Gay Relationship Dynamics

  • TipsyD

    Posts: 10

    Jun 04, 2012 1:36 PM GMT
    I have been wondering, do gay couples have these power dynamics seen in most heterosexual relationships. I mean like, one partner is more assertive, makes the big decisions and is usually earns more than the other etc. Usually he is more dominant in the relationship than the other...

    How does this work in gay relationships?

    Edit: I am a straight woman btw. and I ask this question to get a general idea of how this works in gay relationships. I hope I did not annoy anyone by asking this and I sincerely hope to see a serious answer. I thought the best place to ask about gay relationships is a gay forum.
  • sbwlguy

    Posts: 566

    Jun 04, 2012 1:56 PM GMT
    TipsyD saidI have been wondering, do gay couples have these power dynamics seen in most heterosexual relationships. I mean like, one partner is more assertive, makes the big decisions and is usually earns more than the other etc. Usually he is more dominant in the relationship than the other...

    How does this work in gay relationships?



    Yes totally, man. The one is the woman, does all the cooking and cleaning and then there's the man, the one who is the breadwinner and provides for the couple.
  • TipsyD

    Posts: 10

    Jun 04, 2012 2:09 PM GMT
    sbwlguy said
    TipsyD saidI have been wondering, do gay couples have these power dynamics seen in most heterosexual relationships. I mean like, one partner is more assertive, makes the big decisions and is usually earns more than the other etc. Usually he is more dominant in the relationship than the other...

    How does this work in gay relationships?



    Yes totally, man. The one is the woman, does all the cooking and cleaning and then there's the man, the one who is the breadwinner and provides for the couple.


    Are you kidding or serious?
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    Jun 04, 2012 3:51 PM GMT
    TipsyD said
    sbwlguy said
    TipsyD saidI have been wondering, do gay couples have these power dynamics seen in most heterosexual relationships. I mean like, one partner is more assertive, makes the big decisions and is usually earns more than the other etc. Usually he is more dominant in the relationship than the other...

    How does this work in gay relationships?



    Yes totally, man. The one is the woman, does all the cooking and cleaning and then there's the man, the one who is the breadwinner and provides for the couple.


    Are you kidding or serious?


    I think what he was trying to tell you in a sarcastic way is that gay relationships are like straight relationships in that there is a wide range of dynamics. Gay relationships are not all the same. It might be more instructive for you to ask what each individual couple's dynamics are but just a suggestion.
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    Jun 04, 2012 4:05 PM GMT
    TipsyD saidI have been wondering, do gay couples have these power dynamics seen in most heterosexual relationships. I mean like, one partner is more assertive, makes the big decisions and is usually earns more than the other etc. Usually he is more dominant in the relationship than the other...

    How does this work in gay relationships?

    Edit: I am a straight woman btw. and I ask this question to get a general idea of how this works in gay relationships. I hope I did not annoy anyone by asking this and I sincerely hope to see a serious answer. I thought the best place to ask about gay relationships is a gay forum.


    Here's a serious response for ya:

    Too bad you never considered how inappropriate it is to ask stupid questions on a Gay Men's site as if it is some sort of side-show zoo attraction for you kill time while menstruating.

    I hope that wasn't annoying.

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 04, 2012 4:09 PM GMT


    you could put the search term "the male couple" and find excerpts for free from google books. and/or and find similar titles on amazon.....

    the dynamics are human interaction are really only superficially defined by genetics.... people are not their genitals....everyone is different....
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    Jun 04, 2012 4:11 PM GMT
    Cash said
    TipsyD saidI have been wondering, do gay couples have these power dynamics seen in most heterosexual relationships. I mean like, one partner is more assertive, makes the big decisions and is usually earns more than the other etc. Usually he is more dominant in the relationship than the other...

    How does this work in gay relationships?

    Edit: I am a straight woman btw. and I ask this question to get a general idea of how this works in gay relationships. I hope I did not annoy anyone by asking this and I sincerely hope to see a serious answer. I thought the best place to ask about gay relationships is a gay forum.


    Here's a serious response for ya:

    Too bad you never considered how inappropriate it is to ask stupid questions on a Gay Men's site as if it is some sort of side-show zoo attraction for you kill time while menstruating.

    I hope that wasn't annoying.

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif


    LOL
  • PolaroidSwing...

    Posts: 1131

    Jun 04, 2012 4:19 PM GMT
    Ooh the claws are out today.
    Gay relationships tend to be more egalitarian, than "traditional" heterosexual relationships. Because both members are of the same sex, there aren't separate roles to conform to, also the lack of children in many same sex relationships allows a greater sense of freedom for both individuals.
    It's not uncommon for heterosexuals to struggle with this concept, so don't feel too bad.

