Mixed Signals

  • urban_2700

    Posts: 3

    Jun 03, 2012 10:05 PM GMT
    I'm a closeted bi guy (grad student) struggling with the question of whether my classmate is trying to signal his interest in an intimate relationship or just being friendly.

    Several months ago, I noticed that we both always seemed to be making eye contact during seminars. Outside of class there was the occasional innocent kick under the table and eagerness to buy me multiple drinks. Recently he's been a bit more suggestive... the under the table kick turned into a brief shoulder massage. During one of our online chats, he sent me a subtle but suggestive video involving whipped cream. When we were alone last week the topic of gay rights came up and he casually said that he wasn't straight. (My response was neutral) This weekend he turned the tables on me during a social gathering, asking if I were gay would I find him attractive? He's also a big sports fan and likes to yell f**k me! when I'm around and the game isn't going his way.

    Even with all these signals, I'm still very confused because he's currently in a long distance relationship with a woman. So is he bi/gay or just really friendly? What is the best way for me to discretely raise the issue with him?
  • John6311

    Posts: 165

    Jun 03, 2012 11:04 PM GMT
    biguy_VA82 saidI'm a closeted bi guy (grad student) struggling with the question of whether my classmate is trying to signal his interest in an intimate relationship or just being friendly.

    Several months ago, I noticed that we both always seemed to be making eye contact during seminars. Outside of class there was the occasional innocent kick under the table and eagerness to buy me multiple drinks. Recently he's been a bit more suggestive... the under the table kick turned into a brief shoulder massage. During one of our online chats, he sent me a subtle but suggestive video involving whipped cream. When we were alone last week the topic of gay rights came up and he casually said that he wasn't straight. (My response was neutral) This weekend he turned the tables on me during a social gathering, asking if I were gay would I find him attractive? He's also a big sports fan and likes to yell f**k me! when I'm around and the game isn't going his way.

    Even with all these signals, I'm still very confused because he's currently in a long distance relationship with a woman. So is he bi/gay or just really friendly? What is the best way for me to discretely raise the issue with him?


    Any person (straight or gay) would ask him, 'you have a long distance relationship with a woman but you said you are not straight?'.

    It sounds like he wants you. I say go for it.
  • mikeylikes

    Posts: 53

    Jun 03, 2012 11:19 PM GMT
    yeah. i cant tell if this is some kind of troll thread or not.

    straight guys dont say they aren't straight and play footsie with u and try to massage you cuz theyre friendly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2012 11:21 PM GMT
    image.axd?picture=2009%2F8%2Fcostanza.jp

    This Is The Signal, Jerry! This Is The Signal!

    Anyway, he probably already knows your gay/bi, but just take him aside anyway and say.

    "Look it feels like I have been picking up on a few signals that your interested in me, I'm not completely out of the closet yet but was wondering what the deal was"
  • urban_2700

    Posts: 3

    Jun 04, 2012 1:08 AM GMT
    This is helpful. I think some of my hesitation has to do with the fact that he's in a relationship. Also, he has a reputation among our graduate program as being somewhat of a prankster. So it's hard for me to judge the seriousness of his random statement about not being straight.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Jun 04, 2012 1:26 AM GMT
    A "long distance relationship" is a great way to cover yourself if you don't want attention from women. The next time he drops a hint, take him up on it. If he's a tease, you'll find out.
  • KidinCali

    Posts: 8

    Jun 04, 2012 1:54 AM GMT
    Virginia, land of the closeted. That state screwed me up so badly I can never tell when an out gay man even finds me attractive. I only notice the closet cases.

    Finish school and run. The guy I just knew was the love of my life and would eventually come out chose to stay closeted as if no one knows by now since he's never had a girlfriend.

    Most gay Virginians never come out. Buy a one way ticket out of that hell hole and never look back. You'll be glad you did. Too many bigots there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2012 2:24 AM GMT
    biguy_VA82 saidI'm a closeted bi guy (grad student) struggling with the question of whether my classmate is trying to signal his interest in an intimate relationship or just being friendly.

    Several months ago, I noticed that we both always seemed to be making eye contact during seminars. Outside of class there was the occasional innocent kick under the table and eagerness to buy me multiple drinks. Recently he's been a bit more suggestive... the under the table kick turned into a brief shoulder massage. During one of our online chats, he sent me a subtle but suggestive video involving whipped cream. When we were alone last week the topic of gay rights came up and he casually said that he wasn't straight. (My response was neutral) This weekend he turned the tables on me during a social gathering, asking if I were gay would I find him attractive? He's also a big sports fan and likes to yell f**k me! when I'm around and the game isn't going his way.

    Even with all these signals, I'm still very confused because he's currently in a long distance relationship with a woman. So is he bi/gay or just really friendly? What is the best way for me to discretely raise the issue with him?


    lolwut

    I think whip cream is one of those things where it's hard to be suggestive AND subtle... I'd love to see that video. Haha.

    Anyway, yeah, he totally wants to jump your bones. I've seen so many posts like this. "My friend told me he wants to have sex with me... do you think he's into me or am I misreading the situation?"

    But whatever, good luck! Use protection!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2012 3:16 AM GMT
    Video is needed so we can judge if he's into you.
  • urban_2700

    Posts: 3

    Jun 04, 2012 4:34 PM GMT
    I'm sorry if some have had bad experiences on this board. My question is legitimate as is the referenced video. I have chosen not to share the video because in my opinion, this forum is not the right place to post what is primarily an innocent personal home video. If you doubt the legitimacy of the post or feel unable to offer advice without the video it probably makes sense to ignore the post altogether. The moderators are more than capable of policing the site Thanks to those that have posted/sent thoughtful feedback.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2012 9:05 PM GMT
    If I am not mistaken, that is the video the OP is talking about:...
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyY20TlUTTg It is more than suggestive.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2012 9:23 PM GMT
    Your description leaves no doubt that he's interested. Are you interested in him or do you just want to find out his intentions? Either ask him directly or, if you're not that brave, when he flirts, flirt back.