My new friend's boyfriend possibly hit on me...

  • KidinCali

    Posts: 8

    Jun 04, 2012 1:37 AM GMT
    I have to leave some details out because for all I know he could post here and I would be ruining everything.

    Long story short: He's pretty much my dream guy and I'm that wallflower kid who's last picked for everything in life.

    When we were introduced I lost my breath because I've never seen a guy so stunning before. I was even more shocked when he looked at me like he saw a ghost, gasped, grabbed half my hand, and started stuttering. All this in front of his girlfriend.

    He later caught me alone, complimented my body, my confidence, and the way I dress. He even notices me before my friend does when I'm around which let me know he's watching me.

    I believe I even caught him checking out my ass a few times.

    That said I don't know what his sexuality is, he literally never stated it. The fact that his girlfriend is my only real friend in this place puts a damper on it all, but I don't know her that well yet, and we don't spend a ton of time together yet either.

    I feel like she also took notice of him paying me a little too much attention as she started hovering around us(and I don't blame her one bit).

    I'm out, he knew I was gay before I even met him. He played it uber gay friendly to the point I wondered if he was trying to be so secure in his sexuality that no one would question why he's always in gay bars and clubs. Probably the smartest way I've ever seen anyone play that game because usually it's the reverse and makes it obvious that the person is closeted. With this it's just impossible to tell.

    He could very well be bi and she probably knows about it which would explain a lot.

    While he had me alone he basically hinted that he's more into my body type than his girlfriend's and my jaw dropped.

    He said all the right things and it's the first time in my life I think I've ever had a guy run game on me.

    I don't know what to do. He's taken, but like I said ...dream guy. Do I seriously just write him off? Should I just be patient and see if they ever break up and he's feeling adventurous down the line?

    I don't really know what to do or if I should do anything at all. At first I immediately jumped to "It's wrong." but they're not married and I technically didn't do anything. My first instinct was to ignore him since he's "straight" and has a girlfriend. He worked and I do mean WORKED for my attention.

    I believe everything happens for a reason so I'm not sure if I should just let this go and look back one day wondering.

    I suspect he's bisexual and I think his girlfriend might know because she started looking like she suspected something might be going on.

    I'm not used to having a guy as hot as he is fawn all over me so I don't know what to do. He could just be one of those straight guys who love gay attention, but he seems to literally already be getting enough of that from the ones he knows now so I don't know why he chased me so hard. I had his undivided attention for over 4 hours and he still wasn't bored of me when I said "Bye".

    I curiously texted him the other day(we exchanged numbers after knowing each other for 4 hours) and he replied immediately which could mean absolutely nothing. I just wanted to be sure I wasn't making it all up in my head since I told myself I wouldn't be sucked in by yet another "straight" guy. It's 2012 and I'm still dealing with this...bleh. Believe me if there's a chance then he's worth it though. I'd even get over that slimy feeling of possibly stealing my friend's boyfriend, I couldn't even have dreamed him up. 4 days later and I still can't stop thinking about him or the things he said to me.

    Oh yeah he also seems to like touching me in "manly" ways if that help at all. I personally don't do physical contact, let alone that manly pounding stuff, but he sure does...and for once I didn't mind it as much(even if he knocked my lungs around inside my chest cavity).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2012 1:40 AM GMT
    Yep, write him off; as you said, he's taken. By doing this you respect your new friend, and yourself. icon_wink.gif
  • KidinCali

    Posts: 8

    Jun 04, 2012 1:42 AM GMT
    meninlove said Yep, write him off; as you said, he's taken. By doing this you respect your new friend, and yourself. icon_wink.gif


    icon_cry.gif I knew that answer was coming. You're right, but I wish you weren't.

    I'll get over it I guess. Pride is coming up, maybe I'll finally meet an actually OUT guy who won't have to catch me alone in the first place. Just wish they'd look at me the way he does. It was nice to finally have someone notice me in a good way.
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    Jun 04, 2012 1:46 AM GMT
    KidinCali said
    meninlove said Yep, write him off; as you said, he's taken. By doing this you respect your new friend, and yourself. icon_wink.gif


    icon_cry.gif I knew that answer was coming. You're right, but I wish you weren't.

    I'll get over it I guess. Pride is coming up, maybe I'll finally meet an actually OUT guy who won't have to catch me alone in the first place.



    Oh hey Kid..