    Note that many heterosexual relationships are also becoming increasingly egalitarian as women are becoming far more independant.
  • TipsyD

    Posts: 10

    Jun 04, 2012 4:39 PM GMT
    PolaroidSwinger saidOoh the claws are out today.
    Gay relationships tend to be more egalitarian, than "traditional" heterosexual relationships. Because both members are of the same sex, there aren't separate roles to conform to, also the lack of children in many same sex relationships allows a greater sense of freedom for both individuals.
    It's not uncommon for heterosexuals to struggle with this concept, so don't feel too bad.

    Note that many heterosexual relationships are also becoming increasingly egalitarian as women are becoming far more independant.


    Thank you so much for your reply. I understand that it is more individual-oriented but I was just wondering if some of the aspects of a traditional heterosexual relationship can exist in a gay relationship as well. I guess, generally speaking, gay relationships are more inclined towards a "both partners are equal" kind of relationship.
  • TipsyD

    Posts: 10

    Jun 04, 2012 4:45 PM GMT
    Cash said

    Too bad you never considered how inappropriate it is to ask stupid questions on a Gay Men's site as if it is some sort of side-show zoo attraction for you kill time while menstruating.

    I hope that wasn't annoying.


    I am not annoyed but I am sorry if I annoyed you.

    I am also not sure why it is so inappropriate to ask a question about gay relationships in a site where gay men are hanging out. Yes I am interested in learning these stuff not only about gay relationships but about heterosexual relationships as well but I don't consider this interest as a "zoo attraction" for your community. Are you people always this cold when someone asks a genuine question or is it just you? icon_razz.gif
  • PolaroidSwing...

    Posts: 1131

    Jun 04, 2012 4:45 PM GMT
    That is correct, although as in any relationship one personality might be more dominate, it generally has less to do with a perceived status difference.

    If this is somthing you are really interested in learning more about, a gender studies class would answer many of your questions. As mentioned there are also many books covering the subject, hope this helps.
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    Jun 04, 2012 4:48 PM GMT
    Rather than depending on opinions from random strangers on the internet, the obvious scientific approach would be a field study. You can set up hidden cameras in a few gay households to find your answers.

    A few suggestions of couples to target:
    -a stocky or chubbier man (sometimes called a "bear" in our circles) with a thin, waifier man (sometimes called a "twink")
    -an older man with a younger man
    -an interracial couple

    Of course you would also need cameras in a heterosexual couple's home as your "control" relationship. Best of luck in your findings.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2012 4:48 PM GMT
    TipsyD saidAre you people always this cold when someone asks a genuine question or is it just you?


    You people? icon_rolleyes.gif

    It may be a genuine question, but there are probably better and more appropriate ways of getting it answered. PolaroidSwinger has given you some. Good luck.
  • TipsyD

    Posts: 10

    Jun 04, 2012 4:51 PM GMT
    PolaroidSwinger saidThat is correct, although as in any relationship one personality might be more dominate, it generally has less to do with a perceived status difference.

    If this is somthing you are really interested in learning more about, a gender studies class would answer many of your questions. As mentioned there are also many books covering the subject, hope this helps.


    Thanks. I have read some articles regarding relationships in general rather than gay relationships in particular. I searched about gay relationships and found some stuff but wasn't sure if the information was credible as in if they were documented after actually studying a particular community. Anyway, thanks again for your reply.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 04, 2012 4:51 PM GMT
    I think the answer certainly is "yes". I think is partially out of necessity. If you have a partnership where both aren't "assertive" about getting things done, things probably "ain't going to flow right"..... conversely, if both guys are assertive, there can be challenges for sure.

    If someone said there "weren't such dynamics", I would find that a little odd
    to say the least.
  • joncfernan

    Posts: 216

    Jun 04, 2012 4:53 PM GMT
    TipsyD said
    PolaroidSwinger saidOoh the claws are out today.
    Gay relationships tend to be more egalitarian, than "traditional" heterosexual relationships. Because both members are of the same sex, there aren't separate roles to conform to, also the lack of children in many same sex relationships allows a greater sense of freedom for both individuals.
    It's not uncommon for heterosexuals to struggle with this concept, so don't feel too bad.

    Note that many heterosexual relationships are also becoming increasingly egalitarian as women are becoming far more independant.


    Thank you so much for your reply. I understand that it is more individual-oriented but I was just wondering if some of the aspects of a traditional heterosexual relationship can exist in a gay relationship as well. I guess, generally speaking, gay relationships are more inclined towards a "both partners are equal" kind of relationship.



    That I've seen, yes. Its been rare for me to find any of my gay couple friends relinquish decision making as I see in many straight couples. Of course, to each his/her own, and every couple has their own dynamic - but for what I've seen countless times - both males usually come together in a "companionship" or "partnership" where both relish in being their own person without the rules of dominance/submissiveness that the hetero society is slowly coming free of....However, something different might be said for what goes on in the bedroom lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2012 5:10 PM GMT
    I can really only speak for my relationship. We make decisions together, and always respect the others person's thought and point-of-view. Can there be friction, yes, but we try and talk through it. Are there roles where one of us is better than the other, yes (like I am better at record keeping and making sure our fiances are in order, he's a lot better at planning trips).

