emergency advice needed

  • m0dern

    Posts: 32

    Jun 05, 2012 12:34 AM GMT
    Situation:
    First relation. Lived with a guy. Me 23 him 29 foreign student.
    Relationship was good at first but then he got grindr.. met a guy in the gym showers. Had a wierd vibe.. went snooping..found the truth..Trust broken.. lots of fighting, agreed to move out and live separate.
    We didn't break up. First day of living separate he met another guy, and slept with him. Knew he did because my friends spotted him out when he told me he was heading home from work. he lied about it for 2 weeks. When he admitted it, i pulled the plug, blocked him everywhere... didn't speak for a couple of months

    Tried to contact me a lot.. eventually gave in..some period later tried again for a 2 week period.. said he felt confused previously because he always felt i didnt really want to stay with him.. now he knows i did and wanted to show me how he could be the best and make up for it. Visa stress resulted in the talk of living together again to make things easier. Felt pressured.. I bailed..

    Wrote to me everyday and multiple times a day telling me he loves me he's very sorry for everything and wanted to make it up for me..
    Didn't reply. Tried to call my work, had his calls responded that i was in a meeting.
    He turned up at my work.. we spoke.. he cried.. wants to stay with me. Feel conflicted because it involves turning a new page and as nice as his words are can't tell if theres a future here. I feel really confused..

    His efforts would say hey this guys crazy for you give him a chance.. but i kind feel like we're going round in circles and a inherently damaged relationship can't be fixed so it's doomed anyway. He has a good heart but his emotions make him do bad behaviour. A dr suggested once to me he sounded like he had Borderline Personality Disorder.

    After all this I still think he's a really nice guy... am i idiot?
    I was moving on with my life and planning a trip with friends but now im back in this position feeling confused on how i feel. My family can't believe I would even reconsider and think of him as a liar and manipulator.

    What would you do? Ps. Imagine around this you also had a lot of good times and laughed a lot. But you also have cried more than in your life. Bitter sweet.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2012 1:15 AM GMT
    I'mg going to be honest and use your words...yes, you're and idiot.

    He will not stop. If you want 1 on 1 only move on.

    Not trying to be a dick just sharing what I've (& others I know) have lived through.
  • m0dern

    Posts: 32

    Jun 05, 2012 1:19 AM GMT
    First time his excuse was didn't think it was bad because they didnt touch.. however he added if i did the same he'd finish with me.

    Second time it was because he thought i didn't want to stay with him any more....

    I kinda feel like he just twists it back on to me.

    I also feel confused whether I want to stay with him because i think he's the right person or because i just think he's very sexy..
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    Jun 05, 2012 2:39 AM GMT
    Make it more of a "Friends with Benefits" or "Fuckbuddy" kind of thing. Keep having sex with him until you tire of him. Then, move on.
  • Bakerjock

    Posts: 12

    Jun 05, 2012 2:56 AM GMT
    I don't think it'd be very smart to give him another chance
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    Jun 05, 2012 2:57 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidMake it more of a "Friends with Benefits" or "Fuckbuddy" kind of thing. Keep having sex with him until you tire of him. Then, move on.


    This if YOU can handle it...

    How long have you two been an item?

    So, u 2 were together...he's on line looking to better deal you. You leave but, not break up, he fucks another dude THE day u leave (not broke up).

    Not being sarcastic...do I have that right? If so, ask yourself if you would act like him. I'm guessing you care (or think u do) way more for him then him for you.
  • Just_Tim

    Posts: 1723

    Jun 05, 2012 3:00 AM GMT
    Probably not the best idea to give him ANOTHER chance... From what you're saying, you already know that...
  • m0dern

    Posts: 32

    Jun 05, 2012 3:02 AM GMT
    joe_diesel1 said
    GAMRican saidMake it more of a "Friends with Benefits" or "Fuckbuddy" kind of thing. Keep having sex with him until you tire of him. Then, move on.


    This if YOU can handle it...

    How long have you two been an item?

    So, u 2 were together...he's on line looking to better deal you. You leave but, not break up, he fucks another dude THE day u leave (not broke up).

    Not being sarcastic...do I have that right? If so, ask yourself if you would act like him. I'm guessing you care (or think u do) way more for him then him for you.


    8 months..
    and i wouldn't act like him.
    For me, i could myself as a younger and less experienced wanting to get out there and try new things but he put himself on a pedestal as someone with a lot of experience.
    I didn't even have an inclination to do the same. He thinks I need to learn more about 'gay life' and im too young too understand, but i suspect he's trying to use my inexperience against me as I think this situation comes down to an issue of personal character...
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    Jun 05, 2012 3:20 AM GMT
    Wow buddy sorry you're in this situation. Being older and having lived it, I'd end it.

    Good luck & keep us posted.