    *gives Kid a big hug*

    Let's put it this way; if he's really turned on by you to the point of emotional stars, then he will, all by himself, extricate himself from this lady and then throw himself at you once free.
    Now that would be having class that you in turn can respect.
    Throughout your life you meet guys that are taken that turn you on. This is a learning step, and from your reply, I'm thinking that you're a rather together-type man and one that no few guys would like to take a spin with.

    warmly and respectfully,

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2012 4:40 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    KidinCali said
    meninlove said Yep, write him off; as you said, he's taken. By doing this you respect your new friend, and yourself. icon_wink.gif


    icon_cry.gif I knew that answer was coming. You're right, but I wish you weren't.

    I'll get over it I guess. Pride is coming up, maybe I'll finally meet an actually OUT guy who won't have to catch me alone in the first place.



    Oh hey Kid..

    *gives Kid a big hug*

    Let's put it this way; if he's really turned on by you to the point of emotional stars, then he will, all by himself, extricate himself from this lady and then throw himself at you once free.
    Now that would be having class that you in turn can respect.
    Throughout your life you meet guys that are taken that turn you on. This is a learning step, and from your reply, I'm thinking that you're a rather together-type man and one that no few guys would like to take a spin with.

    warmly and respectfully,

    -Doug


    I whole heartedly agree!! While there's nothing wrong with "batting your eyelashes" around this guy.... I wouldn't suggest ACTING on it, until he was separated from your friend. Odds are, if you date this guy you'll be losing your friend, anyway. But you'll be the LEAST guilty over losing your friend, if you wait until he breaks up with her, and still pursues you. This way, you'll know for sure it's really you he's interested in.... and not just the idea of somebody LIKE you, in the picture.

    I say you should watch yourself. The only time I would let loose, is if this was IT! ... I mean uncontrollable, lust, love, take me, take you kind of passion. Knock the fucking table over and feel drunk off his scent kind of moment. THAT is ALWAYS worth the drama that follows. And drama....does... usually follow those moments. So be warned!! And good luck!! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2012 5:13 AM GMT
    You know what's going to happen, don't you?
    Of course, the OP knows. icon_evil.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2012 5:15 AM GMT
    I think you are paying too much attention to him being some dream guy... just enjoy the attention... since he IS taken, you should not be so fawny over him... he's a hot guy giving you attention... run with that... don't think more of it....
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 04, 2012 6:08 AM GMT
    spend less time worrying about that and more time not being a profileless sock account
  • KidinCali

    Posts: 8

    Jun 04, 2012 6:45 AM GMT
    calibro saidspend less time worrying about that and more time not being a profileless sock account


    I don't know what that means lol, but thanks for the advice guys. I'm gonna keep my cool and be patient.

    Besides I really like hanging out with her and I just met him anyway. He could just like flirting with guys when his girlfriend isn't around and nothing more than that.
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    Jun 04, 2012 8:28 AM GMT
    Just come out and ask him if he is 100% straight. Then you'll know. No need to take it any further than that. He knows about you. Its only fair.
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    Jun 04, 2012 8:57 AM GMT
    Really? You know he's got a gf and it's your friend. Don't even entertain the thought of him coming on to you til he actually does in which case you do the right thing and warn the BF to knock it off. If he doesn't then you rat him out to your friend. Fuck being nice about it.

    It's one thing to look. Everyone looks and gets a thought. It's another to instigate and actually put those thoughts into a physical motion. On that note, you need to do your part and not be swooned by a hot body. Respect yourself and respect the friendship you have with your friend.

    "Friends before Flings" as they say.
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    Jun 04, 2012 6:20 PM GMT
    Or you just keep him around you, he doesnt seem that interesed in his GF.
    And sooner or later its gonna end, and then you'll be there icon_razz.gif

    I personally would never do that, because Im to nice... and thats prolly why Im all alone icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2012 6:28 PM GMT
    Part of him being your dream man is one he seems more attractive because he's straight and he seems more attractive because he's taken. It's says you live in WeHo. You can't spit without hitting a gay man in that gayborhood.
  • KidinCali

    Posts: 8

    Jun 04, 2012 6:49 PM GMT
    TotalTopJock saidPart of him being your dream man is one he seems more attractive because he's straight and he seems more attractive because he's taken. It's says you live in WeHo. You can't spit without hitting a gay man in that gayborhood.


    I thought that before I moved here but a surprising amount of guys are straight and the ones that aren't don't even look at me.

    It's cool though I'm not a wounded bird or anything I'll live.

    And heterosexuality is generally the ultimate turn off for me(though him being taken is slighty a turn on). I ignored him pretty hard the first hour or so and he kept working to get my attention...at first I thought to be polite, but then he started trying way too hard.