    We both are in the same earnings range, so that is not an issue, but I think it is an issue in any relationship (gay or straight) when there is a large earnings disparity. Couples need to figure a way to keep things fair in such a relationship.
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    Jun 04, 2012 5:22 PM GMT
    TipsyD said
    Cash said

    Too bad you never considered how inappropriate it is to ask stupid questions on a Gay Men's site as if it is some sort of side-show zoo attraction for you kill time while menstruating.

    I hope that wasn't annoying.


    I am not annoyed but I am sorry if I annoyed you.

    I am also not sure why it is so inappropriate to ask a question about gay relationships in a site where gay men are hanging out. Yes I am interested in learning these stuff not only about gay relationships but about heterosexual relationships as well but I don't consider this interest as a "zoo attraction" for your community. Are you people always this cold when someone asks a genuine question or is it just you? icon_razz.gif


    A Google search of "Gale Male Relationship Dynamics" turns up 1,640,000 results. ALL more appropriate for your "research" purposes.

    This is a particular community and environment that - believe it or not - isn't really here for you to come and observe and take notes on. Hence the zoo reference.

    "WE PEOPLE" are generally not cold at all. I am particularly vicious. It is part of my charm. You may SERIOUSLY wanna back the fuck off - 'nuff said???

    Yer choice of words speaks VOLUMES btw. Hope mine does as well.

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2012 5:37 PM GMT
    Sorry TipsyD. Cash is really CERBERUS, the guardian of RJ! Tread lightly and toss Scooby snax.

    Cerberus.jpg
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    Jun 04, 2012 5:42 PM GMT
    bigeasydude saidSorry TipsyD. Cash is really CERBERUS, the guardian of RJ! Tread lightly and toss Scooby snax.

    Cerberus.jpg



    MMMMMMMM - Scooby Snax.....
  • TipsyD

    Posts: 10

    Jun 04, 2012 5:43 PM GMT
    Cash said

    I am particularly vicious. It is part of my charm. You may SERIOUSLY wanna back the fuck off - 'nuff said???

    Yer choice of words speaks VOLUMES btw. Hope mine does as well.



    I said "you people" to refer to gay people. Not meant as an insult. My first language is not english so pls bear with me.

    I noticed you are vicious since you called me a fat chick and a douchebag via PM and threatened not fuck with you icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2012 5:44 PM GMT
    Cash said
    TipsyD saidI have been wondering, do gay couples have these power dynamics seen in most heterosexual relationships. I mean like, one partner is more assertive, makes the big decisions and is usually earns more than the other etc. Usually he is more dominant in the relationship than the other...

    How does this work in gay relationships?

    Edit: I am a straight woman btw. and I ask this question to get a general idea of how this works in gay relationships. I hope I did not annoy anyone by asking this and I sincerely hope to see a serious answer. I thought the best place to ask about gay relationships is a gay forum.


    Here's a serious response for ya:

    Too bad you never considered how inappropriate it is to ask stupid questions on a Gay Men's site as if it is some sort of side-show zoo attraction for you kill time while menstruating.

    I hope that wasn't annoying.

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif

    Jezus, way to be a complete total jerk. OP ignore the bullshit responses, as for your question I have no idea. I'm guessing it's the same as in straight relationships, like most things.
  • TipsyD

    Posts: 10

    Jun 04, 2012 5:46 PM GMT
    bigeasydude saidSorry TipsyD. Cash is really CERBERUS, the guardian of RJ! Tread lightly and toss Scooby snax.



    No worries. Just not sure what on earth is wrong though....
  • TipsyD

    Posts: 10

    Jun 04, 2012 5:49 PM GMT
    Truppensturm said
    Jezus, way to be a complete total jerk. OP ignore the bullshit responses, as for your question I have no idea. I'm guessing it's the same as in straight relationships, like most things.


    Thank you icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2012 5:49 PM GMT
    Truppensturm said
    Cash said
    TipsyD saidI have been wondering, do gay couples have these power dynamics seen in most heterosexual relationships. I mean like, one partner is more assertive, makes the big decisions and is usually earns more than the other etc. Usually he is more dominant in the relationship than the other...

    How does this work in gay relationships?

    Edit: I am a straight woman btw. and I ask this question to get a general idea of how this works in gay relationships. I hope I did not annoy anyone by asking this and I sincerely hope to see a serious answer. I thought the best place to ask about gay relationships is a gay forum.


    Here's a serious response for ya:

    Too bad you never considered how inappropriate it is to ask stupid questions on a Gay Men's site as if it is some sort of side-show zoo attraction for you kill time while menstruating.

    I hope that wasn't annoying.

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif

    Jezus, way to be a complete total jerk. OP ignore the bullshit responses, as for your question I have no idea. I'm guessing it's the same as in straight relationships, like most things.


    Jezus - way not to recognize a troll when you see one.