I feel like a failure :'(

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2012 1:14 PM GMT
    I don't know what to do anymore. I don't have any idea for what kind of job I want to get, I don't have any gay friends at my school. I feel sad at home and want to move out but can't afford it.

    In April I was the most sad I have ever been and tried to jump in front of a speeding car, my friend stopped me. I cut myself on 2 occassions in april. but I have promised myself and my best friend never to self harm again.

    If people read this, then feel free to post your thoughts below.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2012 1:21 PM GMT
    Your whole life is in front of you, new. You're just starting to feel the tight constrictions of the old one.

    Instead of choosing to die, choose in stead to hatch, like a chick. If you do this, one day you'll be a rooster. Many have gone before you, and gone through what you're going through now, so you're not alone, and if they could do it, very likely you can too!

    warmly,

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2012 1:40 PM GMT
    Its normal not to know what to do at your age. Its hard to live with but just try to hang in there and tell yourself this wil pass.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2012 1:51 PM GMT
    Please realize that that sadness isn't you. It's some chemicals in your brain going haywire and once they are gone, you don't feel like killing yourself anymore. Seek medical help for depression and do what feels right for you.

    About the failure. That's probably related to the depression However look at your problems and break them down into manageable steps. Ask others for help with stuff you don't know how to do and can't do. And celebrate accomplishments when you start moving towards goals, resolutions etc.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2012 2:08 PM GMT
    Thanks for your comments guys icon_smile.gif

    and bhp, I have seeked professional help and the doc put me on anti depressants, this is the first week over and the doc said that he doesn't know the effects of these type and we will have to wait and see :/, I read some of the known side effects and I have experienced weight loss (I'm not complaining haha) and one rahter embaressing one, on 2 occassions it took me 5 hours to masturbate :"( , also looking at a still picture or portrait I will see the person in them smile at me. my mind is pretty messed up the past 2 months.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2012 2:14 PM GMT
    It usually takes one or 2 weeks for anti-depressants to kick in, so please have a little more patience. I'm glad that you are seeing a doc and have no issue taking meds. I experience that problem to cum as well (which will make you a popular top if you are so inclined icon_biggrin.gif ), but my meds make me gain weight (grumble).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2012 2:30 PM GMT
    justcameout505 saidThanks for your comments guys icon_smile.gif

    and bhp, I have seeked professional help and the doc put me on anti depressants, this is the first week over and the doc said that he doesn't know the effects of these type and we will have to wait and see :/, I read some of the known side effects and I have experienced weight loss (I'm not complaining haha) and one rahter embaressing one, on 2 occassions it took me 5 hours to masturbate :"( , also looking at a still picture or portrait I will see the person in them smile at me. my mind is pretty messed up the past 2 months.

    yeah, anti depressants are a bitch. had them during my cancer therapy. i didnt like them but had to take them. they take weeks to kick in and weeks to get out of your system after you've stopped. they will fuck you up sexually. not sure that is great at your age. but guess ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Hope you get back on even keel soon.

    Dont take this without your dr saying you can come off of the anti depressants, but this calms the nerves without the sexual side effects. I use it after working out and my muscles are all jazzed and I cant get to sleep.

    gaba-source-naturals-tablets180.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2012 4:41 PM GMT
    3-4 weeks of side effects before positive effects. The side effects are the worst for the first 2 days.
    Not all of them kill sex drive. Paxil was the worst for me. I've been on a couple that had no effect at all.
  • jimjock

    Posts: 278

    Jun 03, 2012 5:56 PM GMT
    Can't have killed his sex drive. He is in the chat room jerking off enough.

    Cry for help? nah.. Cry for attention... oh yeah.
    icon_confused.gif
  • arjay

    Posts: 14

    Jun 03, 2012 6:42 PM GMT
    jimjock saidCan't have killed his sex drive. He is in the chat room jerking off enough.

    Cry for help? nah.. Cry for attention... oh yeah.
    icon_confused.gif


    LOL --- "cry for attention"? -- this coming from the resident chat room drama queen who calls out the name of everyone looking at his cam icon_rolleyes.gif (psst...no one cares who's looking at your cam).

    OP don't pay any attention to this jerk. people like him try to push people down to make them feel better about themself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2012 6:45 PM GMT
    Dang...13 posts and you already figured that out......icon_wink.gif
  • Little_Spoon

    Posts: 1562

    Jun 03, 2012 6:47 PM GMT
    You need to cry more.

    Like in your pillow, just scream it out

    Helps a lot, promise.
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    Jun 03, 2012 6:53 PM GMT
    justcameout505 said
    In April I was the most sad I have ever been and tried to jump in front of a speeding car, my friend stopped me. I cut myself on 2 occassions in april. but I have promised myself and my best friend never to self harm again.

    You made a true decision when promising not to self harm again.
    Do you know that people still dont even care after your death ? They cried for the first week (or a month) ... then they felt happy again and completely forgot you. Dont choose to die ;)
    If you need to cry , just cry ... then stand up again and make a smile.

    I used to be like you ... but then I find some reasons to live. I want to go study abroad ... I find my love with Spain .... I want a family ... blah blah blah ... etc.

