, 2012 11:45 AM GMT
    Well said Truppensturm, Im glad im not the only one who feel this way.
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    Jun 03, 2012 12:34 PM GMT
    Thanks fitbud for the reassurance, Im sitting here thinking i was wrong on this issue.
  • muscletruk

    Posts: 109

    Jun 03, 2012 12:39 PM GMT
    I second the nothing beyond a hug. for your own protection. I feel the same way and even the hug in certain settings I find unsettling
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    Jun 03, 2012 12:45 PM GMT
    I hate PDA because if I do it then total strangers will think I'm gay, and being gay is the worst thing you can be.
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    Jun 03, 2012 12:45 PM GMT
    You said that you want to compromise with your partner. If that's true, then do that. Find ways to satisfy his need a bit without compromising your comfort.

    Grab his hand and clench it for a moment, bump into him occasionally as you walk down the street, walk close to him (you know, 'in his space'), give him a wink, develop some kind of gesture that only you two know, etc.

    I personally like affection while in public sometimes. I'm not trying to get attention, rather I don't want to feel like I'm hiding something im feeling because other people might not like it. Being with a guy who 'owns' who he is is a big thing with me. When I meet a guy who doesn't like any kind of public affection, it's a red flag.
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    Jun 03, 2012 12:49 PM GMT
    Lima3016 saidHow to compromise with your partner who likes be affectionate even in public settings. He knew from day one, that you are not that type of guy. He does get your affection in the privacy of your own home. This is not being selfish is it?

    You live in Hollywood, Florida. Give your guy a kiss, hold his hand. Nobody's gonna bother you, or if they do, deck 'em. Looks like you have the (absolutely gorgeous) muscles for it.
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    Jun 03, 2012 1:01 PM GMT
    I have no problem with that Art, in the privacy of my home.
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    Jun 03, 2012 1:12 PM GMT
    Lima3016 saidI have no problem with that Art, in the privacy of my home.

    Well I would hope so! I was talking about in public. We're taking someone to the FLL airport this afternoon. Should we continue down to Hollywood, and kiss on the sidewalk, with you there? We will, you know, right in Young Circle. Fuck, it's Hollywood, Florida, and you won't hold your guy's hand? Meet us there. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jun 03, 2012 1:40 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH saidSelfishness? You must be kidding. The way straight couples find it perfectly acceptable to snack on each other's faces in all sorts of public venues?

    If you're uncomfortable with it, I'm not likely to change your mind. But if you think your fears are appropriate, then you are still buying into the lie that we are less than the straight people. And don't tell me it's about manners or self-restraint or being classy. Tell that to the crowds of older folks who beam at a young straight couple sharing an impulsive kiss but would stare stonily at you and your boyfriend for doing the same thing.

    This isn't about principle, it's about cowardice.


    You make a few good points, but might doesn't make right, and not all straight people are into overt PDA anyways.

    Personally, I have always found couples making out (straight, gay, lesbian, or any combination therein) in public gross, so I don't do it myself. Yes, for me it is about being classy. An impulsive smooch is one thing, but I'm not going to hold hands with someone as we walk everywhere just so I can fit in to the societal norms of "the happy couple."
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jun 03, 2012 1:48 PM GMT
    i would remind him of that. that when we met that you knew i did not like public displays of affection so i would appreciate you respecting from me. i can give you a hug and maybe a kiss good bye but that is about it. no holding hands nor kissing in public. i think you just have to remind him of that when is about do something like that
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    Jun 03, 2012 2:07 PM GMT
    in terms of compromise (you're gonna have to), i'd say its a personal thing you're just gonna have to have a heart-to-heart with him on. it depends on how paranoid you are in public, and how touchy-feely he actually is. try to look at it objectively, see things from his side, have him do the same, and decide what you can live with for his sake.

    personally, i like a bit of PDA- to the extent that I don't give a fuck what people think outside of common propriety and etiquette; if my being gay and getting flirty with my guy makes someone uncomfortable, that's their homophobic ass's problem. I like holding hands, hugging, leaning against one another, maybe small peck-kisses occasionally. That said, I wouldn't do anything tasteless like grope or make out in a public place- gay or straight I think that's inappropriate.
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    Jun 03, 2012 2:10 PM GMT
    If PDA is your problem, then sounds like you are dating the wrong guy, because he sounds like he could care less who sees who he kisses. If shame is your problem, then you should see a shrink, because if you want to be healthy, you should be moving towards life where people in love - gay/straight/whatever are all allowed the same rules in public. No one seems to care if straight people kiss or hold hands, and that understanding should be exactly the same for gay people.
    If you just hate when anyone kisses or holds hands in public, that is fine, but don't date someone who wants to be held and kissed. Find someone who does not like those things.
    Again, find out what is behind your discomfort. That is really the key. A lot of gay men and women find it uncomfortable to kiss in public because they fear some sort of societal discomfort or worse, bashing, beating or berating.
    Life is short, if you are in love, be proud of that and be proud of being in love with your partner and if that means a kiss when you feel like it, go for it.
    Dry humping in public is always disgusting.
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    Jun 03, 2012 2:22 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH said
    catch said An impulsive smooch is one thing, but I'm not going to hold hands with someone as we walk everywhere just so I can fit in to the societal norms of "the happy couple."