    I think he's totally bisexual, he certainly doesn't seem straight in the least to me. His definitely into his girlfriend which confused me because he seemed way too into me to be all over a girl. I think he's the first actual bi guy I've ever met.

    All that said I'm just gonna wait, be friends, and not try to make anything happen. At some point I imagine they'll break up but if they don't then I just have two cool people to hang out with. Win win.

    I was just a little caught up in his flattery at first and wasn't thinking clearly. I think he got me high(naturally) lol.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jun 04, 2012 6:54 PM GMT
    buddy, i would leave this situation alone. i think you are asking for a world of trouble.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2012 7:12 PM GMT
    There is a chance that even if you begin dating him he might not settle for you at all. You have to ask yourself if jeopardizing your friendship in return for so much uncertainty is worth it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2012 7:13 PM GMT
    tl;dr

    All I have to say is this:

    THAT IS SOMEONE ELSE'S BOYFRIEND. DO NOT MESS WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S BOYFRIENDS!!!

    GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2012 7:20 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH said
    running11 saidtl;dr

    All I have to say is this:



    Don't be so wishy-washy, doll. Come out and say what you mean.


    haha... i get a bit carried away sometimes.
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    Jun 04, 2012 7:23 PM GMT
    Unbelievably cheesy...........icon_lol.gif
  • KidinCali

    Posts: 8

    Jun 04, 2012 7:37 PM GMT
    Ok, ok I got the point. It's not like I'm fooling around with a married man, I haven't even done anything lol.
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    Jun 04, 2012 7:44 PM GMT
    KidinCali saidOk, ok I got the point. It's not like I'm fooling around with a married man, I haven't even done anything lol.


    If your friend knew you were posting here, would she think you haven't done anything?
  • KidinCali

    Posts: 8

    Jun 04, 2012 9:15 PM GMT
    TroyAthlete said
    KidinCali saidOk, ok I got the point. It's not like I'm fooling around with a married man, I haven't even done anything lol.


    If your friend knew you were posting here, would she think you haven't done anything?


    Whoop whoop, that's the sound of thought police.

    I think she should be more concerned with her boyfriend's wandering eye. I'm a free agent and he's not married so I won't be branding myself with any scarlet letters any time soon.

    Sure I thought about it but that's not a crime. If he breaks up with her and comes to me I won't be turning him away just for a ride on a high horse either.

    A guy who wants to try dating a guy but is currently involved with a woman will most likely try guys anyway. If not me it'll be someone else.

    I've always done the "right" thing and have nothing to show for it. Not saying I'm going to go soap opera diva and cause trouble, but there's really no harm in seeing if he comes to me if he moves on from her.

    And there's a reason I didn't post a picture or specifics no one will be finding out. icon_wink.gif
  • steventx

    Posts: 6

    Jul 08, 2012 4:08 AM GMT
    It happened to me...sound cliche? It really did! Similar beginnings, turned into "go with me to pick her up, from work..."then that turned into, " she's working late, afterall. Let's go grab a beer..." And , later back to their place! What took place after that grew to being uncomfortable, but I gave in! In the course of two years, and Our Secret Affairs, she found out, and stated that she knew all along, and that she was fine with it. The three of us got an apartment, together, but wait, there's more...! Soon thereafter we threw a party, and she hooked up with another female! I was relieved, but I tend to think I caused it, on one hand, but, knew that this is why she was so forgiving! He grew to avcept the switch, as he was guilty, as well, and had no ground to complain! They got married, and I changed towns! Mine had a happy ending, for them! As for me, at this writing, yeah, I got hurt, but I must not dwell on the past! I'm still looking, and single
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2012 7:05 AM GMT
    Don't be that guy..."Mommy when i grow up ..i'm gonna be a HOMEWRECKER"

    This is not on your list of things to do !!..You know better..walk away..avoid this SHITSTORM!! Hugz (I'm hungry)
  • HapaDude

    Posts: 35

    Jul 12, 2012 10:21 PM GMT
    Hahaha, well I think you got the message from everyone else. I just found it quite shocking that, if there was a possibility he was into you, you would be able to get over that "slimy feeling" of possibly taking your friends boyfriend.

    It not only reveals that quality in you, but also some hidden qualities about your "dream boy." If he somehow decides to go for you instead of his girl, then so be it. Just don't start crying on the forums a few weeks from now if he then goes for the next piece of eye candy that crosses his path while he's "with you." icon_cool.gif