    There're so many thing waiting for you to enjoyed them , dont waste your beautiful life.
    Friends are lot but you should get to know them.

    Finally , I hope you fine , you can do more than you ever thought... Let's make a try icon_wink.gif


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2012 7:01 PM GMT
    Existential Crisis!
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 03, 2012 8:35 PM GMT
    if you're that suicidal, you need professional help.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2012 8:50 PM GMT
    oh trust me I'm not suicidal anymore, I just hate these changes in my mind.

    And JimJock, sure I have been in the chat room a couple of times and jerked off, but that is because the chatroom and webcam stuff was new to me and therefore a fairly big turn on.

    thank you guys for your support icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2012 9:22 PM GMT
    OP, have you heard of Bob Paris? He became the most famous gay body builder of all time (1983 IFBB world heavyweight and overall 1st place Mr Universe). But he did not start out that way. I read an interview with him where he said that when he was the same age as you he was lost, confused, depressed, and homeless. Exercise and the discipline of the gym gave him focus and got him out of his slump.

    I find that I am the same way. It seems like the times in my life when I am the most down and lacking hope corresponds to the times when I am not hitting the gym. Not to make it sound like a religion, but it really does make me feel better emotionally and physically. You might try it, if you have not already. But make it a personal experience (where you are there to better yourself). Do not make it a public experience (where you are there to check out the guys and compare yourself to others). I find that even when I cannot make any other part of my life come together, I can at least stick to my gym schedule as a kind of self-care and self-love.

    Just a suggestion.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2012 10:07 PM GMT
    Practice smiling, even if you don't feel like it. It releases good chemicals in your brain.
  • conservativej...

    Posts: 2465

    Jun 03, 2012 10:19 PM GMT
    When the spirit is low, I always suggest finding a hunky stud and proceed to fuck his brains out. In fact, there on the deck of that tank over your right shoulder would be an excellent location.

    I always feel better after a good fuck. I hope you do too.

    And by the way, when I'm real down, there is nothing better than fisting a LIBERAL to lift the spirits.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2012 10:23 PM GMT
    conservativejock said

    And by the way, when I'm real down, there is nothing better than fisting a LIBERAL to lift the spirits.


    This cracked me the fuck up. Well played, conservativejock. Well played.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2012 10:26 PM GMT
    calibro saidif you're that suicidal, you need professional help.


    True this. Sometimes we need to latch onto professional support while we're working through stuff ourselves.

    Just keep holding on! You'll be surprised at what sweetness you will find in life once you get through the shit.

    If you're going through hell...keep right on going. Don't stop! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 04, 2012 7:56 AM GMT
    Last night when I was really upset I went for a walk in the rain just around the suburb and it helped me out a bit, I just got home from another walk even though I havent been feeling down today and I feel great. I'm gunna use the equipment I have in my house to work out more often and try to eat more healthy as well.

    I am glad that I am alive and I will not make an attempt on my life again. I understand that some days are going to be much worse than others.

    now if I may share a bit about my childhood:

    I had a hard time making friends and in year 2 I had made some friends, and a lot of enemies because others knew I would easily get mad. In year 2 all the way to year 6 I was incredibly racist and homophobic (Ironic I know). In year 7 I also wasn't as racist as before and I wasn't as homophobe. In year 8 I had made plenty of friends and I was hardly racist at all, but everyone at my school including me were making fun of this one guy that dyed his hair and wore make up and dresses to school.. he was one confused guy (somehow straight now... I don't get how though) anyway In year 9 I had an interest in gay porn but thought nothing more of it, in year 10 I wasn't racist at all and I made some multicultural friends, I wasn't homophobe at all in this year but shun the idea of me ever being gay and kept being the person people wanted me to be. This year in year 11 I have put my hate away and I strive to be the person I want to be and be more accepting of others, hence me coming out.

    I have made heaps of progress and If I were to die now, all that progress towards a more equal world would be for nothing... By the way I'm in a much better mood today. I'm going to try and keep this mood going on.
  • Thorbaugh

    Posts: 110

    Jun 04, 2012 8:07 AM GMT
    Saw your post and just wanted to encourage you to breathe and remember that "this too shall pass."

    You are in a difficult time and the biggest thing you need right now is support. If nothing else, the guys on this board will support you and give you encouragement.

    Having been in a place where I struggled with wanting to end the pain I have a lot of empathy - however, just try to get through each day -sometimes a moment at a time.

    We're here for you!!
  • musclejames

    Posts: 52

    Jun 14, 2012 1:41 AM GMT
    justcameout505 saidI don't know what to do anymore. I don't have any idea for what kind of job I want to get, I don't have any gay friends at my school. I feel sad at home and want to move out but can't afford it.

    In April I was the most sad I have ever been and tried to jump in front of a speeding car, my friend stopped me. I cut myself on 2 occassions in april. but I have promised myself and my best friend never to self harm again.

    If people read this, then feel free to post your thoughts below.


    It takes a while to find good gay friends in my opinion. I have been out for 10 years, and I have approximately one gay friend... And we aren't even close!! Learn to love yourself, and make friends with everyone.

    Just focus on your job and making more money, and get into social networking!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 14, 2012 1:48 AM GMT
    Dude, watch this.