    If holding hands is about making a statement instead of an overwhelming feeling of affection, then, um - Relationship: Ur doing it rong


    Right. I'm glad we agree.
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    Jun 03, 2012 2:43 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH saidSelfishness? You must be kidding. The way straight couples find it perfectly acceptable to snack on each other's faces in all sorts of public venues?

    If you're uncomfortable with it, I'm not likely to change your mind. But if you think your fears are appropriate, then you are still buying into the lie that we are less than the straight people. And don't tell me it's about manners or self-restraint or being classy. Tell that to the crowds of older folks who beam at a young straight couple sharing an impulsive kiss but would stare stonily at you and your boyfriend for doing the same thing.

    This isn't about principle, it's about cowardice.



    AGREED 100% As a young lad who grew up in the Middle East pda's were completely banned by law including straight ones.. But somehow I'd still notice couples totally expressing it in ways that were not obscene or highly sexual but they expressed it.

    Most people who have a problem with PDA's are usually chicken or haven't come out to their loved ones. I don't pity guys who don't do it out of cowardice. It's simply little things that means more to your partner than it means anything to random strangers. Even in repressed arab countries I have never met gay couples who were afraid to show signs they were in a relationship, they just blurred the lines where it could also be like they were best friends.
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    Jun 03, 2012 2:57 PM GMT
    I had a bf that was very into PDA. I am not. He would seek revenge by slapping my ass in public whenever he could - usually in less trafficked areas. It was actually quite hilarious. I would get mad and end up chasing him around. My point is that if you two are different, then it will manifest. You can't expect him to be like you; nor you, him. So you kinda deal with the 'ass slapping,' and he deals with you chasing him around the shopping mall.
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    Jun 03, 2012 3:23 PM GMT
    I kinda get both opposing points of views here. I personally don't like any public displays of affection. In fact, I'm quite uncomfortable being touched in any way (yeah, I know). I realize that there is an underlying issue with my aversion and I must overcome it. So, I do want to be affectionate (in public or otherwise) with others.
  • ac416

    Posts: 273

    Jun 03, 2012 3:41 PM GMT
    A hello or goodby kiss or slight touching is normal, but extreme PDA is rude and inconsiderate to others around you who don't need to watch it. If that's your reason just tell him which he cant really argue with since it's being polite. If your against any acknowledgment of your relationship or being gay in public then you lose the argument and need therapy to get over it.
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    Jun 03, 2012 3:45 PM GMT
    If he knew from the beginning how you felt about PDA, and wasn't comfortable with that, he should've been with someone who could offer what he needed/wanted (instead of trying to force you to change now.
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    Jun 03, 2012 4:01 PM GMT
    I don't think there is anything wrong with holding hands for a while or a arm around the shoulder as you casually walk down the street for a few minutes. Even a great nice hug or kiss every now and then is awesome.

    I'm not into huge amounts of PDA either but I'm comfortable showing my love to my bf as he does to me. I'm not talking about a full make out session but a special moment to share.

    I love my bf and we like to be spontaneous in that matter.
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Jun 03, 2012 5:25 PM GMT
    An obviously new gay couple came into my work a couple days ago, and were being very playful and physically flirty with each other. It was very sweet, because you could tell how into each other they were.

    I personally find it obnoxious when couples of any orientation are constantly clinging to one another (after a while, you kind of just want to shout, "get a fucking room!"), but I think that PDA is sweet and acceptable when not totally over the top and bordering on creepy physical co-dependence.
  • handsoffire

    Posts: 178

    Jun 03, 2012 5:43 PM GMT
    If PDA is your problem, then sounds like you are dating the wrong guy, because he sounds like he could care less who sees who he kisses. If shame is your problem, then you should see a shrink, because if you want to be healthy, you should be moving towards life where people in love - gay/straight/whatever are all allowed the same rules in public. No one seems to care if straight people kiss or hold hands, and that understanding should be exactly the same for gay people.
    If you just hate when anyone kisses or holds hands in public, that is fine, but don't date someone who wants to be held and kissed. Find someone who does not like those things.
    Again, find out what is behind your discomfort. That is really the key. A lot of gay men and women find it uncomfortable to kiss in public because they fear some sort of societal discomfort or worse, bashing, beating or berating.
    Life is short, if you are in love, be proud of that and be proud of being in love with your partner and if that means a kiss when you feel like it, go for it.
    Dry humping in public is always disgusting.


    What he said.